Something to die for
by Iwy'sAshes
Summary: My own Mercedez Bence sequel When something's right, then something is worth to die for When I feel that something is wrong, then something is worth to fight for Katie and Naomi live with the kids in London and try to be happy while Emily and Effy's relationship is breaking with each new day a bit more.
1. Prologue

_Something to die for_

There is always a time when you look around and ask yourself, full of wonder or pain, how the hell you got there. It was the fifth time Naomi was staring around, speechless and motionless, and asked herself that question.

The first time was when she was barley 22 and fell in love with a fucking hurricane of a woman who had a child. She was happy.

The second time was when she was 24 and looked around her messy place filled with toys, laundry, nappies, a screaming toddler and an forever absent girlfriend. She ran.

The third time was when she was forgiven for almost breaking her girlfriend, herself and their life and stared in wonder at the newborn in her arms, vowing she'd never leave this precious baby. She was flying and her heart was practically bursting with love.

The fourth time was when she was stood in her new home, new town, new life, with Katie's arms around her after they achieved what they had fought for so long and hard. She was sure nothing could ever make her sad again. Life was perfect.

Now she stood in front of the mirror, looking at this 30 year old stranger ready to jump off the next bridge, and asked herself again, how she could have ended up there. Back in Bristol. On her own. Away from her family. With nothing but two bags of clothes and her guitar placed in the corner of her newly rented bed-sit.

And then, when her phone informed her of the missed call she had ignored, Naomi closed her eyes and tried to remember.


	2. Something Is Worth To Fight For

_**Hi! :)  
****Everyone as excited as I am? I just cant stop writing this.  
Hope you're ready for the story to continue. It's a bit of a different concept this time. It's told from different times. What you saw in the prologue, is the present time, Naomi is back in Bristol in an tiny bed-sit. The story will be told from Naomi's past. So, one chapter you see what she's doing, the next what happened before she came back to Bristol.**_

_**I bet you got it after I explained it the **__**first time **__**, but rather explain too much than not enough, right?  
**_

_**Skins isn't mine...nope...don't make any money with it...  
**_

_**R: M  
**_

_**Paring: Naomi/Katie  
**_

_** Effy/ Emily  
**_

_** Naomi/ (:)**_

_**Effy/ (:)  
**_

_**Emily/(:)  
**_

_**(:) this means it's a surprise wasn't sure if to make it smile or frown, so I made it look weird.  
**_

_**IwysAshes  
**_

* * *

_When something's right, then something is worth to die for_

When I feel that something is wrong, then something is worth to fight for

* * *

**A couple weeks after moving into the Camden town house**

"Come on darling, you need to get up and get ready or you'll be late." Katie mumbled into Naomi's neck from her spot on her girlfriend's back. When the sleeping girl (woman really, but who actually calls herself, girlfriend, or friends that?) wouldn't bulge, Katie decided to take matters in her own hands and used said hands to drag her nails softly down Naomi's sides and head. It made her groan, pushing herself up into girlfriend her right arm circled Katie's waist to pull her in.

This time it was Katie who was letting out a shaky groan when she wouldn't stop to rhythmically press into her knickers and bra clad body. "Not fair." The brunette hissed, digging her nails into the flesh of Naomi's sides.

Reaching blindly, the blonde got a hold of Katie's hand and tugged it between her and the mattress, effectively placing it where it desperately needed to be at that moment. "Fine." Katie pushed herself up on one arm, kinda hovering above Naomi's back, and helped to get her hips up a bit so she could move her hand better. "But only because you need to wake up."

And she worked her hand until it begged her to stop, she was fearing she might sprain it if she kept going but it was well worth it when she witnessed Naomi crash down into the bed and shudder, pressing her face into the pillow. She was panting, fighting for breath and when she didn't raise her head and looked about to pass out Katie grabbed blonde hair and pulled her head off the pillow.

Naomi was gasping, desperately trying to breath and she turned around hastily, almost throwing Katie off the bed in process. Her wild eyes scanned the room while her free hand, the one not holding Katie to keep her from falling off, was clutching her throat.

Katie gaped at her, wide-eyed and confused when out of nowhere a thought, so ridiculous, ran through her mind she almost pissed herself laughing. "You were...actually…...sleeping!"

Blue eyes blinked a couple times and when Naomi realised that she wasn't suffocating she nodded dumbly. "Yeah." The blonde scratched her neck with a confused expression and tired eyes. "Why would you try to kill me?"

Katie smirked, wriggling her fingers. "I wasn't. I swear I thought you were awake." A surprised sleepily hoarse laugh boomed through the walls and Naomi pulled Katie to her, kissing her. "You took advantage of me when I was asleep. Not gay my arse."

Returning the kiss gladly, Katie tugged on her girlfriend's bottom lip with her teeth. "Made you pass out, and almost die. If that's not a fucking accomplishment I don't know what is." Naomi snorted with laughter, making Katie shriek and pull away in disgust. "Yeah, no. doesn't count pretty girl. _You_ passed out, without being asleep, in bright daylight, after my magic fingers played you like a fucking guitar so no, this doesn't count."

Katie pouted.

And when Katie pouted, Naomi found it her job to stop her. So with twinkling eyes she took the quivering bottom lip (such a drama queen) between her teeth and bit down. Hard.

Brown eyes widened and Katie jumped to the other end of the bed, almost choking on her laughter. "You did _not_ bite me! What are you, Bay?!"

She was referring to something that had happened a couple weeks earlier.

Katie had been sitting on the floor between Naomi's legs and her girlfriend was busy breading her hair while they watched telly. Then Bay came wobbling into the room. Of course Katie gushed and made her come and give her a kiss.

Big mistake.

Bay did come and gave Katie a kiss, but then her four teeth had bitten down on her lip and pulled. Naomi hadn't realised what was happening, and when Katie was trying to follow Bay, since the girl was walking backwards with her lip caught still, Naomi had pulled Katie back, thinking she was moving around again.

So it was a pulling from both sides and only when she started screaming bloody murder Naomi had let go and helped her get the monster child away from her poor, bleeding lip.

"Oh please, you tried to _kill_ me." Naomi tutted, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "Wait, what time is it?" She turned around in flash like only someone did who could lose something big if they were late. A relieved sigh left her buzzing body. "Why on earth would you wake me at 7?"

"Well" Katie glared, caressing her poor lip. "You gotta be there in two hours. I thought you might wanna take a shower, dress and look like a human being, yeah? Sorry for caring." "Oh sure, you just wanted me to get you off before work."

The light blush spreading from Katie's neck to her ears made Naomi giggle and be fucking ecstatic that after all those years, they still managed to get shy around each other. "Awe, my blushing baby!" She cooed in a high pitched voice, throwing her arms around Katie as she pulled her in. All that in an over-the-top-fashion which brought her chuckles and rolling eyes from the girl trapped in her arms. "Your such a stupid cow." Katie mumbled into her neck, breathing lowly because Naomi was pretty much squeezing the air out of her.

They kept fooling around, teasing each other, until soft footsteps were shuffling through the hallway. Knowing that it was Bay, Bence was loud as a fucking aeroplane and not home, they watched their door with raised brows. But the little girl didn't come in, no, after a minute or so they heard her come back from wherever she went to. "What's she doing?" Naomi whispered into Katie's ear, acting like they needed to be quite, why? No idea. "No clue." Katie breathed back, eyeing the door suspiciously.

When no more noises were heard, Naomi let go of Katie to throw a shirt over her head and shorts up her legs. She was putting her hair into a messy bun when Katie's amused face came into her field of vision. She was always turning around, kinda trying to hold her balance, when she was putting on clothes in a hurry. So when she turned back to Katie, the girl (woman) was looking at her like she's lost it. "What?" The blonde mumbled with the scrunchy in her mouth and her hands fighting her hair.

"Where you hurrying off to?" And Naomi rolled her eyes, smiling lightly. "You're actually going to see what she was doing! Oh my god Naomi, darling, it was _nothing_, she didn't scream or cry. You're as bad as every child. Dying of curiosity."

Naomi finally tamed her hair and she took two steps towards Katie. When she was directly in front of her she reached out and pushed her. Katie landed on her back and rocked with laughter at the childish gesture. Naomi didn't laugh, no, she pouted and glared before turning around and leaving the room in a huff.

On her tippy-toes Naomi sneaked along the hall, dead-slow so the wood wouldn't make any noises and make Bay stop doing whatever it was she was doing. Her efforts were ruined when Katie opened the door, to Naomi's ears it sounded like she fucking slammed it off its hinges, and started talking and stomping around. "Why are you cuddling the wall, weirdo?"

Her only answer was a deadly glare which only deepened when Katie opened Bay's door. She'd never find out what the almost two year old child was doing running around the hall at bloody dawn. A secret never to be revealed. Naomi was sad.

"Mum Bay sleep long!" The toddler proudly stated with her arms around Katie's neck. She turned herself around and used her legs to jump off into Naomi's arms. The blonde had to act quickly and reached out, she only noticed the jump because Katie was groaning from the pain of the pointy little feet slamming into her stomach.

"Mum Bay sleep long!" Bay yelled, since she still hadn't heard any confirmation that Naomi had heard her. "No you didn't!" The blonde accused, her arms enveloping the little body expertly. "You were wandering around, weren't you? Wait, where's your nappy?"

Both, Naomi and Katie rushed into the little girl's room feeling her bed for any 'accidents'. Bay was still clinging to Naomi, who by now, was running her hands all over her daughter's surprisingly dry body. It wasn't uncommon to walk into Bay's room in the morning when she still asleep and find her nappy on the floor. The nappy'd mostly fine and dry, but the bed _and_ Bay wouldn't be anything but full of pee (if they're lucky...sad mornings...). "Loo! Loo!" Bay exclaimed, clapping.

"Come on honey, show us where your nappy is, yeah? I promise I wont yell." Katie promised, hoping they'd find the missing piece before it could turn their home into a pig-sty. "Where is it?"

"Loo!" Naomi had enough, she took her daughter's hand and made her lead her to the nappy. "Loo bin!" And the blonde's proud smile almost split her face in half when she saw the nappy on top of the waste bin in the bathroom. Sure, Bay hasn't thrown it inside, she didn't know how to open it, but she put it on top. Thankfully it was only pee.

After showing Bay how to open the bin properly Naomi reached under Bay's armpits and threw her in the air, kissing her every time she was back in her arms. "You're such a clever girl!" "Naomi!" Katie's warning voice interrupted her little outburst of happiness. They turned around and looked at Katie with a charming and a toothless, more charming, smile.

"Stop throwing her around." Katie mumbled, rolling her eyes at the all smiles manipulating display. "Fine, whatever, see if I care when her scalp splits open one day. But we don't have time, so...Bay? Go and pick your clothes for today and let me check. No nappy for the day, remember that okay?" She planted a kiss on her daughter's gurgling lips.

"Darling, go and pick your clothes for today and let me check. No t-shirts today, it's an important meeting, remember that okay?" Planting a kiss on Naomi's smirking lips she took the child and brought her to the ground, trying to hold on as she wobbled away to do as she was told as fast a she could.

"What about Bence?" Naomi yawned, slamming the toothbrush into her mouth.

"Uh, he's not home?" The twin stated the obvious, shrugging her shoulder with a frown. "You allowed _her_ to take him, remember?"

Nodding, Naomi spit out some toothpaste. "Right. She'll bring him back this afternoon." "I still don't know why you allowed that, she isn't herself lately, and they fucking need to talk instead of avoiding each other."

Rinsing her mouth Naomi shrugged before she spit it out again. "Well, _Effy_ came by and she needed a distraction. She took him to her uncle's birthday, didn't see the problem."

Katie rolled her big eyes. "The problem _is_ that she uses him as a buffer because she's a bitch to my sister." Pointing her finger Naomi shook her head. "Nope. Then she wouldn't need a buffer, would she? If all she _wanted_ to be were a bitch, she wouldn't have taken him to be a buffer."

When Naomi stripped out of her sleeping clothes, which were more after-wake-up clothes because she slept naked, Katie's eyes roamed her body like they always did. "Wanna join me in the shower? Give Bay some Kellogg's and let her watch ninja turtles, then get naked and join me, why are you dressed anyway?"

She arranged the water and turned back to see Katie watch her slack jawed. "What?" Pointing Naomi followed Katie's fixed eyes but couldn't see what she meant, whatever it was, it was on her back. So she climbed up the toilette, placing her feet on the closed lid, then she turned to the side, almost falling over in shock when her eyes saw the huge bruises on her lower back and left rips. "What the fuck did you do to me." She breathed with eyes glued to the angry looking skin.

Katie was by her side after she blinked herself out of the shock. Thanks to Naomi standing on the toilette she was on eye-level with the horrible reminder of their last fight three nights ago.

"_Okay...yes...no it's fine I told you that you can call me whenever you need to talk to someone." Naomi blew out the smoke of her fag in circles, letting her bare feet ghost over the freshly planted grass in their garden from the bench she was sitting on. "Really, Eff. It's okay. I know it's hard for you, I couldn't imagine to be in your situation actually, so if you need to let it out I'm happy to be your punching-bag." _

_She had heard Katie's steps come closer but didn't think it was necessary to act like a child and lie about who she was talking to, so she continued her conversation. _

"_Get off the phone." The angry voice of her girlfriend demanded but Naomi only grimaced and shook her head, showing her that she thought she was losing it. With force, Katie snatched the phone away and yelled at Effy to stop fucking around and get it together. She ended the call. _

_Naomi was on her feet and raised her arms in utter disbelieve. "What. The. Fuck. Katie." _

"_No!" She screamed. "She's hurting Ems and you act like that's fine and comfort her, encourage her because you hate my sister or whatever and that's not okay! I told you a hundred times that we need to be there for Emily now." _

_Furious, Naomi laughed bitterly. "And I told you that I'll do what the fuck I want. I'm not a fucking child princess, so you better watch how you're talking to me." "You're such a bitch, Naomi! Emily is a mess and every time she wants to spend time with you, or even talk to you, you act like a heartless bitch! But guess what? This isn't about you! She's fighting for a relationship with a fucking crazy bitch who treats her like dirt, that's not about how you're still sulking because she didn't welcome you back with open arms when you decided to stop being a massive cunt! Believe it or not, once in a fucking lifetime this isn't about you." _

_Shaking her head Naomi bit her tongue and tried to walk past Katie. She had to, otherwise some bitter secrets would crush her girlfriend and she swore to herself, that it wouldn't be her dagger breaking Katie. No. She didn't care, either Effy or Emily had to open their mouths at some point, and if not? Even better. Because this would destroy her. _

_When she took a couple steps towards the back-door she was pushed back to where she stood before. In fact, Katie'd pushed her a bit too hard and Naomi wasn't prepared for it, so she stumbled over the still uneven layer of earth and crashed to the ground. _

_Katie wanted to help her up but Naomi swatted her fumbling hands away and scoffed, marching into the house. _

Gently and almost scared of rejection Katie's arms sneaked around Naomi's hips.

The blonde didn't flinch or pull away, why should she? She was just still staring at the bruises wide-eyed. Her eyes only left the spot when she felt timid kisses cover those colourful skin parts. Still looking into the mirror she watched Katie kiss every little inch of bruised skin. Her right hand, which had automatically rested on Katie's shoulder when she started her kissing mission, gently stroked upwards until it was in her girlfriend's hair. Massaging Katie's scalp for a moment, Naomi changed to slowly drag her fingernails across it, making Katie let out a content groan.

Feeling that she was dragging her teeth across her ribcage Naomi bit her lip and her hand stopped random patterns and was tugging on Katie's hair. Her right hand, which had been laying flat on Naomi's stomach, flexed and made its way upwards until her tit was palmed. Groaning, Naomi used her free hand to prop herself up on the wall behind her as she closed her eyes. "Bay sweety, you can play for twenty minutes until we come and get you!" As still young parents of young children, they had to get creative. Bence wasn't used to it, it had taken a quite long amount of time to get him to play on his own.

Living with Effy, Katie, Emily and later Naomi he was used to always have someone entertain him. The blonde remembered with a shudder those lost hours, watching him play with his cars, watching him paint, watching him build something. They weren't supposed to play with him, no, they were just supposed to be in the same room and watch him. It had taken Naomi almost six months, in that time where she had spend most of Bence's awake time with him because Katie was busy, to get him to understand that he didn't need a constant shadow. Playing for an hour a day was enough. This may sound harsh, but they weren't 24/7 awake and free. No, she didn't sleep more than five hours every night in that time, worked for about 5-15 hours it depended on Katie's whereabouts or if Bence was staying with someone else. When he'd come back from daycare they'd have tea, play for an hour, watch some telly, read a bit and it was time for him to sleep.

Of course that didn't mean that he had to hide away in his room as soon as he was home. It only meant, that they had taught him to be able and play for an hour or two on his own, additional to the time they spend with him.

Bay on the other hand was raised completely different than Bence had been. He was the first child, and Katie and the girls spoiled him with time, presents, even sleeping arrangements (he wasn't able to fall asleep in his bed, always had to be carried) and those were the mistakes everyone does with the first born. So, Bay didn't get any benefits. She had to live through the mistakes the adults did the first time, and she always fell asleep in her own bed, on her own. They lay her into her bed, turned on her funny Winnie the pooh lights, read her a story, gave her the pacifier and left the room. She did cry for the first weeks, but they simply let her wear herself out and she got used to fall asleep as soon as she was put into her bed.

She could play for hours on her own. Sometimes they ran to check on her because she weren't making any sounds any more but then they'd see her build a castle, sort through her dollies, draw on the walls, whatever. But she was good in playing on her own, just as good as playing with others.

So when Naomi heard Bay cheer, happy that she had time to play before getting dressed, and Katie kick the door close, Naomi clenched her hand in a fist, trapping Katie's hair in it. She pulled her roughly around so her face was in front of her belly button.

Katie acted fast, wrapping one arm around Naomi's waist and the other under her kneecaps, she brought her down into a sitting position on top of the closed toilette. Then she spread her legs apart with two expertise hands, and feeling the hard pulling of her hair she looked up into stormy blue eyes. "Kay" Was whispered breathlessly, making it clear what Naomi needed at this moment.

She didn't need apologies. Or arguments, discussions, hour long debates, no, she needed Katie. And Katie was amazing at being Katie. So, without leaving the hot eye contact, Katie's right arm stroked upwards from Naomi's ankles, dragging her nails it left goosebumps in its wake. "Fuck baby please." She didn't need to beg, she never had to, and before the blonde could form another plea two strong fingers were slammed into her, making her snap her eyes shut and bite her lip to keep herself from crying out.

It wasn't fast. Katie got back to her feet and slammed her own hand against the wall to steady herself while she hovered above Naomi, thrusting rhythmically into her. Hard, deep and steady, just the perfect way to make the blonde lose her mind.

So while Katie bit and kissed Naomi's naked shoulder, throat, neck, and everywhere her mouth would reach, her hot breath was hitting her ear, bringing Naomi to the edge that bit faster. "Kiss me." Katie demanded, clocking that Naomi was always turning her head away when her lips reached her face. "No." The blonde hissed, pushing herself that bit harder against the talented fingers working wonders. "You're not forgiven." Both of them knew that she was forgiven, that there wasn't anything to forgive to begin with. She had forgiven her for pushing her that same night, and those bruises couldn't take the forgiveness away.

This was only a fight for dominance.

But Katie wouldn't be Katie if she let that happen. Letting go of the wall she dug her nails into Naomi's back of the head and brought her face to hers violently, her busy fingers finally pounding into her girlfriend the way she was wordlessly begged to since the moment they came in contact with her skin. Naomi's eyes opened wide when she was yanked and she couldn't help herself after seeing those hungry, angry, passionate, scared, loving eyes, she leaned forwards and crashed their lips together. Katie's moan was swallowed by the blonde who was slowly sweating and panting, close to the edge. The brunette hoisted herself up a bit, waiting until confused blue eyes locked on hers before she smiled lovingly, as if she wasn't fucking her like there's no tomorrow on a toilette. "You're mine."

And that did it. She exploded in pure bliss, feeling like a fucking supernova, dying and leaving so many possibilities for something beautiful and new in its devastation.

Naomi had no idea why Katie had started to literally mark, claim, and possess her but she liked the rewards it came with. The brunette couldn't keep her hands off her for more than a couple hours, she'd always find a reason, way, and time to show Naomi that she was hers.

When she calmed down, breathed properly again and didn't think that her legs couldn't carry her, Naomi smiled at Katie and kissed her lovingly. "I _am_. Always and forever." Because she knew that somehow it was important for Katie to know that. Weird, but it was 7.30am and she didn't have the time to dwell on that, it had to wait.

Drawing in a shaky breath Katie chuckled and stepped out of the lazy embrace, after having placed kissed all over random places on Naomi's face, shoulder, and neck. "Go take that shower darling. I'll see what Bay's picked out for the day. You want breakfast?"

"Na" Naomi grinned, completely blissed out. "Just coffee if you're making some." Katie kissed her forehead and went, beaming like a maniac, to check on their daughter.

Naomi got to her feet and took a couple slow steps towards the steaming bathtub, the shower head was still pouring water into, and she hissed when the first drops hit her bruises. Her smile faded and she frowned, trying to understand all of what was happening.


	3. You're my midnight sun

_I will be coming with you, tonight  
You're all that I want, you're all I have, you're all I need _

_Like a midnight sun you're the only one who can set me free  
You will set me free _

_We need to find a way to live  
There's more to take, there's more to give  
We try so hard, we try so hard and this time  
we're on our way _

* * *

"I got it." Naomi grinned when she marched into their, well Katie's, store.

Her girlfriend was talking to a customer about an retro stereo system he wanted to have built for his studio. "Excuse me for a second. Feel free to have some tea or coffee, I'll be right back." Then her excited body dashed to the curtain Naomi disappeared behind. The blonde always went there when Katie had customers and couldn't be with her right away. It was a little private space with beanbag chairs and an always sleeping Bay in it.

Smiling at the middle aged man, Katie walked around the curtain and raised both brows in question. She reached for Naomi's hands and kissed her knuckles, almost bouncing on the spot in excitement. "Tell me."

"Here." Naomi thrusted the papers into Katie's trembling hands and grinned when she saw her eyes brighten with every word she read. "I'm finished. Fuck, only did the exams to see if I'll pass next semester but I aced them and they decided to actually let me graduate early with these exams."

Katie squealed and planted her lips with a smacking sound to Naomi's. "I'm sooo proud, baby. You're a genius."

"Know what's best?" Not waiting for an actual answer Naomi continued. "I'll be paid almost twice as much now when I get a perm position. Went to see my chief editor at the desk, and he said my trainee contract will be changed, he's offered me a job, baby. Art editor for his magazine. And the other company I've send my CV to called, since I'm an accredited interpreter now, they wanna hire me as a freelance translator. I'll translate short stories, books, everything they need me to. But the best part? Both, my boss and the other guy offered me a huge bonus if I'll sign. Katie, we're loaded."

The twin was deadly silent, taking in everything Naomi rambled.

"I'll edit books, I'll translate books, fuck I could write a sodding book if I wanted and I'll go work as a proper editor." Naomi stared saucer-eyed at her shell shocked girlfriend. "Katie?"

Shaking her head, Katie beamed at Naomi and kissed her. "Nothing. I'm bursting with pride darling. Will be hard to get used to not having you around all the time any more though."

Kissing Katie's temple Naomi grinned. "Have only three meetings to show up to every week. If I get my stuff done, I can do it from home. Haven't I mentioned that?" And then Katie slung her arms around Naomi and pulled her into a huge hug, placing soft kissed everywhere her mouth could reach. "Now go help that poor man, I'll be upstairs."

* * *

"Smells amazing." Naomi commented when she entered the kitchen after her shower. "Naomi I learned something about the brain today." Raising her brow, she walked over and kissed Bence's head, stroking her fingers through his too long hair he refused to get cut. "Did you?"

"Yeah, tell her ma!" The other woman rolled her eyes at her grinning son. "You know I couldn't possibly remember all the stuff you told me. Get your stuff off the table, we're eating in five."

He rushed away with arms full of books, books, and more books.

Naomi kissed Bay's forehead gently, tickling her side absently as she went to grab the plates and set the table. The toddler was shrieking and laughing like a squeaky toy. "Mum Bay play!" "You played today sweety? Who'd you play with?" She mumbled, trying to balance the plates, forks, knives, and glasses in one go.

"Anna, Many (Mandy), Alecks, (Alex)." Katie took the glasses of the huge pile her girlfriend was carrying and placed them on the table so they wouldn't shatter. "Our babysitter should be here by now."

Naomi furrowed her brows, not sure she remembered needing one for the night. "Okay? You've got plans or something?" Pecking Naomi's cheek when she brought the pots to the table, Katie nodded. "Yeah, Ems and Effy are staying for the weekend. Effy got her brother to look after them."

"They are staying here? With _us_?" Rolling her eyes Katie nodded. "Yes Naomi, with us."

"I didn't know that." "Well, I didn't think I had to ask you if my sister could visit." Naomi groaned while she wiped Bay's face clean. "That's not what I mean. It's just that I wasn't prepared for another unbearable get together."

"You really should give Emily a chance" "Not gonna happen."

* * *

"Have you packed your toys, kids?" Naomi asked, walking to the door. Opening it, she forced a friendly smile on her face and let Tony hug her, then Effy, and at the end she had to hug Emily as well. Katie would kill her if she saw that she was being a bitch. "Wow Effy, you're looking sexy." The brunette winked at Naomi's comment and bend down to hug Bence.

"All right?" Naomi's cold voice asked the shyly looking twin. "Sure. Sure. Katie told us that you've got your dream job. Congratulations, you really deserve it." Smiling in thanks Naomi closed the door and ran her hands through her hair, asking herself how she's supposed to live through the weekend.

"Be good and mind Tony, yeah? If Bay cries, give her the creepy duck. Love you." Katie wanted to wrap her arms around her son but he waved and ran after Tony to the car. Her jaw fell to the ground. "But"

"Think his attention is on someone else now." Effy grinned. To everyone it would seem like a teasing statement, but Naomi saw Effy's disgusted look Emily received. "Anyway. Brats are gone, who wants Tequila?"

"Did you just call my children brats?" Katie's harsh tone made Naomi roll her eyes. This was really getting out of control. Katie was pissed off because she thought Effy was out to hurt her sister, _without_ a reason. So she always tried to put her back in her place, but then Naomi felt the urge to defend Effy, because she knew that the girl was the one suffering.

"Katie, everyone does." Narrowed eyes told Naomi thousand things, but at the moment they were advising her to shut up. "What? Don't give me that look. Come on, Eff, where's the Tequila you were talking about?" Slinging a long arm around the almost invisible girl, Naomi pulled them towards the kitchen. Just out of the horrible atmosphere.

Needing shot glasses, Naomi tried to climb on top of the island and reach for them but when she tried to hoist herself up she hissed in pain and squirmed. "Could you?" She pointed to the top shelve and never letting her eyes leave Naomi Effy jumped up and got the glasses. She didn't come back to the ground right away. Dangling her feet off the island, she sat and her blank expression was wiped away by an appealing look. She reached for Naomi's shirt and with one strong pull, she had her between her legs. Cold hands wrinkled Naomi's shirt upwards and then she was staring at the ugly, too slowly fading bruises. "She hurt you because of me."

Naomi rolled her eyes, it hadn't been such a big deal. "Stop acting like she's almost killed me and don't look at me like that."

"Fine. Then tell me this didn't happen exactly a week ago when we were on the phone and she hung up on me." "Well yeah, but it was an accident. Look, it's fine, stop worrying about _me_. You should hate my existence."

Sighing, Effy lit two cigarettes with a far away look on her abnormally pretty sad face. "I tried. Doesn't work that way, though. You acted like a fucking saint, you still do. I cant hate you for something you never encouraged or even tolerated." She poured them two shots each.

"Love hurts huh?" Effy nodded, downing her shots. "Burns you when it's hot." She licked her lips and looked at Naomi in deep thought, the same look she used to give her when she was pumped up to her eye-balls with pills and powder, she stared in amazement and wonder. "Why?"

"Pardon?" Naomi frowned, leaning on the counter opposite of the island Effy was sitting on.

It took Effy a couple moment to respond, she tilted her head and seemed to search her brain for the right words. "Why's Emily thinking it's okay?"

The blonde shrugged, she's asked herself that same question over and over after Emily had attacked her with her lips that one time. "I don't know, but it's not. It's _not_ okay to crush on someone else and act like it's perfectly fine. She's your girlfriend for Christ's sake."

"Awe, Effy crushing on you?" Katie's vicious stab made both girls close their eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. It was getting harder everyday not to slam the truth down her throat. "I was getting the weird feeling that something's going on here. You're a huge bitch to my sister, and you act like you never hated Naomi's guts. When did you stop any way, huh? You know, those nightly calls, texts, spontaneous visits are really starting to get on my nerves." She was directly in front of Effy when she said the next words in a sickly sweet voice, a clear warning. "You've got your own girlfriend honey, so if you want to keep your eyes and hands, you better stop throwing yourself at **mine**."

Naomi had watched the exchange with interest, rooting for Effy to dig her way out of this mess but her whole face paled when she heard Katie's thread. She was thinking that _Effy_ was interested in her? The horribly high-pitched laugh had escaped before Naomi could slam her hand over her mouth. The other women turned their heads towards her in sync, and Effy looked as highly amused by the idea as Naomi was, but Katie wasn't finding anything about this situation funny. Her eyes went through many changes in a couple seconds of time, Naomi gulped.

Seeing them furrow in confusion wasn't bad.

Seeing them narrow in anger wasn't that bad either.

Seeing them doubt, that _was_ the worst.

Her hands shot forwards and grasped Katie's but the girl snatched them away. Naomi just wriggled her fingers into her belt loops and pulled her to herself with enough strength to have Katie fall into her. When she was close, as close as possible, Naomi narrowed her own eyes with an angry touch. "Dont even think about something like that." She wasn't asking, she was demanding because having her girlfriend suddenly think she'd have an affair with her twin's girlfriend was enough to piss off Naomi. "Dont start searching for problems when there are none. I'm not twelve any more Kay, wont prove my faithfulness or love all the time, no mind fuck games."

Katie tried to avoid Naomi's gaze but the blonde just placed her hand on her cheek and moved her head so she didn't have a chance to escape piercing blue eyes catch and hold her trapped. "No mental cinema, yeah?"

And she didn't answer, no word, no movement of her eyes or lips, nothing.

In that moment a cold shudder ran down Naomi's back, chilling her from the inside as realisation hit her. Katie already had a whole film running through her mind, for quite some time apparently.

Sadness was smothering Naomi and she let go of her girlfriend, her arms falling to her side. It hurt.

She was doing everything she could so Katie's stupid twin wouldn't get any ideas, she fought tooth and claw to make their life perfect, how they'd dreamed, and here Katie was doubting. _Her. _"I'm gonna tell you one single time that there's never been anything between me and Effy, never, and you really should fucking believe it."

With a shaky breath Naomi took two steps towards Effy and reached for the Spliff she was already offering. Finishing it, she slammed it down into the ashtray on the counter, making Katie flinch. Then, before leaving the kitchen, her hand rested on Katie's neck and with closed eyes, she pressed her lips hard to Katie's forehead. "Love you. And no matter what you think, you are _mine_ too. Get it together."

"Naomi" But it wasn't the time to discuss this, Naomi waved her away and left the kitchen.

* * *

"It's really amazing, everything I've dreamed of. Of course we'll see what I'll say when I'm actually working there full time. But it's better than waiting greasy tables and flirt my arse off so the old farts give me a good tip." Emily rambled while Naomi was bouncing in the booth, every cell in her body screamed for her to move, talk, and go dance with Katie and Effy. Her wide eyes roamed everything and everyone while her hand was busy wiping sweat off her forehead and neck. She was clenching her teeth, complete jaw action, and she didn't dare to think how much it'd hurt in the morning.

"Right. Right, Emily why don't you dance? Wait where is the pharmacy you're working then? Thought Bristol was all fucked and you haven't found a proper job there. So where is it? Lets go for a fag, or water, or dance. Emily you wanna dance? Or better not, you'll only grab my arse and tits. I know you want to, you perv. Look at Effy and Katie, they've finally called truce for the night. It's your fault you know, that Katie is a cunt to Effy. You and your stupid crush, you hurt Effy, you know that and then you hurt her more because Katie acts like she hates her. She thinks Effy's hurting you not the other way around Emily. Get your shit together, it's out of control. See how Effy fucking loves you? She's still with you. Even when you work in a pharmacy. Wait, no, that's not right. What was I talking about?"

Emily wasn't blinking, she was moving around on the bench beside Naomi, gulping down shots like they're water. "You said we should dance, and that Katie hates Effy. And where I work, in Stratford. But I cant dance, god, I cant breath. See how I'm sweating? Sweat's gross, innit? But you're not gross, even when you're sweaty. You never are, gross, I know that. Couldn't find anything in Bristol so I had to start looking everywhere and by surprise, Stratford wants me to work for them. Innit awesome? You think Tony's good with the kids? They are soooo precious, Naomi. God, it almost hurts that I never see them as much as I want. Mostly Bay. With Bence I was around to see him grow but now I'm not and he's getting so big and changes so much every time I'm here. Bay doesn't like me much, why not Naomi? I'm nice and kids love me, don't they? But Effy's said that okay because Bay doesn't like anyone but you. I didn't like the idea that you were being signed as her parent when she was born. I didn't like that at all. Why don't we dance?"

Shaking her head as fast as possible Naomi took the bottle of water and almost drank it all away. "You cant breath. You cant breath so we don't dance."

They were buzzing with MDMA and speed. Their speech was fast, tripping over their own words they tried to say everything they could before forgetting. But their bodies couldn't sit quite properly, they _had_ to move. So while talking, they nodded, shook their heads, bit their lips, tongues, talked with their whole bodies and bounced around. "Yeah I cant. God it is hot in here. Wanna go for a smoke?" Nodding Naomi jumped, properly jumped to her feet, took her bag, Emily's hand, and made a beeline for the dance floor.

Finding Katie, she slung her arms around her from behind and placed kisses all over her sweaty neck. She turned around and with eyes as big as plates and pressed her lips to Naomi's. Without breaking the clumsy kiss Naomi took the scrunchy out of her own hair and gently dragged her nails through Katie's long mane. Gathering all the hair, she made a messy bun out of the wet hair, and with a last kiss she broke free. "Told you to put up your hair. You'll get a heatstroke. God you look fucking amazing in those jeans, and I can see your bra you bitch." She moved her head to Katie's collarbone and nibbed, making the other girl moan, loudly, and run her fingers through Naomi's now open hair. With a grin Naomi emerged and was pulled into a passionate kiss. "Fancy going somewhere quite?"

"Fuck yes _please_." The blonde groaned with glowing eyes, but after she blinked another Fitch blocked her view, shaking her head. "Lets go for a smoke, you can screw my sister afterwards, yeah?" "But" Naomi protested with a pout, pointing at Katie who had her hands all over her, under her top on her back and hips, arse. "I cant physically remove myself from her when she's doing _that_."

The silky voice of the blue eyed brunette had a solution when she materialised by Naomi's side. "Lets all go. Wanted to have a fag since we fucking arrived but princess here wouldn't let me leave her dancing."

* * *

It was a pushing and pulling but somehow they ended up leaning on a wall outside of the club. Katie was in a squatting position, with her hand holding Naomi's she squeezed, pinched and stroked it while she rhythmically let herself fall back into the wall. Emily was pacing around, gesturing wildly and talking about apes, or something, Naomi wasn't sure. Effy's pretty body was leaning on the wall by Naomi's side, her head was turned so she could see both, Naomi and Katie as well as her girlfriend.

They passed Naomi's pack around and talked over each other. It wasn't a conversation, it was four girls losing their voices because each one wanted to talk while all of them did too.

Katie:"I should call Tony and see if the kids are all right. Maybe they miss us? Do you think they are homesick? We should go and check on them, if it's really that bad, we cant let them go through it until Sunday morning."

Naomi:"Why's that girl staring at us? She's proper staring, look at her eyes, she's got huge crazy eyes. Like Effy's eyes. Eff, you've got really crazy eyes, you know that don't you? Anyone's ever told you that? Maybe they are crazy, because you are, right? But I like your eyes. There's a universe in them, but don't be scared it's beautiful."

Emily: "I didn't do it on purpose Naomi, it wasn't my fault; it's you and I fucking hope you know that. The kids are fine Katie it's not the first time they're away from home, yeah? Relax and fucking _stop_ breaking Naomi's hand. Maybe she wants to move it? God you're so clingy."

Katie: "What's Naomi's fault?"

Everyone's lips closed and they watched each other carefully with huge eyes. "You cant still be pissed off that she's left years ago."

Effy, amazing Effy threw her head back and took two steps forwards. Her arms were stretched out and she was looking up into a star-less Camden town sky while she turned around in circles with a chuckle, a worry less chuckle like her life wasn't breaking apart.

As three different pairs of eyes watched her, slowly loving smiles formed on their lips seeing this beautiful display.

Naomi's chest tightened, Effy's mind's always been a big mystery to her and she's felt the stab in her heart every time she took the time to think about how life was out to bring her to her knees. That was the reason why she wouldn't ever try to understand Emily's position. Effy was dying, from the day she was born she had been slowly dying and the only thing keeping her alive was love she was holding on with an iron grip but it started falling through her fingers like water. And here Effy was, protecting Emily, protecting Naomi, and most importantly protecting Katie from pain she'd never recover from.

Emily was Katie's person, as simple as that. She wouldn't be _able_ to forgive and forget if she were to know about her twin's betrayal. It would break something between them that couldn't be fixed again, never fully.

While the brunette was circling away every worry, pain, and nasty thought gentle hands wrapped around hers. She was pulled into a loving embrace from behind and they shared a meaningful look before looking up in sync and circling together.

"Can we talk Naomi?" Rubbing her face Naomi dragged her nails over her skin, enjoying the feeling. She shrugged and that was enough for Emily to pull her away from the two best friends finally understanding each other again.

* * *

Naomi was sitting on the steps to an off-license smoking a fag with bright eyes. Her knees were bouncing and she was still moving her jaw from side to side, making it crack. "What Em? You make me feel like a fucking monster, do you have any idea what this is doing to me?"

"I haven't wished for it you know? Why do you think I chose to develop those" "Dont say it!" Sighing Emily turned to the brick wall and rested her head on it, her hands flat across the cold bricks as she stood. "It's not a fucking bed of roses for me either Naomi. Believe it or not, if I could, I would turn it off but I cant. Okay? I cant and I hate it because I'm hurting my girlfriend, I'm hurting her day for day but you cant change your feelings."

Jumping to her feet Naomi turned Emily around violently. Her angry eyes were pinning her to the wall as they threw disgusted daggers. "Stop fucking drowning in your self-pity Fitchy. First of all; I was in love once and she didn't love me back, there was no chance for us to ever be together and you know what? That's fine! I don't lay awake at night, whining, that I cant change my feelings. When feelings are not returned _you get over it_. That's life. You don't throw away your relationship with a woman you claim to love. So why, and I ask you this one time, why the fuck cant you get over it? There isn't a chance in hell that we'd be together. Never. Even if Katie dumps me one day I'd still refuse to give in and start something with you. For fuck's sake your her twin! She's the love of my life, I could never, never, god that's so stupid and wrong to say, I could never be with someone who's a spitting image of her. Because Emily, it might hurt but frankly I don't care and you need to wake up, I just, I couldn't have a pretend life. With a copy. A booby prize, I couldn't. I'd never see you as Emily, I'd always see you as an almost Katie and that's not enough."

Big brown eyes welled up with tears and Emily gulped, trying to swallow her tears, pride, and stupidity. "Never?"

Letting out a strangled shriek Naomi shook her head vehemently. "Fucking listen to yourself Emily. It's pathetic. I cant believe you're acting like this. This isn't Hollywood, I'm not gonna wake up one day and finally realise how I've always wanted you. And I'm not gonna pretend that it's okay, because it's not. It's not okay that you fucking stalk me, try to kiss me and act like a stupid thirteen year old, Jesus. I'm your twin's kids mother, don't you get that?"

She knew it hurt. She knew that Emily's heart was probably breaking but that was necessary if she wanted her to wake up and live her life like it's supposed to be. If Emily and Effy were to split up, fine, but not because of Naomi, or Emily's feelings for her. No, the blonde wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't allow this to be huge, a huge deal hurting people. "I'm sorry Ems, but that's just how I see it. If you don't love Effy any more, talk it out. But don't throw your life away like that. Fucking fix your head Emily."

"Aren't you a real charmer." A velvet voice asked and Naomi groaned. Turning her head her eyes landed on a crossed armed Effy. Effy who was glaring at her and ready to fight. "Baby? Lets go, come on. I'm hungry." "No Eff, I was talking to Emily and I wasn't finished yet." But cold eyes dared Naomi to continue her _talk_. "I think you were. Em? Come on baby."

Naomi knew what Effy was doing. She saw that Emily's heart was, in fact, breaking and she couldn't let that happen. Her love for her girlfriend was big enough to want to protect her from the harsh truth Naomi was firing. "I'm sorry but it's only the truth and I had to tell her."

"There's a way, place, and time Naomi, and this weren't either." Coming a step closer Effy tilted her head as she took Emily's hand. "Talk to her like this again and _we'll_ have a problem to fix."

* * *

The sun was making the sky turn into beautiful colours, from dark blue to reddish and yellow, purple and when they were stumbling home through Camden's dirty streets after a Friday night, Naomi was almost carrying Katie.

The twin was tired. Not sleepy, hell she wouldn't be able to sleep for at least five, six more hours, but her body was finished for the night. She was shuffling her feet, wearing Naomi's chuck's because she couldn't walk in her stilettos any more, and the blonde was guiding her with a gently arm around her hips. "Almost home honey." "Love you, darling." In response, Naomi's lips pressed to her girlfriend's forehead as she whispered the words back.

Effy and Emily were almost in the same state, surprisingly it was Emily taking care of a too tired to even move Effy.

Every now and then their eyes locked and Naomi wondered if this would turn into a huge deal after all.


	4. But she's Effy

_Hola guys, here's a pre-Christmas chapter for you, don't know if I'll have the time to upload it otherwise. Crazy family reunion, each year, at my grandparents house I grew up in. My grandma's got 12 siblings, you can imagine how many people always barge in on Christmas the ones living here n Germany. Our family is splattered all over the world, no one stayed in Poland after the eighties. So yeah, at least 40 people, loads of little children who somehow think I am their personal entertainer, three days before the 24. we start with the cooking and all. Sooo exciting (sarcasm). But my grandma's just had a huge surgery, (fighting cancer for 10 years now, she's still alive even after they told us to take her home because she'd die in four months an way, that was ten years ago) and I'm dying to see her before she starts chemo again in January, so that's a huge plus. I'd happily leave out Christmas, for Christmas commercial bullshit reasons, but my grandma loves to have us all home, and who knows how many X-mases we still have left? That woman raised me, she's more my mum than my mum, so I'd happily go through X-mas and Church hell for her once a year. _

_Enough of my rambling. Wish you all, who celebrates it, a fabulous X-mas, loads of amazing presents, good food and not too much family drama ;) _

_off we go_

* * *

Watching the teacher with an unreadable expression Naomi sat on the other side of his desk, her arms crossed. Her breathing was deliberate, her whole expression screamed; 'don't fuck with me', and his finger was nervously tapping absently across some papers. It was deadly quite, giving the situation an almost stand-off-ish touch.

He exhaled a breath he never knew he was holding when there was a knock on the door and he rushed over to open it as fast as he could. Wanting nothing more than to get out of this uncomfortable silence and the creepy eyes Naomi was watching him with.

Katie strutted in, shaking his hand quickly before she went to take the seat beside the still motionless blonde. Leaning over she placed an effortless kiss on her cheek and her smile was unsure when blue eyes met hers. "Hi, what's going on? I came as fast I could."

"Mrs. Fitch"

"Miss." Naomi corrected with a warning tone, effectively bringing a few new sweat drops on his forehead he wiped away hastily. "Of course, I apologise. Miss Fitch, it's nice seeing you again, surely those circumstances aren't ideal but I meant to ask how your business is working out for you? Hope everything is going as planned?"

Knowing Naomi's thin patience was running out, Katie reached over and entwined their fingers, softly squeezing. "No problem Mr. Tenner, it happens all the time. The business is doing very well, thank you for asking. But I am a little surprised why we are here, has Bence done something?"

"Well, I'm glad you are coming straight to the point, Ms. Fitch. We have experienced two problems today, which is surprising and not the usual reaction we receive." Furrowing her brows Katie looked to Naomi who's expression turned into a glare. It was obvious that the head master wanted the blonde to explain what had happened. When she didn't, he continued, watching Katie eye Naomi from the corner of her eye. "There was a problem with Bence's homework and we called you. When we couldn't reach you we called your partner and she came to deal with the problem."

He stopped again, looking intently at Naomi and she took a ragged breath to stop herself from yelling his head off.

That was the reason why she had been sitting there, silently; she didn't want to get Bence kicked out of school because of her. When he didn't stop his pointing stare she took a deep breath, watching only him, as she explained what had happened after she arrived. "The _problem_, Katie, was that Bence refused to mark the answers on the sheet for his homework."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes Katie dug her nails into Naomi's palm, wanting to know what had _really_ happened and she wanted to know it now. "It was 'religion', the story of creation Katie. He didn't think that the answers were correct, so he wrote his own on the back of the sheet."

"All right then, were his answers wrong or why all this commotion?" The twin asked with a shrug, thinking she must be in a wrong film, this was ridiculous. "No, they weren't." Naomi told her sternly. "He wrote that there is prove that our world's been here for quite longer than 6000-7500 years. And he said that Adam and Eve weren't the first living people, or living _anything_. He kind of wrote down the evolution theory."

Closing her eyes for a moment Katie tried to suppress a proud grin, he was such a clever boy, she thought. Masking the weird chuckling sound with a cough she squeezed the blonde's hand. "Oh, right. Uh, _evolution, _huh_?_ So he didn't do the exercise because his answers _were_ correct but the lesson wasn't about science, am I understanding this correctly?"

Furrowing his brows Mr. Tenner shook his head. "No Miss Fitch I'm afraid you are not. It weren't only the science aspects making it wrong, but his finality about it. He wouldn't listen to me and after ten minutes of his constant arguing and useless explanation I felt the need to reach you. Now I don't know if you're living a honest, religious life but having a child be more accepting of Aliens creating us than god is appalling."

Katie nostrils flattered as she did her best to keep the faked smile on her face. "Useless explanations? I don't think that's the proper way to describe a conversation with a child Mr. Tenner. If he isn't sure about something, you'd want him to listen, wouldn't you? In this case, he thought you wouldn't know about evolution and tried explaining it to you, and you just wiped it off, like it didn't matter because there was no god involved? Or because it's a little child telling you about science like it were the most normal thing in the world?" Taking a calming breath she shook her head and glaring eyes flickered to Naomi. "About the aliens, he watched a documentary about something called pre-astronautic and we didn't see anything wrong with buying those books he wanted to read, after all it is important that he has got an open mind and interest in how everything could have lead us to this place."

Mr. Tenner realised that she was trying to get off god's topic and that she, too, didn't see a problem with different views on that matter. "Miss Fitch, evolution is bad enough but pre-astronautic? He is convinced that we were created by aliens to work as their slaves."

"Yes." Naomi nodded, clicking her fingernails against each other. "He thinks it's _interesting_, he also thinks a good theory would be the evolution, he finds 'Hotwheels' interesting too! Doesn't mean he is convinced cars look that way. And by the way, Jesus, there's evidence for planet earth being older than what god obviously didn't do 7500years ago. Creating the world in six days? And when all the _prove_ went public you churchly people said he created the whole universe while creating the world and made it _appear_ like it's still that young." "When he created Adam he wasn't a baby, he was about 30 years old, so yes, Miss Campbell, when he created the universe he made it appear older."

Katie saw that her girlfriend was one word away from biting the man's head off so she took charge of the conversation again. Someone needed to keep an open mind and think about Bence's future in that school. "But god doesn't _cheat_, he doesn't _lie_, he is the _honesty_ isn't he? How could he make us look into an universe he 'pretends' is older than it actually is?" Maybe that person wasn't her, obviously she didn't have _such_ an open mind after all, this was ridiculous. "Naomi darling, that huge supernova creating our galaxy, how many light years away is it?"

Furrowing her brows in utter confusion Naomi bit her lip when she realised that Katie tried to get all sciency on his arse. She didn't want to make her look bad, Katie had soo many qualities but science wasn't one of them. "Well, uh, the big bang you mean, created our galaxy."

"I _meant;_ what's the fucking diameter of our galaxy?" "About 100.000 light years." The blonde answered, a bit scared of the fingernails digging into her flesh in irritation. "How many miles Naomi?"

A smirk appeared on the blonde's lips and she squeezed her girlfriend's hand in approval, finally understanding what Katie was planning. Naomi scowled at the man. "About 600 quadrillion miles wide. Of course it's expanding and moving, wouldn't bet on the proper number, but it's not getting _smaller_." Smiling confidently at the head master Katie's eyes twinkled, it's been too long since someone made her want to argue about something, too long since Naomi and her could beat someone's arse, together, instead of each others. Metaphorically of course. "Right. Pretty huge number, yeah? Now honey, how much is a light year?"

"Well I don't wanna teach you astrology now" Naomi started as she leaned back, finally feeling like they had the ball again. "let's just say that light is the fastest thing possible. The sun, right? The light we see, which reaches us, left the sun about 8,3 minutes earlier. It takes 8,3 minutes, or 8.19 minutes to get here."

Proudly smiling Katie grinned. "And the pole star?"

"Mr. Fitch, I understand what you try to do" When Katie glowered at him, he shut his mouth and let her continue, or Naomi for that matter who was enjoying this turn of events. "The pole star is interesting, you know Katie, what we see at night of it, the light, left 430 years ago. "

"Years? Are you sure? But that would mean this quadrillion number is really and evidently high above 7500 years. So god couldn't just create it and make it look older, because it wouldn't shine? Our galaxy wouldn't be the way it is and we'd have no chance of having this conversation right now. Blimey, that's something they didn't tell me in my catholic boarding school." Brown eyes challenged the sweating man, they wanted him to open his eyes and leave Bence the hell alone for being curious and interested in whatever he wanted. Sure, she'd talk to him about the importance of doing exactly what the sheet is telling him to, but that didn't mean she'd agree with Mr. Tenner. "I don't think Bence explained you this, did he?"

Closing his eyes he wiped a few newly formed sweat drops away. "Sadly he did. I've had the same conversation an hour ago. But this doesn't make it right, he's supposed to be open minded, fear and believe in god and not believe in aliens." Losing her patience Katie almost groaned. "He didn't write anything about aliens, slavery, or a cheating god on this sheet, did he?"

Mr. Tenner's face fell when he shook his head. "Good, I don't understand what the problem is then. He wrote about another theory which even the pope had to give credit to, and why is my son in an religion class anyway?" "That's what I wanted to know too. Cant remember this school being catholic when we chose it." Naomi narrowed her eyes, thinking that it was a colossal cheek he'd be put into a class like that without their approval.

"Every student has to attend religion class for at least one semester."

The women nodded, blankly staring at him, they made him continue nervously. "Well...and...it's not a bad thing..religion is important...we assumed children visiting our school would be in god's hands. Usually it doesn't need clarification."

Something inside of Katie snapped and her sickly fake smile got faker as she leaned forwards to make the man's nervousness more obvious. "Mr. Tenner, this wonderful school costs a fortune, almost three times as much as the _same_ one in Bristol, not to mention all the voluntary donations we contribute monthly for those amazing offered programmes. I really cant think of a reason why Christianity should matter on a national team footballer's son's attendance."

Yes she played the famous daddy card but knowing that it was their only way to solve this without having Bence kicked out, she had to do it. Right now, with danny finally playing in the National Team he was a good use for _something_. The shrug she explained it to Naomi with brought a head shake from her girlfriend and she sneered. "No matter _if_ his father is a famous football player, his grandparents the owners of 'Fitchin' it, his aunt a fucking chemist, or if he's just a little boy, this is not a religious school so I still think it _is_ expected to have children question god."

"Naomi" Katie tried with a soothing voice but the blonde kept shaking her head. "No, it's _not_ okay."

Letting out a huge sigh Katie had to agree, she shared the same opinion but at that moment it was important not to further angry the head master. They've done enough already. "I know it's not, and we'll start looking for another school next week, yeah?"

Blue eyes rose and she tried to suppress the grin making its way on her lips when the man started to cough and state that they wouldn't need to rush things. Goal for Katie then. They walked out with Bence's sheet being noted as good after it was looked over by a science teacher. Apparently the school wasn't interested in losing a national team player's son.

Walking towards the car park together, Naomi's Volkswagen was the first one they reached. Leaning on the bonnet Katie ran a hand through her long hair. "Naomi that so not necessary. He would've ignored it if you hadn't made a scene. In these situations you really need to keep your fucking mouth shut. Bence was this close" showing it with her thumb and index finger she continued, "this close to be kicked out because you acted like the religion police."

"It was bollocks he accused him of, you said so yourself!" Naomi shrugged with a sceptical expression. "It's for him to decide what he wants to believe in, we agreed on that."

"We did..we _do_...but sometimes it's better to let things be, you know that." Rubbing the spot between her brows Katie groaned. "Why do you have to make everything fucking complicated? I had to cancel a meeting with an investor, you know? For something that would have been off the plate in two minutes if you haven't gone all justiciable on his arse."

Shaking her head Naomi reached for her car keys, pushing Katie aside as she climbed into the old car. "All right. Fine. Sorry." Rolling her eyes Katie opened the door again and took Naomi's hand, gently pulling her back out of the car and to her feet. She placed both arms around her waist and leaned up to kiss her gently. "I'm sorry, you're right." "You'd have acted the same way, why were you snapping at me?"

Shrugging with an helpless expression Katie sighed, cuddling into Naomi. "No idea darling, I'm sorry. Guess it's just not my week, yeah?" Red lipstick lips kissed brunette hair as nodded, showing that she heard the half arsed explanation. "All right, gotta go babe. See you tonight."

Katie flinched and pulled away, crossing her arms. "You're meeting her, aren't you?"

"Of course I am, told you this morning I would." The blonde tried not to roll her eyes at the never ending argument. "Just like I told you that I don't agree with her staying at a fucking _hotel_. She's family."

"Emily's family."

"She's _Effy_!"

"She broke my sister's heart!"

* * *

_Naomi was tipping on her laptop, editing a short story, when her phone kept ringing. Annoyed at the name flashing over the display she didn't say a word after picking up. Just listening. "Naomi? It's over. She's on her way to you guys." _

_Sighing heavily Naomi pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her laptop for the time being so she could find out if Effy finally grew a backbone, or if she gave up. She didn't know which one she'd prefer. "She left you finally then?" Came her venomous response, hitting Emily like a bullet. "No, I did." _

_Shaking her head in disbelieve, Naomi gritted her teeth. "She never deserved you, Emily." Anger was growing in the twin and she snapped. "Oh yeah? We're family Naomi, fucking family you're supposed to be on my side here. Not hers."_

_A bitter laugh made its way through the phone, freezing Emily. "Exactly. But sadly I know what it's all about, don't I? And since I fucking do, as one out of two fucking people, I tell you that she never deserved to be treated that way." When Emily didn't respond Naomi kept talking. "What did she do wrong in the last fucking decade? She loved you. That was her only mistake."_

"_Stop talking like that! I miss our friendship Naomi, I want it back." _

"_Yeah? Then fucking think back why we're not friends any more and tell me again. I'm happy with your sister, and I cant believe that you let this bullshit come between you and Effy. You've been killing her." _

_There was silence on the other end of the line and Naomi gave the twin a couple moments to actually think back and remember what destroyed everything. She was playing with her fingernails, just clicking them, biting and tapping the table until Emily's voice reached her again. "I just...I want it to be like it was." _

"_I cant believe you're begging me to forget what you've done when you're girlfriend's just left. How can you even think about me right now? You need help Emily. You seriously need help, you act like a fucking monster." _

"_Can I come see you?" Laughing sharply Naomi couldn't believe Emily's nerve to ask that question. "No? Effy's on her way and if she needs to be here to cope, you fucking stay where you are." She wanted to hang up on her but something came to her mind she couldn't left unsaid. "And fucking do something about Katie, I don't want her killing the poor girl when she gets here." _

"_Aren't you hungry Effy?" Bence asked when she kept picking on her meat like it's something she stepped into. Gazing up she smiled at him, calming him down right away, he had been busy following her around since she got there, all because she looked sad. "I've already eaten honey, would you like my serving?" Shaking his head a grin formed on his lips and Effy chuckled, seeing the three missing teeth. "You fought that bully over your girl then?" _

_Naomi's ears perked at that. She had no idea about a girl, or a bully so without giving anything away, she kept feeding Bay and listened to their talk. "No, ha, Effy! My teeth have fallen out!"_

"_That I can see. You look really bad-arse." "You think?" His eyes lit up, all his parents ever said was that he needed to get his hair cut. "I do. That hair's total babe magnet, and now the missing teeth, you wont be able to fight off with a stick." _

_Chuckling at the blush spreading over his neck and cheeks, Naomi winked at Effy, congratulating her on embarrassing the kid. He was, sometimes, too full of himself, Naomi thought. "Anyway, Bence you can go play a bit until eight, but get bed ready and don't forget to brush your couple badarse teeth, okay?" Kissing his head Naomi collected the empty plates and brought them to the dishwasher. _

"_I'll throw Bay into the shower and bring her to bed, you okay for a few minutes Eff?" The brunette nodded and turning the tap, she cleaned the pots which wouldn't survive the dishwasher. "Cool, see you in a bit then." Reaching for Bay Naomi's face almost split in half when the toddler jumped into her arms, giggling. Her heart never stopped swelling when the happy child showed her how much she loved them, just for simply being her parents."Oh, there's some Tequila in the top shelf. Come on, baby-Bay say goodnight to Effy." _

_The heart-warming embrace and kiss the little girl gave Effy threw her off guard and she needed a bit to return the loving gesture. "Sleep tight baby." Kissing a warm forehead Effy smiled an honest smile at the little precious girl, the first one she smiled in a long time. _

"_What are you doing here? Emily all right?" Katie worriedly asked when her eyes found Effy on her sofa with a Tequila shot in her hand. "Eff?" As soon as the brunette heard the loving, worried tone in Katie's voice her breath grew shorter and she bit her lip as tears welled up in her big eyes. "She left me." Sniffing Effy continued. "I know you have to be there for her, she's your sister and I want you to take care of her but tonight, just on night, could you be just my best friend only? Tomorrow you can kick me out and hate my guts forever and be a fucking amazing sister, but I really need you today." _

_Nostrils flaring, Katie drew in a huge breath, steadying her desire to claw the other girl's eyes out. With a dangerous voice she responded. "I told you...fucking told you to never hurt her..."_

"_Uh, you didn't?" The brunette answered confused. "You told her, Katie, you were scared this might happen and that I'd leave you too. I never would, you know?" _

_Tugging on her own hair to lose the aggression, Katie looked at her through hatred filled eyes. "You will, tomorrow." "What?" "I guess I owe it to you to be your friend now but tomorrow all bets are off and you'll fuck off to where the hell you wont hurt her again, understood?" _

_Taken aback by that response Effy blinked, holding her breath. "Dont look at me like that or I'll fucking drag you out by your stupid hair. Gimme a shot." _

"_Naomi, my sexy bitch is here. Come and give me a kiss." Katie puckered her lips, clearly waiting for her girlfriend to do as she was told. And with an amused smirk Naomi walked to the couch, curling her legs under her butt she pecked Katie's lips. A surprised groan, more choking sound, erupted from the back of her throat when a tongue was pushed down that throat. _

_Gently moving her head away and out of Katie's grip Naomi took two shots, desperately needing to join the girls tipsy state if she wanted to have fun instead of being annoyed. "You were gone for ages. You sold Bay?" _

"_Almost. She didn't want to get changed and made me consider leaving her in the bathroom. How long you been home? I must say I'm surprised to see Eff still here and alive." Shrugging her thin shoulders Katie draped her legs over Naomi's thighs and poked Effy with her toe. "She's leaving tomorrow, yeah Eff? Tomorrow you're my enemy." _

_Blue eyes flickered to darker ones and Naomi raised a brow, not believing this could be a real arrangement. "Yeah, tomorrow Katie's friendship will be a distant memory." _

"_Right." Naomi looked disappointed when she tried to meet Katie's eyes, but the twin didn't care. Having at least 8 shots, two Spliff's and some powder running right through her brain, she was just grinning like it was the best idea she's ever had. "Katie" "Yes honey? Oh shit, that's fucked up isn't it? Maybe you should go sit over there, don't want Effy to get all depressed seeing a happy couple." _

"_Clearly happy." The brunette muttered under her breath, loud enough for the only sober person in the room to hear and look away in awkwardness._

_A pounding head, a tiny man with a chainsaw going crazy in Naomi's brain, made her walk to the kitchen island with her hands covering her face from the harsh sun light. "It's too bright." _

_Nodding in agreement Katie was making breakfast, almost gagging when the smell hit her in steady waves. Flopping down on the bench Naomi gratefully took the coffee Katie offered her. "Where's Eff? Still asleep?" _

_Horribly tired eyes gazed at her like she lost it. "Uh, she's left to see Em, remember? Made her go first thing after she opened her eyes. She's got to apologise and fix this, Naomi. I don't want her out of my life." _

_For one tiny moment Naomi saw fear in those capturing eyes, fear her best friend wouldn't be around. Could it been the reason for Katie's never-ending hatred filled goes she had at Effy? Afraid she'd lose her if they broke up? It would make more sense than believing that she was that loyal, forgetting how scary Effy's mind was, forgetting how scary heartbroken Effy might be, forgetting what losing both anchors she was clinging to would do to her. _

_All of a sudden Naomi had the urge to hug Katie and make her hurt eyes shine again, because yes, Katie knew all of it and she was deadly scared to lose Effy, and for her. _

_Reaching for Katie's shirt, she pulled her to her lap and wrapped long arms around her waist, gently kissing her cheek. The twin tried to avert her eyes but Naomi didn't care, it was fine. She knew it was hard enough for Katie to think about such a possibility, a life, or worse; a world, without Effy, she didn't need to discuss it. _

_When a shaky breath puffed across Naomi's shoulder, she brought Katie closer, rubbing circles over her back. "We'll take care of her." She promised, closing her eyes in irritation when Katie tried to escape the embrace in anger. Holding on tighter, Naomi wouldn't let go. "I know you're in a fucked up situation, Kay. I've been thinking about it, and I guess I haven't seen it through your eyes before. If they really stay broken up, and Emily moves to Stratford next month, you'll automatically be with her, there for her. She wont be able to see Effy at first, maybe she'll never forgive herself enough to be in the same room as her, so you don't have a choice, choice was made for you when you shared your DNA." _

_Kissing Katie's neck, who was slowly calming down, Naomi dragged her nails over her scalp the way she liked it. "Doesn't make it better, but I guess I kinda can see why you act the way you do. I still don't like it, you're overreacting and she needs you, but I get it. She too, you know. She wants you to be there for Ems, she fucking worships her. But Effy will be broken, she will be fucking devastated in a way only you know how to handle, so what the fuck are you gonna do? You couldn't chose between your twin and your best friend, like I said, choice was taken from you. Only thing I could suggest is that I'll keep an eye on her." _

_Looking up, tragically mournful brown eyes locked on blue and Katie slowly moved her lips to press them to Naomi's. "You need to be there for Emily too." _

_Naomi groaned and clenched her fists. "The fuck Katie? Did you even listen to a word I was saying? YOU will fucking take care of her, I don't even like her any more. I just offered to watch out for Effy and you go and make it about stupid Emily again?" Forcefully pushing Katie off her lap, Naomi got to her feet and grabbed her phone, fags, mug, and a lighter before she marched into the garden. Speed dialling Effy's number she froze when she stepped outside and her surprised eyes found Effy's. _

_She was sitting on the wooden swing they had Cook and Fernando build for the kids. It were two common swings, one where four kids could sit in (kinda a miniature swing boat), and it had a wheel as another swing which had been Naomi's idea. She grew up with a swing like that, her uncle had brought and build it for her out of a real wheel, not the 'wheel swings' you get to buy these days. The brunette was sitting on, well, in the wheel swing, her butt almost touching the ground, that girl was way too thin for life, as she was lazily draped across it with a fag between her lips. And a beer in her hand. _

_Not say a word, Naomi walked towards her and took a seat in the swing boat, sitting her arse on one bench and placing her feet on the other. Lighting her fag her looked at her phone with a glare, eleven texts, sixteen missed calls, sixteen voice mails, three pictures, twenty-eight whatsapp texts, thirteen Facebook wall posts/messages/pokes, two Myspace comments (she hadn't used that in years), and countless flicker, twitter, livejournal comments. She didn't even have twitter, flicker or livejournal! "Emily reached you then?" _

_Glowering Naomi bit her tongue, actually biting the poor thing, because she couldn't believe someone could be that horrible. "How'd you know?" _

"_When you wouldn't talk to her she called me, made me promise to tell you what she said. She's been drinking too, don't be too harsh on her, yeah?" "How do you do that Eff? How can you care and protect her like that after the last years? Aren't you tired?" _

_Shaking her head with a sad smile Effy looked like she knew something Naomi clearly didn't. "I love her." _

"_I know." She did. Everyone did. Only the person needing to, didn't care. "Katie doesn't mean it when she's acting like a cunt you know." _

"_Yeah."_

"_You're not mad?" _

"_How could I? All I ever wanted was for Emily to be happy, save and healthy. I cant make her happy any more, or keep her save, so of course I'd want the only person I'd trust enough to make sure she is all that, to be by her side and stay tall." Taking another sip of her warm beer Effy met Naomi's eyes with uncertainty the blonde's never seen on her before. "Naomi, do you know what would make Emily happy?" _

_A cloud of anger sprang on Naomi and she gritted her teeth in fury, breaking her fag with clenching fingers. "Don't even fucking think about that." _

"_I cant help but wonder Naomi. Maybe we were never meant to be. The only reason you weren't at Roundview with us was, that before college you and Ginia took off to America for a year, backpacking. You returned three days too late and Roundview wouldn't let you enrol any more. If that wouldn't have happened, you and Ginia would have been in your first year when we were in our second, and I'm sure things would have played out differently then. Emily wouldn't have tried to act straight, why the fuck ever, she'd have stalked you. I told you once that it would have happened that way." Groaning Naomi took the bottle out of Effy's grasp and gulped down the remaining piss warm beer, lighting another cigarette since she broke her last one._

"_I really don't want to hear that Effy. I found it creepy the first time you said it, and I find it even creepier now that she acts like a lovesick puppy." _

"_Maybe you'd be happier than you are with Katie, you're constantly fighting since you moved. I see how she treats you." _

_Blue eyes darkened and a clear warning formed on Naomi's tired face. "Whatever we do or not is none of your fucking business Eff. We're happy. Happy couples fight, and we love to fight, always did. You know Katie, she's a fucking hurricane with the biggest heart and sadly we are both fucking stubborn but that doesn't mean we're not happy. Because we are." _

"_Right. You were so happy yesterday when she was rambling down, for over an hour, everything she hates about you." _

_Flicking the broken fag into the 'ashtray', a huge bucket with rainwater in it Naomi needed the hand for the new one, keeping herself busy. She lowered her eyes, looking unsure all of a sudden when memories of the previous night flooded her mind. She almost jumped out of her skin when a soft hand touched her head, pulling it to the side so Katie could kiss her temple. The hand kept stroking her head and neck absently as the twin climbed into the swing boat and sat across from Naomi, taking her legs and wrapping them around her waist so they'd fit better into the small space. Reaching for the blonde's hand Katie gave her a new coffee filled mug, handing Effy one as well. _

_She then leaned over and cupping Naomi's face she placed a meaningful kiss on the corner of her mouth. Her eyes apologising for what she said the night before. "It's fine, baby, really. It was a game, please don't look so sad." The blonde smiled, trying to make Katie feel better. _

_Snapping her head to Effy brown eyes tried to kill her on the spot. "You fuck off...I was really trying to understand your position after Naomi talked some sense into me...then I saw you here and thought; 'hey Katie, bring them coffee, show them you're not a monster.' I come out and hear that you bad mouth our relationship? That's a fucking no go, Eff. Because this" she pointed at Naomi first and then herself, "this is fucking special. She gets me, I don't need to pretend I'm happy, silent, a mindless bimbo because she accepts all of my fucking edges and I love every little thing I hate about her. So really, you can pretty much fuck off now. This was it, your and my sister's mess? I'd probably came around at some point but this is low and deadly." _

_Naomi saw it in her eyes, she saw in Katie's eyes that she had heard the bit about Emily. She had heard that Effy was trying to set her up with her twin, and good god, Naomi was only praying she didn't hear anything else. _

"_You have to understand Effy, this here is my family, this is my girlfriend, those are my kids watching cartoons, and it's my sister you were talking about. You may have been a huge part of my family for a long time but things change and when you try to get your stupid skinny arse between me and my girlfriend you've got to be fucking suicidal. I am a fucking lioness where my family is concerned."_

_Naomi softly stroked Katie's knee which was almost in her face due to their position. "Fine." Was all Effy said when she tried to climb out of the wheel, but she was stuck. Her thin body not able to pull herself up enough to get out._

_Reaching out and then down, Naomi offered her hand and surprisingly the brunette didn't hesitate grasping it and being pulled up. "Stay with us." Was out of Naomi's mouth before she could think about it. How could she let her go wherever in that state? She was a car without a driver. Ready to crash. _

"_That's what she sees in you then." Effy smiled bitter-sweetly, breaking Naomi's heart a little more. Katie scoffed, mumbling a duh, as she thought the brunette meant her. _

"_I'll go to a hotel, it's fine Naomi. Thank you soo much, but I shouldn't be here. Emily gets here soon, I know when I need to make place for someone new." Her hand was twitching. Yes, Naomi knew that Effy was hurt, drunk and losing it but she was really provoking her with her double meanings. "That's bollocks, you're staying here." A calming hand was placed into Naomi's, silently reminding her that she wasn't the only one making this decision. So, with a heavy sigh Naomi had to realise that this game was lost. "All right fine. But expect me to visit every day." _

"_That I can live with. I don't think I'll stay here for long though, just need to calm down a bit. Maybe go see my cousins." _

_Wrapping her arms around a standing Naomi who climbed out of the swing boat, Effy hold on to her like they'd never see each other again. "Take care of her, Naomi." Tensing she wanted to yell, to tell Effy that she needed to stop doing this. "Katie, take care of Katie the way you do since the day we met you. I need to know that she's save too, I couldn't live without knowing that she's fine, Naomi. Katie owns half of my heart, the most anyone does." _

_Looking confused Naomi pulled away. "What? The half is the most? What about Emily? There is only another half." _

_The brunette was drunk, and melodramatic, sappy and probably planning to kill herself, that was the only reason Naomi took what she said seriously. "Kay's got half of my heart. The kids a quarter. And a quarter is yours." Another sad smiled appeared on her face, her unfocused eyes trying to lock on Naomi's. "You somehow managed to win it back." _

"_Do I even want to know what Emily owns?" She was sure that she wouldn't want to know. It had to be huge, so huge she might consider chaining herself to the pretty, obviously suicide considering brunette. "Me." _

_Simple. _

_Not her soul. Not her heart. Not her breath. _

_No. _

_Emily Fitch owned Effy since she had first kissed her at Pandora's party when she was sweet sixteen and Effy almost eighteen. _

_A cold shudder ran down Naomi's back and in front of her inner eye she saw Effy laying in a coffin, a happy smile on her lips._

* * *

"I'm leaving otherwise we're gonna have another row, you really want to do that here Kay? Because I sure as hell don't want to give fucking Tenner another reason to terrorise Bence." Naomi quietly stated, biting her lip but her eyes were telling a whole different story.

Katie saw it. She knew they wouldn't ever agree on Emily's breakup, too much was left unsaid, too much was hidden from Katie, too much was helping her in ways she'd never know. "Fine, fucking go then. I'm gonna be home late, don't wait up."

"You're meeting an investor, it's 11am, why is it gonna be late? You work's in the ground storey." The blonde questioned with a raised brow, not liking how Katie was acting.

"I hate no idea I had to ask for permission if I wanted to meet some mates, sorry darling, next time I'll remember to ask nicely a week in advance, how's that sound?" Chuckling, Naomi nodded with a smile, happy to hear her girlfriend's usual response, it showed her that everything would be fine after all. She kissed Katie's scowling lips. "Have fun."

Then she drove off to see Effy.


	5. pa rum pum pum pum

_Hi guys, here's another chapter. This one is unusually short, sorry about that but I wanted to post one in this very year. The next one is almost finished though. _

_Have a good new years though and go crazy, party like your life depends on it and be glad we're still alive :) _

**Next**: Naomi takes her family on vacation

or- effy's going to explode

or-everything will blow up

**you decide**

oh did you read Medusa lost in translation? thought you might like it. I know pimping my own story? hoooow lame huh ;)

* * *

"_Come, they told me pa rum pa pum pum"_ Drums were heard through the whole house as Bence practised his rock version of this old, traditional Christmas song, _"our new born king to see pa rum pa pum pum"_ Katie looked pointedly at Naomi, begging her to do something about the shaking walls, _"our finest gifts we bring, to lay before the kind, pa rum pum pum pum...so to honour him, pa rum pum pum pum when we come", _pinching the blonde's shoulder Katie raised her brows. _"Little baby"_ Groaning, Naomi had enough and marched up the stairs to the attic Bence was practising in. She wrenched up the trapdoor and started climbing up, putting her hands on her hips when her eyes landed on him yelling into the microphone and drumming away as loud as he could.

She walked over and grabbed the sticks, holding them out of reach.

With a glare, he pulled off the headphones and hit her with a look Katie would be impressed with. "I was practising!"

"I know that. As do the neighbours, oh, and I think you're freaking Grandma in Bristol is aware you're a fucking little drummer boy." She took a deep breath when he grinned cheekily at her. "Look, you want to do a rock version?" His nod was enough for her to look something up on her phone and plug it into his headphones, so he could listen.

"These lyrics are weird!" He exclaimed, beaming at her, he liked new stuff. "All right, so I sing; _Baby Jesus" _

She interrupted him with a head shake, explaining how to pronounce Jesus, ['jeːzʊs]. He was grinning like a maniac, his couple teeth making him look cheekier than he appeared to be any way. "Okay, so _Baby Jesus._ Then, there is another one that's different, right when you've played the first solo;_ shall I play for you on my drum. Marry nodded,_ she doesn't nod here yeah? You sing instead; _Yoi da adash, pa rum pum pum pum!"_

They tried out a couple things for the solo, Naomi helped him to find the correct rhythm with her guitar and when he was certain he'd be fine, he demanded she'd leave. "B...but I could be a help, watching you and all." He rolled his eyes at her pout and rambled on about his nervousness when she was present, and that she'd be the first one to hear it when he finished. Grumbling, she ran her fingers through his almost shoulder long, curly hair. "You desperately need a hair cut, Bence." Only sticking his tongue out, he screeched that she always said that when she didn't like something he did or said. "Fine, I'm going downstairs helping your crazy mother prepare everything for Christmas, you finished your presents?" Drumming, he nodded absently and nodded towards the trapdoor, oh so politely asking her to leave.

Huffing, she did and braced herself for the craziness awaiting her downstairs.

There was yelling, laughing, pots and pans making noises with horrible Christmas songs in the background. Taking a minute, she ran a hand through her hair and begged whoever was watching over them, to give her the patience and let Katie go through with her insanity without Naomi killing her in the end. Putting on her fake smile she walked into the kitchen, getting hit with a wave of different kinds of smells, making her tummy growl. She was soooo hungry, but Katie wouldn't allow them to eat anything until Christmas dinner. She was starving. The kids had breakfast, lucky brats.

"You know Naomi, you could try and look a bit happy yeah?" Rolling her eyes the blonde pinched her girlfriend's arse when she flew past her. She turned around with a glare suppressing a smirk Naomi knew was about to appear. So she just walked up to her, lay her arm around her waist and pulled her in, kissing her. "I am happy."

"Right." The brunette nodded, blinking a couple times. "Wanna help?"

"Na, I've made salad, the goose, red cabbage, everything for breakfast tomorrow, and the disgusting fish. I think you can make the sauce on your own." She was hit by a glare ten times worse than the one which she received from Bence just a minute earlier and groaned. "Sorry. Yes honey, how can I help you?"

Katie clicked her tongue in annoyance and shook her head. "Well, I was gonna say that you could bring the kids to Effy for two hours so we spend a bit time together before everyone arrives and turns this into a fucking madhouse but when you're being a bitch, I don't wanna spend a minute with you." Raising her brow Naomi bit her lip, not liking this nonchalance. "Yeah, you sure Katie?" "Positive."

"Fine, I'll go pick up your brother from the airport then." She made her way to the drawer in the hallway where they kept their keys and was fighting to get into her boots. 'Just go before you get into a fight, it's Christmas, be the bigger person, you love Katie' was her inner mantra. Tiny steps made her look up from her position on the floor and she smiled lovingly at the sleepy looking girl with develished hair. "Hey baby-Bay, had a good nap?" Bay had her pacifier hanging from her jim jams and her huge stuffed duck in a hand, rubbing her tired eyes. "Where go mum?" The little girl kinda fell at Naomi and cuddled into her neck, the smiling mum stroked her hair and back gently. "I'm going to pick up James from the airport sweety. Wanna come with?"

"She's not even dressed Naomi." Came Katie's resentful voice from the kitchen and the blonde rolled her eyes. "She'll get dressed then, if she wants to come she can Kay. James wont land for another two hours anyway."

"Exactly." Hells clicked as Katie came into view with a huge wooden spoon, crunching down and sticking it into Naomi's mouth. Flinching away, the blonde's hand flew to her lips. "You burned me!" She accused wide eyed. "What you're a child now? Do I have to blow for you?" Blue eyes twinkled and a dirty expression formed on Naomi's earlier frowning face. "If you're offering". Brown eyes widened for a second and then the laugh Naomi's missed so much, all booming and free, echoed through the house. Changing places with the spoon soft lips met and a kiss full of laughter made the blonde's tummy tingle and heart beat twice as much. She felt in love, utterly, foolishly, happily in love.

It was Bay who ended the kiss by pushing their heads apart and planting her open lips to her mum's cheeks. "Bay kiss!"

They laughed, wholeheartedly and Naomi patted herself on the back mentally for not joining Katie's fight a moment ago. Their life was good, it had ups and downs, but it was good. "You did baby. Hey, you want to go see Effy?" Like only a child could, Bay nodded as if it were the biggest gift ever to spend some time with the woman. "Great, go and change into your clothes then honey." Katie smiled and shooed her away into her bedroom, ready to help out if she got stuck.

Naomi was leaning on the staircase with a raised brow and a teasing glint in her eyes. "But I wanted to go and sulk at the airport for two hours." Stalking towards her girlfriend like a predator, Katie planted her hands firmly on the banister on either side of the blonde's torso. She leaned in, almost touching her lips, and breathy whispered; "Yeah?" Naomi could only nod dumbly, cursing her hormones for tripping over each other to turn her into a mindless twat just because a pretty girl wanted to make her squirm. "Shame. You think Bob would be interested in getting some alone time with me before the family arrive?" Practically purring brown eyes pinned Naomi to the spot, even if she wanted she couldn't move an inch away from this sexy hell. A head shake was all she could muster as her breath laboured and she hated that it'd take at least half an hour until she could have Katie pay for being a bitch all day long, naked. Naomi decided she'd be very forgiving if Katie were naked. Yes. She could defiantly forgive her if she replaced her thigh and what it was doing at the moment with her mouth, or her hands. She could forgive a lot. "You look a bit flustered darling, you sure you're up for bringing the kids to Eff's? Maybe you should go and take a nap instead."

A growl made its way up her throat and Naomi finally regained control over her body again. Using it, she placed her right hand on Katie's back and the other on the base of her neck as she flipped their positions and pinned her to the staircase. Her lips found her ear and she hissed into it. "I'll be back in twenty minutes and you will be waiting, naked, and no fucking Bob until I get here."

Something flashed through mahogany eyes and the brunette gulped with a suddenly dry throat, nodding. Her whole body was buzzing in anticipation when Naomi took her earlobe between her teeth and nibbed on it. "Get moving then." It wasn't more than a hoarse breathy whisper but it was enough for Naomi to smash their lips together in a short, breath stealing kiss before she bolted up the stairs and collected the kids. She hurried and had them in the car only three and a half minute later, seatbelts fastened and shoes laced by a laughing Bence who thought they were playing a game. Setting the car into drive Naomi took the fastest route to Effy's place, arriving shortly and kinda breathless.

The miserable looking brunette was watching her through tragically broken eyes and Naomi took the time to blink and take a breath, deciding it was more important than screwing Katie's brains out, talking to Effy was.

So with a heavy sigh and one last longing look at the car, she pushed the kids inside the sitting room to play with their toys they left there. Then her hand clasped around a bony wrist and she gently pulled until Effy's feet moved towards the kitchen. The brunette sat on top of her counter and rested her head on her pulled up knees, watching her. "You don't have to do that Naomi, just go and have fun."

"_Fun_? I tell you, preparing Christmas is the complete opposite of my definition of fun if Katie's involved. Have you known that her usual response to everything is; 'Why are you out to make my life hell on Christmas?' It's really fun, you're right. Earlier she threw a carrot at me, man I always like our little games of catch." She rolled her eyes for the effect and a warm feeling spread in her tummy when Effy cracked a smile. Crinkling eyes widened when they landed on a purplish skin part on Effy's visible collarbone, then Naomi reached out and touched the obvious love bite with a look of wonder. Her feet wanted to jump up and yell out to the heavens for Effy having overcome her barrier and letting herself enjoy a woman again.

"Stop looking excited, didn't go through with it." Her eyes locked on Naomi's and her face was blank when she almost spat the next words. "I cried." "Oh Effy" But a hand turning towards her made her stop her pity explosion, made her stop breathing in fear of saying the wrong thing and having the usually quite or dangerously hissing woman shake in anger. "You don't get to pity me Naomi, you fucking stop! I understand how it's a fucked up situation for you but could you please remember, the next time you decide it's time for a cheer up visit again, that _you_ are the reason my partner left me? That it's you she's thinking of when she dreams and smiles? That it was you on her mind for the better part of the last two years when we were making love? That it is you she's dolling herself right now up for? I get that you feel guilty and want to make sure I've got everything I need and don't try to off myself but I swear, if you don't stop pushing yourself into my life every day, it wont end good."

The words brought Naomi to shudder, the coldness lacing them was hitting her right in the heart and she was staring motionless at the nearly breaking girl. "What...what are you saying?" "MUM!" They ignored the boy and continued their staring contest with different emotions running through them. The blonde felt like she was punched, over and over, by an pro wrestler while Effy's body was trembling after she let out the words which were fighting their way out forever. "I'm saying that I cant have you with me, day for day Naomi. If I wanted I couldn't move on, you're the reminder of my pain. You _are_ my pain." "MUM!"

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts Naomi moved her head out of the door and raised a brow, waiting for Bence to explain his yelling. "Look what Bay did!" Her eyes followed the outstretched arm and she groaned when they landed on Bay. She had Effy's mascara in her fist and was randomly dragging it through her hair and face, leaving pitch black lines in its wake. "_Bay_!" The horrified shriek got the girl's attention and she looked up at her mother cheekily, leaning up so she could see her masterpiece. She was proud of her work. Great, Naomi thought, snatching the mascara away. "Amazing Bay, now you have to take a bath and soon the family will arrive. You're mother is going to kill me if you don't look as sharp as a freaking knife when we get home." She knew that Bay cared as much as not at all for what she was mumbling, like always. "Get your shoes, we're leaving."

"But mum"

"Now Bence."

"But you said we could stay with Effy for a couple hours she needs to help me with a present you promised!" His eyes filled with angry tears and Naomi closed her eyes for one moment and took a deep breath. Reminding herself that it was Christmas, and that it wasn't his fault everyone was getting on her nerves, he was just being a childish, child. "And now I'm saying to get your shoes."

"But mum!"

"Bence, if you're feet wont be covered by your freaking chucks in thirty seconds there wont be any presents." He yelled and stomped his foot on his sulking way to the hallway. Looking down Naomi pointed to the hallway, "You too," and Bay wailed while she followed her brother.

Feeling Effy's presents she met accusative eyes. "What Eff? Don't my children remind you of her too? They're mine after all, nothing is closer, and Katie's who's her twin and my girlfriend. I think we should all stay away and let you heal in peace, yeah?" "You cant forbid me seeing them." Something resembling guilt and fear showed up in her previously hating face and Naomi raised a perfectly eyebrow. "You sure about that? Who'll back you up then? Katie? Your best mate's who couldn't care less about your whereabouts at the moment or you lovely ex who wouldn't remember your face when she arrived at our place? Fucking realise that I am what you've got left, believe me Effy I never dreamed of it either but this is the fucking deal at the moment. I cant believe you're treating me this way after daily fights with Katie I have to endure for you."

She was more hurt by Effy's outburst than she thought and with one last glance she made her way to the door. Of course Naomi didn't get that far, the thin woman was stood in front of her, blocking the wooden door so she couldn't leave. "Please, don't do that. Let me have the couple hours with them and go enjoy some time with Katie. It's hard enough being without them on Christmas."

There it was, finally she had confessed that simply agreeing with the twins about her staying away did hurt her and that she wasn't fine with it. At all if the tears forming in her eyes were anything to go by.

Biting her lip, Naomi eyed her and decided that she couldn't let her alone there. "Look, I'll leave them with you and then you come bring them home and stay for dinner."

"No we agreed" But Effy was interrupted with a hollow laugh, not amused at all. "We haven't agreed on anything Effy. I was all ready to fight on your side against them but you went and nodded like a mindless bimbo. You've got as much right to be there as we all do and you fucking will be. Seven o'clock sharp, don't be late or she'll heave your head on the plate." Pressing her lips to Effy's cheek Naomi went and told the kids they could stay after all. After they thanked her, jumping around and saying goodbye, Naomi hurried back home to a waiting Katie, ready and naked on the sofa in the sitting room.

_pa rum pum pum pum,_ was all she could think of when her eyes landed on this incredible sight...she couldn't move fast enough to lose her clothes and join her on the sofa.


	6. booooooom

_I am soooo sorry, no really, I feel like I've vanished but loads of stuff was happening and I didnt have the time to update or write. Here's the next chapter though, the thing we've all seen coming, arrived. Have fun and tell me what you think, as always. _

* * *

"Mum, are you awake?" Bence whispered, one of his eyes so close to Naomi's closed ones that their lashes were touching."Still passed out, come on Bay I'll give you milk." He wanted to turn away and leave, but Bay insisted on waking her parents, it was Christmas morning after all, they needed their presents, that's a Christmas rule.

Yes, it was still dark outside, with it being late December and not light til 10am and then dark at 4pm again, but it was after six. Five minutes after to be precise, but their mum's told them not to dare and wake them before six or something. It wasn't _before_ six, so they had to get up. "No, fafter chismas bring Bay gift!" She loudly whispered, not quite understanding the meaning of the word 'whisper' yet.

She was leaned over Katie's soundly sleeping form with twitching fingers. She tried to fight the urge to poke her mother, she really did, but the excitement won. Katie shot up straight into a sitting position when two tiny hands kept a hold of her mouth and nose, making her gasp for breath. "You wake!" She whispered/yelled and bounced up to sit on her confused mother's stomach. "Fafter chismas bring gift!" Bay clapped her hands and her beaming smile faltered when her mother's hand grabbed hers and made her stop clapping, the very loud clapping which felt like hammers in Katie's hungover head.

"What the hell Bay" The woman grumbled through a dry throat, massaging her throbbing forehead miserably, "say that sentence again, properly." she demanded with a yawn. The tiny girl rolled her eyes, in slow motion because she didn't have yet the motor skills like her mum. Repeating what she said with a frown Bay wasn't impressed. "Father Christmas bring me gift!" Wrapping her arms around the buzzing girl Katie kissed her temple. "Again honey."

"Bay, just say he brought you presents then she'll leave you alone, don't be stupid." Bence groaned, annoyed at his sister for wasting time being stupid. She hit him for it, she always did when he wasn't nice to her. A second later there was a full on sibling's fight on top of the adults bed.

"OI!" Naomi yelled, making them stop and stare at her fearfully. "Stop it, both of you. Father Christmas can still take the presents away if you cant behave for two bloody minutes." They nodded in union with pouts and Bambi eyes, much worse than puppy eyes, Naomi was sure.

So, with a huge yawn and lots of blinking to stop the room look colourless, she slowly put a foot on the wooden floor and got to her feet. The kids were by her side in a flash, watching up at her from under their huge, dark lashes, with matching smiles. They were pulling and tugging on her shorts, jumping on the spot in pure excitement and she shook her head at a laughing Katie. "Fuck off!" She mouthed to her girlfriend with a smirk before reaching down and freeing her poor legs from over excited little brats. "I'm going to the bathroom, then I'll have coffee, a cigarette and aspirin. Meet you by the tree in ten and" she left sentence hanging as there were no little monsters in the room any longer to hear the end of it. She pouted and raised an accusing finger at a still laughing Katie. "I meant it, stop it."

"Awe, come on, they're just excited." Rolling her eyes Naomi went to the en-suit to have a pee and brush her teeth. Katie joined her and they stood watching each other through the mirror, Naomi glaring, Katie looking like she couldn't be more amused if she tried. "Stop making fun of me!"

The blonde had a horrible hangover, she swore that there were a huge group of little men trashing about with hammers and bumper cars. Aside from that, her body felt like it weight about twice as much, she felt a huge bruise forming on the small of her back where Katie 'accidentally' jumped at her the night before after she lost her footing. Besides, she was still a bit mad at her girlfriend for acting like a huge bitch at the party after the kids went to bed. "Stop sulking darling, it's Christmas. Yes, I'm hungover too, feels like a bitch, but it's gonna be well beautiful to see their faces when they get the stuff they wanted. We can go back to bed afterwards, I promise."

"Yeah? Gonna tell a ten year old to watch his baby sister?" Naomi drawled, hating the fact that Katie acted as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't done anything wrong at the party.

"Uh yeah? Not the first time, besides, they'll be well busy with their new toys and shit. We can sleep, it's not like they gonna set the house on fire. Besides, someone will be awake by the time we're finished with the gifts."

"Yeah? Who Katie?" Blue eyes flashed angrily, mixed with disappointment. "Your sister who fucked off some time after midnight or Effy whom you dragged out by the hair and threw on the fucking street? Hm, maybe your brother who hurried away a couple hours ago to see some mates because you were a fucking nightmare and had a go at him for nothing? Or your mother, who thinks you've lost your mind." To her surprise, she thought Katie might feel at least a bit bad for everything, brown eyes narrowed in anger as she pushed past Naomi and her back cracked as it hit the door frame. "FUCK! What the fuck Katie? Get back here!" She demanded when her girlfriend just marched into their bedroom. Walking back to the sink, Naomi spit out the toothpaste and didn't even rinse her mouth as she ran to catch Katie.

She did, by the stairs and her hands grasped Katie's shirt before she could go downstairs. Then she pulled her back, hard, so she slammed into Naomi's body before turning around to glare at her murderously. "Careful Naomi darling, fucking watch what you're doing." Her voice was dripping with malice and hatred, so much that the blonde recoiled for a second or two before trying to regain composure. Katie had never, never talked to her with such a venomous tone and eyes.

Two hands, hands that have always loved the blonde and never purposely hurt her, dug into her bare shoulders and pushed her away in one strong movement. She hit the wall with her back, again, and wanted to pretty much jump Katie but the girl was suddenly standing so close that Naomi had no other choice than to stay put and watch her dumbstruck.

She had never seen Katie this mad before, not once, and the girl was always mad about one thing or another but right then she was fuming and her whole body was trembling with fury. She spoke through gritted teeth, not capable of doing anything else as she had her girlfriend pinned to the wall by her throat. "Dont fucking test me darling, I will kill you for what you've done. Be glad it's fucking Christmas or your arse would be joined with Effy's right now."

She couldn't believe that, in a split-second decision, she had brought her own hands to Katie's hips and pushed until the girl tumbled and fell, landing flat on her arse. Brown eyes shot dagger, no, more like nuclear bombs and then the small ball of fury was back on its feet and dragging Naomi, by the hair, into the bedroom.

It was too fast for Naomi to grasp, in one second she was seriously fearing for her life as she was kinda thrown her to the ground, and in the next she had her mad girlfriend on top of her and her lips were being bitten with burning kisses. "Katie, Katie stop..._Katie fucking stop_!" She had tried to stop her, grabbing her wrists whenever she got the chance but then Katie's hand just pinned hers high above her head, surely leaving bruises, and she wasn't to be stopped. "Shut up!" Naomi's orgasm, only two minutes later, wasn't to be stopped either.

Afterwards, when the blonde sat with her back against the bed, and watched Katie wash her hands in the bathroom, she was panting and shaking her head with wide eyes. Not sure what had just happened.

Her eyes landed on her wrists and she bit her lip, frowning at the angry bruises forming in the shape of Katie's fingers.

An aura just as furious as before was circling Katie when she marched back into the room and got to her knees between the blonde's legs. She was still an angry, trembling mess, probably more so than before, when she took the bruising hands and inspected them surprisingly gently. "Sorry." She mumbled, not sorry at all and her eyes were already looking around the room for Naomi's bracelets, the huge studded ones, or just some leather which would cover the marks. "It's fine." Naomi responded in a firm voice, trying to show Katie that she didn't want her to feel bad for _that_, for loads of other stuff yes, but not this.

It wasn't like she hadn't enjoyed it, sure, it wasn't the most romantic thing to do, but they'd always had angry sex, it wasn't rape her or anything. "I know it fucking is." Katie hissed, her eyes trying to kill the blonde yet again. "Still, you've got to cover that up. The kids will get curious, not to mention your mum. When is she coming any way?"

Biting her lip, Naomi tried not to scream, right into the face she loved so much, for ignoring everything again. "Ginia's gonna pick her up after breakfast and they'll get here around two." Nodding, Katie eyed to the huge retro clock before pressing her lips, absently, to Naomi's forehead. "I'm making coffee, see you downstairs."

When she left without another glance or word, Naomi kept staring at the top of the stairs until her eyes began to water. Angrily she rubbed at them, cursing herself for being hungover and twice as emotional, then she got to her feet and went to wash herself before joining the others downstairs.

"FINALLY! Bay, mum's here!" Bence got to her first, her feet hadn't landed on the floor yet, but his hands clutched hers already and he pulled until they stood in front of the huge tree. Katie came and brought Naomi her coffee, then she got to her knees and started organising the huge pile of presents. "Everyone sit down. There's gonna be rules now, you'll sing something or whatever, a poem is at least needed for presents. Then you'll all get them. I think mum's gonna start, don't you kids?"

A round of 'No' and screams filled the house, making the adults grin. "All right, all right. Uh, Bence, get on the sofa and start singing yeah?" He jumped up and kept bouncing on the spot, waiting for further commands. "Fine, you been a good boy?" Naomi took a seat on the armrest of the sofa, her jumper pulled tightly around her body as she watched her son almost exploding in response to Katie's question. "YES!"

"You sure? Naomi darling, what's father Christmas told us? Do you remember?" She rolled her eyes and nodded her head, indicating that Katie should give him the first present already. She hated making little monkeys out of children. Or parrots, just robots, doing and saying exactly what the adults tell them to. Like_, say park, say football, can you say car? Did you hear that? Awe. _

"Naomi?!" Katie tone was still sickly sweet, too much though, that's why blue eyes locked on brown and with a sigh she started going on about what 'father Christmas' told them. "I don't know, he said he didn't appreciate you telling Bay that he's fake marketing strategy. Oh, and he didn't like that you quit football. Said being nasty towards your teachers isn't what good boys do either." It was huge pile of bullshit for Naomi, saying these things, but obviously it's what you do to your children. Remind them, _blackmail_ into being nice, until they forget it all because in the end they'd get the presents any way.

"I will be better I promise!" He promised with his Bambi eyes almost hidden by his ponytail. "Tell father Christmas I'll be good and that he can take the presents and give them to me when I'm good? I'll show him, even if I'll only get them next Christmas I promise."

"For fuck's sake" Naomi muttered, reaching for the wrapped box and snatching it out of Katie's white hand. "Come on, sing a song then you'll get it." She promised with less enthusiasm. He didn't seem to notice as he belted out 'We didn't start the fire', Billy Idol. It had them grin and laugh, even Bay participated, dancing in the background and lip singing imaginary words.

When he finished, with a horrible blush, he jumped in front of Naomi's feet and stood with his hands behind his back. Almost exploding out of excitement. She took pity on him and gave him the box with a grin, ruffling his way too long hair. He ran away, behind the couch, to open it.

"Okay baby-Bay now you. Get up here," Naomi patted the sofa, "and do your thing." With a squeal Bay climbed the sofa and started singing Jingle Bells, making them laugh at the cuteness. Surprisingly she didn't hit many wrong notes, sure it was toddler speech, but nevertheless, the notes were quite perfect.

After that, there was chaos. Children running around, screaming in delight and surprise, wrapping paper being thrown carelessly around and when Jenna joined them Naomi went to the kitchen to get another coffee.

It was Katie who followed her, getting on top of the kitchen island as she eyed the blonde's every step.

"What" Naomi asked absently without looking at her as she was shaking her mug around.

"Here..." An envelope was slid across the island to Naomi and she raised a brow, somehow seeing in Katie's expression that she wouldn't be happy. "You can take the kids and Effy, or Emily, or Ginia, or take Effy and Ginia and leave the kids for all I care." Then she went back to the sitting room, leaving the shell shocked blonde to look after her in confusion as she opened it.

She closed her eyes, silently cursing the whole of the last night, as they landed on four tickets to Greece, as well as a little cabin rented for two weeks.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Naomi made the call, Christmas and new years eve long gone, smiling tightly when she was helped to arrange everything.

Then she had an almost forty minutes ride to endure until she stood in Emily's doorway, glaring. "If this wont work, it's on your plate Emily." She had backed Emily into the nearest wall and kissed her. Right on the lips. Twice. To make matters even worse for the already confused woman, her mind kept picturing images of the post-kiss Emily, her eyes and mouth half closed, her face flustered, simply looking incredibly sexy and willing for Naomi to continue...exactly what this wasn't about. The girl had to get it out of her system, she needed to see that Naomi wasn't some kind of perfect dream girl for her, just her sister's girlfriend.

"_If you don't fix this, you can fuck off Naomi."_ Emily's hand travelled up Naomi's sides and she moaned into her mouth._ "My sister's not in love with you for fucking __fun__, whatever you did, undo it!"_ Naomi felt a tug on her bottom lip and snapped her eyes shut, concentrating on the mission as the same hand which had dragged up its nails up her sides was now roughly kneading her tit. _"I __don't care do I? Do whatever it fucking takes, I don't wanna see your face for as long as Emily __thinks she loves you...you wont take my sister from me..you already took my best friend."_ A thigh was pushed between Naomi's legs and in one swift movement she was the one pushed up against the wall, the thigh rubbing against her swollen clit. When Emily's right hand started working its way up Naomi's skirt, the blonde let out a long, guttural moan. Her mind completely shut off. "God Kay..don't fucking tease me."

All movements stilled and she slowly opened her eyes only to be met with a horrified looking Emily, staring at her in disgust. Blue eyes were filled with tears, her mouth hanging open as she just stared back, not liking how things turned out. "I'm sorry." Naomi was, but she couldn't, wouldn't change it. "This wasn't the plan."

"No. It wasn't." Emily croaked, rubbing her neck. "Go. Please."

She furrowed her brows for a moment when brown eyes widened in shock at something on her stomach until she remembered. And Emily finally remembered too.

There was a tattoo, a black and white lioness on her hip, baring her teeth, but her eyes were kind. She had one letter between her teeth, holding it, protecting it, it was an N. The artist had given the animal Katie's features, kinda abstract, but if you knew Katie, you'd be reminded of her when looking at this lioness.

Emily remembered the day Naomi had gotten it, she remembered the next day when her sister returned from the tattoo artist with an similarly cryptic tattoo on her foot.

Her poor, pained eyes then saw some drawn picture on Naomi's arm, probably made by Bay and not fully washed away yet, wrong pen. She looked up and felt like she saw Naomi for the first time in years.

She wasn't some 22 year old, gorgeous girl any more, slamming into her sister at a park, she was the almost 30 year old mother of her niece and nephew, showing signs of ageing with a few laughter lines around her mouth and eyes. "Fuck."

Biting her lip, Naomi nodded. "Yeah."

"I think it's best if you leave now, go home Naomi." The blonde shrugged, her eyes transforming from the pity they were showing to reluctant. "I'm not sure I've still got a home to go to, to be honest." "Then go back to Bristol, just leave please."

And with that, Naomi walked out of the door, wiping her lips and tucking her open coat around her freezing body. It was end of January, fucking cold, and she didn't wear much. She opened the door of her Mercedes and got into the passenger's seat, just nodding. "Where to?"

"Somewhere with drugs and drinks." Effy didn't say a thing, just breathing out a huge sigh of relief about Naomi's quick return. It meant that it had worked, she hadn't fucked her ex, Katie's twin. Then they were off to her place on the other side of London.

* * *

It took Katie almost two full weeks to call and demand she'd come home to have 'the talk', after she was at Emily's.

Her heart was pounding out of her ribcage, felt like it, as she entered the warm house. Bay shrieked when she saw her fighting out of her boots. She ran into her arms and let her mum shower her with kisses. "I miss you." "Miss you too baby-Bay."

They were sitting on the sofa, drinking their wine in awkward silence until Katie coughed. "So, Emily called." She waited for the polite, 'yeah?' before telling Naomi what she had said. "She explained what happened...said she was like, obsessed with you...That true?" After the nod she rubbed her temple with a shaking head. "You should have told me."

"Wasn't my place."

"Wasn't anyone's place, yeah? The lot of you thought I wouldn't notice anything? How stupid do you think I am for fuck's sake? You've got any idea what I've been thinking the past year?"

They were staring at each other, almost with resigned expressions. Too tired to fight any more, to tired to really care. "Yes, that I've had something going on with Effy. Thank you by the way for blurting it out in front of everyone. Oh, and thank you for believing in me, trusting me. Shows what a great fucking relationship we had."

"You know it wasn't like that. What was I supposed to think? You were acting like a fucking monk every time I yelled your name, dropping plates and shit right at the same time Effy started being a bitch towards Emily. Of course I thought you cheated on me."

"Of course."

"Dont act like the victim here, Naomi!"

"Because you didn't treat me like rubbish the past year? Without telling me what the fuck your problem was? God Katie."

"What? We're here so you can beg for forgiveness, Naomi! Not for you having a fucking go at me."

Their glares matched one another, not ready to back down. "Well I fucking wont. I was protecting you, I was even protecting your fucking sister and giving her the chance to get a grip before you kill her, I fucking protected your best friend day for day, something you should've done. But no, you were so fucking blinded by your uncalled jealously that you didn't give a shit." She took a calming breath. "Guess what? Now I don't give a shit any longer. You wont treat me like that any more."

"What the fuck are you on about?!"

"I've had more bruises in the last year than I've had in my entire life, Katie." The twin tried to interrupt her, defend herself, but Naomi kept talking. "I know you didn't actually hit me, but you did pretty much everything else there is. You pushed me around in fights, you bit me bloody while we made love, you broke my fucking finger with a door and you gave me a black eye when you dragged me away from a bench. I've never realised, but you were fucking abusive." She shook her head at the shocked face in front of her. "I know you didn't do it on purpose, I know honey, but things have to change. We cant go on like this, it's killing us."

* * *

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* * *

"_Happy Christmas!" Emily grinned, wearing a Christmas hat on top of her head, then swung her arms around Naomi. They had a couple drinks, a couple lines, a couple pills and a couple kind words for each other since the beginning of the party, and obviously Emily thought everything was all right as she nodded upwards at the mistletoe. _

"_Emily, no." The blonde shook her head laughing, but Emily blocked the doorway. "Dont be a bitch, let me through the door." "First we've got to respect traditions Naomi, then you can go." _

_Effy and Katie walked by and the twin rolled her eyes. "Go on Naomi, it's my sister, I know you're not into her. It' a tradition" But Effy interrupted her, well she took three big steps until she stood in front of Naomi. Shielding her from Emily. "Dont touch her. I'll die." She was warning her ex, and begging at the same time. The twins looked at each other, Emily fearfully, Katie angry. _

"_Yeah Ems, don't you touch Effy's lovely girlfriend, she'll might just die." Relief visibly washed over the newly died redhead. "Dont worry I wont." She snapped, strutting out of the house after she pushed Effy out of the way._

* * *

_********##########  
_

* * *

"I...I haven't...it wasn't my inten...fuck...baby you cant really mean that...I fucking love you." Katie stammered with tear filled eyes, gulping as she kept a hold of Naomi's hand. Her touch was tender. While her body was trembling in shock of Naomi's admission, her whole demeanour was as tender as it could be. "I love you, loved you always." She was close to passing out from gasping, the blonde snatched one clutched hand out of her grip and gently stroked her cheek. "I know." "You cant leave me...Naomi you're not leaving me..are you? No. I'm not accepting it, we're not separating." Shaking her head Katie's eyes spilled over and she raised her arm to wipe the tears away with her shoulder, never letting go of Naomi's hand.

"You love me. You said you've always loved me." She stopped shaking, her whole body calmed down, the calm in the eye of a hurricane. "You said you'll never stop."

Hoping she'd see the honesty in her eyes Naomi smiled sadly, running her thumb over her hand. Her other hand was still stroking either Katie's cheek, her neck or hair, and she moved closer. "And that'll be my curse. I wont ever stop, never fully, you've ruined loving someone else for me entirely." They kissed. "Good." Katie growled, pushing Naomi into the backrest as she straddled her. Unbound jealousy was running through her veins by the simple thought of Naomi being with someone else, _anyone_ else except for her.

* * *

******########**********

* * *

"_Katie, calm down!" Naomi screamed, jumping to Effy's defence as her girlfriend was currently holding her by the shoulders pinned to the door frame. "I fucking hate you, you stupid whore!" Smack. "She's mine!" Smack. "You went and fucking destroyed everything!" Smack. "I always knew you were fucking her!" Smack. "I wish you'd have died at the hospital table as a teenager!" Smack. "We've got children you pathetic wasted piece of space!" Smack. "I will kill you!" _

_Even with Naomi pulling on Katie's waist, she couldn't get the girl off of Effy. It took all her strength, and help from James and Jenna for the brunette's rescue. _

_She was holding her bleeding lip with an empty expression. "Finished?" She spat at Katie, only for her to let out a shriek and try breaking free from her brother's grip. "I am not, never have and wont be with Naomi, open your eyes!" _

_Katie had bitten her brother's arm and when he let go of her to cradle it, she had Effy's precious hair in her hand and dragged her out of the house. The girl had to crouch so it wouldn't rip off, nothing was out of question as Katie held her like a dog. She kicked her in the back of her knees when she was outside, and watched her fall. "Dont you ever come back here." Katie's words were empty, all she ever felt for Effy was lost and gone. "Go to hell where you belong, you cunting mental splitarse whore."_

"_It wasn't me Katie." Effy sadly confessed, seeing Naomi's terrified face as she tried to help her get up with trembling fingers. Her hands swatted Naomi's away, gently, and she tried to smile. She held the eye contact, blue drawn to blue and she saw all the good Naomi had tried to do, all she had tried to help with, all she was about to lose because of her. All because of her protectiveness over Emily who had the nerve to stand with Jenna in the doorway and stay silent. She saw Emily's egoistic side, even though her sister was about to lose the love of her life, she wouldn't confess. Ever. _

_Naomi didn't deserve that. "Tell her, fuck Emily and tell her before she leaves you." _

"_I" But then Naomi was facing the angry face of her girlfriend, who's eyes were about to pop out from all the squinting. Katie was standing right in front of her, her whole body shaking and it wasn't from the cold and the vest she was wearing. Taking a deep breath, Naomi felt Effy's fingers squeeze her hand, giving her strength. _

_It was over. _

_She was thinking, but couldn't find a way to fix this situation without being left as a cheater. Her face fell, all fear and terror left as she breathed out a huge sigh. "Emily is in love with me, not Effy. I'm sorry we didn't tell you, I hoped" A bitter laugh interrupted her and then Katie walked back inside the house without another glance at them._

* * *

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* * *

"Katie" Naomi moaned, throwing her head back as she rolled her hips to meet Katie's strong thrusts. It was pure torture. Whatever Katie was trying to achieve with the slow, long, hard strokes Naomi wouldn't know, but her body was responding of its own, seeking more. Leaving her a sweating, trembling, panting mess clutching at Katie's back, arms and everywhere within reach.

The brunette was hovering over Naomi with her feet on the ground and her whole body pressed into Naomi's sitting form. She was flopped into the backrest, her legs apart and the right one wrapped tightly around her girlfriend's waist as she pushed her whole body into her. Katie has never felt closer. There wasn't an inch separating them, with the older girl's body pinning Naomi to the sofa, having her trapped as she kept her steady rhythm. Blue eyes were wide and every time Naomi's trashing head stopped moving, and it wasn't placed in a way she'd have to look at Katie, the brunette moved it back towards her.

Her eyes were hard, hard as someone's when they knew that things were changing, when they hated the fact that nothing could stop it, what's done was done. "Baby...Kay..kiss me." Naomi panted, pushing up her hips, she tried to fasten the pace but Katie wouldn't bulged. She kept her rhythm as it was, slow. Her head dipped down to Naomi's collarbone and she left a trail of kisses on her way to her neck so she could whisper into her ear. "A month, a whole fucking month and you still haven't cum."

Blue eyes snapped shut and Naomi gritted her teeth, willing herself to finally let go. But she couldn't, not after everything, not after having so much time to ponder over their relationship, not after what's happened and what's going to happen.

With a groan Katie stopped all her movements and collapsed on top of the blonde, her head on Naomi's shoulder as she randomly stroked parts of her skin. Gentle fingers were running through dark locks, absently tugging as the women were too scared of having the conversation about what just happened. "We'll be fine." Katie promised, with a voice full of uncertainty. "You'll come home and we'll be fine, wont we darling?"

Moving her lips to Katie's forehead Naomi closed her tear filled eyes and nodded, not trusting into her voice at the moment. "I love you Naomi, and I'll do whatever I can to make this work. I promised you once that I wont ever give up on us if there's just as much as a tiny bit of hope left, and I'm not one to break my promises." "Katie" "No" The dark haired woman sat up on Naomi's legs so she could meet her resigned look. "No." Her voice was firm, not wavering once in contrast to the wet pools her eyes had become. "No, Naomi, no...no. We'll be fine. I can forgive you, I can always forgive you for everything, because in the end baby, in the end it's not worth to lose you because of that. How can I trade a life full of love and happiness for perhaps the 'right' to leave you for what you've done? I couldn't. And I've done some shitty things too which were not okay, so"

"What have you done?" Naomi's voice hardened, as did her eyes. Her mind was filled with pictures of Katie pregnant again. "We need to think of baby names again?" A hard push was delivered to her shoulders as her girlfriend glared at her. "No. I meant how I've treated you, but thanks for the fucking trust. What, you think every time we've got a fight I'm off shagging a bloke after an other?"

They continued to glare at each other until Katie's face softened and she kissed Naomi, sighing as she did. "I'm sorry."

"We're leaving."

"Huh?"

"You, the kids and me. We're going to Greece, I've arranged for the booking to be altered. In two weeks, can you close the shop then?" Blue eyes watched Katie intently, every bit of the remaining hope was hanging on that trip for her. They needed to finally calm down, have fun and enjoy each other after everything. They needed to be away from all that's haunting them, and they needed to find what they've lost, their joy to just be.

Katie furrowed her brows, biting her lips as she calculated the loss of capital the vacation would provide. She seemed to understand the importance of it though and nodded slowly, wiping a blonde lock behind Naomi's ear automatically. "Yes."


	7. PresentBristol 2

_Bristol- Present_

She didn't move a muscle when the banging continued, couldn't care less if whoever was pounding their fists against her door broke them, or the door. Staring up at the ceiling, Naomi was laying flat on her back somewhere between two bags of packed clothes and her guitar, still the only things in her room. In her flat really.

"Open the door Blondie or I'll kick it down!"

She knew buying a new door would be an unnecessary trip outside she could avoid, so with a groan and her back cracking, Naomi slowly crawled to the window and pulled herself up with the help of the ledge. Dizziness made her stumble and hold on for dear life while she rubbed her pounding head.

When she managed to make her way to the door without collapsing, her blank expression didn't change seeing her friends. No. She was as lifeless, emotionless, and empty as she was when she left London weeks ago.

When she left Effy's after Katie ripped out her heart and stomped down on it repeatedly with her high heels.

Cook's face fell after his eyes landed on his best friend. "Oh god." His arms were around her and he couldn't decide if he wanted squeeze her to death out of happiness that she was still kinda alive, or touch her like a feather, scared that too much contact would break her fragile form.

He decided to gently hold the shell she had turned into. "I'm so sorry." And he was. Even if he didn't understand how Naomi could completely change her life after meeting a girl, he wasn't blind. He knew that she was the happiest when she was with Katie and the children. It was breaking his heart to see her, well, like this. "When have you eaten the last time?"

"Just fuck off Cook." She croaked, her dry throat making it hard to talk without coughing her lungs out.

"I don't understand." He scratched his neck, his patience running out as he threw a helpless look to Fernando. "Bay's fine, isn't she? All healthy again, _why the fuck are you here_? Why aren't you home with your family? You need to be with them, you need to mourn there, you all do." They were inside of her flat in a flash, walking around with judging eyes, like they couldn't believe she would sink that far.

Seeing Cook look at one of two pictures she had laying on the floor, with nothing but pure devastation, made her gulp. She couldn't believe that she had any tears left, but feeling them run down her cheeks and seeing almost nothing through her blurred vision, showed her that she could still fucking cry. She had spend three months crying.

Cook wrapped his strong arms around her, grimacing when his eyes saw the awful hole Naomi lived in now.

Seeing no sofa, bed, or even chair he gently brought Naomi to the ground and they sat with their backs against a wall. His arm circled the blonde's shoulders and came to an rest on her waist, gently pulling her in. Rummaging through his bag, Cook fought to get a fag out of the box and lit it, and when it burned, he lit another one and handed it to Naomi. "Life's fucked up, isn't it? Here I thought letting you go, letting you free to play happy family would be the right step and at the end it almost killed you, twice."

Blue eyes flashed in anger and Naomi tensed, fire running through her vanes. "How the fuck can you make this about you?" She pushed Cook away, with more force than she intended. Breathing the smoke in she scoffed. "Fucking egoistic twat. You have no idea, have you? No idea what love is, what it feels like to run on clouds, to be so happy that you'd hate closing your eyes for a moment, scared to miss a second. You just waste away, Cook, you _are_. Dunno how I ever thought we'd the perfect match, that you're the male me, I was a child. Grow the fuck up. Your biggest problem is deciding which whore you wanna spend the next months with, which young blonde bimbo's name you'll forget a week after. Which dream-babe to screw next. But that's it, a _dream_. You don't love life, you run from it. You couldn't love it if you tried, you never had it ripped from your fingers. Just like _that_! From one day to the next, you haven't opened your eyes to see that the woman you fucking breathe for stopped loving you." She was shaking when the last sentence left her lips and raising her eyes she frowned, not understanding why Cook was smiling sadly at her, with what, a knowing look on her face?

Then he leaned forwards and brought his thumbs gently to Naomi's face, wiping away burning tears she shed with a tenderness she never knew existed inside of him. It hit Naomi like a ton of bricks then and her hands flew to her mouth as she burst into a flood of new, scalding tears. "She stopped loving me...she just...stopped...and then Ginia...god."

Cook had known that he had to make Naomi mad, so mad that she'd finally snap. It was the only way to get it out, he had to act like the biggest twat, always had to, but in the end, it always worked.

It broke his heart to pieces seeing Naomi hunched over, gasping for breath, crying like a wounded animal. When the blonde worked herself up so much that the water she drank earlier was about to come back out on her again, Cook grabbed her by the shoulders and hurried to get her to the bathroom.

Just in time.

Never seen someone fight through physical heartbreak, Cook stood helplessly by the shower, the whole situation and the picture of his best friend suffering like this was bringing him to tears and he tried so hard to keep them from falling. When the retching stopped, he filled the toothbrush glass with water and gave it to Naomi after sitting down beside her in silence. He wondered, if maybe, he should have just kept his mouth shut.

They were sitting in silence for hours, or so it felt for the man when he watched Naomi through the glossy tiles. She was a mess, a heartbroken mess literally hurting.

"She stopped loving me."

Closing his eyes for a moment Cook bit his lip, trying to keep the tears at bay, so he couldn't see the devastation Naomi was spitting out in waves.

"She just stopped. And then...Ginia..."

Could he tell her that she was wrong? Something like; 'No she didn't, how can you even indicate such a thing? You know that she always loved you' could he? No, because he had no idea what had happened when Bay got sick. Or after.

He had no idea why a little boy had called him at 1 in the fucking morning weeks ago, crying hysterically because he couldn't reach Emily and Effy was still at the hospital without a phone.

He remembered the blood washing from his face in fear when the young boy had tried to get out words, but his hiccups wouldn't let him. He remembered him exclaiming that Bay was crying for almost half an hour, that he thought Naomi has killed his ma, that they were both hurt, and that he had no idea what to do.

Cook had told him to get one of his mums on the phone but he said that ma was laying motionless on the floor and that Naomi was sitting on the roof, just staring at nothing and bleeding.

His heart had stopped beating for a moment then and he had told him to take three calming breaths, to take them together with him, and to go and see if Bay was hot again. He did. Calming down a little Cook said that he needed to help his sister now.

So he went to look if Bay had a fever, telling him that she did. Next he made him go to the kitchen, climb on top of the island and get to the first aid kit, get out two children paracetamol and her medicine. He made him read on the back how much of it she needed, than asked him to give her some water into a sippy cup, put the medicine in and shake. Bence went to Bay, helped her out of her tangled sheets, holding her while he made her drink. She was crying and didn't want to drink any more, but she was horribly tired and couldn't fight him when he hold her head down and turned the cup so it would spill into her mouth.

He then helped her change into fresh jim-jams, brought her the duvet and pillow out of the guest room so she could try to sleep in a dry bed. He read her a story then, cuddling with her until she fell asleep again.

His shaky voice greeted Cook on the phone again after he had done all that, the adult had stayed on the line all the time. Bence told him that Bay was asleep and that she wasn't that hot any more. He had placed a cold cloth on her forehead, chest, wrists and feet, just like Cook had told him to.

Frantically looking for his car keys while they talked, Cook hurried to get there as fast as possible but one thing he needed to know first. So he had asked him to go to the kitchen and place his hand right in front of his ma's nose, when he wanted to know why, he said it's a game.

He did and told Cook that her breath was tickling his palm and that she wasn't bleeding or anything, just laying on the floor. Shaking her like Cook told him to made Katie finally open her eyes groggily. "What you thinking about?"

Cook shook his head and ripped free from that horrible day dream, moving his head to the side so he could see Naomi properly. Smiling sadly he shrugged. "Nothing in particular. Has she told you that she doesn't love you any more or did you figure it our by yourself?"

"I felt it coming. Something was different, not obvious but _tiny_ things. I guess that's why it wasn't such a shock, things hadn't been okay for a long time, we just chose to ignore it."

Cook mustered her carefully, strong mature words were spoken with a shaky voice, making it hard to believe that it wasn't a shock for her. "Yeah?" Blue eyes clouded over in anger and Naomi's jaw set. "Yeah. Remember sweet Emily?"

"Sure, little Fitchy, you've sang praises."

"Well, she's obsessed with me. Like in love and all, it's fucking ridiculous. She's left Effy after treating her like dirt for years and thought we'd have a shot. How fucked up's that?" She ran a hand through her matted hair. "She destroyed everything." Growled Naomi and the grey eyed man thought it was for the best if she never saw Emily again, she'd rip her apart.

"Katie thought you've cheated on her with her sister?" A hollow laugh echoed through the tiny bathroom, hitting a laughing Naomi back bitterly. "No."

"Naomi, you've got to give me something to work with here, cant read your thoughts, can I?" The blonde furrowed her brows as her best friend struggled to wipe his wet eyes before she could notice. "Cook, what the fuck is going on with you?"

"Nothing. Don't change the subject!" He couldn't meet blue eyes and that was enough for Naomi to attack. "Yeah? Well why don't you fucking explain to me why you cant seem to fight tears? Don't pity me Cook."

He looked away, not sure if bringing it up at that time was a good idea but she wouldn't let go of the subject. Fernando's pointing look, telling him silently to fucking speak and be a man, to help his friend who was obviously about to break so hard, they couldn't be sure she'd be okay again, made him sigh.

Too much had happened. "Are you sure this is all about Katie? Maybe you've been too hard on her, you're nowhere near over with what's happened to Ginia so maybe you should try to fix it with her."

Blue eyes looked at him, despising his whole existence in that one moment. "Nowhere near over it?" She got to her feet and pulled him up by his arms before pushing him into the wall. "_Over it?_" Spitting through gritted teeth Naomi looked ready to skin him alive. "My best friend, the first girl I've ever loved, my first everything whom I've known for seventeen fucking years, died three months ago all of a sudden and you're telling me I'm still nowhere near over it? Go to hell, Cook, it should've been you, no one fucking needs _you_."

She pushed past Fernando with a look of thunder and grabbed her phone, speed dialling a number without actually thinking about it. She wasn't greeted in any way, the only indication that someone picked up was the breathing she heard, but it was enough. With a voice, as small as she felt, she spoke. "I..I cant stand it."

She heard the click, signalling that she was hung up on. Naomi closed her eyes to stop the tears she felt forming from falling. Fernando and Cook were by her side and tried to get her to talk again. Fernando tried another approach. "Naomi honey, we all sad Ginia gone. You need be sad too, you cannot act nothing happened." Instead of answering she went over to the fridge and drank straight out of the Chivas bottle, enjoying the burning sensation the whiskey let in its wake down her throat. "Naomi, you haven't been at the funeral or anything. You didn't get any closure mate, no wonder you cant function properly. You should really go and try to talk to Katie, she'll understand."

"She's got a girlfriend Cook, didn't you listen when I've told you that she stopped loving me?" She whispered, too tired to fight any longer. The men looked at her with wide eyes, not capable of hiding their shock about the new found information.

She scoffed and downed the whiskey like it were water.

There was a knock on her door and Naomi didn't hesitate in leaving them alone to go and open it. Her face softened and hardened at once when her eyes locked on other blue ones. A bony hand reached out and ever so gently rested on the right side of her head, with the thumb gently stroking behind her ear. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes flickered to the wrist which was so close that it was practically on eye level and gulped when seeing the angry dark lines. A reminder of one of the worst times Naomi had to live through, seeing Effy die. Two times out of three.

She turned her head and kissed the wrist absently, softly squeezing the hand and interlacing their fingers as she let them fall between them. "Me too." Her eyes flickered across the brunette's face, silently thanking the heavens for her to be alive. "Can we go somewhere?"

"Where you wanna go?"

"Anywhere." Was her croaked answer and Effy simply nodded towards a glaring Cook who was right behind Naomi from the moment she went off to greet the other girl. "She'll stay with me, I'm gonna call you tonight. You should go home."

The boy shook his head with a bitter laugh. "You'll just let her ignore everything until it's gonna explode and make her go mad? Right mate you are Effy. She doesn't need to be left alone now, she needs to have to deal with everything, that's what she needs. Not forming a Fitch survivors counselling group." Effy wasn't fazed, in fact, she only looked calmer after his outburst.

She sneaked her arm around Naomi's waist, pulling her in front of her. Her arms encircled her waist while her head rested on her shoulder, holding the angry eye contact with ease. "Listen James, I'm not trying to be a bitch. All I know is that my friend is about to break and asked me for help after we haven't talked in ages. Let me take care of her, I promise I wont let her go mad on her own." She wasn't really asking, her tone made it clear that she was merely stating a fact. "Go home."

Next they were sat in Effy's friend's car driving into the night in silence, each holding a bottle of some kind of alcohol.

It took over three hours and a stop at a cheap run-down hotel for Effy to finally start talking when Naomi attacked the mini bar in their dirty rented room. The blonde was sitting on the floor, a mini bottle of Vodka in one hand and a fag in the other while the other girl leaned on the wall. "I never knew you were back in Bristol." Not mentioning the obvious break up was a an actual choice as not to startle Naomi.

Effy had decided on a different tactic, leaving out Katie's, Emily's, Ginia's or the kids names for the time being.

A nod was all she was answered with. "How long have you been back?"

"Couple weeks."

"How long are you staying?" She tried not to show her worry at the state the blonde was in, she was a mess. "For good."

Slowly getting to the ground in front of her, Effy sat down, cross legged and took a tiny booze bottle herself. She sighed after a much needed gulp and leaned back on her elbows, eyeing Naomi thoughtfully. "Why." She demanded, it wasn't a real question and looking around, Naomi realised that Effy might as well kill her in that strange hotel at the arse-end of the world.

Deciding she still wanted to keep on living she met her eyes and repeated her earlier words, this time leaving out all the puking and sobbing. There wasn't anything left inside of her any more. "She stopped loving me. Katie's got a new girlfriend and I was in the way."

She watch, with surprise, how Effy took a long breath through her nose, a sure sign for anger, and set her jaw. Her eyes darkened and flashed dangerously while she struggled to keep her calm. "What?" Was fired trough gritted teeth. "Uh, yeah. Are you all right Eff?" She asked carefully, a bit worried Effy might reach for a knife any minute.

"You know you don't deserved this, Naomi?" With trembling fingers Effy worked on a tiny plastic bag, sorting out a couple white lines for them. "Who does she think she is? God, you've got _kids_ together, she cant go banging chicks when she feels like it."

Naomi's eyebrows vanished when she heard Effy's rambling. A couple of times she tried to respond but was ignored, as the brunette kept mumbling and cursing.

It was then that she finally felt all the alcohol she drank for the past couple hours, feeling light-headed. And when she snorted three lines and threw her head back, a small smile made its way on her lips.

Effy was staring at her through her stormy eyes, such intense eyes, that Naomi couldn't do much about the pull they had on her. "Have you talked to Emily lately?" That question threw her a bit off guard and shrugging she shook her head. "No, not after she punched me out when I took the kids to see you in at the hospital."

"She's gone mad." A tiny smile was playing on Effy's lips, clearly showing that she's had enough of the shit. "Crashed her car into her flat's fucking wall, almost strangled Katie and she's got a court date because she kinda fought Julie."

Julie, Naomi thought bitterly, a scowl appearing on her face. "Fucking Julie, I hope Emily broke her fucking face." Effy's smirk was enough for an actual laugh booming out of Naomi. "Of course she has, someone was talking bad about you, Emily couldn't possibly let that pass, could she?"

Another laugh escaped Naomi when flashes of the mess their life had turned into entered her mind. From the start, to this very moment, it was all bound to end in a fucking disaster. Looking Effy up and down Naomi raised her brow. "How's everything healing? You done with rehab?"

"The bones have healed, if that's what you mean. But technically I'm still in the loony bin, they think I'll try to off myself the second I get out." Laughing Naomi lit a fag, handing one to Effy as well. "But you escaped." "Sure have, had to, you were begging for help."

Naomi glared, pain was hitting her every cell when she was reminded of why they were sat there on this dirty rented room floor. "I wasn't begging for shit."

"No, but you called me. I had to come, at least to save you from the fucking wanker. Your mum says hi by the way, had to get your addresses form _somewhere_."

"Fuck, it's hot. Why's the heater on? It's august for fuck's sake." Shaking her head Naomi turned around to turn it down. "How are _you_ doing Eff?"

"I'm healing. And right now I want to forget Naomi, I'm talking about everything all day long with people who think just because they have a certificate they know all the answers. I need to forget for a night, can we do that?"

Furrowing her brows Naomi shrugged, taking a big gulp of her tiny booze bottle. "Suggestions?"

"We get pissed, like, properly pissed. So pissed we'll forget all about Emily and Katie, the kids, illnesses that kill, best mates that die, cheaters, heartbreak and our fucking names." Opening her blue eyes wide, Effy waited for a response, her body buzzing in excitement.

Smirking, Naomi winked at her. "Well, call me Lily then." Their laughter was the last thing Naomi remembered, everything afterwards was a mess of bits she couldn't quite put together.


	8. AUTHORS NOTE

_Hola lovely people!_

_I'm sorry I kinda vanished, had loads on my plate, work, school, new driving license (Germany is crazy about the theory part, 1000 questions, really that's how many there are, I've got to nail before I can think of taking the test) and that's only theory. Then there's my band, my thousand other jobs, weird girls I have to fight off, stalkers :(, and days with only 24 hours. _

_I wrote a couple parts of my stories but never enough to post. _

_One thing I did finish though is a version of Emily's story. It's gonna be a 3 part tiny adventure, just explaining what, when and how she fell in love with Naomi. It's called when did Emily's heart start beating and if you're interested you should definitely check it out. _

_I'll only post the next two parts if I get enough of a response, I'm sorry but it's no fun to write when people just ignore the need one feels to hear if it's complete utter shit or readable. _

_Of course I haven't forgotten the ones who always review, and I am grateful as hell but I see that my motivation is gone and I have to drag myself to the laptop to write and that's not how it's supposed to be. _

_And to be honest, I just refuse to watch the statistics all the time to see if people read it. A ; they could still hate it, B; I'm too lazy and don't see why I should do that to bust up my own ego. _

_Anyway, that said I stop being a nagging bitch and let you go off and read :) Have fun_


	9. where are the fireworks,need them back

_Hey guys, here's the next short filler chapter, we're almost on our way to Greece now. Hope you liked Emily's heart breaking, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's a 3 part short story from Emily's POV explaining how everything got the way it ended up to be. _

_Have fun and like always, tell me what you think. Review, comment, pm me, and ramble on. :) _

* * *

"How about we go to see the Delphi oracle?" Katie suggested with a relaxed smile as she eyed her son typing away wildly on Naomi's Ipad. He was desperate to make their route across Greece as productive as possible, planning every second with sight seeing he's dreamed of since he first learned about the Greek mythology.

Brown eyes, a shade lighter than her own stared back at Katie incredulously, perfectly combined with a slacked jaw. "You _don't_ say, mother. How come I haven't thought of that?" She furrowed her brows and glanced at the page in his open diary, the first underlined words were, _visiting Delphi oracle._ So she stuck out her tongue at his cheeky face and winked, ruffling almost shoulder long curly hair. When had he become such a sarcastic little shit, she thought with a smile as she saw the way he copied Naomi's way of talking and acting.

He yelped and jumped away as if she'd totally destroyed it with that _loving_ touch. Perhaps she had, he did spend almost thirty minutes styling it in the mornings after all, had to look handsome for all the pretty girls. "Stop that mother."

That's another thing that had fought its way into their family life, he used to call her mama, or ma, now she was known as mother, spat with a groan and a matching eye roll. With a sigh she wondered why everyone said that teenage drama started after they'd hit puberty. He was a right little pain, and he had still years to cover before she could use that as an excuse. "I apologise sunshine, never will I ever touch your precious mane oh son of mine." When she bowed, his laughter filled the too quite house and it made her smile.

Opening her arms, he snuggled into her side and showed her which places he'd like to see when they would leave for Greece in the morning. "When's mum gonna be here? Where is she any way? I hoped you'd finally make up and we'd go on a nice family vacation, not some awkward death sentence." Raising a brow she moved her head away to have a better look at his sad face.

It broke her heart to see him suffer, Bay was too tiny and happy to be concerned about Naomi not being home but Bence took it the hardest. He'd never show it, this was an exception, but he missed her terribly and he blamed Katie for _everything_. Naomi was the coolest, smartest and best person in the world for him, so if she wasn't home, where she belonged, it _had_ to be Katie's fault and it made him see her with different, angry eyes.

"We're gonna have so much fun Bence, you'll forget the last month ever happened. I promise we will have a proper family vacation, not doing time." She kissed his head for good measure, but her insides were screaming as she had no idea if she'd keep the promise.

Truth to be told she was a bit scared herself.

What if they wouldn't enjoy spending time together? What if they wouldn't be able to look past their problems and the tension would get unbearable? What if they wouldn't be good enough of actors to pretend that everything was fine?

But the thing scaring her the most was; what if they realised that too much had been broken to be fixed by a couple days away? She would give her best, promising it to herself right after Naomi had sprung the idea on her, to make this work. It was _her_ family and she would have to lose her arms, legs, head, and speech to stop fighting for them.

Not to mention the state she was in, she hadn't had any sex in months. There's only that much you can satisfy yourself with, nothing compares to having your gorgeous blonde bombshell make you see stars.

But with their current limbo they were stuck in, Katie didn't think sex was very high on Naomi's priority list, it was probably the least of her concerns. Which Katie couldn't understand, _sure_, her head was spinning with all the lies and betrayal she felt, but she was still a young woman with certain parts needing attention from time to time. Naomi had to feel it too, and the brunette was still really hurt about their last try. Naomi had not been able to cum, for the first time since they knew each other, since they were a couple which was right from the start, and Katie had to admit that it had hurt her like a punch to the gut.

Yes, her girlfriend had thrown an ugly mirror at her, showing her how much of a bitch she became in the last year, how badly she had treated her without doing it on purpose, but that was a really low blow.

Naomi had apologised over and over again, knowing fully well how it had hit the brunette, but the damage was done and Katie was left with her mind fucking her from all ways. It was spitting out images of Naomi on the prowl, banging one chick after the next, having the time of her life with stupid Effy while she was sat at home, _their_ home, caring for _their_ children, working to pay _their_ bills, feeling the absence of _their_ love in every fucking corner of every fucking room.

On her own.

She couldn't even call up her fucking sister to have a good cry, no, dearest Emily couldn't keep it in her pants, she had to gi and ruin everything for everyone. Katie's not only lost her girlfriend, it sure as hell felt like Naomi wasn't hers any more, no, she's also lost her best friend all thanks to her lovely twin. Whom she's lost too.

She was so angry she kept imagine the most hurtful ways to kill Emily for what she did. It was better not to see each other for some time. Girlfriend gone, best friend gone, twin gone. _Lovely_.

But that made Katie realise that she didn't have anyone left to call and bitch about everything. Not really.

Sure she knew her clients, some cool chicks and blokes were her regulars and came often to have a coffee with her, but she didn't really have any _proper_ mates in London.

Naomi, fucking Naomi had done it of course. The minute she arrived in Camden Town she had found a pub she'd always go to get shitfaced, people she'd always meet, a fucking club she'd play gigs once a week. It left Katie wondering if she had done something wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Naomi had a whole life build around her in London, everywhere she went, and Katie shuddered as she realised that she hadn't really been the social butterfly she made out to be. No, she had a twin sister whom she liked, so at boarding school they enjoyed spending time together, sure she had her own mates Emily didn't care for but it's always been Katie and Emily. And when they returned home for their A-Levels they went to the same college, same fucking form, and met Effy.

After that they were Katie, Effy and Emily. Some time during all of that they changed again to Katie and Effy, and Emily. And then, then there were Emily and Effy and Katie.

But it still worked so well for them, even when she was sitting at the gynaecologists, staring wide-eyed at the tiny dots which were going to turn into her beautiful baby boy, she hadn't been scared or lonely.

She had smiled at the doctor, made another appointment, and walked out like a zombie. Her fingers had dialled Effy's number of their own, her voice shaking. "I'm pregnant."

Her best friend, the person she had always trusted the most, had laughed so wholeheartedly Katie had known everything would turn out just fine. When she arrive home that evening, Effy had waited for her with a tiny little bandanna and chucks so little Katie had almost melted because of the cuteness. "Whatever this tiny little human's going to be Katie, I don't think I'll ever love another child as much. It almost feels like it's mine." And watching Effy's teary eyes, Katie had bitten her lip to keep from crying. Yes, it had felt like they were in this together and it hadn't been a question whether or not Emily was going to move out. The poor girl had gotten home really late that night, kicking off her boots she hadn't moved to the sitting room yet when Effy's attack hit her full force. "You're moving out love, Katie's knocked up and she's gonna live here."

One tiny moment had Katie scared for the first time since hearing the news. But watching her sister's eyes widen and fucking shine with happiness chased the feeling away, replacing it with excitement and yes, happiness.

They had all been together in everything, and she hated her sister for taking that away from her. She hated her for literally feeling like a schizo. Katie had no idea how to go on with everything and she had no one to talk to about it.

"Where _is_ mum?" Bence questioned again, his brows furrowed, showing his ma that he meant business. "I don't believe she's got to work again, she's working from home! I'm not stupid. I'm only a kid but not stupid, you need to remember that."

Shaking her head at her sulking son Katie kissed his forehead lovingly and sighed when he snuggled back into her. Those moments were too rare, and she had no idea why. "You know" Running her fingers through his long curls she started, "she is at Effy's at the moment. You know that we're having some problems, don't you?" His humming was enough of a response for her. "So, we've decided that if we're gonna fix it, we'll have to be apart" He interrupted her with a groan. "No ma, that's what's always in the films. Time apart, bla bla bla, bollocks, nothing else. You don't need to reconsider your feelings, or whatever you're doing! You love each other and when you do you don't want to be apart. No matter the problems. You want to fight for each other, don't tell me you need to be apart to see how much you still love each other. That's so not you, mum would never go for that."

She looked at him, half arsed sternly, and fought back a smirk. He was indeed her child, and Naomi's influence on him was unmistakable. "What I was going to say before you decided to put your two shits in, we'd only be at each others throats all the time here. We'd never figure shit out if we kept screaming like banshees."

A smile formed on his lips and a glint was in his eye, signalling that she was in for some cheekiness. "You kinda do yell like banshees all the time. It's usually so funny, because you yell at each other like mad women and then one of you bursts out laughing, but that hadn't happened lately. You don't even scream any more, you're quite. Both of you, that's worrying me. You stopped screaming."

It brought tears to her eyes, the way he so innocently explained what she had felt for quite some time now. They stopped yelling, screaming, fighting. They had stopped fighting and it felt like they had stopped caring.

Naomi and Katie, that was passion. Whatever they did, they did it fully, wholeheartedly, with 200%. If it was fighting, fucking, joking, fooling around, projects, or even cooking. They were always passionate, making them mad, angry, or fucking happy, but they weren't tired or indifferent. Lately it looked like they had been nothing but tired and indifferent. "I love you so much." Katie whispered and pulled him closer, seeking comfort he was willing to give.

Both of them furrowed their brows when a key was turned in the lock, opening the front door. Katie leaned backwards and sighed when she saw her girlfriend's stupid huge hat. Naomi was fighting her way out of her boots, coat, scarf and lots of other layers protecting her from the cold winter. "We're in here!" Bence yelled, making Katie place her hand over his mouth gently and automatically. Bay was asleep, it was after midnight.

A minute later Naomi walked in and smiled uncertainly at them, walking slowly towards the sofa to let Bence cling to her like she was going to disappear if he let go.

He'd never admit it, but he missed her like crazy. Every time she came home, he'd turn back into a three year old clinging to her like his life depended on it. So, without having much of a choice Naomi pushed him further into Katie and crawled on top of the couch so he cuddle into her. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, his head under her chin and his legs thrown over her knees. "Hey mate." She whispered, kissing his forehead lovingly. A gesture he'd never allow to be done in public, and in private only if the circumstances made it acceptable. He was a big boy after all. But having Naomi close made him seek out everything he'd missed while she wasn't there. "Missed you."

"Missed you too. Lots." He yawned and snuggled closer as she rubbed her hand up and down his back the way she had always done when they cuddled. "I was planning our trip, you think we could go see the Styx?" His speech was slowed and he was almost asleep when she hummed her reply.

When he fell asleep Naomi gestured that she'd bring him to bed, smiling awkwardly at Katie on her way upstairs. She had Bence's legs wrapped around her waist and his arms around neck, the curly head resting on her shoulder as she carried the huge boy upstairs. He mumbled a couple times and opened his eyes but seeing that it was her carrying him, he closed them again and snuggled closer.

After tucking him in Naomi kissed his forehead and ran her fingers through his curls, smiling. "Love you." Her steps were slow and unsure when she walked back into the sitting room after getting a beer from the fridge. A weird smile planted on her face, she sat down on the opposite side of the sofa, meeting Katie's nervous glance. "How've you been darling?" The question, or perhaps the familiarity of it caught her off guard and she coughed before throwing Katie a fake smile. "Pretty good actually. Got to finish the book I've been translating fort the past months, feels good to see something printed I've worked on. What about you? How's the shop going, the kids?"

Katie tried really hard not to be a bitch and make Naomi suffer for not asking about her _personally_, she knew that it was her mind again, trying to make her act like a cunt. "Shop's fine, thanks. Had some problems with my delivery man from Ireland, always two days late, like it's his rule." A polite laugh came from Naomi and she patted, very awkwardly, Katie's thigh which was stretched out and almost touching hers. It would touch her if she weren't sitting with her feet on the ground at the furthest point away from Katie as she could. She looked like she was sitting in front of a lawyer, doctor or headmaster. "Always the same with him, huh? And the kids been good to you?"

"If by good you mean Bence acting like a fifteen year old, cursing and hating me, then yes." Furrowing her brows Naomi turned her body around so she'd be able to look at Katie better. "Why, what's up with him?"

"You're gone Naomi, it's not like they don't notice you know." And seeing Naomi's face fall Katie kicked herself mentally for the stab she so deliberately delivered. "I'm sorry, I know it's not fair." "No, no, no it's fine." Running her hands through blonde hair Naomi sighed, a serious expression on her face. "I guess I was hoping they wouldn't suffer is all."

Shrugging Katie sipped on her wine. "It was bound to happen, be happy you're not the bad guy."

"I'm not?"

"No." A laugh escaped Katie and she scoffed a little. "I am the devil for chasing you out of the house."

"You haven't"

"I know that, and you know it too but he's ten. For him, in his tiny childish mind, you love them to death and yet you left. It can only mean I made you leave." She had had no idea that Bence's behaviour hurt her that much, but obviously, now that Naomi was there and listening for a change, she had to make her see how home was without her. "Don't worry though, he'll be fine as soon as you come home again."

Averting her eyes Naomi found the fluffy black carpet, fucking expensive piece of shit, highly interesting. "You are coming home, aren't you darling?" All fake laughter and smiles where gone, all politeness and mental pep talks out of the window as the pure fear of Naomi never returning home hit Katie like a ton of bricks. "You're not doing it again, are you? Please tell me you're not running from me."

She expected her to start explaining, begging Katie to see reason why she couldn't think such a thing, perhaps she had expected some promises. But what she hadn't expected were blue eyes, hard as steel, spitting ice at her. "Nice Katie, we're back on that again then? Took you, wow, eight minutes to make me feel guilty for something that's happened six years ago."

She got to her feet and was about to storm up the stairs but Katie's hard grip on her waist, nails digging into her skin through her jumper, made her turn around sharply. "Dont you fucking touch me like that or I'll break your fucking fingers."

Recoiling Katie's hand pulled away as if burned, bringing a guilty expression on Naomi's face.

"I'm sorry." The brunette choked out, smiling tightly, as she jumped up, fleeing upstairs into the bedroom.

It took Naomi ten minutes to follow her, she had cleaned up the glasses and empty candy container from the table, shutting the lights and locking the door before she did so. Debating if she should knock, Naomi decided against it, picturing what would run through her girlfriend's mind if she did.

She found Katie sitting on the windowsill with her laptop on top of it, looking like a turtle all hunched over.

The brunette looked up when Naomi walked in, a look of confusion gracing her beautiful features. "Hey."

"Hey." The blonde answered with an unsure smile, giggling a bit at the absurdity of it all. "I...uh..I wasn't sure where to sleep and...well I don't think I could sleep anywhere except for beside you in this house." She scratched her neck. "If that's okay with you? I can sleep in the guest room if you don't want me here. But I guess we haven't figured that one out when we decided I'd come straight here tonight so we can leave together in the morning." Her rambling was interrupted by Katie's chuckle, the girl shook her head at the nervous blonde. "It's your home too Naomi."

"I know, it's just...I don't want to pressure you." The way she looked away, blushing, brought an smirk onto Katie's face. She shut the laptop and climbed off the windowsill, strutting towards Naomi in her shorts and tight vest, showing her so much that her mind was wandering to places where she'd see the rest. "Pressure me?" She purred, standing so close to the awkward blonde they were sharing the same air. "You'd never pressure me, darling. Those are your kids, this is your home, and I am yours to always do whatever you want. You couldn't pressure me if you tried." Blue eyes clouded over at the words and suddenly her throat went dry. "Uh..that's not what I meant."

Before she could make this awkward for both of them, Katie decided to take matters into her own hands. With a coy look, she shrugged one shoulder and turned around to stand in front of the mirror, giving Naomi a perfect view of her backside. Then, in one quick movement Katie took off the vest, flexing her muscles. She knew well enough how much of back perv her girlfriend was. It was one thing she never understood, the way Naomi got fascinated by her back. She loved that part of her body, almost more than her tits, _almost_. Her tits were fucking mint after all.

Getting the body lotion, Katie massaged some of it on top her stomach and arms before turning her head to an ready to pounce Naomi. "Could you do me darling? My b"

She didn't have time to congratulate herself as Naomi had her pinned to the wall before she could finish the sentence. Closing her eyes, the brunette enjoyed every touch, every kiss, every bite Naomi delivered to her neck and shoulders while her hands were busy running over her stomach and her back. "I'll do you, oh believe me I will." The way she almost painfully hissed the words had Katie groan in anticipation. Perhaps the thumb and pointer tugging on her rock hard nipple played a role in it too, she thought, bringing her hand up to pull Naomi's head closer to hers. She wanted, no, she _needed_ to feel her lips again so, with a hard tug she pushed herself off and Naomi into the wall. "You sure you're up for that? Haven't had a decent shag in ages, could get earth-shattering." She warned, teasing the panting blonde who had thrown off Katie's jumper and was fighting her jeans zip fastener with frantic hands by then.

Hearing Katie's words made Naomi's lips stop hurry her lips across the long neck she loved biting, and try to get out of her own clothes. Instead she watched her girlfriend through hooded eyes, uncertainty radiating off her in waves. "Who've you been shagging then?" Naomi whispered, yet her voice was dripping with anger and fear.

Katie didn't realise the sudden change in her girlfriend's demeanour, she was still running her hands and lips all over her body and only stopped when Naomi pushed her off, demanding an answer. "No one." She whispered, confused and when she was pushed away again after opening Naomi's zip fastener she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "No one. We're a couple Naomi, we've not broken up and I don't see why you'd think I'd go around fucking someone who clearly isn't you." Taking in a calming breath, both calming her nerves and hormones Katie shakily voice what her mind was yelling at her. "Have you?"

Naomi shook her head, wiping her hair from her eyes. "Course not." She looked so innocent, so helpless when she shrugged and whispered that she loved Katie, that the other girl had to sit down on the bed from the shock. Naomi's eyes showed her, they _screamed_ at her that whatever Katie thought she was feeling, whatever she thought she was hurting about, Naomi was actually suffering like an animal about. "Come here." She whispered then, seeing blue eyes fill with tears as the blonde came rushing over to her. She straddled her and wrapped her arms all around Katie, clinging to her the way Bence always did to her. And Katie, who was still fighting her hormones, rubbed her almost naked back, kissed her shoulders, head, cheeks, wherever she could reach, while whispering sweet nothings into her ear as the blonde cried her poor heart out. "I wont let it destroy us darling, I promise you, I wont." Feeling her own eyes burn with unshed tears Katie gulped them down, deciding to be the strong one for a change. "Shshsh...it'll pass baby, I'll make it go away, I promise. I'm so, so sorry. God, if you knew how much it hurts me to see you like this."

Moving Naomi's head up to look into her eyes, her beautifully tear filled eyes which shone that much brighter, Katie smiled reassuringly at her girlfriend. Her face saying everything the blonde needed to hear. "Katie...I know it's probably not the most romantic thing to say baby, but could you please lay back and finally let me fuck you? I don't think I've ever wanted you as much as right fucking now."

Brown eyes widened when, chuckling in shock, Katie fell backwards so she'd lay as requested. Naomi was still straddling her, and watching her in awe she ran her fingers over her curves. Tracing the bones, two tattoos, the beauty spots and scars, Naomi's fingers expertly played her body like her favourite instrument. Soon her lips followed the same path, making the brunette squirm and push up her hips to get some much needed friction but Naomi didn't bulge, she made her suffer. Teasing her like the bitch she tended to be in bed, but Katie knew in the end the reward would be twice as good.

It was exactly that thought running through her head when she was on all fours, Naomi's fingers buried deeply inside of her, her hair pulled together and backwards by the blonde's free hand, screaming out in pure ecstasy.

After Naomi made her cum for six more times, Katie finally had the blonde in her lap, her fingers sliding easily through the wetness created by making the brunette cum alone. That was always a huge turn on, making Katie cum was. Her pale body was trembling, a layer of sweat covering it as Naomi had her eyes shut tightly with her head resting on Katie's shoulder. Groans of exhaust were heard and the blonde, as well as Katie were close to breaking their jaws with all the gritting they were doing, but no matter how hard they tried, Naomi seemed to be unable of letting go.

Ages, what felt like hours later Katie got the second cramp and couldn't go any more. She pulled out of Naomi who's head shot up with an confused expression. Deciding not to address the obvious problem Katie twisted her wrist a couple of times for dramatic effect. "Sorry babe, my hand's fucked."

Panting, Naomi cursed, she had been running towards the edge for so long now and her body was screaming for release. In her horny mind she didn't realise that she had not cum after probably an hour of different positions and variations which would have brought her over the edge ten times normally. "What...but Katie!"

Trying not cry Katie put on a fake smile and kissed Naomi's swollen lips. "I'm sorry, I'll make it up on the boat." She promised, hoping they'd be too tired, too exhausted, and excited to try anything funny on their way to Greece.


	10. hit me right between the eyes

_Here's another one. _

_People were starting get worried that they'll never be happy again. Just remember, Naomi was in Bristol in the prologue, alone, and she is remembering how it got to that point. Currently she is in some hotel with Effy, and this is what has happened before. Before Ginia passed away, and before they properly broke up. _

_Only saying that because it seems you are waiting for happy times. They are coming I promise, but first we need to get through the bad stuff so it'll can get better again :) Okay? _

_But the next chapter is halfway done and it's finally Greece, was pretty fun to write too. So it'll be a bit refreshing after all this drama. Now get your fags, drinks, food, whatever you need because here you've got 20 pages pure Katie/Naomi love. And love between the two of them means? So much mad emotions. _

_Also, you might get shocked about a thing or two and about the reaction of the other girl afterwards, if so, just talk to me about it. I'm always up for a chat and criticism. :) _

* * *

**Wake me up, I'm about to give it up.**  
**Hey hurry up, latley it's been hard enough.**

* * *

Naomi was asleep, she hadn't heard the alarm go off or her phone ringing, still held captured by her dreams. Katie smiled tiredly at the slumbering blonde. She had woken up the same way she did since Naomi's shared her bed, where she had been her personal bed for the most part of eight years.

The blonde would always fall asleep, after cuddling for some time, with Katie in her arm as she lay on her stomach with her right hand under the pillow and the left around her girlfriends waist. She moved positions countless of times during the nights, always ending up fully draped on top of Katie with her torso. Or on her _back_ with her upper half sprawled over her girlfriend. The first thing Katie had seen earlier when her eyes opened were loads of hair, she actually had to spit some out. Nonetheless being used as a bed again made her smile. When it had happened for the first time, Naomi kinda scooting into Katie more and more until she was laying half way on top of her with her _back_, Katie had moved to the end of the bed in fear that Naomi hadn't had enough room in bed.

Bollocks, Naomi had promised afterwards when she woke up hearing Katie fall off the bed.

* * *

_It had been their third night together when Katie's arse met the floor with a loud thud. With frantic movements the brunette had tried to grab onto something and managed to throw over Naomi's night stand 'table', which was an old whiskey barrel. The lamp, books, the girls phones and jewellery they've always placed on top of it crashed to the ground with a huge noise, waking the blonde. _

_She had moved her hand over the sheets, searching for Katie, and when her hand didn't feel the girl's warm naked skin, she lazily sat up and blinked a couple times. _

"_I'm down here." Katie'd whispered, blinking the sleep away herself as she was sitting in between everything from on top of that barrel. Naomi's head turned towards her voice and when she still couldn't see the girl she had rubbed her eyes and crawled over Katie's side to look for her on the floor. Her voice was sleepy and sounded hoarse when she'd asked what Katie was doing. And more importantly, why she was doing it at four am. "You pushed me off the bed." _

"_I wouldn't that!" Naomi defended, yawning as she had reached for Katie's arms and pulled her, with surprising strength, up and right on top of herself. Smiling up at Katie Naomi wrapped her tired arm around her and snuggled into her, kissing her neck twice before closing her eyes again. With a content sigh she had made them fall backwards, acting as Katie's air bag. "You shouldn't leave me in bed, ever. When you're here, that's your place. On top of me or beneath me, I'm not picky or demanding." It was her almost asleep heart talking. Afterwards she had been thankful that she were barley awake. Katie kept on teasing her about it and she could only imagine that the awe expression Katie wore would have made her head explode. _

"_God you're so adorable." Katie'd cooed, bringing her hands up so she could squeeze Naomi's cheeks like an old aunt. "So fucking cute." The blonde huffed and pulled Katie impossibly closer, so she had to let go of her cheeks. The blonde turned them around that way she could lay on top of the brunette, all snuggled into her and on her way to dreamyland. "I'm" She started but was interrupted by her own yawn,"not adorable or cute, puppies and puking babies are...I'm" another yawn made her stop in the middle of her sulky rant, "I'm gorgeous, hot, sexy, fit, and" hiding her face in Katie's neck she mumbled her yawned words "brilliant company...not a puking baby or farting dog." _

_Katie exploded in laughter, shaking the grumbling girl around on top of her. "Stop laughing, I __**am**__." Nodding in fake seriousness Katie nodded, not wanting to wake the whole house. "Of course you are darling, you can be whatever you want, even Prime Minister if you work hard enough in school." Another wave of laughter washed over her and only Naomi's lips pressing to her own made her slowly calm down and let out content moans instead. "You telling your kid all that __bollocks? Poor lad's gonna be a pure egomaniac." The blonde's thigh automatically pushed between Katie's naked ones and she was rocking against it without meaning to, it just happened every time when Naomi moved it to the place. "God Naomi, why'd you have to throw me off the bed? You could've just wake me for that." The blonde's teeth were working their way down her neck and between her breasts when blue, very tired looking confused eyes met hers. "I haven't. Why you keep saying that?" Her thigh never stopped its rhythmical movements, just like Katie never stopped slowly rocking against it while her hands were playing with Naomi's hair or running up and down her smooth back. "Because you __**have**__. I've landed flat on my arse because you kept moving me closer to the edge every other fucking second." Grinning Naomi gently tugged on her right nipple with her teeth before licking it afterwards, a cheeky expression on her face. "See? That's not me throwing you off the bed baby, that's me unconsciously seeking your touch." _

"_Right." Katie mumbled, the topic lost on her as Naomi's fingers made their way to the place her thigh had started to create a river in. _

_Naomi moved upwards and held her weight up on her elbow next to Katie's head as she stared right into her soul. Her thumb was rubbing steady circles on her swollen clit, tugging now and then a bit but never losing rhythm. "I was. When I sleep with my girlfriend I try to always get as close as possible, even when I sleep. Sorry, I'm afraid you gotta get used to being my bed if you stay around." She didn't look sorry at all, her lopsided grin and the twinkling eyes combined with what her thumb was doing brought a passionate shudder over Katie's hot body and she clamped her eyes shut. Reaching for Naomi's neck she pulled her down and crashed into her lips with hers. "I better do that then."_

* * *

Lost in memories Katie hadn't noticed how blue eyes slowly blinked open and watched her tiredly. She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a very hoarse sounding 'morning babe'. Her heart was pounding so hard she feared it might burst through her ribcage. Naomi threw her dead weight arm around her and turned around so she lay with her stomach on top of Katie, instead of her back. Snuggling impossibly close the blonde's lips left a trail of lazy kisses all along Katie's shoulder and neck. "Five more minute."

When Katie closed her eyes, she could pretend that everything was fine, that their relationship wasn't falling apart with rapid speed, that one tragedy didn't chase the next one, and that they were happy.

Happy, when have they been truly happy for the last time?

Truth was, she couldn't remember.

It seemed that ever since deciding to change their life, follow their dreams and build a future everything kept going tits up. Sometimes she cursed her mother for all that, without her being at fault of course. If she never told Naomi about Katie's dream the blonde would never have suggested she should go back to uni, they wouldn't have moved in together that soon. If they did, Naomi wouldn't had ran away because Katie were never home and left her alone practically with both their shifts and a toddler Bence. If that never happened, they'd have kept being happy, she told herself.

But then, then they wouldn't have gotten Bay and that was something neither of them could bear to think about. "Close your eyes babe, we still have time." Naomi was obvious to Katie's sad mood, she had her eyes closed and tried very hard to find a couple more minutes in dreamyland.

As she watched her breath even out and nose crinkle the way it always did when Naomi fell asleep, Katie tenderly moved her fingers along her naked back. Enjoying the feeling of simply **being **with Naomi and without any catastrophes or fights, Katie tried telling herself that it would be like that again, always and that very _soon_. She had to believe that they'd work through it, she had to, for herself and for their children. Secretly she wiped some fallen tears from her eyes and moved that inch separating her from Naomi's head, pressing her lips to her forehead after moving her fringe to the side. "We need to get up darling, come, open your eyes." She whispered, scared she might break the spell and detonate the next bomb if she talked to loud. That thought made her chuckle bitterly at how deep they had fallen.

Naomi opened her eyes and frowned at her girlfriend, feeling the sadness and bitterness so close it might have been her own. Resting on her elbows she pinned Katie to the bed beneath her and looked deeply into her sad eyes, reading her. When she found what she was looking, those brown eyes had never been able to hide anything from her, she sighed sadly and hugged Katie closer. "I'm sorry I'm making you sad, I never wanted that, and I promise I'll do everything I possibly can to make it up. I'll make you happy again."

Katie next words froze both of them, the sad truth finally voiced was what made them stare helplessly at each other. "I cant remember how it feels to be happy any more Naomi, don't know when I was happy the last time."

Naomi was speechless. Sure, she knew that they hadn't had an easy relationship but hearing that made her wonder if she would ever make her happy again. Sometimes things cant be fixed, they are too broken and people who don't let go and try and try and keep trying only make each other miserable until they cant bear to be in the same room any more. Did she want that? Better question, could she actually let go of Katie? For her own good?

The truth was, she couldn't. She wouldn't.

She was one of the few that would fight to the bitter end, no matter if there was any hope left. If that's a good thing? She couldn't care about that, the truth was that she wouldn't let go. "Do you remember that time right after we moved here and everything was all chaotic? The store was under construction and we had people running through the house, smashing walls, putting up wires, pipes and tubes?"

"Yes, I also remember not having a shower for two weeks, or any running water for that matter. Not a good example sweetheart." Katie said with a grimace but Naomi only shook her head, smiling and rubbing their noses together. "Just think back."

* * *

"_Bence, baby, could you please run across the street and get me a coffee, please? If I don't get a coffee in the next five minutes I'm going to throw everyone out or pack my stuff and go back to Bristol." Naomi muttered, her face painted in that scowl she's been wearing since that day when the water had to be turned off. _

_It was morning and they were getting ready for, yeah, for nothing. It was still summer break, so Bence didn't have school and Bay no day care. Katie's store was being renovated and there were no classes for Naomi, she could start working when she knew her schedule. Of course they were getting cabin fever, everyone was suffering of the water- and-privacy less situation. They had their mattresses in the sitting room, the only room which was ready to be moved in, and the unexpected camping they were forced to wasn't much fun. All the rooms had to get new windows, which was something they only discovered after the first night when the cold night wind barged in like there were no windows at all. Also, the heaters had to be renewed, the wires had to be installed as well as a lot of other stuff they hadn't had the knowledge to figure out earlier. So much for doing things on their own, without the Fitches, Gina, or Danny's parents. Too much pride got them into that situation. _

"_My hair is sticking out into all directions! I don't wanna go out like that." Bence exclaimed, pointing at his horrible hairdo. It was ear long, curly hair literally pointing everywhere. But she needed her coffee. "You're a kid, you can start complaining about that when you're fourteen, now here" She planted a couple quid into his hand. "go. Bring one for mama too please and get yourself a hot chocolate or something." _

"_Can we go to Effy's cousin for a shower then?" He begged with a grimace, again, pointing at himself. "I think I stink." _

"_You don't stink." She laughed and ruffled his hair. "Had a shower yesterday, stop complaining. Now go." _

"_This sucks, I hate London." He mumbled under his breath when he went to the wide open door, well, the door wasn't there, only plastic shielding them from prying eyes. The workers had taken it down an hour earlier after arriving. _

_When he left, Naomi looked around and sighed, wondering when they'd feel at home rather than squatters. "Morning darling." _

"_Hey." Nonetheless, a smile appeared on her lips when a totally develished looking Katie came into the open kitchen. They room they spend time in when someone was still asleep. The only other room which was not under construction, new pipes had to be installed and they were done as the first things. Reaching out, a closed eyed Katie stumbled into her waiting arms and snuggled close. "I don't wanna open my eyes, please tell me when everything's done, I'll open them then." _

"_And I'll be the only one witnessing all this chaos? Dream on, baby, dream on." She poked Katie's side, making the girl open her eyes in shock and squeal. Very ticklish. When she calmed down enough she kissed the laughing blonde, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Where's Bence?" _

"_Send him get coffee." _

"_Good girl." That got Naomi another kiss but she moved away, scrunching up her face. "What?" _

"_No offence but you really need to brush your teeth baby. Or, don't come near my lips until you do." Narrowing her eyes Katie untangled herself from Naomi and marched towards her phone which was charging through the night, but now, as the power was turned off by the workers, simply lay around still plugged in. _

_Naomi watched Katie dial a number, punching the buttons so hard, she feared she'd break the stupid apple device. _

_Bence came back and the blonde was left a laughing mess when she saw the hat he wore. It was leopard printed and looked like a bean hat, way too big for him, it covered his whole hair as well as head and face. "What?" _

"_Nothing, nothing. Looking smart Bencey, now gimme the coffee." She snatched it out of his hands and absently pressed her lips to his covered forehead when she heard Katie thank someone and march back into the kitchen. _

"_Get your stuff you lot, we're leaving." _

_Deciding not to question her, Naomi shooed Bence to get his shit packed and wake Bay, she did the same. "Where are we going love?" Throwing the question over her shoulder she saw Katie's face light up. _

"_We're going away for two weeks, dad arranged a rental house for us." Her hands clapped in excitement and Naomi's brows furrowed, not feeling the happiness at all. "But..we cant afford it Katie, we've talked about it. London's too fucking expensive, it's bad enough having to eat in restaurants every day, only cook at night when the powers up and the kids in bed, but we cant live in a rented house baby." _

"_Yes we can." Katie nodded and bounced around, doing a little happy dance. "Asked dad if he'd give me my and you your birthday and Christmas gifts early and pay for a room in a hostel for us until they're done destroying our house. He was outraged, of course and said that he never spends that less money on us. He's only agreed when I relented and let him rent a house for a month in case they need more time here." _

_Smiling widely Naomi hugged Katie and crashed their lips together. "Oh my god thank you, thank you, thank you." She wasn't thanking her for the house, she was thanking her for finally growing a pair and asking for help, even if it meant they wouldn't get any presents for some time. _

_But she knew that Rob would never go through with it, he's been dying to help out since he heard about the water always being shut off and the power only available at nights._

Smiling, Katie remembered how happy they were at the house. Three weeks out of four the Fitches had taken the kids for vacation to Spain, giving them time to acclimate in their new town. It was a good time.

Seeing the bright smile Naomi pecked her cheek and stroked some hair out of her face after she almost ate it. "Or remember when we bought your van and packed up the brats? Now if that wasn't fun I don't know what is."

"_Oh my god I fucking love it!" Katie squealed, making the huge car wobble around as she had no idea how to drive it yet. It was a bit older and not that as easy to drive as their other car. "Look babes, didn't crash into that fence this time!" _

_Naomi smiled, tight-lipped, and prayed her neck would still be intact after that ride. All the forwards falling and seatbelt holding her back had made it crack a couple times. "Well done Katie. Now try to reverse into that space in front of Bence's bike." She regretted her words as soon as they'd left her mouth. She was pushed forwards and almost hit the board with her head as the car sped in reverse. "STOP!" _

_It was too late. _

_Bence's bicycle was no more. _

_Hearing that panicked scream Katie hit the breaks and this time, the seatbelt didn't save Naomi from crashing forwards. Her hands hurt like hell as she reached out to prevent her head from being smashed in. "FUCK!" She cursed loudly, panting before glaring at a chuckling Katie who looked quite pleased with herself. "I've parked it Naomi, see? Parked it beautifully, not an inch left." _

_Naomi looked out of the side window with a grimace and couldn't suppress the laughter when she saw that Katie had indeed parked without an inch left. Of course she hadn't seen the poor bike, but there was no dent on the next car. _

_Katie honked, which sounded like a dying sheep, and Bence came running out of the school with a smile. It faded as soon as he saw Naomi's amused expression and his mum behind the wheel smiling widely. His eyes searched for his bike and a loud scream rang in Naomi's ears when he tried to get it out from under the van. _

"_What's his problem?" Katie asked, still clueless. _

_The blonde bit her lip to keep from laughing and shrugged instead, pointing backwards. "You crashed his bike." _

"_I did not!" Shaking her head vehemently, the brunette scowled. "I parked amazingly. Like a pro." _

_They didn't have time to discuss the meaning of amazingly or pro because Bence opened the back-door and climbed up, his broken bike dragged behind him like an old potato sack. "Mother, you owe me a new bike." He said with gritted teeth and Katie smiled, scrunching up her nose. "You really need to learn taking care of your shit Bence, with how that looks you really think we'll get you a new one?" She teased and the adults laughed at his angry, red face which turned fearful when Katie started the car again. "Mum, you letting her drive while I'm in the car? How can you do that? I thought you loved me, you're meant to protect me from danger and all evil! She is evil behind that wheel, and the biggest danger around! The leopard print wearing devil!" _

_Naomi only winked at him and leaned over to whisper into Katie's ear. "He's right you know. If there's a dent on my baby I'll rip your eyes out so you'll never be able to fucking look again, yeah?" _

_Brown eyes widened at the fake lisp and when they met highly amused blue ones the girls exploded in laughter at Naomi throwing the words, Katie had threatened her with the first time they met, right back at her. "Mother's! I'm buckled up and ready for my fate since you want to get rid off me. Now can we please go? I've got tons of homework to do." _

"_You're on break Bence." Naomi frowned, turning her head back to look at their pissed off son. He's had too much of Katie inside of him, little angry shit. "You're supposed to forget about school and enjoy life, kid. What's your problem!?" _

"_Leave him Naomi, he's just boring." Katie defended him, well teased him really. "Guess we'll have Emily watch him while we fuck off on that road trip then." _

_His eyes widened and he reached out to bore his nails into Naomi's shoulder, almost painfully. "A road trip? Are you really trying to kill us?" She patted his hand and pried if off of her skin. "Relax, I'll be driving. Now shut up so we can get Bay. Your ma cant concentrate when you have one of your hissy fits." _

_Bay had been more excited when she heard they were gonna sleep in the van while on the road. All their stuff was packed up on the roof except for the important things they needed. Only the bench behind the first one Naomi and Katie were sitting on was left, the other two were pulled out so the mattresses could be placed on top of one another. It was quite comfortable and big enough for Naomi and Katie, and the kids but they didn't want to, as expected. Instead they had brought countless blankets and placed them on top of the two benches so they could have their own 'spaces'. _

_A trip through all of England and Wales to look for shops Katie could make business with, didn't sound like much fun but it was. They always stopped at some mates places to refill their energies, shower, eat home cooked meals and just relax before hitting the road again. If they were going to spend more time at places they didn't know anyone in, they rented a hotel room but mostly they tried to spend as less money as possible. _

_They had fun. _

_Even Bence had, well only after they let him learn drive the van on a deserted road._

* * *

"Oh shit, that was fantastic." Katie beamed, remembering how many awesome things they saw, people they visited and fun they had. "God, that feels so long ago, doesn't it?" And again the sadness found its way back into her voice, making Naomi roll her eyes.

"Cant you remember a thing without turning into a melodramatic cow?" They glared at each other and with a huff, Naomi untangled herself from Katie like she was burned, shaking her head. "You know, you're not the only one hurting Katie. I am apart from you, the kids and home. Not _you_. Ever thought about how I feel?"

"Honestly? No." The brunette snapped, scowling as she made her way out of bed to put on clothes.

"I haven't."

"No?" Naomi shrieked, crossing her arms after putting on her bra, knickers and a shirt which barley covered her legs. "Fuck! Where are _my_ clothes?"

"No." Katie retorted without any emotions. "Because Naomi darling, you're fucking free to come back. _You_ are doing this to us and to yourself, not me. _You_ can change what's wrong, not me, and you _don't_. You just don't fucking try to make it better and I'm sick of it!" She threw her hands up in frustration. "I've got to watch what I'm saying and the way I fucking look at you so you wont explode again and what for, huh? Doesn't fucking look like you're planning on coming back home any time soon. I bet living it up with Effy is more fun, yeah? You always liked to put acting like a fucking slut over being a good girlfriend, _and_ mother."

The last words hit where it hurt and Naomi gaped at the angry woman.

**Try to shut me up, when you now you should wish me luck.**  
**And you could beat me up, I'm heading for the top.**

Realisation washed over Katie, showed her where her big mouth had gone and she was shocked. Slowly she moved towards Naomi, cautiously, as if she was scared her girlfriend might finally lash out after everything that had happened. "Baby I" But she knew, she's gone too far with that.

"_What_?" The blue eyed woman hissed, looking as disgusted as anyone could. "You didn't mean that? Oh stick it _baby_, you're such a fucking hypocrite it makes me mad." Brown eyes darkened and Katie scoffed, getting back into her bitch mode. "I'm a hypocrite? At least I've had the balls to tell you when I was fucking Danny. You're a scared little bitch, aren't you Naomi? Acting all high and mighty, when _all_ you are is a fucking cheater. Once a cheater, always a cheater, innit?"

Naomi furrowed her brows, the anger replaced by confusion for a tiny moment. "You really need to explain yourself before I walk out of that fucking door. And stop talking like Emily!"

"Well, you cant tell me that you're not fucking around Naomi. I can feel it, something's going on and I swear to you if you're fucking Effy I wont ever forgive you for that."

"I'm not!"

"Well who you fucking then? Huh? Just fucking tell me so we can get over that."

"There's nothing to tell." Naomi shook her head, staring at Katie like she's lost her mind. "I'm not fucking anyone and you really need to stop accusing me of doing so, I've had enough."

"Your track record doesn't help your case, does it? I'm your first freaking relationship, Ginia was nothing but some stupid, easy fun, and you still fucked off to be with her when things got hard. What do you want me to think, huh? Speaks for itself, your past does."

With a shaking head Naomi grabbed her jeans and pulled them over her legs. "I so don't need _or_ deserve this."

"Oh you really think that?"

"Katie, stop fucking talking."

"Maybe you've forgotten that we never actually talked about Greece, or Ginia for that matter. I cant believe you just fucked off to see that bitch again, behind my back nonetheless. What, thought I wouldn't know? Of course I do, I know you Naomi. Shocking isn't it? But I fucking do, know you better than she does or your freaking mother! You should remember that I've made you to this person you've become. You were just a fucking kid when I met you so I know how you get when you spent time with her. She's written all over you, and you really need to fucking get it right because I'm no ones second choice. If you want her, fuck it, just go and be happy chasing after a damaged, commitment fearing, roadrunner bitch who'll break your heart every single day til she gets bored. I fucking hope you get what you deserve and" She didn't have time to finish her sentence as she was slammed into the wall all of a sudden. Naomi had jumped up from the bed and flying across the old wooden floor, smashing into Katie and she held her pinned to the wall by her shoulders.

She hissed through gritted teeth with eyes that could kill. "If you as much as talk about her again Katie we'll have a huge problem. You don't know her, so you don't get to talk about her. Simple as fucking that. What I do or don't do is none of your business, you've no right to claim some kind of ownership over me. It's up to _me_ what I do and whom I fucking screw even if it's Effy, Ginia or fucking fat Nancy from down the street." Breathing deeply Naomi tried to get her anger in check, she'd hate herself if he hurt Katie. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering that this woman she'd like to kill is her children's mama and that she loved her.

That did the trick and when her blue orbs met Katie's again she was much calmer. " But I haven't fucked anyone, no one, because _I_ didn't want to. Not because you act like you're still my girlfriend when it suits you. But for me Katie, for me you are, you are so much more than that though. I cant help it, you are what makes me _me_. But if you don't stop that...that...well all of that drama I will stop fighting. I'll just fucking stop, I've had it up to here with you." Shaking her head she let go of Katie and stroked the skin, which her nails were digging into a moment ago, with her thumbs. "You gotta stop accusing me of shit Katie, and you've got to stop blaming Ginia for everything. This, all of that shite is our own damn fault and we need to get through it or move the fuck on but all we do is fire up the next explosion. Just...just tell me what your problem is...without all that bollocking and we'll see what we can do."

"You're protecting her." Katie whispered, shocked. "You're actually laying your fucking hands on me for _her_?"

"Oh please. That's what you've gathered from what I said? God Katie."

"No no. No Naomi. You _are_. You _have_. What the fuck is going on? You're back shagging her then? Back together, the new happy couple perhaps?" Rolling her eyes Naomi turned away and grabbed her phone, jewellery, brushing her hair roughly. She was really dreading the journey they were getting ready for. "Yes Katie, that's exactly what I'm doing, now you've caught me. What ever will I do now?"

"I fucking knew it."

"Right." Disappointment washed over Naomi and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. Katie's never had problems to see when the blonde was joking, sarcastic or a huge bitch but her blatant insanity made her blind for the truth.

Suddenly she was pulled back and turned around by her hair with rapid speed, a slap echoing through the quite room.

**You beat me black and blue, but I can see through you.**  
**You know it's up to you and I can't believe it's true.**

**Bammm the end**

**IwysAshes**

**na, just kidding**

**and off we go:**

Raising her brows Naomi shook her head so lightly it was almost invisible. "Finally, bet your fingers were fucking itching all through last year to do that, right?"

"Baby I" Still shaking her head Naomi grinned and leaned down, kissing Katie coldly. "Shut up Katie."

"No Naomi we've got to talk about that, you know I didn't want to hurt you! Baby please." She begged, proper teary eyed, voice breaking begging but Naomi kept shaking her head. A weird grin on her lips. "Na, I don't think we do.."

"Of course we do... please." Katie blocked her way when she tried to walk into the bathroom. "You cant act like nothing's happened, you cant forever be that...that nonchalant about it. Baby I'm sorry." She wasn't stupid, the way Naomi looked and grinned at her, like she was a stranger, hurt more than any word the blonde could say would. Something seemed to have died inside of her, making her stop.

Stop doing what? Katie didn't dare to think about that.

"It's fine." Naomi shrugged when she pushed Katie gently out of the way. Sock clad feet slid over the the tiles in the bathroom as she started brushing her teeth. "Relax."

"No." Brown eyes stared at her hand in disgust, as if it wouldn't belong to her. "How can I relax? I've hurt you." Furrowing her brows, Naomi spit the toothpaste out before answering, watching her through the mirror. "No you haven't. Needs a bit more than that tiny little bitch slap to hurt me."

"Naomi please." Katie sighed, knowing well enough what her girlfriend was doing. "Dont do that. Hit me, come on, please hit me."

Laughing the blonde shook her head, raising a brow. "Hit me baby one more time!" She hoarley sang, getting only wide eyes as a response to her fabouslous 90's music choice. She's always loved Mickey Mouse and if Britney Bitch didn't talk like Mickey on Helium she didn't know who did. Of course the trainwreck of a woman wasn't her actual musical choice, but who didn't know that song and who hasn't yelled it out and knew the dance by heart?

She rolled her eyes when Katie's shell shocked expression didn't pass, realising that her girlfriend was serious about the slapping. It made her mad. "And then what? Na princess, I'd rather bite off my hands than let them hurt you."

Katie sank to the floor, tangling her fingers in her own hair. She looked well desperate and the self loathe was so thick Naomi could cut it with a knife if she wanted. "I've...I've just thought that you...fuck...I know it's no excuse...why am I becoming such a monster Naomi? What's wrong with me? Why am I turning into such a...fucking bitch? I don't know who I am any more." She was close to giving up, beating herself up so hard that Naomi feared she might never recover from it. There were no tears in Katie's eyes, her whole soul was too broken to cry. She'd hurt Naomi, properly, purposely, and fucking gladly.

That's what scared her the most.

She had felt almost relieved when she grabbed that blonde hair, pulling Naomi around so fast her open palm could take her by surprise. What the fuck is wrong with me? That were the only things running through her mind, she couldn't understand when she had turned into that person that beats their partner because of something that only existed in their own imagination.

Naomi got her knees and took a hold of Katie's hair, gently pulling her head up. Brown eyes moved to the left, unable to look into her face and Naomi frowned. It felt like a stab in her heart hurting like hell. "Listen Katie, you're just you. And you're fucking wonderful, okay? You are...amazing. Fucking astonishing, probably the best fucking thing I've ever had. But you cant be yourself any more, not when I'm here. It's me. I make you that way."

"What? NO. No Naomi, no, don't talk like that." She pleaded, exploding in sudden tears that didn't care about being broken or disgusted. She feared Naomi might leave and that was enough for them to be spilling all over her cheeks. Never had she been that scared for another person to keep talking, say the next words. Her wet cheeks were wiped dry by Naomi's fingers as the salty fell, followed by gentle kisses. Katie drew in shaky breaths. "Honey you gotta figure your shit out and I cant be with you like that any more. It was only a matter of time til that happened. That's why I haven't moved back. I knew it was about to happen and I refuse to let our relationship go down that path. That's what Effy and I are working on for while now. We've tried to solve all of it, figure out how the hell we can fix all of that and if it's even possible. I'm not off fucking strangers, or worse, Effy. I'm gone so you didn't get the chance to actually hurt me on purpose, I knew you'd never forgive yourself. It is fucking obvious that even if I forgave you for hitting me, you could never forgive yourself. We'd never had moved past that. I had to stay away until we worked through everything."

"Until I hit you, you mean." New tears fell from sad brown eyes and Katie pounced on Naomi, clinging to her for her dear life. "Dont leave me."

"I wont." She whispered, kissing her hair softly.

"You cant leave me."

"I _wont_."

"I don't think that I can live without you."

"You cant." Naomi continued to wipe away fallen tears from Katie's cheeks, doing her best to make her stop cry.

"I cant believe you're still here...comforting me. Why Naomi. Why are you doing this to yourself?" She looked so fragile, vulnerable, broken and tragically sad that Naomi almost gasped when their eyes met. "Because that's what I'm here for, I promised you."

* * *

_Shortly after they'd made up, well after Naomi stopped being a twat on her birthday about Katie getting pregnant she sat with her guitar in the garden behind the pub. Relaxing. She kept humming and strumming, not really playing an actual song as she watched the sun slowly rise. It was Saturday morning and she had worked the night shift, paid twice as much and Katie was in no condition to work properly yet again, let alone do night shifts. _

_Besides, the blonde enjoyed the moment when the wordl fell asleep and woke up at the same time. Used to love walking home from a party in the early morning hours where she met people leave for work and others go home from their shift. She felt, when she sat at that hour in the garden, like she was the only one awake. Only one who's aware of the beautiful things happening around her. _

_She was smoking her Spliff, humming away when she heard the back-door open and shut close before small steps came closer. Leaning up without letting her eyes stop watching the sun she smiled when Katie pressed her lips to her waiting cheek, settling between her legs on the bench. _

_They were still so very in sync that it made her smile lazily as she manoeuvred the guitar until it was in front of Katie's belly. The smile never left her face when she puffed the smoke out into the other direction. The brunette's sense of smell was boosting and she hated fags smoke, didn't mind to nick and have one from time to time though. "You haven't played me a song in a while." Humming her response Naomi took the Spliff and threw it away after taking the last drag. She pecked Katie's cheek and rested her head on her shoulder, strumming the strings in a pattern to the song she kept hearing in her head. "**Rain on your face, looks like tears that I wanna erase if I could. Take all your pain away I'd do that everyday, You know that I would." **She kissed Katie's cheek lovingly before setting into the next verse. _

"_**You make me feel, Like I am real, like I exist. You make the bad things disappear.**" Katie snuggled closer, placing her hand on top of the guitar's body and the other one around Naomi's neck, gently running her hands through her hair. The blonde pulled her closer, letting her lips ghost over her ear, lowly singing the next words while she left kisses where her lips could reach. "**Rain on my soul all shiny and wet, bleeding all onto your skin. Take me to a place far away, where we'd be like we're twins.**" She tugged on her earlobe, showing her exactly how the song was meant and that she didn't secretly wish for that. That it wasn't that at all but the most poetic way to describe sex between women. "**I wanna know that this is real but it's so hard. Am I afraid, to really feel?**"_

_When she played a self made solo, Katie moved her head back and started leaving kisses all along her neck, switching between butterfly kisses and soft bites, turning the blonde on to no end. She kept playing though, with closed eyes she was moving her head to the side so Katie had more room to let her lips and teeth work their magic. "**I wanna know that this is real, but it's so hard. Are you afraid, to really feel?**" _

"_Not since I called you back then, since I saw you again. Haven't been afraid to feel since, not even for a second." Katie whispered, turning around so she was straddling the bench and could finally press their lips together. "Sing more." She asked between kisses as Naomi placed the guitar blindly to the ground. "**There's just one thing I know I wanna do; Baptise myself in the waters of you.**" After husking the last words, Naomi gently laid her girlfriend back on that bench so she could hover above her and move her hand slowly into the lose shorts she liked to sleep in since her belly started growing. "Oh fuck yeah, baptise away darling." Katie panted when two fingers moved past the wetness and firmly into her, making her groan. "Always, you're mine Katie. And that" She moved her head so she could feel her pointy belly over the long shirt. "That's mine too."_

* * *

"I'll try to take your pain away. Always." She shrugged helplessly. "_Always_. And I told you that I'd never leave you again, I promised and I wont beak that promise. I cant. I've made you like this and I'll fix you again, no one else can and you cant stay that way because you're awful. So I've got to fix this."

Shaking her head sadly Katie kissed Naomi's cheek so innocently that blue eyes snapped to hers, fear visible in them. "You don't have to do that, not if I'm hurting you Naomi, not if you'd rather leave. I know you've promised, but how can I expect you to stay when I'm being like this? Easy, I cant and I wont. You should pack your stuff and leave."

"You don't want that."

"No, of course not. I want you back home baby, better yesterday than tomorrow. But don't you see what this is doing to us?" Her voice took on a softer, more hesitant tone in case Naomi would throw into her face that she was giving up on them. "I think..I think that what we loved so much about us is slowly destroying us."

"Nope." Naomi shook her head, simply ignoring the truth and gravity of her words. "That's us Katie, we fight. We fight like stupid Amazons, but we do it out of love. Fucking beautiful and unconditional love."

"Is it worth it? Is it still worth it Naomi? Everything we've been through? We cant seem to take a fucking break since I got pregnant again. I'm scared to blink, because if I do, everything is fucked again in the next moment. You are, god you go through hell with me and I cant get my jealousy under control. That's not healthy."

"And not a reason to stop trying."

"It's not?"

"No. We'll get help, everything will be fine, you'll see. Effy knows a woman that, apparently, managed to help a couple that's been beating each other almost to death for over twenty years. They're happy now. She'll help."

"You don't believe in couples-therapy, Naomi. What cant be together fucking shouldn't, remember?"

Blue eyes looked away and she sighed, hating her own words Katie threw back at her. But she had to do _something_ to make this stop. "So what? I also said I wont get married til gay marriage's equal to a straight one and I still propose to you. I said I wont ever leave Bristol, I wont ever go to uni because it's wasted money, I'd never leave Ginia, I'd never forgive Emily, I'd never forgive Effy for being a super bitch after I got back from Italy, I even said I wont get an smart phone and I've got one. Things change Katie, people change and you fucking changed me so much I have no idea if I can exist without you. And I cant stand seeing you like this, if you're unhappy I'm miserable because it's my job to make you happy...my second most important one Katie. So if the only way to make you smile again is couples therapy, we'll go."

Shaking her head, Katie looked sadder than before and Naomi searched her brain to find out what she might have said to accomplish that. It was meant to make her feel better, not _worse_. She came up with nothing, found her words were pretty amazing even charming.

"You want to get married to me, because I wanted to before I knew how you feel about it." She placed her index finger to protesting lips so she wouldn't interrupt her. "You went to uni for me, you moved to London for me, you left Ginia for me, you are slowly forgiving Emily because she's my twin, you forgave Effy back then because I begged you to, you even got that fucking _Smartphone_ because I wanted to whatsapp you. You're right. Like this...you couldn't exist like this without me, I've made you that way and right now I hate myself for not seeing it sooner and stop myself. I've changed who you were, Naomi. I've changed everything that made you, well you, and created this version that fits me and my needs better. That's not right. I've changed everything that's made you so fucking unique I couldn't keep myself from becoming completely mad about you, that's all gone. You used to make me laugh so much and so fucking hard like no one else Naomi, we've laughed for hours. We had so much fun. And now? All we do is fight, yell, scream, ignore each other and glare. Haven't seen your face without that scowl in month baby, you know how fucking sad that is? Everything about you is gone that pulled me so hard to you. Now? You have a job you hate, no time to play your gigs because I keep needing you to watch the kids" "I don't hate my job." Naomi mumbled but Katie continued. "I'm just not so sure if this is how it's supposed to be. You've made all the sacrifices Naomi, you even gave up your best friend for me. Best _friends_."

"Cook's a twat and I haven't given Ginia up, I never would."

Katie's expression changed, like a tiger seeing a smaller animal and changing from that cute, sleeping cuddly big cat into a deadly predator. "Nice to know."

"Wait what? What just happened?" Naomi exclaimed when Katie pushed her off to get to her feet. "Stop Katie! Fucking stop!" She went to grab her and turn her around but Katie beat her to it and moved back to her with such speed, Naomi almost fell backwards. Still trying to regain her footing, she wasn't prepared for Katie to slam her arms into her shoulders and push her into the shower door. "You better watch out Naomi or your big blue eyes will tell me exactly what you've been up to with her. They cant hide shit from me."

"Fucking hell Katie." She groaned and swatted her hands away, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring. "Stop that shit, you really gotta open your eyes, this is nuts. I haven't slept with her, I've barley seen her!"

"Yeah? Then why the fuck is her name always falling when we fight, huh? Why is she every-fucking-where?!"

"Because!" The blonde snapped. "Because _you_ are obsessed with the idea that I am not faithful! Why though, _you've_ got something to tell me? All that crap about me cheating on you really gets on my nerves, you wanna unload some news? Do I have to take care of another child soon?"

With a frustrated scream, Katie threw hands up. "SEE! You always throw that back into my face, always! I thought you loved Bay."

"Right." Naomi stopped screaming, exasperatedly clenching her fists as she spoke through gritted teeth. "I'm not even getting into this, it's fucking ridiculous. I'm not gonna defend my feeling for my daughter, get it together Katie." She wanted to leave the bathroom, fearing the next round wouldn't end as well as the last one. But Katie wouldn't let her, she stood her ground with crossed arms and a glare that could kill off Medusa herself. "Move."

"No. Not until you told me who you've been fucking behind my back."

Shaking her head in disbelieve Naomi went to the loo. She pulled her tights down, sat down and stared at Katie, daring her to stay. "What? Cant I take a piss without you watching out for someone crawling up the toilette to fuck me behind your back?"

"You're such a bitch."

"And you've lost your mind Katie." It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't the first time she had to pee with Katie in the room either, the girl tended to get bored and talk her ear off when she was in the bathroom. But this was different.

This was war.

"Who is it Naomi?"

"_Why_ do you think I'm screwing someone?" She snapped, annoyed by all the annoying fights at eight am. Well, possibly half past by now. "I'm not. Better get it into your head you dense bitch."

"Fuck you!"

"Pretty sure you did last night, not sure when I'll let you anywhere near me again though."

"Like it matters." Katie mumbled reply got Naomi's attention though, and after using the toilette paper, closing the toilette lid and flushing she went to wash her hands. Her eyes never left Katie's, currently they were staring at her through the mirror, angrily. She's has enough. "What that fuck does that mean?"

"Nothing." Katie turned to leave but this time it was Naomi who held her back, gripping her wrist tightly and turning her around. "Katie tell me what the fuck you meant by that."

"Ugh!" Setting her face back into that glare Katie snatched her wrist free. "Obviously you're not enjoying what I do to your body any more, of course I think that you getting it some place else."

"What in god's name are you on about now?" Naomi's eyes were about to fall out, Katie really seemed to have lost her marbles at last. "It's not like we don't fuck, we are. I've made you cum like ten times yesterday, and you cant scream that I wont let you touch me either. So again, what is the problem?"

Shaking her head with a look of confusion Katie blinked. "You really don't know, do you?"

"No! I know nothing, _obviously_. From what I hear I'm nothing but a programmed puppet in your little world so please enlighten me." Came the sarcastic response but Katie decided to let it slide, there were bigger issues to address. "You haven't cum."

"Pardon?"

And she groaned, it wasn't a nice topic to have in any situation but in such a fight? Awkward. "When we were in bed, you..the last time on the sofa you haven't cum" "Yeah I know and I'm sorry, it was weird but we were pretty pissy."

Looking away Katie was kinda fascinated by the dark red tiles. "You haven't cum yesterday either."

Naomi frowned, surprised by Katie's sudden change in behaviour. She seemed horribly uncomfortable and awkward, as if that part of the fight was the worst. But, she still had no idea what the brunette was on about. "You got a cramp."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. You had to stop and am I complaining? That time on the sofa you stopped as well."

With a resigned look Katie moved back into the bedroom and sat on the bed, pulling Naomi down to sit next to her. They turned so they were cross legged, able to look into each others eyes. "Naomi, I've stopped on the sofa because I couldn't keep going. I knew you'd never cum, too much was going on in your head and I know your body baby. And yesterday, I really had a cramp, three to be honest. I've...over an hour and you didn't cum once."

"Of course I have" "_**NO**_!" This shut Naomi up and she squinted at her girlfriend who looked like a wounded puppy, averting her eyes. Uncertainty was written all over her as she wrapped her arms around herself, mumbling her next words. "I...I uh..we've never had that problem and I don't know how to fix it Naomi, or how to act. Sex was always so important and fucking beautiful with us, but now that's gone and I don't know how to go on." It came out wrong, the minute she said the words she regretted them, rightly so, because Naomi got to her feet and stretched her hand out in a warning.

"Dont you fucking touch me again Katie, I've had enough. The sex is not what you're used to and suddenly you don't see our fucking future any more? That's rich, really, fucking nice to see how much this means to you. Everything that fucking tickety-boo, isn't it? 'Sex' isn't how it's supposed to be, why don't we break up then?" She mimicked Katie's voice, only pain and anger left in her words.

"Mum? When are we leaving?" Bence's tired voice sounded from the closed bedroom door before he opened it. Sadly Naomi wasn't fast enough to bring him out of the room before Katie went and opened her stupid mouth to answer her.

"If you're not fucking anyone then it's gotta have to do with your body or something baby, we'll figure it out. We'll just make an appointment and" Naomi was in front of her, clamping her hand over lips with a glare. "Shut the fuck up." She hissed before releasing her and going back to the yawning boy. "Good morning baby, why don't you go put on some clothes and get cleaned up? We'll be downstairs soon."

"You're fighting again?"

"Now Bence."

"You rally need to stop doing that, it's annoying and I hate it when you get all angry at each other over nothing. What happened this time? Did you spill some water and ma tried to kill you for it? She needs to stop being such a bitch to you and" Naomi's hands were on his shoulders instantly and she was pushing him out of the room, not very gently. Bringing him into his room she closed the door behind her and scowled, pointing a finger at his scared face. "You ever call your mother anything other than mama or ma again and we'll have a huge problem."

"What? But she is! She treats you like you're dirt!"

"And that's something between the two of us, not you! You're ten Bence, it's not your fucking business, understood?"

"But you are business, you're my mother! I want you home and she wont let you come back, I hate her! I hate her and I want her gone and you back home! Make her leave or take me with you to your place mum, please I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!" He was all worked up stomping his foot as he kept screaming the last part over and over again.

Naomi stood frozen by the door, staring at him in shock.

"I hope she dies, then I'll be with you and not her" That brought her out of her frozen state and she almost jumped towards him, grabbing him by his shoulders she shook him twice, enough to scare him but not enough to actually hurt him. "If I hear you say that one more time you'll get your very first box on the ear my mate, you got that? I'm done joking and I'm done hearing how badly you threat your mother, I've had it up to here! Don't forget your role here, Bence, you're a child so fucking act like one and stop that precocious behaviour or I'll really stop controlling myself." She roughly let go of him and pointed a finger at his chest. "That's your one off, last warning. Oi, where are you going?"

"To apologise to ma." She shook her head and pulled him back by his pyjamas. "No you're not!She's in the bathroom crying her eyes out! She always is when the shower's running after you've made her sad. You get cleaned up, packed, ready and downstairs so we can have breakfast and leave. That's what you gonna do."

"NO! I wanna apologise to mama!" He was as stubborn as Katie, usually Naomi could cope with it quite well but this morning her patience was too thin for his shit.

"Fine, then don't get ready. I'll tell Emily to get you for the time we're gone. Your choice."

She left his room with a huge sigh, taking in a deep breath before walking into Bay's room. The girl was sitting on her bed and playing with her colouring books. "Morning sunshine." Naomi smiled, genuinely, and moved to the bed to flop down beside her daughter who was buzzing with excitement when she saw her. "MUM!" She cried, throwing her arms around Naomi when she was close enough to be jumped at.

With a laugh, the blonde caught her and hugged her close. "Awe, I missed you so much baby. Whacha colouring?"

"Our homes, here." Thrusting the book into Naomi's hands she proudly beamed when showing her masterpiece. Naomi had another reaction to it though, her heart ached. There was a house, obviously their house, and another house, obviously Effy's. Katie was in her door, and Naomi with Effy in hers, the kids were walking from one to the other. "Dont pretty?"

"No, no, it's quite wonderful. You're very talented honey." The huge smile, all dimples and lost teeth was enough for Naomi's heart to beat again. She pressed her lips to Bay's forehead after moving her long hair out of her face. "Why don't you pick your clothes for today baby? Get dressed and go help your brother pack, I'll help you brush your teeth after breakfast." Nodding Bay jumped off the bed in that way little kids did, giving their parents an heart attack every time in fear of them falling and breaking every bone.

When the kids were sorted Naomi took a huge breath and went back to their bedroom, debating on knocking on the bathroom door. She decided against it and walked in, the steam making her blink and cough but after the first shock she got used to it and moved her eyes around until she found Katie. She was sitting, curled into a tiny ball under the hot spray of water, obviously crying.

Pulling off her clothes without hesitation Naomi climbed into the shower and turned the water a bit colder before leaning down to help Katie up. The brunette shook her head though, staying put. With a groan, because Katie couldn't make this easy for once, Naomi slowly and carefully sat into the shower tub, pulling on Katie's legs until she was sitting on her lap and they had enough room to not break themselves. Wrapping her arms around the crying girl Naomi kissed her shoulder. "He didn't mean it you know."

"He did, he _does_. Naomi he _hates_ me." Having had no idea how bad things really were at home, the blonde shook her head and kept placing kisses everywhere she could reach. "He's just confused baby, and sad. And you cant forget that he's barley ten years old. This is all too much for him."

"I don't even wanna know what happens when we officially break up, it'll destroy him." Naomi could only nod, things weren't looking very bright on the horizon and it was obvious that they had a lot of work to do before things might get back to normal again. "I know. But we wont, break up that is. We're way to stubborn for that, thank fuck. We just need to find the way to fix it, baby. Okay?"

So sad brown eyes locked on tired blue ones, instead of determination only resignation was visible in both. "Okay."

A grin formed on Naomi's lips before she pressed them to Katie's nose. "And now I'd say we've got enough time for a quick shag before getting on the road, what you say?"

* * *

**Wanna nice surprice. a dress thats black and tight.**  
**Wanna see the lights, it takes me through the night.**

* * *

Hesitating Katie bit her lip, not sure if she could cope with another disappointment that morning. "How about we don't?" She asked carefully, biting her lip. Naomi rolled her eyes and moved her hand between their bodies until it found the place it was meant to be at. Katie was instantley on her, clinging to her and biting into her skin like a vampire. As her thumb was rubbing circles, going faster by the second in time with Katie's ragged breathing, Naomi had her eyes tightly shut and her lips by her neck. She wasn't kissing her, or biting her, she was simply trying to make her feel better, in any way possible and at that moment getting her off seemed like a pretty good plan. It didn't take long for her to tense, bite into Naomi's shoulder and explode.

Freshly showered, dressed and finished with their make ups and last of packing, they went downstairs to meet the kids in front of the TV. Both were dressed and, Naomi smiled at Bence proudly, washed. He had helped Bay brush her teeth and clean her face. "Wow, look at the two of you, such great, big kids. You ready for the trip of your life? Think Apollons temple's screaming for someone."

"For me!" Bence grinned, suddenly all excited again. She nodded and walked over, kissing his forehead. "Of course." Looking into his eyes she was glad to see that he wasn't angry at her any more, only excited. But when Katie's voice, announcing breakfast, hit their ears his face fell and he shuffled his feet awkwardly. Naomi pulled him close with one arm and whispered into his ear to go and talk to her. "What should I say? She'll never forgive me."

"Just be yourself Bence, you're a great boy, we know that. Just go and be honest." With a nod he left for the kitchen and Naomi winked at a laughing Bay who watched Dora the explorer. The first time Bence had tried to watch Teletubbies reruns Naomi had banned the stupid series from their homes. Eh oh, really? No wonder kids had problems to learn properly speaking when they were allowed to watch that shite. She was quite happy with Dora the explorer.

She sat beside Bay on the sofa and eavesdropped to the conversation taking place in the kitchen.

Bence walked, slowly and with a hanging head, into the kitchen his mum was busy preparing breakfast in. She turned around after hearing his shuffled steps and raised both brows. "Are you okay baby?" Of course she was still hurt because of what he said, but it didn't mean her worry won when he looked like something had kicked him and broken his favourite drum sticks.

Instantly his eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. She helped him sitting down and took the chair beside him, watching him with worry. "Why don't you tell me what it is and we'll see how to sort it?"

Wiping away the tears Bence took a deep breath, meeting his ma's eyes. "I'm sorry I called you a bitch ma."

Raising her brow Katie leaned back, knowing he was fine just guilt ridden helped her get back on that topic. "Oh."

"I really am, I've no idea why I'm so mean to you, you never did anything bad to me."

"Well" She started, seeing his troubled expression she decided to help him out a bit. "There was that time when I embarrassed you in front of that fit bird." A laugh escaped his trembling lips and he nodded, remembering that horrible event like it was yesterday. "You did. But I still shouldn't have said that, it's mean and naughty and I don't want to be a bad boy."

"Bence, you need to understand that whatever your mum and I are going through doesn't mean you'll lose her. You wont, we wont let it happen okay? It may seem to you like I'm the bad guy and that's fine, but you need to control your anger honey. She'll always be around, no matter if she lives here or some place else, she's going to stay in your life so long you'll be sick of her when you hit puberty." Her voice was warm, certain and sincere, bringing a small smile to Naomi's lips when she heard it from the doorway.

"You promise you'll work it out and she'll come back? Please bring mum back." Then Katie's face fell, she couldn't possibly promise that, not with how things were.

Naomi walked in and didn't bother to take a seat on a chair, she just slumped down on Katie's knees, wrapping one arm around her shoulder. "_I_ promise I'll come home after we get back from Greece, how about that?"

His nod and the way he jumped into their arms, almost knocking the chair over in the process, made her smile. That were the moment she was clinging to. She was fighting for.

Then he let go and looked shyly at Katie, shuffling his feet again with a blush. "Will you forgive me then?" The brunette didn't waste any time pulling him back into that embrace and kissing his head. "Of course I do baby."

When Katie yelled for Bay to come and eat Naomi raised a brow at a grinning Bence. "I meant every word I said Bence, I don't want to hear you talk to or about your mother that way again. You've really hurt her, and me too."

"I'm not forgiven?" Smiling at him she nodded. "You are, don't worry. I just want you to remember that, okay? I love her very much and I don't like when she's sad, nothing makes her sadder then fighting with you like that. So just be a good boy, and be nice the way you always are, yeah?"

"I promise mum." Kissing his forehead they sat down to eat breakfast.

Greece could finally come and help them move past everything.


	11. happy families

"No, no _you_ don't understand. We've booked a cabin, not a _room_ in a hotel. I hate being a tourist and hotels scream tourist. You see, that cabin I've paid for cost me a fortune, and now, for the same money I get _one_ room?"

The clerk was looking fearfully at Naomi, tugging on his tie. "I sorry Miss. Reservations go wrong, your room pretty view to mountains."

"Awe, mountains you say? Well why on earth haven't you mentioned that tiny detail a bit earlier?" She smiled sweetly and he sighed in relief until her next words hit him, right along with her frightening glare. "I booked a _cabin_ by the sea, merely ten meters from the _water_,- Now why the fuck would I want to stare at mountains? Would've gone skying if I wanted mountains."

Katie came rushing towards the ready to explode blonde and lay a hand around her waist, pulling her in and squeezing hard. Showing her that she needed to shut her mouth or they'd have _no_ place to sleep off the road tiredness. She looked at his name tag and smiled. "Look Leandro, I think we've paid close to 2 grand for two weeks in that cabin, that about right?"

His uncomfortable nod was enough response for her. "So, if you have that cabin ready for us by the day after tomorrow we wont leave and go to another hotel, which will actually follow our _reservation_. And I guess we wont have to spread the word about this incident, I think a lot of rich English business men will choose another hotel for their meetings, that'd be a shame, wouldn't it? My son's father is in the national team and my parents know a lot of very influential people in the whole of Europe."

"Of course, by the day after tomorrow I arrange. The room with pretty view free charge of course."

"Yeah about that." Katie sighed, turning her head so she could nod at the two sleeping kids on the huge sofas in the lobby. "We're not _too_ keen on sharing a room with the children if you get what I mean." She even wriggled her brows, making Naomi chuckle in amusement at seeing the clerk almost faint. "We've had quite the rough journey and we're in desperate need of releasing some of, uh, that _stress_. With massages, loads of them and everything else, right darling?"

By that time Naomi was ready to piss herself at Katie's slutty display of _whatever_ it was she was doing. She could really pass for a WAG if she wanted to. "Right, loads of massages with...oils and stuff." Katie tensed beside her as she tried to keep the laughter in and to not let it explode out of her. Because really, _oils, _was she a fucking salad? They were both shaking, ready to howl the place down but when his eyes moved to Katie's very, _very_ impressive bikini bra clad tits Naomi slammed her hand on the top of the counter. Hard.

He flinched and fearfully met blue eyes that were ready to kill him on the stop if they only could. "Oi! Eyes up here mate. You better give us a fucking suite if you don't want me to report you for sexually harassing my wife!"

All flirts and funny teasing were gone as Naomi stared him down, just daring him to look _anywhere_ except for her. He hurried to the computer and punched buttons nervously, muttering nervously under his breath how he needed to pay rent and his kids' school fees. "I'm sorry, she gets like, really territorial, but it would be really awesome if you could find us a suit. You see, I need my beauty time and a simple shower just wont do it, you know. I need more, something bigger and more flexible, don't I baby?"

Nodding thoughtfully Naomi bit her lip to keep from laughing as sweat was pouring off that poor man's forehead. "Oh yeah, preferably big enough for the both of us."

"Oh my sweet god." He groaned, tripping over his own feet to reach the key card holder.

Then he slammed one on the counter, his eager eyes flicking from Naomi to Katie, who, suddenly moved a step away and stopped crossing her arm under her tits to make them pop out more. Naomi laughed at her girlfriend's disgusted face when she snatched that card from the counter, glaring at him.

The blonde leaned forwards and send him a cheeky wink, a smug smirk playing on her lips. The still red and plump lips slightly swollen from all that biting Katie had been doing while she had snogged her only a second ago. It was to show him how stupid he was for thinking she'd, no _they'd_ be up for a hot threesome. _Please_.

Who wouldn't look smug after being pushed up against a desk, Katie's barley covered tits pressing into them and having the girl put as much meaning into that kiss as possible? That whimper he had let out was just a huge bonus and had earned him the wink. "It may seem that she came to your rescue, but really, you know that you've had won the jackpot with me yelling at you, don't you?"

"Kids! Naomi! Lets fucking go!" Katie growled, helping Bay up onto Naomi's shoulders. Bence was walking in front of them with his headphones blocking out every other noise, yawning. Naomi placed her arm around Katie's waist kissing her cheek as they made their way to the elevator. "God that was sooo hot." She whispered, winking at the coyly smiling brunette. "Still got it, huh?" "You do baby, you do."

* * *

"Oh my god mum, you see that? It's exactly like in the books. Look, up there was the oracle and they had to walk all the way up sacrificing their offerings for Apollon to hear their questions. You know that it _wasn't_ actually called Oracle of Delphi but Pytho back in the Greek myths time?" Bence was wide eyed, sun kissed and excited as he pulled on his mothers' hands, trying to get them up the old rocks faster. Bay was happily slung over Katie's back with a child sling, the Bay-bag 2.0! It was similar to the first one only in an new form as she was too big for the original thing.

She refused to be pushed around in a Buggy though, and the only thing saving them from having to carry her around when she'd fall asleep because of the sun, was to wear her in that bag. They switched from time to time, never giving her more than one hour to sleep during the day though. She wasn't having day naps for the past year and they refused to start it up again.

It was the beginning of the second week in Greece and they'd finally made it to the Oracle.

Looking up in awe through her aviators Naomi nodded, gripping his hand a bit tighter. She felt like an excited little kid herself, it didn't matter that she's been to Greece and that place before, it was like watching all of it through Bence's eyes and she loved it. His infectious enthusiasm was making her bounce on her heels. "I know. Now tell me you know _why_ and I'll be the proudest mother on this planet." She mumbled, grinning at an out of breath Katie. She was more of the 'sunbathing on the beach' kind of girl, not one for walking endless seeming hours to see some ancient _rocks_, as she called them.

He grinned up at her, his two missing teeth and the way he was scrunching up his face against the sun brought a smile out of Naomi. "Apollon has slain a huge, gigantic Python here and it was left to die. That's what pytho means." Staring up at her, proudly. It almost broke her heart but she had to shake her head, knowing that it wouldn't end well. "Almost little man, pretty good but not quite correct."

"What? I've read all about it mum." He exclaimed, cursing all the old smelly books. Obviously they weren't good for anything other than falling apart in his hands from age.

"Naomi, don't be mean." Katie scolded with a smile, knowing her girlfriend was just teasing him, she was proud as hell and just liked to see him squirm.

"All right, all right. Keep you knickers on, yeah? You're pretty close Bencey, but _pythein_ means 'to rot', that's where it's originally from. But they had meant the gigantic body of the Python with it, that's correct honey. What's Pythia then?" He frowned, a bit intimidated, perhaps he didn't know as much as he thought?

Naomi realised his dilemma instantly and knew that all his big mouth, yapping and bragging was exactly that. He was exactly like his mother, unbelievably self-conscious on the inside, trying to hide it behind jokes, charm and loudness. And when he did or said something which wasn't a hundred percent correct, he'd withdraw completely and shut himself away. His lack of self-confidence after one tiny mistake was something they'd always tried to work on, making him keep talking and showing him how proud they were when he did say something really intelligent or good.

They'd never lie to him about that though, which had Katie having to live through quite a few arguments with other mothers. +**how can you raise him in self doubt and how can you agree when he thinks he'd fail at something, what kind of a mother are you+ **They'd stopped counting how many arguments and discussions they had had to endure about that subject but still, they agreed that he should be raised in _reality_ and not dreamyland.

You want something? You need to work for it, hard.

You work hard enough? You may achieve it.

You want to get good grades? Possible if you study the way you should.

You want to become prime minister? Only if you go into politics, study the needed subjects and have the right connections.

_That's_ how they worked, supporting him on every step he'd take, every way they could, but not lying to him about his own abilities.

He was awful at painting. He was a fucking brilliant musician. He sucked at maths, he was a star in lit. That's how things were, and they didn't need to sugar coat them, they'd rather work on what isn't good to make it good enough and support what was already good and needed to be persuaded. He knew what he was brilliant at, he knew what wasn't his best and he knew where to put more work into. They'd ran pretty good with that method so far. Better than having a stupid ten year old dreaming of being Prime minister without really knowing what that means and what one does. But the worst were the parents that would only nod and smile at that absurdity, probably having no idea what a politician does either.

Bence had wanted to become an Astronaut, when he started talking for the first time and every now and then the idea came back up. Why that wasn't very far off? Because he knew the universe as good as a physics class 8 student. At least. But if he ever came home telling them he wanted to become a maths professor, they'd tell him the truth. That he would need to study his whole life for that and tutoring was staring next Monday, five times a week. Or that he could start looking into other directions. "Bence? You want to get a coke over there?" Naomi pointed to the drinks wagon selling cold beverages.

He nodded, his eyes still glued to the ground. She hated when he got that way, all quite, feeling so bad only because he got something wrong or mixed up. She couldn't tell him he's right though, not if he wasn't, he'd figure it out later and she'd be the bad guy again. They'd tried it all. So taking his hand she pressed her lips to Katie's cheek who sat down on a stone bench, thankful for the break. "You want anything baby?"

"A coke please, ice cold." Naomi nodded and lay her arm around Bence's shoulder, walking beside him to get the drinks. "You do know who Pythia is don't you Bencey?" "Not sure." He mumbled under his breath, asking for a Pepsi afterwards.

She bought two cokes, a Pepsi and an orange juice for Bay whom they were going to wake soon. Then they walked back towards Katie slowly. "I think you know. Wasn't that like Apollon's wife who he's named the place after?" She mused, knowing he'd tell her exactly _who_ Pythia was if she kept acting stupid.

"No!" He exclaimed, laughing like a malicious child. "Pythia was _the_ Oracle mum, she was the priestess and she was the one offering everyone their oracles and she was like, under hypnosis when it happened. Another priest then translated what she said because she would only talk gibberish in her trance." A proud smile tugged on her lips as she nodded.

Looking straight ahead she hoped he wouldn't notice that tiny slip but he did, and as a thank you for playing him he poked his finger into her rips. Yelping she jumped away, breaking into a fit of giggles at his stern expression and the finger he was still pointing at her like a weapon. Mini-male-Katie. "You knew that mother!"

"Yup."

"You wanted to only make me talk so I stopped being sad."

"Yup."

"You're not sorry you lied!"

"Nope."

"Lying is bad."

"Oh please, you're a kid, you're supposed to tell the truth. When you've got your own kids you'll see that you need to tell white lies from time to time to bring the best out of them. I promise." He grimaced at the mere thought of kissing a girl. "Yuck, I don't wanna kiss a girl mum. Don't make me."

Giggles escaped her throat and she threw head back, almost collapsing from laughter when they reached Katie who was looking at them in amusement. "You'll kill her someday when you keep making her laugh so much Bencey." She smiled, patting the hard space beside her for them to sit down but both had other ideas and pulled her up, in union. Yelling "We're almost there! Move!"

* * *

"All right, you" Katie pointed at Bence stuffing his face with crisps, "take your sister and help her brush her teeth, don't forget to take care of yours either. All the sweats mum lets you have will make your teeth go black, no girl will ever kiss you." He scrunched up his face in disgust, opening his mouth to protest.

Katie's stretched out hand signalling 'stop' made him close it again. "And you" Pointing at a green faced Bay, they painted earlier, Katie narrowed her eyes, "are going with your brother and you'll let him help you clean your face and teeth. Then the both of you will be in your jim jams when we come to tuck you in." Addressing both children Katie raised her brow. "No drama tonight, the AC works again, so don't come out every other minute yelling that it's too hot. Wont work today. I want you to be good because otherwise there'll be no surfing tomorrow. And shut your gobs, mum will not talk me out of it." She said before they could yell out that mum wouldn't let her do that. "I want one peaceful night before I kill each and every one of you. Got that?" They nodded, grinning like the cheeky little brats they were and Katie rolled her eyes, reaching out to hug them close.

No matter how much they annoyed her at times, they were pretty amazing children and more fun than any other mate's kids were. "All right now _move_."

A low chuckle made her turn around from her spot on the high sofa on the terrace of the beautiful cabin. It was beautiful. The terrace was huge and led towards the sea through the sand. The sofa and the love seats were huge and fluffy and so high the kids had to climb up the upwards build furniture. When the women stood in front of the sofa, their butts were already half sitting down, that's how high they were.

Naomi was leaning in the open doorway, coolly looking like nothing could faze her. She was relaxed, even though the kids had ran her almost over to get ready. Twinkling blue eyes were boring into Katie, all light and open, which brought her heart to beat twice as hard and often. She hadn't seen them look at her that way in ages.

So she smiled lazily, reaching out and pulling Naomi towards her by her shirt when she was close enough. She placed both her hands on Naomi's bare waist, her skin still covered only by her white bikini top and shorts. Raising a brow the blonde silently asked where all this touchy feely need was coming from. Not caring for the reason she placed her own arm around Katie's back as she moved in closer. In that moment Katie thanked the architects for building that pedestal for the furniture. Naomi was on eye level with her and as Katie's legs were hanging down in the air, she enjoyed how easily, like it was the most normal thing to do, Naomi stood between them and wrapped her arms around her. Her eye brow quirked she waited for her unvoiced question's answer, her blue eyes full of mischief. "Nothing...just..you look amazing today." Katie sighed, saying the first thing that came into her head.

Chuckling Naomi shook her head, a loving expression on her face. Her fingers gently but firmly moved across Katie's back as she held the eye contact. "Just today, huh? You know, if I wouldn't know how you cant live without my sexy body I'd be pretty offended." Katie laughed. Swatting her shoulder lightly she was already leaning in to kiss the corner of Naomi's mouth softly.

She liked the banter and teasing, it was a serious turn on after so many battles and fights.

The blonde had other ideas though and didn't waist any time to smoothly move her right leg all up and across Katie's thighs. With one small push she was hovering above her, her knees digging into the sofa were holding her up. The brunette gripped her waist without hesitation and pulled her on her lap, letting Naomi straddle her and coming closer with her pink lips.

Every time Katie tried to kiss her though she'd pull inches away, chuckling lowly. All of that, what with the eyes and lips and hips and warmth of her body on Katie's was setting up a fucking fire in the brunettes knickers. "If you don't kiss me right now I'll" she left the sentence as it was, not needing to give any clarification. Naomi had witnessed Katie eyeing her all day, like a starved lion on the hunt. "You'll die?" She teased, letting her hot breath hit Katie's dry lips, making her gulp. "Perhaps I'll suddenly implode of unreleased tension."

"We cant have that, can we? I kinda like having you around." It was so easy and fun, just to be together and tease one another, to actually _flirt_.

"Yeah? What you like the best about having me around then?" Katie fished breathlessly for compliments. Knowing this, Naomi quirked a brow and bit her lip, letting her teeth touch Katie's lips without actually touching. "Hmm...I'm torn cutie...it's a toss-up between you making my clothes smell like spring and making the best meatballs."

Gasping Katie swatted her shoulder, making Naomi chuckle like a teenager. When she was busy almost pissing herself because she thought she was oh so funny, Katie curled her fingers in her blonde hair, pushing them upwards and tugging hard until they were back to being only inches apart. "You love that, don't you darling...always liked it a bit..." Moving Naomi to the side by her hair she pressed her lips to her ear, so fucking lightly. "...rough."

A whimper left Naomi's lips when she tried to move so she could kiss that fucking teasing out of her girlfriend, but Katie wouldn't let her. She was holding her at finger's length, smirking darkly. "Now you want your kisser touch me, huh? Tough, love, so tough." She took Naomi's lip between her teeth, staring right through blue hooded, lust filled eyes into her horny soul. "I'm deciding when and where it's gonna touch me darling" A hand, suddenly wrapped around her throat made her stop with a gasp. Naomi's eyes flickered in sexual tension as well as amusement when they bore into Katie's surprised ones. "Dont think I've forgotten how _you_ like it, _darling_." The blonde hotly whispered against her lips, still held back by Katie's fingers in her hair. "I've always..._liked_...having you under control Kay. You are soo fucking much of a woman that it's a serious turn on seeing you get off by being dominated. You secretly love that, gets you right off doesn't it honey? Being pushed around, thrown down on a bed...the sofa..a table...but you just love it to be taken up against a wall like a cheap teenager, don't you? Preferably with your clothes still covering your body, just simply dirty, quick shagging that makes you feel used." Katie's panting by that point, her hips thrusting upwards rhythmically in desperate need for friction to ease the pain.

She was always a sucker for dirty talk, Katie was and Naomi used it to her full advantage. It was never really her cup of tea, but from time to time she'd use it to catch Katie by surprise and make her come undone like an earthquake. This was one of the times, she'd tease her until Katie begged for it, the blonde decided when fingers tightened in her hair and pulled pretty hard.

"Mum? I would say you are fighting but thankfully you are not looking like that's what you are doing. Could you guys come tuck us in first or do I have to do that too?" Bence's cheeky question threw Naomi off guard and she let go of Katie's throat and tit ( she hadn't realised she was holding it), so fast and hectic that she tumbled backwards. Strong hands caught her hips though and Katie was laughing at her bright red head.

It had been forever since Bence caught them the last time, doing anything other than fight, and Naomi was horrified. Nonetheless he'd never saw her choke Katie, and worse, he knew what they were really about do to. It kinda grossed her out and made her feel like a dirty whore.

"So?"

Shaking her head she got to her feet and took his outstretched hand, letting him lead her into the kid's room. Bay was on her bed, cuddling with the huge duck she took everywhere. "All right, which book you want me to read tonight then? Have you chosen one?"

"We want you to sing." Bence declared, climbing up next to Bay and staring at Naomi with an hopeful expression.

She was a bit in a hurry but hearing Katie's cough as she came walking into the room she made up her mind. "Fine." Patting the bed, her eyes told Katie join them. She bit her lip, thinking about a song to sing while her girlfriend flopped down between her kids. She was moving around, pushing them out of the way as she teased them, acting as if she needed the WHOLE bed for herself.

Naomi's corner of the mouth tugged upwards when she witnessed that easy bickering she had missed so much. Without giving it much thought she pulled her legs up and started gently poking the kids, making them almost hiccup of laughing so hard.

"Right nippers, if you wanna hear a song you seriously need to shut it, wont lose my voice because you cant be quiet." She mockingly pushed her nose up high, bringing a new wave of laughter into the room.

* * *

Opening her eyes tiredly Katie yawned and moved her hand over the sheets absent-mindedly. Raising her brows when she felt nothing and she grumbled, unenthusiastically moving into a ball and then to her knees. She was seriously tired as fuck. Her eyes searched the opposite wall for the time and she couldn't suppress the scoff when they read that it was 4.38AM. She loved that alarm clock, it was placed on the night stand but it had a beam thingy inside and it beamed the time to the wall. Dark red neon letters showed the time, and right now, she hated herself for seeing it as it was way to early to be up again after having slept for no longer than two and a half hours.

The bigger question as to why she was awake was; where was Naomi?

"Baby?" She mumbled to herself, rubbing her tired face as she yawned again. "Where the fuck are you." With another grumble she placed her feet on the cool wooden floor. For a moment Katie stayed in a sitting position, closing her eyes. They snapped back open when she felt herself flop backwards, she fell back asleep!

She shook head as she got to her feet, letting them lead her through the dark cabin which was only lightly lit by the moon above the sea. A fucking magnificent picture, but right then she couldn't concentrate too much on that, her tired mind wouldn't let her.

Her arms outstretched, her feet shuffling over the floor, Katie made her way through every room in search for Naomi whom she couldn't find.

She wasn't in the sitting room, or the kitchen, the kids' room, the guest room, or the closet. Hearing someone hiss angrily Katie rolled her eyes and followed her girlfriend's angry whispers to the terrace.

There she was, placed all across the huge sofa with her laptop on her stomach, skyping. Katie went to open her mouth and ask her what the fuck was wrong with her but Naomi's words made her stop dead in her tracks. "Of course it's fucking weird, what do you think Eff? It's so fucking surreal that I sometimes have to actually pinch myself."

"What exactly is weird?"

A chuckle left their lips as they shared a laugh over Katie's behaviour and habits. "What do you think? Pretty much everything. God, I've fully forgotten how boring she can be. Last week when we went to see an old temple she actually pouted and stayed by the car until we got back. She'd rather wait then go and educate herself a bit on ancient history. Six hours Eff, six hours."

"What have you done?"

"I've brought the new Heat, knew she'd need something 'interesting' sooner or later, something she actually cares about." They chuckled again. It wasn't said in a mean voice or anything, it was more of an old inside joke and that made Katie's hart ache. Was she some kind of a joke for them?

"You know Naomi, it wasn't a secret that Katie's not the brightest of'em all, you knew from the start. Not nice to complain now." The brunette recognised Effy's tone, she wasn't really trying to stand up for her, she was making more fun of her. Naomi's next words didn't make it better either. "Awe, I'm not. Always loved her, no matter what she's interested in. But really, if she tells me one more time that Angelina's knocked up again I'll stick needles in my ears. Would be nice to hear her say important things from time to time."

"Like what?"

"I dunno, she's acting like we've never fought in our life and like we're merely a happily in love couple on vacation. I told you about our fight on the morning before we got on the road, right? She's pretending everything's fine and never happened. The way she looks at me gives me chills, and not the good ones."

"About that. What the fuck is wrong with you Katie?"

That made Naomi furrow her brows in confusion but she saw Effy's angry blue eyes fixed on something that wasn't her. "If you as much as lay another finger on her again I'll make sure you wont get to see her. Never again." Naomi snapped her head back and her eyes narrowed after landing on a crestfallen Katie. The brunette didn't try to hide her pain or embarrassment, she stood there with her arms wrapped around herself and a hanging head. Naomi groaned, throwing up her hands. "What the fuck, so you're spying on me now?"

"I..uh..I woke up and you weren't there. Promise. I was only looking for you and then I heard you speak and" Naomi interrupted her with a look of thunder. "And you decided it's time to fucking stand there like a creep and listen on to a conversation you have absolutely no business to be. Nice Katie, really nice. What so you thought I was skyping with all the random slags you think I'm shagging when you're not with me? Or'd you think that I've brought someone here? Fucking hell Katie I really cant stand this inquisitive bullshit."

The mother took a calming breath, feeling the anger build up inside of her. But she knew that blowing of now would be a huge mistake ,besides, she was way too hurt to fight or argue so she just tried to get it out of the way. "I..I'm sorry."

"Right." Shaking her head Naomi placed the laptop on the sofa and reached for her fags, lighting one angrily. "You had no fucking right to do that!" "I know and I'm sorry." Katie's voice sounded desperate, the lisp more prominent of the sleepy state she was in. "I don't care." Puffing out the smoke Naomi looked at the screen and waved at a smirking Effy. "Gotta go Eff."

"Why, you wanna seduce Katikins again today? Perhaps she'll make you cum this time." Blue eyes flickered to Katie instantly, knowing that this was a bit out of line but it wasn't her business any more. Effy had every right to be as mean to Katie as she wanted, she wouldn't make the mistake and stand between them ever again. It only got her into more trouble the last time and she had learned from that mistake.

"You told her." Was whispered from still swollen lips, swollen from hours of all the kissing they were busy with earlier. "I didn't know you talked to people about that."

"Naomi?" Effy's melodic, oh so _not_ innocent voice asked. "Jacky was asking for you the other day, think she's missed you since you're off playing happy families." Angry blue eyes narrowed on Katie just when she was about to start barking again. "Stop it, you know that she's only trying to get a rise out of you for fuck's sake, don't be that easy and pathetic." Her obvious indifference on that matter hurt Katie more than any fight could have. She sounded tired of that subject, as if she wouldn't take it serious any longer and stopped tolerating it. "Dont fucking look at me like that, leave me alone and go to bed. I'm having a chat with Eff."

"Awe I'm honoured you're using _me_ to punish Katie, so touched Naomikins." Effy smirked out of the laptop, waving Katie goodbye.

Being stared at daringly by Naomi as well as Effy Katie sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Fine. I'll wait for you in bed then."

"Dont bother, I'll nip out surfing after. You should just go back to sleep. The kids will sleep in a bit, Bay's coughing kept them awake forever. So just...leave me alone Katie." The tiredness of all the stress and trouble was back in Naomi's voice and when she turned around, starting to chat away with Effy like Katie weren't there any more, the brunette bit her lip and left before she'd begin to cry.

* * *

"So you and Effy have gotten really close, haven't you?" Katie asked as nonchalantly as she could when they were sat on their breakfast table out on the sand. They had decided, right after getting the cabin, that they'd always eat their meals outside, watching the sea and beautifully dreamlike surroundings.

The blonde, still wearing her bikini from when she were surfing in the break of dawn, nodded, cutting off a piece of the huge watermelon that was their breakfast. They had tried to eat normal breakfast but decided against it as they didn't fancy anything the hotel had to offer and cooking of their own didn't make much sense with it being that hot and all. Watermelons and other yummy fruit were on their table every morning and they devoured it, greedy for some cooling in their mouths. Naomi couldn't remember another time, except for when Ginia and her were travelling, that she'd eaten that healthy. Thankfully she did remember their adventures, that way she had had the perfect plan after the kids wouldn't stop complaining about the weather and the eggs they had to eat. "That happens when you live together."

Nodding Katie handed Bence a napkin for all the pink water running down his chin from the watermelon he was stuffing his face with. "I suppose. It's just weird that you'd wake up in the middle of the night to skype her."

"I haven't. She's texted me that she wanted to have a chat, had to go out or I'd have had all your angry hissy fits to deal with for waking you." Katie's eyes narrowed but Naomi didn't notice, she was busy making faces with Bay.

"Right." Shaking her head Katie look to the sea, wishing she'd had never walked outside that morning searching for Naomi. They'd never had the fight and everything were still all good. "What's the plan for the day then? Any interesting temples to visit, gods to pray to or statues to admire?" There was a smile on her face and such an interested as well as hopeful expression that it was heard in her voice, making Naomi look at her suspiciously. "What? I'm curious, where we going today? Cant a girl ask?"

With one last weird face at Bay Naomi completely turned to Katie and sat watching her for a long moment. Never flinching she just stared at her, watched her shrinking into her seat as Katie tried to hold the eye contact, obviously the least she wanted to do at the moment. There was an almost invisible head shake which made Katie almost gasp, scared of what might happened next but Naomi got to her feet then, silently stretching out her hand and waiting for Katie to take it. "Bence keep an eye on Bay okay? We'll go get dressed, you can play ball after breakfast til we come back out." Naomi said to him and ruffled his hair as a thank you, smiling as she saw the very dark blonde locks he had gotten from the sun.

With Katie's hand hesitatingly holding hers, Naomi lead them through the cabin and out of the back again. There were two huge, comfy love seats and she flopped down on one, taking Katie with her and moving her so she could throw her legs over the brunette's. She turned her head around to meet her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with us?"

"What? Nothing." Katie answered with furrowed brows but Naomi's look was as incredulous as their whole relationship. "All right fine, I don't know. It's a bit fucked up everything is, isn't it?"

The blonde let out an amused chuckle, gently stroking her girlfriend's thigh. "A bit? It's a disaster Kay." The way she was so blatantly in a good and taking the piss had Katie crack a smile, finally, after a night full of tears and fear of being left. "Yeah. Right mess we managed to produce here, huh?" She responded, a smirk of her own face.

"I mean it, you know?" When Katie didn't seem to click what she meant, Naomi explained patiently. "I'll come back home when we get back and we'll see that Lady. As fucked up as it may be; I'm so not ready to let you go Kay. Even though you're such a brassy bitch, yelling, hitting, sulking and spying on me all the time I cant seem to let go of you."

"Have you tried?" The question was out of her mouth before Katie could stop it. Both of them realised the gravity of it at the same time and blue eyes snapped towards the mountains, not able to look into Katie's any more. "Yeah, no I haven't. Makes me a right pathetic piece of shit though. Even you are fine without me."

"But I'm not Naomi, don't you see that?" Dragging one tanned hand to her lips Katie kissed her knuckles. "I'm anything but fine without you."


	12. Finally I remember

_Hello everyone!_

_So here is the next part._

_Three reviews and I'll post the next. We are reaching the middle, the past is slowly getting closer to the present._

_The common written parts happened in the past, (still how Naomi remembers everything) and the cursive shows right where we left of with Naomi and Effy (present). From the next chapter on it'll be switched, cursive for past and normal for 'now'. We are only four months from that day Naomi was at her bedsit in Bristol now._

_You know what that means, don't you?_

_Now we get to know how the hell Katie got a girlfriend, why, and it's on them to figure everything out in the present. Getting her family back, I'd say, is Naomi's job now. She really needs to stop whining and being depressed and should use Effy's distractions to get it back together and fight for what she wants._

_What do you say?_

_Here we go, oh, hello Naomi, Katie, Bay, Bence, Emily and Effy :) And welcome Ashley._

* * *

"I just cant stand it any more." Katie whispered, gently wiping the sweat from Naomi's forehead with a wet towel as the other girl kept shaking. "Could you please focus on me honey? For a moment?" But blue eyes were almost closed and unfocused, wet from crying and puking, they were not able to concentrate on Katie long enough, if at all.

With a sigh, the brunette bit her lip and got up from bed, walking towards the dresser to get Naomi something new to sleep in. Her shirt and shorts were sweat through, and it helped in making her shiver, Katie knew. Reaching for a very lose, long button up with cut off arms, she walked back and sat down. Helping the dead-weight up, she leant Naomi against the headboard so she wouldn't fall, she _hoped_. With experted motions Katie had the almost disillusioned girl back dressed and under fresh covers in no time. She took Bay's old sippy cup and held Naomi's head up, making her drink the warm tea. "Nooooo. No more. Warm." Came the raspy protest, along with painful coughing which resulted in Katie pushing her blonde's head towards the small bin on her side, knowing she would vomit again. And she did, dry heaving until another hurting wave shook the blonde's body as she coughed and coughed, crying from the pain it caused her. "Honey, I'm so sorry." Katie muttered with tears in her eyes, wrapping her arms gently around the crying girl who snuggled into her neck like a baby, holding on for dear life. "Outch, hurts Kay." She managed to announce before another cough made her break out in new tears.

It wouldn't stop this time, and when Naomi started to almost hysterically cry, Katie pushed her head a bit to the side to see what it was all about. Her eyes widened and then she was gripping her phone with shaking fingers.

"Emily? Emily! How fast can you get here?" She was so panicked that she forgot about the silent treatment and how she didn't want to see or hear from Emily. Thankfully her sister understood the urgency and answered with a short: "10 Minutes, I'm in Camden anyway, on my way." Throwing her phone on the pillow, Katie took Naomi's arms and helped her to sit on the bed as she struggled to pull shorts up her long legs. The blonde was swaying, crying, and sweating, breaking Katie's hard pounding heart. "BENCE!" She yelled when she was on the floor, trying to tie Naomi' chucks. "Bence! Wake UP!"

It took the boy a minute or two to wake up, dash out of bed and barge into the bedroom, wide eyed. His expression only got worse when he saw the state Naomi was in, he had seen movies where this had happened, and it never ended well. "Oh my god is mum dying?!" He was by Katie's side in a flash, clinging to Naomi's side like she were about to disappear. "Honey" Katie started, trying so hard not to sound as hysterical as she felt, "I need you to watch Bay for a few minutes, Emily is on her way but I need to get mum to the hospital. Right now. Can you do that? Just wait downstairs in the sitting room, she's close by so it wont take long."

"I want to come with."

"I promise I'll call you as soon as I know anything. But I cant take you now" She wrapped her arm under Naomi's armpits and pulled her up, almost crushing under her dead weight, "Waking and dressing Bay would take up too much time." They made their way downstairs towards the front door. Bence jumped the last stairs down so he could get the car keys and bring them to Katie who was already by the door. She kissed his forehead absently and tried to smile, failing miserably. "Be a good boy, I'm counting on you honey."

"Mum! Mum please don't die!" He whispered, tugging on Naomi's hand which was hanging loosely from her body. "Why isn't she responding? Ma!?"

"Okay, call if something happens, and I'll call you. Love you." And with that Katie lead Naomi towards her van.

* * *

They were in the hospital ten minutes later.

Fifteen minutes later Naomi was laying on an examination table.

Twenty minutes later she had an infusion with four different kinds of meds pumping through her system.

Thirty minutes later a doctor came to see Katie in the waiting room, bringing her news which made her eyes almost pop out.

Not even two hours had passed since Naomi had covered her shirt with her blood.

"But...how is that even possible? I thought that was gone, we don't get that any more. Wasn't that an illness from from like two hundred years ago? Is she going to die?!"

He shook his head, glancing at her in an surprised manner. "No Miss Fitch, TBC is not gone as you call it, we are just able to treat it right. That way it does not end with death like two hundred years ago. But it has to be found out early and treated correctly with the proper medication otherwise there is not much we can do."

"Well, is there?!"

"We will have to keep your friend under observation until she is out of the woods, I believe I wont be able to say more until then. Right now she needs the medication to do its work and bring her back from that delirious state, we will do an X-ray as soon as we get that coughing under control but she should stop spitting blood instantly."

"That's what's scared me." She looked away, the horror image of Naomi's face pressed to her own yellow shirt was burned into her mind. Automatically her eyes moved to the shirt, which was very much in view as she forgot to put on a jumper.

"I know. Right now there is no way we can tell why she was spitting blood. Perhaps the TBC isn't as far progressed as I believe and it was only her soar throat bleeding. Tomorrow, when all the results come back I'll find you and tell you more but right now she needs to rest. Why don't you come back tomorrow? I've given Miss Campbell a cough blocker so she wont wake herself again, she looks like she hasn't slept in days. She's getting antibiotics which should start making her feel better as well. But she needs to rest."

"I'll just go see her for a moment and leave then." He nodded, smiling gently. "Miss Fitch, it was right to bring her here, you did good."

A sad smile formed on her lips as she scratched her palm with her fingers, shaking her head. "No I haven't. She's been complaining about being breathless and pains in her chest for weeks but five days ago she got really sick. I thought it was a bad flu, obviously I was wrong. Now Bay's starting to cough as well, but she hasn't had any fever yet."

Placing a hand on her shoulder, which she shook off with a warning glare, he coughed. "Uh, I'm sorry. Well, perhaps she should have come earlier but she is here now and we can help her. What's more important than looking for someone to blame is the question if she has a boyfriend, husband, children, close relatives, room-mates? Everyone who was in contact with her for the past weeks. This Bay perhaps?"

With furrowed brows, Katie felt herself tense in fear. "I am her girlfriend and we are living together, we've got two kids. Bay, our daughter, is four and Bence is almost eleven. Why? She's feeling weird since we came back from Greece a couple weeks ago."

"Before you leave I'd like you to take a blood test with nurse Ashley and bring in your children tomorrow. TBC is highly infectious, and the most dangerous part is that you don't always realise you have it from the start. You need to tell everyone who has been in contact with either of you in the past weeks to get tested."

"But we were gone, and we haven't see that much people since then. Oh, wait my sister is watching the kid right now and Effy was with Naomi. All right, I'll tell everyone."

He left.

Katie walked to the room he had told her Naomi was in, and opened the door. She sat down on the uncomfortable looking bed, it wasn't as much the bed that looked uncomfortable but the sheets. She knew Naomi hated them because they were stone hard. Reaching out she wiped some fallen blonde hair from Naomi's face, her peaceful face, as she watched her.

Getting bored pretty fast she leaned down and placed a kiss on dry lips, promising to be back in the morning. Only a couple hours later really, then she left to look for nurse Ashley.

She was sitting in the nurse glass office and smiled lightly at Katie, showing off her dimples. "Hi there love, how can I help you?"

A smile played on the brunette's lips without realising it and she leaned on the counter, watching the really beautiful woman with the dark locks. "I'm Katie Fitch and doctor Mason said I should see you and let you drain my blood."

* * *

Another forty minutes of blood draining and three coffees with nurse Ashley later Katie pulled back up by the pavement at home. She got out and walked in, not expecting to see everyone asleep. Bay was still in bed, and after giving her some cough meds and kissing her goodnight, Katie walked to Bence's room but it was empty. She found him in her bed, on Naomi's side, with Emily on Katie's side, both fast asleep.

Drawing in a huge breath, Katie tried to get rid off the images of her sister snogging her girlfriend but it was impossible. Even as she lay there sleeping like an angel, Katie knew that she wasn't that, at all. Neither peaceful, innocent, nor an angel. And with one last glare she moved towards Bence, changing into her sleep clothes. She pushed him further into the middle of the bed, forcing Emily to scoot farther away from Naomi's side. Katie knew that it was childish, but it also felt like a bit of revenge when she saw how her sister was clutching the pillow Bence was sleeping on. Yes, it didn't mean shit because Emily was always clutching whatever was close but it made Katie seethe either way. "Hey, how's she?"

Almost jumping out of her skin Katie raised her head to look over Bence's sleeping form at Emily. Glaring. "Has to stay for observation, tomorrow I'll know more."

"Oh, okay. That's not bad then. Thank fuck."

"But it is Emily." Katie snapped, her eyes wrinkling from all the glaring. "You need to come with and get tested for TBC as well."

This woke the twin and she looked fearfully at Katie.

* * *

"What now?" Bence asked with a bored expression, "Can I go see mum now please?"

With a shrug, Emily met Katie eyes but the mother shook her head, smiling sadly. "I'm sorry honey, as long as we don't know the results we cant go in. Besides, she's still sleeping."

It was lunch time when they were all done with the blood tests. Effy had promised Emily to go and see a doctor herself, as did the Fitches, Ginia, Cook, Fernando, and everyone else they had had contact with in the past weeks.

"Are you hungry sweety?" The brunette asked her daughter who was snuggled into her, the same way Naomi had the night before with the only difference that Bay was still concious. She was tired, worn out, and ill, but not as bad as Naomi. They went to see a doctor the day before, when Bay's coughing wouldn't get better and he said she had the flu and had to stay in bed. But right now, Katie's mind was telling her way worse things.

They were sitting in the café at the hospital, sipping on their drinks, everyone lost in their own thoughts.

When suddenly a somewhat familiar voice spoke. "Katie? You're back already?" Turning her head, since that was all she could move with Bay clinging to her like that, Katie smiled at the nurse from twelve hours earlier, Ashley. "Hi Ashley, yeah, had to get my kids checked as well."

Brown eyes moved from face to face with a charming smile and she nodded. "I hope everything is fine. Is she all right?" The concern in her voice was unmistakable as she reached forwards to feel Bay's warm forehead. The nurse inside of her winning over a stranger with boundaries.

But Katie didn't mind, she found it very nice to see the girl care. "Not really, she hasn't slept well, the coughing's been waking her every time, yeah? The meds make her tired though, so she's like this pretty much all the time she's awake. I'm a bit scared that it's not just the flu, you know." She had whispered the last words in case Bence didn't had the music on his Ipod on, a trick he had used before.

Nodding again Ashley looked to an empty chair beside Katie, silently asking if she could sit. She was wearing her normal clothes and Katie smiled tiredly. "Just in for your shift then?"

"No." Chuckling lightly Ashley shook her head. "Finished, actually." She reached for Emily's hand with a friendly smile when the twin finally looked up from her phone. "Hi, I'm Ashley, a nurse here."

"Emily."

"Anyway," Katie interrupted the long handshake. "Did you find out my results yet?"

"I'm sorry, I tried but they weren't there yet." Ashley sighed, looking at the clocked hanging on the wall. "Takes ages."

"How is Naomi?" Emily asked after a break in conversation, making the new girl furrow her brows. "Naomi?" She took a moment to think and smiled then. "Right, Katie's friend. She's feeling much better, well, in comparison to when she came in but" Everything she said after was lost as the twins stared into one another's eyes, having their own conversation about why this girl thought Naomi was a **'friend. **

"Want me to get your daughter checked through by my mate? He's on shift and he'd squeeze her in if I'll ask." Smiling Katie nodded, thanking her when she promised to see him and send her a text afterwards.

When she left Emily looked into her twins eyes, her face set in a frown. "You do know that that's pretty fucked up don't you."

"I don't think that anything I do or don't do is any of your business Emily." Katie grinned, playing the bitch she was such a pro at pretending to be. "And before you go off on about how unfair that is to Naomi, just stop. Stop being pathetic. I'm with the girl I love and I don't fucking stray. So don't confuse me with yourself. Just that we're twins doesn't mean I have the same character flaws you do."

And she smiled when a text blinked on her screen, no ten minutes later, saying that she should come up to the sixth floor with Bay and she'd wait for her by the nurses room.

* * *

Naomi felt better, she had been back on her feet two weeks later, almost no damages left.

Bay on the other hand hadn't been that lucky. She had a bad case of TBC, one that children often have which goes unnoticed because there are no symptoms before they get sick through the flu which triggers it. Naomi hadn't gotten it somewhere in Greece, she had gotten it from Bay who had had it for a long time without anyone knowing. She was in and out of hospital every other week, fighting with all that she had, her tiny body losing weight as fast as a rocket on its way to the moon.

During that time, after Naomi was well again, the couple had other things to worry about than their relationship. Caring for a sick child, trying to not neglect another one, keeping the business going and writing to continue making money and pay bills was more important than trying to fix something that was broken for such a long time.

They had a routine, one may call it truce, where they would simply ignore topics they usually fought about and keep conversation strictly kids/work/house related.

++++##########################+++++++++++++++++++#######################++++

_Early morning _

_some hours away from Bristol, _

_Naomi and Effy on their way back from partying their butts off to their motel room. _

_**Present** _

* * *

_Naomi was holding Effy's hand as they made their way along the wet pavement towards their motel, or somewhere else since they've totally lost orientation during eight hours of constant drugs, dancing, and drinks. _

"_That's when it's started but I didn't want to see it, Eff. I've given her the chance to stop fighting because I've stopped fighting too. We simply let go, having had the perfect excuse with Bay being ill and all. We haven't even tried to work on us, not for one tiny moment." At one point when they were still in the restroom, chatting forever, Effy had asked her how it had happened that she was back in Bristol. And she had wanted details, for the first time ever. "I know you'll probably kill me for not trying harder but it was, I don't know, it was okay. It was actually so fucking peaceful that I've let her slip away." _

"_Exactly when did that happen?" The brunette asked, chewing her jaw like every person with grams and grams of xtc would. "It's been quite some time since the TBC scare. I've managed to try kill myself, heal, and start therapy." _

"_About four months ago, couple weeks after Greece. You had fucked off to Bristol or god knows where, and I started spending time in your flat again. To have some quite when I needed to finish an article, or when I simply wrote my stories, the book or worked. There was a time when Katie and I had a schedule how we were taking care of the kids. She worked from home, so I had to be home until lunch, keeping an eye on Bay and cooking and then when Bence got home and Katie closed the shop I'd go to your place to work. I'd be back home in the morning, freshly showered and dressed, well rested. Sometimes I just went to yours for the nights to sleep if I'm honest. I don't know how that happened. I think I was somehow feeling what was happening."_

"_And what is that?"_

"_Katie made a new friend." _

* * *

Naomi walked into her home with a smile, hearing Bence and Katie bickering in the kitchen. Her first steps lead her to Bay though, who was laying on the huge sofa in the sitting room, eyes almost closed watching ninja turtles. She leaned down and kissed her forehead, thanking god for it not being as hot as the days before. "How are you doing baby-Bay?" She whispered, flopping down beside her daughter. She reached for her and helped her climb on top of her and cuddle into Naomi the way she always had when she was still little. Kissing her head absently Naomi ran her hands up and down her little back. "You eaten anything baby?" "Nuh uh. No hungry." Smiling Naomi raised a brow at her, bringing a tiny giggle, followed by a coughing fit out of her. "Sorry. But you need to eat Bay, or do you wanna break in two when we go on the rides in the summer? Perhaps you don't even want to tag along to Disneyland."

It broke her heart when instead of yelling and promising things Bay merely shrugged, her mind couldn't be farther from Disneyland than it was. With a last kiss to her forehead, Naomi placed her back on the sofa when the laughter died down in the kitchen. "Where's mum? She's supposed to be here before I leave this morning. Why isn't she ever home any more? I thought she lived here again?"

Walking to the kitchen Naomi made her presence known by coughing, meeting his eyes with a raised brow and a smirk. "I am here, aren't I smart arse? Show me your homework, we've still got time."

He rolled his eyes, walking to the counter to get his backpack with a groan.

Naomi took the offered coffee Katie was handing her with a smile and thanked her with a peck on her cheek. "Thanks babe."

"No problem. How's the article going?" And Naomi decided not to let Katie's lack of knowledge about what she was working on bring her mood down. "I'm translating seven short stories for a talented youth organisation's book."

"Talented youth?" Katie asked, interested.

"Hm." Nodding Naomi's eyes flickered over the German words Bence had to have found other synonyms for. He was in year four now and finally they had started with their first foreign language, he had chosen German for obvious reasons such as a mother who spoke it fluently and could make his life easy. He had realised his mistake soon though, she wasn't about to make it easy for him, the opposite really. She was way too strict for his liking and she was demanding more than the other parents did from their kids. "This is wrong Bence, please get your dictionary and look something else up, you cant say that. What's what I've told you from the moment you chose to lean German?"

"Never translate word for word."

"Exactly. You need to understand what you are reading, writing or hearing because if you translate if word for word, it will never make any sense. The grammar is always completely different and words have sometimes two or more meanings which don't make sense in some combinations. Look number three a, four d and eight b up again. Til when is it to be done?"

"Next Monday but that's only for 'fun' Mrs. Langer said, we're having our usual homework we do in after school classes. That's too much mum, I hate it. That's why I'm on that school so I'll have my homework done and have the help I need for it. I didn't sign up for coming home at 5 and sitting on my homework til 9."

"Actually you have." Katie interjected before this could end in a fight. "The moment you've chosen German as your second language. You are being prepared for next year Bence, life will change when you're in year five, you know that. There wont be any homework classes any more and you'll need to do your shite by yourself. With our help if you need it, but you know that we help, not make it easy."

He rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath how he hated the school and how he wanted to be a normal kid like the ones living across the street.

"So, talented youth?" Katie asked again, lighting a fag and handing it to Naomi before lighting her own.

"Right. That's pretty amazing concept. The organisation's taking the kids form the streets and offering them art projects. Of course they have to be talented, but otherwise it wouldn't make much sense, would it? There are painting classes with some really great English artist, or dance groups led by famous dancers. The ones that have written over the last two years, taking part in classes with some present writers, have finished a book. It's only a short story collection but it's really amazing how that thirteen year old girl Becca who ran away when she was eight, started selling herself a week later and been through withdrawal every year since then, can write about a sad little ice bear called hope. Anyway, the books, two were published, were a huge success. So to continue giving the kids a chance to keep taking part in that programme they have decided to sell the book in the four biggest, most lucrative markets for music and books. UK, USA, Asia and Germany. They needed someone who'd translate it into German and I thought it was a really good case."

"Pro bono?" Katie asked with a smile, obviously not caring much about Naomi perhaps working for no money.

"They are paying me, but I'm donating two third out of it to their organisation. I cant take the money they'd need to keep that programme up." Blowing out the smoke in tiny circles Naomi smiled at Katie, relaxed. "How are things here? Bay slept well?"

She saw how Katie's happy eyes clouded over for a moment, but then the mask was back on and Naomi decided to look away and pretend she didn't notice. "Yeah, only woke up twice."

"Great." Naomi muttered, going over some things in her phone. "Anything special planned for today?"

"Actually yes." When Katie wouldn't continue blue eyes rose and met hers, curious. "Uh, remember that nurse I've told you about? She treated you at the hospital."

"I think she's called Ashley?"

"Yes, exactly."

"She helped diagnosing Bay, I don't know what we'd do if it weren't for her." They thought back to that horrible day when the results came back with Bay having a very awful case of TBC.

"She's asked me to get coffee today, I thought why not, you know. I'm never going out and I should start acting like a young person again instead of that old bint who's working to pay bills and sleep." She kept going on and on about why it was a good thing she'd meet the girl, only stopping when Naomi waved a hand in front of her face. Blue eyes twinkled in amusement. "You deaf or what? I said it's fine, just go. You don't have to ask for permission."

"I know that, but with Bay being sick and how everything is I didn't think it was such an good idea to go have fun."

"You should." And Katie saw the doubt in Naomi's smiling eyes, she was seeing right through her, through the tense smile and light eyes, but she decided to pretend she hadn't.

"Cool."


	13. the beginning of the end

_Here's the next one, only for my newest follower who took the time to read my story/stories for over 24 hours and begged for an update. showing so much enthusiasm I couldnt say no. :) _

_So here it is. _

_Normal style letters are back then in London and cursive are in the *present * with Naomi and Effy_

* * *

**The beginning of the end**

* * *

"Come on, stop crying baby, it'll be all right." Naomi tried to calm her daughter with a soothing voice. The little girl kept shaking her head vehemently, hitting and kicking whatever she could reach, while her body smashed repeatedly in the wooden floor. Getting to her knees, Naomi's hands went to grab Bay but she only let herself fall to the other direction, oblivious from pain. "Bay please, baby you need that to get better, you know that." But Bay was in no position for logic or anything else, her whole body was almost spastic and her cries were heard at the end of the street.

Letting herself fall to the floor, Naomi searched for her phone, desperately wishing Katie were home to do this. She had a way with Bay and her shots, sadly Naomi had no idea how to calm the girl long enough down to give her the needed medicine.

She wiped sweat and tears from her face and waited for Katie to pick up the phone, but it went straight to voice mail. With a groan she rubbed her forehead. "Hey Kay" Realising there was no way Katie would hear her over the hysterical cries her daughter was producing, Naomi screamed ;" FINE! Stop! I'm not giving you the shot!" With a few last sobs Bay finally stopped screaming her lungs out and fell into Naomi's open arms, spent and worn out. Kissing her forehead, head and cheeks comfortingly, Naomi put the phone back to her ear. "Hey Babe, sorry about that. I cant get Bay to stop her tantrum long to give her the shot, how do you do that? Can you please come home and do it? You can leave right after, but I really cant get her to stop fucking moving long enough. She's already hit Bence twice and I don't want him to get an black eye or something, so I send him to the attic to play. Just...come home...or call and tell me how I get her to" There was a beep and the message was sent.

Having the girl in her arms, panting and silently crying, Naomi knew she had two options. A: she waited for Katie and hoped she'd listen to the voice mail soon enough, which was a good possibility that she wouldn't. Or B; she'd make Bay stop trusting her because she'd give her the shot, right now.

Her phone vibrated next to her leg and she grabbed it, eagerly reading the message.

Katie:

Sorry I'm in Northampton, wont be home before late.

Just do whatever you need to and shoot her.

Love you

Glaring, her hand twisted until she had the injection in her palm. She rubbed Bay's back, up and down, ever so slowly dragging her top upwards until her skin was on display. With one last intake of a huge breath Naomi closed her eyes and rammed the horrible thing into her daughter's hip.

The screams were unbearable and Naomi was struggling to hold Bay in her arms, the girl was trashing around wildly. She was desperately trying to get out of her mother's arms, and for once, Naomi couldn't blame her. With the screams turning into painful coughs, sounding like her lungs were about to be coughed up and out, Naomi slowly got to her feet and carried Bay into the kitchen. She was holding her with one arm around the girl's hip, Bay's arms, head and legs towards the ground, Naomi managed to open the refrigerator and get her medicine out. She pulled the lid open with some difficulties, damning child proof _everything_, before twisting Bay's body upwards so she could stuff the tiny bottle between her lips and force her to drink it.

The doctor had showed them how they could get her to drink it, if she didn't want to.

Spitting half of it out, Bay was hysterical. Her mother let out a aggravated 'arghghg', pulled on her own hair before calming herself down with two long breaths. Then Naomi's right arm went to hold Bay's head up vertically, she pushed two fingers into her mouth, between her jaw so she couldn't close it and had to swallow the dark liquid.

Two long swallows and Naomi ripped the fucking bottle away, throwing it somewhere behind herself. She gently wrapped both arms around Bay and whispered soothing words into the girl's ear.

It broke her heart, how after what she had just done to her, Bay was still clinging to her for dear life.

A child's love is unconditional, nothing could ever compare to that.

Things are bound to change, that is what life is all about, it changes you. Every person you love, you feel for changes you, makes you to someone else because after them, you are never the same you were before. It can be positive, it can be also negative. But a child, a child can hardly make you want to be anything other than the best version of yourself you possibly can.

It was after when Naomi stirred from her awful sleep on the sofa. The key rustling and giggling made her open her confused eyes and lean up to see what it was all about. "What are you doing up?" Katie's cheery voice lisped, a clear evidence for loads of drugs and drinks. She was in the sitting room, kneeling by the sofa in a flash, probing Naomi's face. Perhaps she thought she was being gentle. Blowing her hair out of her face Naomi pulled her head away and stared at Katie. "What time is it?"

"NO idea." More giggles. "Hey Ash, just go through to the kitchen and get yourself a drink. We should still have some of that yummy cherry stuff, don't we darling?" Blinking the sleep away Naomi realised that the brunette from the hospital, Katie's new mate, was leaning on the door frame, swaying her arse off.

Waving, Naomi yawned, not even wondering why she wasn't the tiniest bit upset about how Katie got home well pissed and in the early morning hours with another woman. "Hey Ashley."

"Naomi." The brunette nodded, trying to wave which resulted in her losing the balance and almost crashing into the small table by the wall. The brunette's broke out in fits of laughter and Naomi rubbed her eyes, glancing at the clock. "Sorry we're so bladdered but Kat wouldn't stop shoving shots down my throat, yeah? This girl can hold her liqueur, I was well gone at the first club but she was still acting like water was all she drank. And she danced that leopard print wearing arse off like a pro, I bet you know that, don't you? I mean she's your girl. Lucky bitch you. Hope you're not mad we're here, I've forgot where I live now and Kat said it's fine if I crash here."

Blinking, Naomi nodded, trying to understand everything the girl had said. One question kept nagging her though. "How old are you Ashley?"

"I've just turned 25 last month. And you?"

"Uh, almost 30."

Katie was gone, searching for alcohol in the kitchen while Ashley planted herself down beside Naomi. Smiling, dimples and all. "How the fuck are you looking like that? I mean you've just been woken up and you're close to 30, no make up and nothing. Care to share the secret?"

Widening her eyes Naomi chuckled in surprise, a bit flattered by the way Ashley was looking her up and down. "Kat's not looking like 31 either, shit I haven't thought she were over 26 actually."

"Yeah they've got awesome genes." The blonde muttered, watching Ashley look almost adoringly to the kitchen. Could it be possible that she had a girl crush on Katie? "Ashley, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No." A head shake, killer smile and dimples were her answer.

"...Uh...a girlfriend perhaps?"

"Haha, no. I've not had yet the pleasure to let my curious side out, always had boyfriends."

"So you've never done anything with a girl?" Naomi groaned when the lighter wouldn't work and smiled a thanks at Ashley who lit her the fag with a grin. "Nope, nothing real. Sure the odd snog when playing truth or dare, spin the bottle or some other shit but never just to do it you know?"

"You do sound oddly curious though."

"Na, not really. But who knows, yeah?" She exploded in laughter again, making Naomi grin. This girl was cute, a cute drunk. "Everything once."

Katie came crashing back into the room and sat on the floor in front of the table, showing off her findings. "I've got vodka, rum and cherry liqueur, you've got to try that babes it's gonna make your tongue dance."

"Oh you bet I'd like to have my tongue dance."

"In circles, huh?" Katie shot back with a smirk, making Ashley blush and laugh.

Naomi knew she should be uncomfortable, but that girl was just so nice and a real dapper, she didn't have it in her to hate her or be a bitch. Besides, friendly flirting never got them into trouble and she trusted Katie. She's never had a reason not to. Even when they were at their worst, Katie had stayed faithful. So why be a party ending bitch?

"Naomi, I've heard from Katie how you guys met. I cant even imagine her being that mean and then ask her out. Why'd you do that?" Naomi took the glass Katie offered her, it was always the first one she handed out, and smiled when the brunette leaned over and planted a wet kiss on her cheek. "Yeah darling, why'd you do that?" Her girlfriend teased with twinkling eyes. They might have twinkled like that because of the drugs but Naomi had missed seeing Katie that carefree and relaxed.

"Dunno, I guess I'm a bit of a masochist, me." She didn't dodge the punch Katie delivered to her shoulder, instead she grabbed her arm and pulled her into a laughing kiss. "Stop fighting." The blonde laughed when Katie tried to stay angry and twist out of her arms, only stopping when Naomi wrapped both arms around her hips and pulled her close, between her open thighs. "I'm fucking fucking with you." She placed a kiss on Katie's nose. "Surprisingly I've found it awfully amusing, her yapping and yapping. But you know, she's always had that habit to get all shy and blush, huge contrast to her usual in-your-face attitude and that's what's pulled me in."

Katie beamed at her and crashed into her lips, snogging her like there was no tomorrow.

Every time Katie was that fucked she overdid it a bit with the tongue and either almost suffocated Naomi or made her laugh. This time, the blonde pulled away with a smirk, wiping her lips before she pressed them one last time to Katie's before looking back at a happy seeming Ashley who was already chugging down her cherry stuff liqueur. When the brunette realised she had Naomi's attention again she smiled, that dimply smile. "So how come you've had no problem with her having a sprog?"

"Well, I don't know. I met Bence in the car, he was so fucking cute and really a handsome little lad, never seen such a beautiful baby before. He slapped me, it was my own fault though, he wanted to high five me and I haven't realised. I bet they were laughing at me for days." She let Katie kiss her cheek softly. "Besides, just look at her. She looked so fucking beautiful when she laughed, all loud and real. I wanted to be the reason she stared at her phone and smiled. Well, and then crashed into a street lamp."

"You make me really hot, you sweet talker." Katie smirked, thinking back to all the times she'd ran against a street lamp because she was busy swooning over Naomi on her phone.

Rolling her eyes at the sarcasm Naomi got up and looked at the clock, glaring at it. "I'm off to bed, the brats are gonna wake us in a couple hours."

"Do we have to go to sleep too?" Ashley questioned, her eyes flickering from Naomi to Katie and back again, as if she waited for an answer.

"Uh, you're adults. Not like I'm gonna send you to bed Ashley." With a shaking head, amused smile in place, Naomi absently kissed Katie goodnight and then almost fell on her arse when Ashley jumped up and hugged her. "Right. Well it was nice seeing you again Ashley." Awkwardly patting the brunette's back, Naomi's blue eyes flew to Katie's, begging for help but the other girl was deep inside her head, staring at the wall with a frown.

With some difficulties, Naomi finally pried the girl's hands off of herself and smiled before dashing upstairs, far away from the drunk girls.

When she was laying in their bed under fresh covers, one things wouldn't leave her mind. She thought she looked like Ashley, or rather, Ashley looked a lot like her. Similar features but...longer hair.

"You think she's going to be okay?" Naomi asked with a concerned expression, her nerves all over the place, as the doctor kept looking over the rim of his glasses at the couple. "How are the newest blood results?"

She went to reach for Katie's hand, but out of the corner of her eyes, she saw how the brunette must have sensed it too and clasped her hands together. Deciding not to think about why Katie was doing that, Naomi closed her eyes for one moment before looking the doctor deadly serious in the eye. It was a meeting about her daughter's condition, after all.

"She will be fine. The infection she's had is gone, antibiotics work wonders don't you think? And in a couple weeks she should be as good as new. She'll have problems to catch her breath until then and we're in for the possibility of asthma afterwards but lets wait and see. Perhaps she's just going to surprise us all." He handed Naomi a new pill pack with a smile. "That's for future coughing fits, if it'll ever get as bas as the last one don't hesitate bringing her in but when it's just the common cough give her this and she should be able to sleep."

Smiling tight-lipped at the man, Naomi thanked him and got up from the chair.

She didn't wait for Katie, feeling the tension she's felt since she woke up, and she decided to let it pass. She's gotten so used to not fighting with Katie about every tiny thing, that she couldn't imagine with Bay being almost healthy, to start it again.

"You coming home?" And wasn't that alone weird that she had to ask her girlfriend, whom she was living with, if she were going home with her when they arrived with one car? But things have changed, and perhaps they'd kept their eyes closed for long enough. There was no excuse to not see the obvious any more.

The head shake was all Naomi needed to grind her teeth and look away, her whole demeanour screaming; wrong, wrong, wrong. "Nope, Ash's picking me up, we're going to the new Mexican restaurant and then see a film later. It's the midnight horror night of terror."

Every second Friday there was this huge event, midnight horror night of terror, in the movie theatre. Horror films that were not mainstream produced and either got out on DVD instantly or were banned because they were so scary. When they had first moved to London it was their thing, the midnight horror terror nights, but it was blatant that things had changed. "But it isn't even five yet."

"Yeah well...whatever. We're gonna hang out, my shop's closed for four days as you should know" And she felt the obvious needle, "so I'm not gonna stay at home like some sad Nobby no-mates, if that's what you think I should do. Why don't you get off of my fucking back for once? Gawd, it's not like I'm out 24/7, we _do_ have kids together, yeah?"

"I haven't said anything."

"Besides, you could do with a bit socialising yourself. Not big on going out any more, are you? What, Effy finally had enough of seeing you since you are the reason Emily left her?"

Raising her brows, Naomi shot Katie a pointing look, waiting for her to realise how fucked up that statement was. But the brunette didn't realise it, or cared, her eyes were scanning the street for Ashley's car impatiently. "All right, you gonna come home later?" She felt like she had to ask, and Katie's annoyed expression made her rethink everything she ever knew about relationships that were about to blow up in their faces. "Sorry for asking."

Sighing, Katie reached out and took Naomi's hand. "No..don't be sorry. I am sorry I'm acting like a bitch."

"Usually it wouldn't matter, but honestly Kay, I've no idea what's wrong."

"Yeah, me neither." But the way the girls both looked, almost crestfallen, at a smiling Ashley walk towards them showed that they knew.

* * *

"_You knew she was falling in love with her?" Effy's surprised voice brought Naomi back from that memory and she looked to the brunette, laying on her side. She was staring at her incredulously. "For someone that clever you really are a dense bitch, aren't you?" And Naomi nodded, her darker hair falling into her face, making her blow it away. "It's not like I knew it was happening, I'd have stopped it." _

"_How?"_

"_What?" _

"_How would you have stopped it? What are you, Eros?" She glared at a seemingly aggravated Effy, not liking what she was suggesting. "You think I was letting it happen, then?" _

"_Sounds like you fucking did." _

_And groaning, Naomi tried to explain why she had acted that way. "Katie didn't have much of a social life in London. Except for you and Emily and well, there was no way she was gonna call you up for a nice girls night, was there? I was glad she met someone she liked and could spend time with again. She really needed that, and" stopping there she had to look away, knowing that what she almost said wouldn't had made her look better. _

"_And you got her off your back." _

_Leave it to Effy to read it right out of her eyes. _

_Instead of starting a shouting match though, the previously hospitalised brunette leaned up so she was as close to Naomi's face as possible. She saw the devastation, a tiny reminder of what heartbreak meant. With a sigh, her dry lips pressed to Naomi's shoulder then, showing her that she understood._

* * *

"All right, you be good and behave. No guitar after midnight." Bence grimaced, his tanned face all wrinkly as he looked up at Naomi, not impressed with her orders. "All right, no amp after midnight then."

His cheeky grin was enough to make her reach out and pull the big boy into her arms, kissing his head. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too ma. You gonna be home before I go with grandma and gramps to New York?" She shook her head, stroking some hair out of his face. "Nope. I'll see you after you get back. You're leaving Thursday and I wont be home til Sunday."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it does. But hey, you're going to the zoo tomorrow, right? I think it'll be fun for you and Bay to see the new polar bear baby."

He furrowed his brows at that, confused. "But Bay's not coming, mum. I'm going with Ashley without ma and Bay."

Silently reminding herself not to question why Ashley was taking only him, Naomi smiled and stroked his cheek. "Then you'll see the baby bear. Send me pictures, will you? I bet I wont get to see him until he's old and scary." Hugging him again she took her bag and threw it over her shoulder as she made her way downstairs into Katie's shop.

The scene awaiting her there looked somehow wrong, a tiny voice in the back of her head kept whispering 'stop it, do something'.

Katie was cleaning the old vinyl records they had hung up on the walls, but that wasn't what was off. Bay sitting on the huge bean bag, going through some jewellery Katie had decided to sell, was wrong. Well, her sitting on Ashley's legs doing so, with the nurse giggling and showing/explaining things to her was slightly weird for Naomi.

'she looks like you', her mind kept screaming at her whenever she saw Ashley though, that didn't make it better.

Of course it had to be Ash who saw her first, and with a friendly smile, the same one she always sent her when they saw each other, she waved. "Look who's there Bay, go and wish your mum a nice trip baby."

And she was so fucking nice and funny and pretty perfect that Naomi didn't had it in her to do anything _about_ her.

She was good. And she made Katie smile.

She was also straight. 'Yeah, until she's not. Ashley is very interested.' Shaking her head, Naomi opened her arms for Bay to run into and hunched down so she could hug her. "Mum don't go."

"But I have to, honey. I'll be back on Sunday though, then we'll go do something fun, yeah?" The light nod was a reminder of how weak Bay still was, not properly healthy yet. "All right, love you baby, be good and eat well, yeah?"

Another nod, then Ashley took Bay with a smile out of Naomi's arms so she could go and say goodbye to Katie who was sitting on a table with her back against the wall, watching the scene with a thoughtful expression.

There was a moment or two of awkwardness, where they didn't know how to say goodbye, but Katie was the one saving them from more tension when she reached out for Naomi and pulled her into a tight hug. "Be safe darling." Ending the sentence with a kiss to Naomi's head Katie smiled at her, a real smile, if a bit small.

Blue eyes, so honest, were boring into Katie's, pleading for her to stop whatever she was doing and make Naomi come back to the home she knew and remembered. "I will. And you, you" She sighed. "You have fun. I'll be back in five days, call me and don't forget Bay's appointment tomorrow."

"I wont."

"I'll remind her." Ice blue eyes flashed to a slightly darker shade of blues and she smiled, tight-lipped. "Thank you Ashley. Well, then have a good time and, yeah. I'll see you lot Sunday." She stood with the dilemma of what to do, but then something inside of her snapped and she scoffed at herself. Reaching for Katie's face, she placed one hand on her neck and the other on her cheek, bringing their lips together in a gentle yet firm kiss. Clearly pissing on her territory and in the car she'd beat herself up for it, but at that moment she needed that. Showing Katie that she loved her, still, and that she wanted her to think about that when she spent her week with a slightly care freer and younger version of herself.

* * *

_Naomi lit a cigarette and moved so that she was sitting against the dirty headboard in the hotel room. Effy followed shortly, mirroring her position with a long sigh. Wondering why Effy was that comfortable with being naked in front of her in the bright day light, Naomi tried to look anywhere but at the exposed tits right next to her. "That was the mistake, leaving them was. I knew it, I've fucking felt it Eff. I knew that I wouldn't come home to what I expected." _

"_Why'd you leave then?" _

_Sighing heavily Naomi shrugged, pulling the duvet a bit tighter around her body. "I had to let Katie make that decision. It were six weeks of Ashley day for day, so fucking obvious that I knew only I was keeping Katie from doing something about it. Well, I don't know if that's true. I was ignoring the signs, now I see them, but I was ignoring them then so fucking good I was almost positive everything would be all right when I came back home from my meeting in Liverpool." _

"_But it wasn't." _

"_No. No it wasn't. I didn't even make it the whole five days. I was leaving Monday afternoon and on Thursday, around lunch, I saw the pictures Katie had posted on Facebook. They had been out in town Monday night, and obviously they had fun. But another thing made me suddenly feel the gravity of it all. She had posted, some time in the middle of the night, that Ashley had let some stupid bloke take her home. She didn't like it, like at all. There was a full bitch rant about it. Ash responded at some point that Katie didn't have the right to complain because she wasn't the one in a serious relationship, leading her on for nothing, pretending to be interested yet not doing a thing about it." _

_With a sigh, Naomi moved across Effy's body to the girl's night table where four lines were prepared, waiting for them. She snorted two in one go and threw her head back, fighting her anger, fighting her tears. "All of a sudden, Thursday evening the whole convo was gone, Katie had deleted it or set it to private I don't know. So I went to Ashley's page and what I read there made me almost hyperventilate."_

"_What was it?" _

"_Katie had posted on her wall. Something along the lines; 'don't say that I'm not interested, you've got no idea what the past weeks have changed for me. You need to give me more time.' And Ash simply said 'ok.' So Katie went on about how she wasn't a cheater, and that she couldn't just throw away a forever long relationship for something that isn't certain, that's not clear." _

_Leaning over the table Effy let the remaining lines vanish up her nose before she responded, her fingers softly trailing along Naomi's bare thigh. "I assume Ashley was clear then?" _

"_Yes." _

"_What you do then?" _

"_Nothing. I hoped for the best. On that evening I got a text from Katie though, saying that she was out and the babysitter called, Bay was burning up again. She'd be home soon but that she had to let me know, I wouldn't need to come home though." _

"_What happened?" _

"_Everything collapsed because I did go back home"_

* * *

Opening the front door Naomi heard hushed voices, but what made her furrow her brows were the giggling noises. She was very silently making her way inside and her eyes almost bulged out when they landed on Katie and Ashley.

Her girlfriend was sitting on the couch, pressed into the corner by an very touchy Ashley who was sitting almost on top of her, whispering things into her ear. She was making her giggle, swat wandering hands away, but a blind would see that she was throughout enjoining it.

There were glasses, bottles and shots covering the whole table, along with Spliff's and pills. Naomi could only imagine how awfully high the girls were. When her eyes witnessed Ashley pressing her lips to Katie's neck Naomi had enough and cleared her throat. Neither of the girls thought it was worth stopping though, they were too busy to hear it. "Stop it Ash, not now." Katie lisped, giggling as she pulled the girl's head closer. "Shh, just enjoy it. Told you I'm not gonna kiss you as long as you're not single, so don't worry. This is perfectly normal for mates to do."

Shaking her head in disbelief Naomi walked into the room and took a seat on the love seat across the sofa they were occupying. "Good thing you've figured that out Ash. Not so sure if it's true though, I'm almost positive this is way worse than if you'd just kissed my girlfriend." Calmness was all Naomi felt as she lit a Spliff she took from the table, her lips wearing a smirk when the girls finally realised that she was in the room.

Katie's eyes grew so big Naomi was sure she had never seen her look that scared before. "Fuck Naomi what...what are you doing here darling?" Watching Katie push Ashley away first and then pull her back closer when she heard her scoff, hurt. "It's not what it looks like, I promise."

"I know."

"I haven't fucked her, or even kissed her you have to believe me." The thing was, Naomi did believe her but it wasn't making it better. Worse, if anything than it made it worse. "Shit, honey I really wasn't doing anything."

If Naomi knew that this was going to be their last, proper evening as a couple, she'd had acted differently. But she was simply ignoring it. "I know. Hand me the vodka Ash, love, will you?"

With furrowed brows, the brunette went to fill up a glass for her with the burning stuff but Naomi shook her head and nodded at the bottle she was holding. She smiled when Ashley placed it into her hand, taking a huge gulp. "So tell me Ash, you enjoy spending time with my family?"

"Naomi...stop it please." Katie's whisper didn't stop her though, it made her continue the questioning. She got out of the love seat and went to sit on Katie's lap though, placing her arm on the backrest and Katie's shoulders. "I'm not doing anything Kay, just some friendly conversation. Since Ashley's here every minute that she's awake" She took a drag of the burning Spliff, "I thought it were fine to get to know each other better." Blue eyes locked on unsure looking other blue ones. "How was the zoo with Bence? You know, I've wondered why you didn't take Bay with you but I think I got it now. You wanted to spend some quality bonding time with him, because Bay is small and loves everyone but he is the one that could make it harder for you."

"It's not like that." Whispered Ashley, looking away as she scooted to the far end of the sofa. "I thought it was nice to get to know him a bit better, he didn't like me much."

"I know. And to think that I talked him into giving you a chance, god you really must think I am stupid. I practically threw my girlfriend into your hands, handed her over with a 'have fun' card."

Katie squirmed uncomfortably under Naomi, showing the clear signs of hating where this was going but the blonde only grinned at her. Kissing her until Katie managed to pull away, wiping her lips when Ashley's pained eyes met hers.

Naomi scoffed, setting her hateful glare on the new found enemy. "You know Ashley, she's told you that she wouldn't do anything as long as I'm not out of the picture. A bit shitty to make her change her own morals, don't you think? Is that something you do? I don't know shit about you, yet you are firmly sucked in this family like a fucking parasite. You always steal someone's partner away from right under their nose? We have children, you know."

"No , actually you don't. Katie has children."

Katie's arms wrapped around Naomi's midsection instantly, holding her back as she felt her tense and feared she'd lunge at the other girl for that statement. "What have you just said?"

"I said that you don't have children, whereas Katie does." There was a glaring match between the girls and Katie had no idea what to do. "Don't fucking act like you care Naomi. Like you said, you practically presented me Katie on a fucking tray. You knew that this was happening."

"What the fuck do you know?!"

"Enough, I've seen enough. You were living like flatmates, not a freaking couple. This hasn't been a relationship in a long time, you just needed someone to come and make you see it. Make you both see it."

Katie decided that it was her time to step in finally, she stopped cowering behind Naomi and coughed. "Well, I think you should leave Ash. Naomi and I have a lot to talk about." And the blonde didn't flinch or swat away the hands that were holding her hips, nor did she try to shake off a very shaky Katie.

"Are you serious?" Ashley sighed, raising her brows. "I can stay, or wait in the car. I don't like leaving you now."

And fuck her for being fucking fantastic, Naomi bitterly thought, glaring. "She said you should leave."

"Listen Naomi, I know it looks to you like I am the enemy here, but I'm not. I promise. I only want what's best for Kat."

"Her name is Katie." The blonde retorted sharply, getting up from Katie's lap. "And you will leave now or I'll drag you out by your hair. I've had enough Ash, just fuck off please."

A relieved sigh left her lips when she saw Ashley getting up and making her way to the door. What made her heart clench, though, was that Katie followed her. "Kay?"

"I'll be right back, just bringing her to her car." Katie whispered, almost pained, as if she couldn't just let her leave like that, and as if that alone was hurting her.

* * *

"_You should've kicked her out the minute you walked in." Effy commented dryly, shaking her head. "Why the fuck did you allow that to happen? Katie wasn't certain, from you just told me, it looked like she was very much on your side." _

_A bitter laugh left dry lips and Naomi's face set in a grimace. "That was only because she felt like she had to be on my side. Her attitude, gestures and face were telling a different story. She was very much gone by that time." _

"_She came back though, didn't she?" _

"_Yeah. Perhaps it would had been better if she left with her though."_

* * *

Katie's weary face appeared in the doorway almost ten minutes later and Naomi took another gulp of that vodka. "This is it, then?" She asked the upset brunette who had tears in her eyes and shrugged helplessly. "Fuck." Running a hand through her blonde hair Naomi sighed.

"Naomi, believe me, I haven't planned for that to happen." She was by Naomi's side, almost on top of her in a flash, clinging to her body like she was about to disappear. "I love you."

"Don't lie."

"Okay." Blue eyes flashed dangerously and she felt her whole body tense at the unexpected answer. "What?"

"What?"

Pushing Katie off, Naomi turned around to look at her properly. "Did you just say that you don't love me?"

"I...I don't know." Brown eyes spilled over with tears but in that moment, the blonde couldn't care less. She kept shaking her head with a slacked jaw. "Please don't be mad...I...didn't mean it...I'm just so fucking confused! We were getting on so well since you're back home and"

"No we weren't! We were just fucking ace at ignoring everything." Naomi spat, her whole body trembling in anger. "You don't love me."

"I didn't say that"

"You didn't have to!" She screamed, angrily wiping away some tears. "You don't fucking have to spell it out for me Katie. How long don't you know? Huh? How fucking long have I fought for nothing?"

"It's not like that!" Katie screamed back, her eyes cold. "You know very well that I fucking loved every tiny atom of you but things change! It was you who picked Effy over me! Again and again! When you knew how hard it is for me to be without her."

Shaking her head vehemently Naomi groaned, pulling on her own hair. "The fuck has Effy to do with this? And for your fucking information; you don't _have_ to be without her! She'd take you back into her life without a fucking apology from you because she loves you. _You_ turned into that cold hearted bitch all by yourself, not her!"

"Cold hearted bitch?!" Katie's voice was dangerously low, and with her eyes flashing, Naomi remembered that she was fucking wasted and not able to control herself if something triggered her the wrong way. "That's fucking rich coming from you! You were fucking Ginia and able to leave me behind while you were off having the time of your life!"

"So we're back on that then? You're pathetic Katie, fucking joke you are. Why'd you take me back then? Huh? Why'd you begged me to come back to you when you never forgave me?!"

"Because no one else would want me with two children!"

jumping to her feet Naomi walked towards the stairs where Bence was standing, wide eyed. She had seen him by accident, only because she had to look from Katie's face. Knowing it Wasn't the right moment for him to witness she said in a gentle voice; "Go to bed honey."

"What are you doing home mum?" He shakily asked, fearfully eyeing Katie come closer behind Naomi. She went to answer but suddenly Katie was pushing her to the side and she was holding Bence by his shoulders. "I told you to stay in your fucking room!"

"Go to bed Bence." Naomi said, trying to push him gently out of Katie's grip but the brunette was holding on to hard. "Katie let him go."

"NO!" With one push, Naomi was out of the way again and Katie was trying to push Bence upstairs, screaming at him furiously. "FUCKING brat! Never doing what I tell you, you're just like Naomi, aren't you?! Stubborn fucking"

"KATIE!" The blonde roared when Bence was too scared to let Katie push him upstairs, making her madder, resulting in her placing one hand on his back and the other on his head while she shoved him, hard.

He was crying by the time she was digging her fingers into his arm, trying to get him upstairs but he was frozen to the spot. "Mum!" "She's not your fucking _mum_ Bence! And you know that very well so stop fucking making her stay here out of guilt! She's gone anyway when you wake up, then you'll see where you fucking mum is when you place her on the next pedestal."

He was screaming into Katie's face then, his anger overshadowing his fear.

Something inside of her must have snapped then, when he tried to wriggle out of her grip. The next thing Naomi knew was that he shrieked and held his red cheek with wide eyes, flying upstairs.

Naomi couldn't move.

There was a ringing in her ears and she stared at Katie, who was glaring into the direction he had run off to. When she went to run after him though, Naomi finally moved. Three fast steps and she had her hand in Katie's hair, dragging back down the two stairs and into the kitchen. Never knowing she had so much strength in her Naomi pushed until they were in the kitchen. She let go but Katie was in a blind rage, making a beeline for the door again so Naomi ripped her back by her hair, shoving her into the wall, hard.

Katie was gasping, the impact of her back hitting the wall making it hard to catch a breath. Naomi was in her face right away, panting through gritted teeth. "If you touch him one more time I'll make sure you never get to see them again!"

"Not yours, you cant do shit!" The brunette hissed, the pure hatred showing how mean she could be.

"Try me darling, fucking try me." Something in Naomi's and voice made Katie recoil though, watching her with a completely new look. "You're threatening me?"

"I am." She never was one for the stupid 'no, just saying/warning you' lines. "You better hope he'll forgive you, because I'm taking him with me if he wont."

"You cant take him from me!"

"Oh I can, you have no idea _what_ I could do for them."

Bay's screams were suddenly filling the house and Naomi saw Katie's face cloud over with anger again as she tried to jump past Naomi, where to? Obviously to the little girl but she couldn't let her, not when she was that aggressive.

Taking a hold of Katie's hair again Naomi pulled her back, a bit too hard, and wasn't fast enough to catch her when she slammed against the table with her head . The ringing was back in her ears as she watched Katie pass out on the floor, a cut on her temple letting blood cover the marble tiles.

* * *

_Effy was watching Naomi with hard eyes, torn between wanting to comfort her as she was obviously beating herself up so much for that, and beat her up for that, literally. "Say something." Was whispered but Effy couldn't, she merely shook her head, knowing if she opened her mouth they'd both regret it. "I didn't want that! I'd never hurt her, you know that." _

"_I know. This happened before Cook called me to come and get you?"_

"_Yes...but..I...never wanted to hurt her." Blue eyes filled with tears and Effy sighed, wrapping Naomi up in her arms. _


	14. Turning Tables

_Hello hello, this is just a filler for you :) couldn't resist..._

_I know, I promised another chapter and then Emily's chapter to be up because they blend together buuuut...this had to be here too. _

_it's not long..not much...but it's showing us the first 'present' meeting of Katie and Naomi we see. Effy and her are back from the Motel and Katie decided to visit. _

_If that could ever be a good idea? _

_All right. We're almost done with the recaps, we're soon in the 'getting back together' phase. _

_oh, and to my huge embarrassment I have to announce something...gosh I feel like an idiot. Have you ever received a fucking breathtaking review? Like, the kind that couldn't be real? Well i have. It made me speechless and I just HAD to respond right away. _

_Now the embarrassing part. _

_It wasn't a stranger who simply understood exactly what I was trying to do with this story...it was my ex who had pretended to be someone I dont know. And yes, it is a nice review but i dont like childish games, think I'm out of that phase. And it doesn't change the fact that she A: read it without me knowing B:pretended to be someone else and made me feel like a complete twat because her words touched me so much. _

_So, just to clear that up. Thought I'd tell you if you wonder why I'll have that wonderful review deleted by the admins. Already wrote them why I didnt want it to be here and I'm waiting for the deletion. _

_Oh, and if you're reading this K, I really hope you know why I just wont let you do that. This is my story, no, the story I am writing and i dont think that you are allowed to act like a stranger. Read it, tell me what you think of it but don't make me feel like an idiot. We're grown-ups. _

_All right...sorry about the rambling but I just thought I'd explain. :) _

_Here we goooooooo_

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

_Close enough to start a war  
__All that I have is on the floor__  
_

* * *

"Why don't you come in then?" Naomi muttered with blazing eyes, watching Katie's back as she had already barged through the door without waiting for permission. Shutting the door a bit more forcefully than intended Naomi crossed her arms and glared, mirroring her ex' furious expression like she had never had a smile on her face in her life before. "What you want?"

"What I want? That's rich Naomi, fucking rich." Came the low reply, all trembling with anger and growled. "Is it true?"

"Fuck off. You've obviously gone mental."

"Is it fucking true?!" The shrill shriek was enough to make Naomi take a warning step towards the almost hysterical girl.

"Don't fucking come near me." But she didn't let it faze her, she had, after all, spent almost nine eight years with the girl's mood swings. She knew how to handle her, and she knew how to make her flip. "Don't think it's your business whom I'm shagging."

"It is when you cant keep your hands to yourself _one_ fucking time and have to go fuck my best friend!"

A deadly silence hung upon them and Naomi was feeling/hearing her heart beat like crazy. She hadn't thought this through, like, at all. Now, being hit with Katie's full fury, she had to admit that she was a bit scared. She had no idea how far the girl would get if provoked.

"Say something then! Was it fun? At least a fucking decent shag for which you've sacrificed your family?"

"_What_?" The dark-blonde growled, clenching her fists.

"You don't really think I'm going to let you keep seeing the kids, are you? If you are, you're fucking dumber than I thought."

Shaking her head Naomi almost laughed, setting her meanest look on her ex. "You really don't want to try that baby, it'll kill you."

* * *

_God only knows what we're fighting for  
All that I say, you always say more_

* * *

"Watch me." Katie had whispered into her ear after she walked up to her, smiling sweetly. "Fucking watch me. You've gone too far, Blondie, way too far and now you're done for." Pressing a kiss to Naomi's ear Katie pulled her head back and locked her eyes on hers. "They're in the car, if you'd like to say goodbye?"

"Don't even fucking joke about that."

"I don't joke when I'm fighting, already forgot about that?"

They stared at each other with looks that could kill, never had Naomi ever felt such a hatred towards Katie like in that moment. She'd had happily slapped her head around with a fucking rock if she had one.

* * *

_I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

* * *

"_Leave_."

"No. Not before you explain yourself and you better make it good because only that is stopping me from beating your fucking head in right now. Or better yet, break all your fingers."

Naomi nodded, biting her lip with a scoff. "You're a bitch."

"I am."

"What the fuck did I ever see in you?"

Katie's glare faltered for a moment, that sentence had caught her off guard and she was blinking rapidly. It was only a moment though, she had her face back under control too fast, bringing another shake head out of the blonde who had hoped to get Katie to calm the fuck down.

"I don't know, but maybe if you hadn't my life wouldn't be ruined now. You know that I regret calling you? Every fucking day and I will forever regret it."

* * *

_Under hardest guise I see,  
Where love is lost, your ghost is found_

* * *

"Leave _now_."

"No."

Of course, Naomi's groaned, Effy had to decide that it was the perfect moment to get out of the shower and walk into the sitting/bed room. The only room the flat had. She was wearing a towel, her locks hanging down her shoulder, water drops still covering parts of her skin.

She looked beautifully broken.

There were scars and bruises which took ages to heal, they were everywhere, and seeing it for the first time knocked out the air out of Katie's lungs. She gasped, her hand flying to her open mouth and her eyes filled with tears.

Without any make up and almost naked, Effy looked worse than she actually felt. They had only gotten back from their trip to the motel, hadn't had a freaking minute of sleep in the past four days and they looked like that. Naomi was better, she had at least put some make up on her red and tired face but Effy looked like someone who should be laying on a cot with a fucking name tag on their big toe.

"Katiekins, what a nice surprise. Had I known you were coming I'd have put on a mask. Wouldn't want you to feel bad or anything, right?"

She crossed the room with determinant steps and reached into the tiny fridge for the vodka they had bought on their way back. She unclasped it and downed a good fourth of the burning liquid, boring her empty eyes into Katie's tear-filled ones. The girl was still standing with her hand covering her mouth, wide eyes that were almost spilling over with tears, just staring at her best friend and what the suicide attempt had done to her.

She saw how serious it was for the first time.

Sure, Effy had tried to off herself in the past but it was never more than slashing her wrists or overdosing on drugs. Nothing that was _that_ prominent.

_Months_ after it had happened.

* * *

_I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
No, I won't ask you to just desert me_

* * *

"It's not polite to stare at retarded people Katie, your mother never taught you that?" Turning her head, deliberately slowly, towards Naomi she gave Katie a perfect view of the shaved part of her head. She let her see the huge scar from where they had to smash open her scull to stop the brain bleeding.

A gasp, so horrified and painful, left Katie's trembling lips and she tried to blink the tears away to make her view clear again. No success.

Effy didn't have enough yet. She walked towards Naomi and leaned on the wall next to her, smirking. Her eyes never left blue while she talked to Katie, mumbling. "You seem a bit...loaded Kay." Reaching up she tangled her index finger in dark blonde locks. "Your girlfriend not much of a sexmaniac, like Naomi here? I've no idea how you get satisfied after gotten fucked by her forever." Her empty eyes snapped to Katie's and she smirked at her, like the devil. "I don't think I've ever had someone with such a stamina, or teenage boy libido. Kept wanting me to make her scream for days, didn't you _darling_?"

* * *

_Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own saviour  
When the thunder calls for me  
Next time I'll be braver  
I'll be my own saviour  
Standing on my own two feet_

* * *

Naomi was staring after Katie when the girl flew past them out of the flat, taking two stairs at a time. She turned to Effy with a frown. "That was not necessary."

"I know." She pressed her lips to Naomi's. "But it felt fucking amazing to knock her down a peg or two." With rolling eyes she pointed at the door. "Go on, she'll be waiting downstairs."

Effy was right.

Katie was standing, hunched over, by the end of the stairs, sobbing uncontrollably.

The blonde watched her for a moment, a frown on her face, wondering why Katie would look like she was in physical pain when she obviously had moved on. Huge tears were rolling down her cheeks, chasing one another, and she wasn't trying to wipe them away. She was more concerned staying on her two feet, her shoulders holding her up by leaning on the door to the basement. One arm was around her stomach, and the other on her thigh, seemingly holding her up. It was the first time, after her aunt's death, that Naomi saw her hysterically cry.

It was painful to watch.

Making herself known with a cough Naomi leant on the stairway, her eyes set on Katie who looked up sharply, wiping her face. Like she could actually hide that she was crying. "Fuck..why the fuck are standing there like a creep watching me? Get to fuck, Naomi, just fucking piss off already and leave me alone."

"Are you okay?"

Brown eyes rolled. "_Yeah_." She turned towards the door, ready to flee but Naomi's hands around her waist stopped her. Both girls froze, paralysed by the close promiscuity. The blonde, very dark blonde, had pulled Katie flush against her front, keeping her in place with her hands on her stomach. "Naomi." It was a mix of a moan, groan, and hiss but the blonde couldn't hear it, the ringing in her ears was too loud for that.

Deciding that she needed, still, to stop Katie from pain she whispered the words into her ear. "I didn't shag Effy. Not that I didn't want to, it just... didn't work. We were too stoned, too busy talking."

There was an obvious release of tension, Katie's whole body slumped and she sighed.

Naomi had her arms still around her, keeping her upright. "But that doesn't mean that you have any fucking right to barge into my place and threaten me to keep the brats from me. You don't want to do that Kay. I want to do this properly, you know, the adult way. But if you piss on me I will fight back and you really wont stand a fucking chance. So I suggest you mind your own fucking business from now on, focus on mini-me and leave me the hell alone."

Katie turned around sharply, completely caught off guard by what Naomi had whispered into her ear. Her eyes were narrowed and she was obviously debating on whether or not to be careful now. Then something happened that the blonde wouldn't had guessed if she tried. Vanilla tasting lips were pressing into hers, catapulting them into a bruising snog.

Releasing the animal inside of her from its chains Naomi growled when Katie bit her lip, slamming the girl into the basement door. Her teeth were biting on the vanilla smelling neck, scraping down all the way of it until she reached her cleavage. The cleavage that had always made her lose it. Katie was pulling her close, bringing a hand to the back of her head she pushed it into her chest, silently demanding attention there.

With her fingers busy trying to pull the skirt up around her waist, Naomi groaned, furious that she only had two hands. Katie helped her out, she gripped her own blouse and dragged it up above her bra. It didn't take more than two seconds for Naomi's fingers hooking under the waistband of the knickers and push them down. But then, then she made the mistake of looking up and into Katie's face.

The girl was standing pinned to the door, blouse almost around her neck, bra sticking out, head thrown against the wood and closed eyes.

Her eyes were _closed_.

In that moment it was enough to make Naomi pull back like she was burned, a disgusted expression on her face. One question was bombarding her mind; who was Katie thinking about?

She couldn't be sure, and that was enough to walk backwards until she had hit the opposite wall.

Brown eyes, so fucking wide and bright opened and for one moment, with the confused expression Katie looked like _her_ Katie again.

It broke her heart.

_Again_.

"I...I should go." Hastily rearranging her clothes Katie wiped her lipstick smeared mouth clean with her sleeve and send Naomi a weird smile, dashing out of the door.

"You want her back? Then fucking start acting like you do."

Almost jumping out of her skin she grabbed her shirt where her heart was, panting. Effy was standing at the top of the stairs, a fag between her lips and a bored expression on her face. "Fuck's sake Eff! We really need to have that talk about boundaries."

"You thought she was thinking about Ashley."

"So?"

"She wasn't. I don't think that she had any clarity of thought when you pounced on her. But the problem isn't Katie, it's you."

"Me? How the fuck have you figured that one out?" She snapped, the anger getting the best of her. She knew that Effy meant well, but with everything that's been happening she was a bit short tempered and she had had enough.

"Simple. You need to become the person you were when you could still see how amazing she is. You need to become the person who fell in love with her and you need to remind Katie of her too. Stop fucking fighting, stop fucking whining and hurting and start making her see what she misses so fucking desperately that she couldn't stand the bare thought of me in your bed."

With that Effy decided the conversation was over and walked back into the bedsit, leaving Naomi to stare after her, gob smacked.


	15. all caught up

_ Hello lovely people. _

_Now the time has come, we're all set time-wise. Everything happening is what happened after the last chapters. post break-up, ginia's death, naomi and effy's motel adventure and katie's sudden visit. I will still explain things, have the girl's remember stuff from time to time but that's pretty much it. we're moving forward, woohoo. _

_up to the middle part. _

_have fun. _

* * *

"Are you sure? I think I remember you not being a huge fan of food recently." Gina was watching her daughter swallow bite after bite of the second cheeseburger she had ordered. Mixing it up she took three chips and dunked them in her vanilla milkshake. Her mother grimaced when she moaned tasting the weird mixture. "Yes mum, can you heat up some lasagne please? I'm starving."

"Well...if you insist." She walked away, shaking her head in amusement.

Naomi grinned, pulling out her new phone but she couldn't slide the display open and cursed, hating the _huge_ device. She had been really, really happy with her HTC wildfire, it was smart_phone_ enough for her, but sadly it wasn't updated any more and she couldn't use it for what she needed her phone for. Reading books, writing ect. She only pretty much had used the mail client and her boss had thrown a box at her, the new Samsung Galaxy S3 inside. She _hated_ it. It was too big, her hands weren't big enough to comfortably using it. Sure, it had amazing features and was updated with the newest Android but...she hated it.

Calling Effy back Naomi chewed on her milkshake-chips, waiting for the girl to pick up. "Eff? What's up?"

Effy: Couldn't pick up fast enough?

Naomi: Very funny. But yes, god I hate that damned thing. Who needs a fucking tablet? I thought I had a phone and not a tablet.

Effy: You owing me four hundred quid, got you another one that's gonna fit you better.

Naomi: You shouldn't have.

Effy: You're moaning isn't something I like to hear every time I call you, except for when you're writhing under my fingers of course.

Naomi: Of course.

Effy: When are you going to be home?

Naomi: I'm at mum's, fattening myself up.

Effy: Wow, impressed here. So you've decided to take my genius advice and think that all you need is your weight back?

Naomi: Of course not but I'm feeling better. Believe it or not, you being a bitch has made it so fucking simple. I hate it, but you were right. Seriously, I need to live my life again and...perhaps we'll find each other again, you know? But for that, or for me to be happy again, I need to stop letting the hate overtake me.

Effy: I'm glad you stopped being a whiny bitch.

Naomi: Thank you, you're so fucking charming, as always.

Effy: I try. So when are you gonna be home?

Naomi: Why home?

Effy: What?

Naomi: Home. That fucking bedsit is not my _home_. My home is Camden town, a fucking beautiful home that I've paid for with all money I had and my heart.

Effy: Uh..your talking nonsense.

Naomi: No seriously. Shouldn't I live in that house? It's big enough and I think that if I were home I'd be able to take my plan to the next stage.

Effy: Okay, first of all; are you high? And then, did you forget that you are separated and that Katie has no idea that you're not out for blood any more? She wont believe it, why should she? It'll be another world war, nothing more, nothing less. Oh and you'd have her parading her _love_ with Ashley in front of your eyes all the time. Relax and breath. I'm glad you've finally seen sense but man, Naomi, you need to stop a second and think things through.

Naomi: So what do you suggest?

Effy: We'll go back home..to London, our place.

Naomi: Your place.

Effy: Please. You've been there more than I ever were, so I'd say it's ours.

Naomi: Great. That'll work perfectly well. She thinks I'm ready to fuck your brains out as soon as I get my body back under control. I think us living together, under her nose, will bring her back to me for sure. Why haven't I thought of that?

Effy: Stop the sarcasm-bullet Blondie and fucking chill.

Naomi: What? You really expect me to let her be with that...that...

Effy: Mini-Naomi?

Naomi: Yes, thank you. You've noticed then?

Effy: Every blind monk would. She's a younger version of you, yes. That says enough, doesn't it? She's no threat Naomi, she's barley a rebound. She's a temp.

Naomi: I like that, a temp.

Effy: Yup, so when are you gonna be fucking home? And please, answer the damn question simply and fucking directly. Don't need another philosophical rant.

Naomi: Going shopping with Cook later. Need some new clothes, wanna come?

Effy: Yeah right. Like I couldn't think of something better than spending time with that constantly IQ sinking forever wanker who doesn't know what his brain is for, instead it's his cock that makes him act like the biggest arsehole on this fucking planet.

Naomi: Uh...so you'll meet us in the pub?

Effy: Yeah.

Grinning, Naomi ended the conversation and glared at the huge phone, hating it. A new phone, she remembered, brought than the grin back on her face just as her mum came back with a plate of lasagne. "You're an angel ma, thank you."

"You're welcome sweety." Patting the dark-blonde's head Gina took a seat and smiled at her daughter. "Care to explain what has you grinning like that?"

The enthusiastic nod, followed by loads of swallowing made her laugh. "Sure! I'm going to get Katie back mum! I've got a plan and all. Isn't that amazing?" The smile on Gina's face was frozen in place and she tried, really hard, not to let her daughter see that she wasn't that enthusiastic about that idea.

It made her look like she was having a stroke. "What mother!?"

She raised her hands in surrender, mumbling how she hadn't said anything, hoping desperately to get out of this situation before she would ruin Naomi's excellent mood. She didn't want that, it was nice to see her child smile again, but, she'd be happier if she did that for other reasons than the one she had. "I can see it in your face...you're not approving of my master plan!"

Widening her eyes Gina's confusion grew, she couldn't remember hearing the plan in the first place, never mind not approving!

"Oh don't look so fucking innocent! You never liked Katie but guess what? I don't care, I never have."

"I know."

"So you can stick it mother, fucking stick it!" She wanted so hard to just run away and slam the door but...the lasagne was fucking phenomenal and she didn't see why her plan should suffer because of her stupid mother. "Watch your fucking language Naomi and eat the lasagne!"

A staring-match, which ended in them erupting in laughter, made the customers watch them amusingly. "Naomi, stop always accusing me of not liking Katie. You know very well how much I love her and the kids, they're family. They're yours, which makes them my family." Sighing, she clasped her hands and smiled sincerely at her sceptical daughter. "Whatever your big...uh master plan plan is, I really hope it works out. I just don't want to see you suffering more than you are already."

"I'm not suffering! Didn't you listen? I have a plan and I'm going to get her back. All is fantastic mother, keep up." Rolling her eyes Naomi gulped her coke down, eyeing the ice-cream menu.

"I heard but I also hope that you remember that it always are two people involved to get back together love. Don't think of it as an easy road, it could get messy, hard and end in a way you wouldn't want it to."

"Right." She wiped her lips with a napkin and nodded at Effy who was making her way through the pub, turning heads left and right, the way she always did. "Come here sexy and give me a kiss."

Gina's face was priceless when Effy sauntered over, a look of pure sultry, and leaned down. She pressed her lips to Naomi's, cupping her face with one hand and stroking her neck with the other. "Hey." She whispered against the brunette's lips, tugging on her bottom lip with her teeth when she pulled away. "Hey." Smirked Effy, turning her head to smile at Gina, who was still gaping at them. It didn't make it better when Naomi pulled her mate into her lap, wrapping her arms around her. Effy took the fork, like it were totally normal for them to share the same food and forks, and took a bite of the Italian goodness. "Mhhhmm, it's delicious Gina. Don't think I've ever eaten such an amazing lasagne."

Blinking rapidly Gina coughed, somewhat perplexed as she answered. "Thank you love. Uh, I never knew you were that...close."

Locking eyes with Naomi Effy's smirk grew and she winked at the girl. "Yeah, we didn't know it either. But things tend to come as a surprise when you are least expecting them." Furrowing her brows Naomi knew that Effy's statement was meant for her, but she couldn't decrypt it.

She didn't have to wait for long though, an excited scream and loud laughter made her eyes widen in shock and then, then her kids were standing by her side. Bay was trying to crawl up her legs and jumped around, reaching up. Bence was tugging on her arm, talking a mile the minute, the excitement making him lisp like it always had, one characteristic similarity he had to Katie.

She was in shock.

Everything went in slow motion after that.

* * *

_**+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Break-up day on top of the roof Naomi had fled to after, accidentally knocking Katie unconscious,.** _

* * *

_It was Ashley who came up on the roof Naomi was sitting on ever since she had made Katie pass out in the early night. The blonde was staring out at Camden Town with a far away look, almost as if she wasn't there really. Too much was going on in her head, she knew if she stopped sitting on that rooftop edge and went downstairs, she'd have to leave._

_She didn't hear, or realise the girl being there until she managed to take a seat on the edge next to her. "You have to come back inside, it's been raining for hours now." _

_But Naomi didn't answer, she kept staring into nothing. _

"_Look, your perverted mate from Bristol is here, right wanker tried to grab my tits when he arrived. Anyway, he's called some chick to come pick you up. She'll be here in a couple minutes, you need to come back inside." _

_When the blonde still wouldn't acknowledged her existence Ashley sighed. "Fucking hell Naomi. Yes, yesterday was fucked up but Katie is okay. She's not mad, rather thankful I'd say." _

"_Why would she be thankful." _

"_Because she was going fucking mental! Properly out of her head and you stopped her doing god knows what. She's beating herself up like crazy for what happened, you really need to come back inside. You'll get pneumonia or worse." _

_It took Cook coming up and talking some sense into her for Naomi relent and face the horrible music. She had no idea what she had expected, but Katie sitting in the sitting room, with Bence and Bay, watching telly and laughing certainly wasn't it. _

_There was a band aid on her right temple and a very angry bruise on her cheek, a reminder of the night before. Brown eyes rose and when they set on Naomi, Katie smiled so fucking gently getting to her feet. _

_She made her way to the shivering girl and traced her face with her eyes, rubbing her hands across Naomi's goosebumps covered arms. "Darling, you're drenched. Come on, we'll get you some towels and dry clothes." Not having the strength to protest, Naomi let Katie lead her upstairs into their bedroom. _

_Flickering her eyes to the en suit a couple of times, Katie made up her mind and took Naomi's cold hand, determinately walking towards the shower. She turned around and smiled again, so fucking tenderly it broke the blonde's heart, Katie pushed some blonde hair out of her face, then she undressed her, turning on the shower with hot water before gently leading Naomi into it. She followed shortly after, naked herself, and brought her hands to Naomi's face. "God, what the hell happened to us." _

_Pumping some shampoo out of the herbal essences bottle Naomi was using into her hands, Katie started to massage it into drenched blonde locks. She didn't realise she was crying until thumbs wiped the tears away. "Don't cry darling, ssshh don't cry." The brunette choked out, pulling Naomi into a strong hug. _

_But Naomi felt like crying her eyes out because she knew that this was the end. And with it, Katie, the way she actually was, had returned. It had taken their end to make her reappear again and that was fucking heartbreaking. Seeing the loving, gentle and just amazing person again, only to let her go, hurt like hell. _

_Naomi's personal hell. _

"_I'm so sorry baby." Katie kept whispering into her hair, rubbing her hand along her back comfortingly. "So fucking sorry." _

_And being there with Katie in the shower, probably for the last time, brought something inside of Naomi to start burning. Something that hadn't happened for quite some time and the next thing she knew, she had Katie pinned to the wall and her lips were sucking on her nipple as the other girl moaned, pulling her closer. _

_It was fast, and hard, and possibly dirty but it brought tears to their eyes because that was how they were. How they had been before. And when Katie came undone under her fingers, for the countless time, it was different. _

_Knowing it was the last time made it different. _

_It was the reason why Katie was crying almost hysterically, gasping for air when she was clinging to a paralysed Naomi. _

_Cook was gone by the time they finally came back downstairs, freshly showered and dressed. He had to go back to Bristol and with Effy there, he was sure they wouldn't bash each others heads in in front of the kids. _

_Ashley had left shortly after him, when all she got from Effy were hateful looks that could kill. _

_Naomi had packed some important things, not everything though, and was standing by the door about to say goodbye to her kids. _

_One of the hardest things she had to do until that day. _

"_You'll be back though, right? You're always back when you make up again so you'll be at Effy's and then when you stop being mean to each other you'll come back."Bence rambled, acting like everything was okay and he weren't about to break out in tears. "Come're." She enveloped him in a tight embrace, closing her eyes to save this image in her mind forever. "I love you, and you can always call or come see me. Got that?" _

_He nodded and ran upstairs to his attic, plugging in his guitar. They heard the amp being turned on to its fullest as an angry melody boomed through the house. _

_She got to her knees and kissed a still warm skinned Bay, wrapping her arms around the little girl. "Love you soo much baby Bay. I'll pick up up on this weekend and we'll go see a film or something, yeah?" Thankfully Bay wasn't as obvious to what was going on around her and the idea of going for a film had her smile weakly. She was still fighting the illness and it showed but at least she wasn't burning up any more, or an angry mess because of Naomi's leaving. "I'll be at Effy's, and you can see me whenever you want as well. Okay?" _

_There was honking, showing Effy's impatience and Naomi kissed Bay again before getting back up to her feet. The brunette had opted on waiting in the car when she was greeted by Katie's scowl the very first second they had come back from the shower. _

_Naomi took her bags and went to open the door but Katie beat her to it and smiled unsurley when they were face to face. "So, that's not the end, is it? We're not breaking up, we're just taking a break, right darling?" She didn't look very sure though, and when Naomi didn't say anything, she hadn't said a word to her since the night before, her face fell. "I mean, we're just going through a rough patch and we need space. But we're not breaking up." _

"_Sure." And with that Naomi left her house, her home, and went to live with Effy again. _

_It was the third time since they had moved to London and she just knew that there was no going back again. Not that time._

_This was it. _

_Katie was desperately trying to make it sound like a break, but Naomi knew that when her girlfriend had the freedom she would certainly enjoy it. She would get together with Ashley and she wouldn't take Naomi back again. Not now that she had someone who was obviously very much into her, didn't mind her kids, and was absolutely perfect in every other aspect. _

_She was like a better, improved version of Naomi, what was there not to like?_

_Besides, the last night had shown Naomi what they had become and she didn't like it. _

_One bit._

* * *

"Kids, why don't you leave Naomi a second to gather her thoughts? She looks well surprised. Come on, we'll go sit over there." Katie's hard voice, cutting Naomi's to pieces, calmly, almost emotionless stated. She met Gina's feary eyes and leant down to press a kiss to the woman's cheek, letting her hug her with one arm. She nodded at something the blonde woman had whispered into her ear, sending her a grateful smile before she ushered the children away.

Naomi was still sitting there, a lap full of an extraordinary, suicidal sex bomb who's obviously out for war, and she couldn't comprehend what had happened just then. "You knew she was coming." Came, finally, the accusative bullet flying at Effy, mixed with fingers digging into her thighs. "God, why the fuck have you be such a bitch? Do you have any idea what this has cost me?"

Gina was still staring at them, eyes wide open, too scared to interfere.

"Right." Whispered Effy, moving so her lips were pressed to Naomi's ear, well, and she was able to lock her eyes on Katie's furious ones. "Relax, she's looking like she'd like to skin me alive."

"Exactly!"

"It's fine. She needs to see that you're living Naomi, you cant keep being there to pick up whenever she feels like it. Make yourself rare, make yourself attractive to her again." Blue eyes flashed with something, could had been anger, could had been annoyance, could had been resignation. "Besides, you know that I'm up for it, why not have fun while we're practising to get your bod working again?" She wanted to kiss Naomi but the blonde smiled apologetically and turned her head away, biting the inside of her cheek. "Not in front of the kids." Smiling again, very lightly, she signalled that she wanted to get up and Effy was smart enough to let her.

The blonde kissed her cheek and smiled again before taking three deep breaths, letting Effy squeeze her hand, she made her way towards the booth her family was sitting in.

* * *

_Seeing Katie had turned out to be harder than she had expected. The following weekend she was supposed to pick up Bay for a film and it was horrible. Katie had kept glaring at her while she was sitting on the sofa, sipping her coffee and letting her eyes roam everything that wasn't her girlfriend._

_Or rather ex. _

_Seeing Ashley there didn't make it better. _

_No five minutes after Naomi arrived the brunette with the beautiful locks had walked in too, heading straight for the kitchen she had heard Katie open drawers in. She hadn't seen Naomi yet and it hurt to watch her kiss Katie hello like it was a natural thing to do. "Wow nice Katie, didn't waste any time, have you?" She spat bitterly, her heart aching. _

_Since then, Katie had kept glaring at her warningly. _

_After a nice day with Bay in town, Naomi had brought her home and went back to her car right after Katie had opened the door. She couldn't take it, seeing her with Ashley again. Katie had yelled at her that she were a bitch for not bringing her daughter to bed, but Naomi continued walking towards her car._

_Speeding off as soon as she had been inside, she couldn't wipe the tears away fast enough and feared she might crash. Truth to be told, it wouldn't had mattered much in that moment anyway. _

_Then things happened at once, too many things. Naomi had always had fights with Katie about one thing or another, often about her demanding to not have Ashley at dinner when she was there. They had decided to at least share one dinner together every week, for the kids. A really bad decision. _

_It didn't end well. _

_Effy had had things to care of in Bristol, or some place else and had left Naomi with the plea to not do anything stupid. _

_But things had changed, dramatically. _

_Naomi had stormed into the store, almost breaking the door down in the process. She was seething as she rounded the endless shelves to find her girlfriend, ex girlfriend sitting on one of the beat up sofas at the back of the store. Naomi glared at her and the girl next to her. _

"_Hey, were we suppose to meet today?" Katie asked with an easy smile, almost as if nothing was wrong, and as if they weren't living in different places at the moment. She leaned up and reached out, pulling Naomi close by her bag. When she was within reach she pressed one hand to her back and pulled her down whilst pushing up to press her lips to hers._

_Naomi shook her head and stepped back, crossing her arms with a face like thunder. "All right, what have I done now?" Was Katie's dry question, a bored expression on her face. "You" Shaking her head Naomi nodded towards the girl she didn't know, not very comfortable about having the conversation with an audience watching. A giggle left Katie's lips and she shrugged. "Na, that's Jules, she can stay." _

_Shrugging with a mean glint in her eyes, Naomi's jaw set. "Fine, whatever. Wanna explain what the fuck you were thinking calling Effy? She's lost it Kay, she fucking tried to off herself you stupid cow. What have you said to her?" _

_Katie didn't bat an eye, she just kept looking at Naomi with that easy smile of hers she always had painted on lips when she was stoned. _

_Eyes widening, the blonde leaned down and grabbed her ex girlfriend's chin, inspecting her eyes closely. Groaning she narrowed her eyes. "You're high in the middle of the fucking day? Where are the brats?" _

"_Like you care. Don't act all high and mighty now darling, it just doesn't suit you." The bitch was back out to play and Naomi didn't even try to calm down, she was ready for the fight. So with a scoff she pulled out a fag and lit it, inhaling greatly while she watched the stoned women stifle their giggles. "You're right. Hey baby?" _

"_Huh?" Katie's brown orbs were red and her pupils tiny, showing that she was in fact in the perfect state for this. _

"_Hey baby?" _

"_Huh? What?" _

"_Hey baby?" _

"_Naomi! What?" There was only anger in her voice, but Naomi knew how to change that. She knew the girl like the back of her hand after all, all her secrets and every little weakness. So, with a fake confused expression she raised her brows. "What? I haven't said a word. Stop yelling." Taking a deep drag of the cigarette she ran her fingers over some old books in the shelve next to her. "Hey baby?" _

"_Naomi!" _

"_WHAT?" The blonde would always grin at Katie when she said 'hey baby' then turn away again and act as if the girl were imagining things. Katie loved her pot, but she was fucking paranoid. That's why she never had any at parties, only when she was alone with Naomi. Tiny things would send her off on hour long horror trips, just the usual paranoid mind-fucking horror trips. Knowing this, Naomi used it to her advantage, something she'd never done before._

"_What?" Now there wasn't any anger, only fear laced Katie's voice. "What are you doing?" _

"_No baby, what are you doing? What are you doing? Hey baby?" The dark haired mother snapped her eyes shut and brought her hands to her ears, covering them as she hid her face between her thighs. _

_Say hello to your horror trip darling, Naomi thought bitterly. _

_The moment she had gotten the call from the hospital two days before, telling her that Elizabeth Stonem had tried to kill herself, Naomi had finally snapped. And after the girl had told her that she's had a nice chat with Katie before jumping off that bridge in front of the truck, breaking almost every bone in her body, Naomi had waited for her to fall asleep so she could rip her ex apart. "Julie why don't you fuck off now?" She smiled at the redhead who eyed her suspiciously. "I should stay, Katie wouldn't want me to leave her with you." _

"_Hey baby do you mind if I beat up Julie with your hockey stick?" Katie shook her head, not realising what she'd agreed to, and Naomi raised a brow at the stranger. Daring her to stay. "I think we haven't met, I'm Naomi, half of all of this shit is mine, the kids are mine, as is Katie. So I fucking suggest you fuck off now and leave me to deal with this." Julie couldn't hurry away fast enough, she even tripped over the fluffy carpet by the door. "I thought Ash was her girlfriend." And Naomi glared only harder, making the girl almost jump out on the street._

_When blue eyes landed on Katie the next time the girl was curled into a tiny ball on the sofa, a huge pillow pressed to her face, covering her ears. Naomi got to her knees and pulled the pillow away, Katie was way too stoned to stop her. _

_Panicked brown eyes met blue ones and Katie sobbed, dashing forwards. In her clouded mind everything was twirling around, scaring her to death and seeing Naomi's face made her think, as always, she'd make it better. She was clinging to Naomi desperately while her body kept shaking, only to be pushed away roughly. "Don't fucking touch me." Naomi sounded as disgusted as she felt. "Where are the kids?" _

"_Huh?!" Hearing a loud ringing in her ears Katie couldn't understand what her girlfriend said. "BAY? Bence? Where the fuck are they?!" She was a second away from shaking the sobbing girl. "With Emily." Thankfully she decided to flick on her fucking brain before Naomi could do something she'd regret later. "Are we going to Italy?" That question threw the blonde off guard. Combined with the innocent tone, those dark eyes full of hope, fear, and uncertainty disarmed her for a moment. _

_Only a moment though, because then a bitter laugh echoed through the empty store. "Yeah right, as if I'd go anywhere with you. You should ask Ashley, your girlfriend." _

_She was about to get back up to her feet but Katie's hands shot out and grabbed her, hard. "Don't go? Please? I'm..I'm tripping, really badly darling. Can you stay? It feels...it feels like I'm stuck in a fucking time warp. Everything happened thousand times before and it's still happening, over and over again." She looked so lost, so young and so very Katie that Naomi had to smile. _

_Snatching her arms out of the girl's grasp she finally got to her feet and turned her head sharply around. "Hey baby?" "FUCK!" Was the pained cry Katie let out to Naomi's trigger word. The blonde grinned at her nastily saying; "Have a good trip." Then she strutted out, got the key from her bag to close up the shop before Katie could fuck up the business in her state. _

_When she reached her car, the Benz she bought after everything had gone tits up, she dialled Emily's number. "Naomi, why are you calling?" _

"_My kids with you?" _

"_Yesssss." _

"_I'm on my way, have'em packed in half an hour please. We're going to Bristol." _

"_Does Katie know?" _

"_She's stoned up, I'll call her later. So, half an hour and don't make me remind you that those are my kids too Emily or I swear to god someone will end up dead today." _

_After Emily agreed she threw her phone into the passengers seat and drove to Effy's place where she was still living. She packed a bag for herself, clothes for the kids, and some stuff for Effy like her Ipod, netbook, a couple books, bras, knickers, and shampoo. _

_It took her almost an hour to get to Emily's, but when she had arrived the kids were almost finished and bursting with happiness of seeing her. "Mummy, where we go?" Kissing Bay's forehead Naomi closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry as she helped her into her tiny boots. "We're going to visit grandma, she misses you like crazy." _

"_We miss grandma too." The little girl grinned, her big brown eyes shining and her blonde locks bouncing as she nodded. Her hair, which had been very dark, got lighter month for month and now she was nearly four years old and blonde like an angel with shoulder length hair that always stood to all directions. "Mama coming too?" _

"_Nope baby, mama has to take care of the shop you know? But we'll call her tonight when we get there." She smiled at Bay who was already fascinated by her new bag, pulling on the studs. "I'm not going." Bence announced, his face pressed into an angry scowl. "I'm not leaving ma, you're just taking us because she wouldn't want it. You don't want us any more." _

_Her eyes widened and her brows raised so high she was sure they would never find their way back to the place they belonged. "What did you just say?" Her voice didn't sound like her own any more, the sentence was voiced with soo much venom and so slowly spoken it reminded her of some bully in a thriller. _

"_I said I'm not coming. Mama's picking us up in the morning, she'll be sad if we go without her and I bet you only take us cuz she doesn't want it. So I'm staying." Naomi was frozen, her jaw dropping and her eyes almost falling out as she kept shaking her head. She couldn't believe he would said such things. It had to come from somewhere though. "What's going on Bence? Why are you so mean?" Rationality made her question his obvious hatred, rather then pack him up and threaten to take away his music privileges. _

"_I'm not mean, Naomi. I've just had enough of your crap." She got to her feet and walked slowly towards the glaring boy who stood with his head held high. Clenching her fists, she took a calming breath, knowing that this was the moment she'd either go one way or another, and whichever way she'd choose couldn't be changed afterwards. _

_It would pave the ground of what kind of parent she was. _

_She desperately tried to stay on the loving road, the road she grew up with, where violence was something she had learned in school about for the first time. "Get your bag and get in the car." Her gritted teeth and blazing eyes made him gulp but, with less certainty, he still stood his ground. _

"_No! You don't want me there! You can take your little fucking Bay, I don't care but I'm not coming. I'm not your child, remember? You cant make me, you're not my mother!" She was paralysed, thank god, otherwise she'd have probably taken the bad road and slapped that nonsense out of him._

_Emily wasn't though, and it was her who grabbed Bence and threw him over her shoulder, panting as she carried him to the car. "You little shit, you fucking apologise because that is your mother and you fucking know it. I don't even care what's gotten into you right now and I certainly don't want to see you here any more when you keep being nasty. Show some fucking respect you little brat." Mumbling she fought him into the car as he tried to escape. _

_By that time she had the seatbelt finally in place Naomi came walking towards the car, holding Bay's hand. She didn't say a word when she strapped her inside of her seat beside Bence. She didn't say a word when she closed the door. Or when she had walked back around to the driver's door. She did say something when she was about to open it though. "Thanks." _

_Nodding Emily glared at Bence, shaking her head in disbelieve at the boy screaming the car down. "Didn't do it for you, obviously. He needs to know his fucking boundaries. I'll go see Katie, hope you haven't left her a complete mess." _

"_I have." Naomi confessed with a shrug. "Rightly so. She's talked Effy up that fucking stupid bridge and she's got the fucking nerve to act like she's done nothing wrong." _

_Furrowing her brows Emily obviously had no idea what Naomi was talking about, so with a shake of her head she explained. "She's tried to kill herself Ems, like, proper suicide attempt. Threw herself of a fucking bridge by the motorway, landed in front of a forty toner truck." Brown eyes filled with scalding tears as Emily's hand shot up to her mouth, gasping in shock. "She's alive. The driver didn't make it though. He saw her jump and steered to the side, taking three cars with him. Poor lad died. 24 years old, has a fucking wife and two little kids. Another woman, pregnant, lost her baby and her two year old daughter is in intensive care, coma." She ran a hand through her hair, her eyes brimming with tears. "You know Effy better than anyone else, she wouldn't do anything to harm others, not even her own suicide. She was fucking desperate, it wasn't planned. She was walking on the bridge when Katie called, so she stopped to have a smoke. And then, well she cant remember, but she jumped." _

_Emily was crying by that point, stopped fighting it when she heard how hurt the other people were, or dead. Her voice was breaking when she asked the next question; "How bad is it?" _

_Wiping the tears away Naomi shook her head, surprised by how many tears she still had left. It felt like she's done nothing but cry for the past months. "It's pretty bad." She took a ragged breath and rubbed her face. "Her legs are broken, her arms, and her tail bone too but that will heal. Her neck broke, Emily. They've operated on her for almost sixteen hours, had to stop because her brain started bleeding. Her lungs are fucked, they are overinflated and she'll need an artificial one when she's properly healed. Cant tell how bad it really is, she's not even halfway down with every surgery they are gonna perform on her. But she's steady now." Emily was shaking in fear, her whole body felt numb, as if she had been in freezing cold water for hours. "Her neck broke? Naomi people don't live after that." _

"_Some do. Question now is if they'll get her back up on her feet though. She could be paralysed, Ems. And even then we're lucky. They actually hope that she'll be paralysed, that means she'll live. Everything could happen. She's too weak for another surgery right now, they have to keep stabilising her before she can undergo another one. She's awake though, fucking bitch cant sleep. Right after they stopped the brain bleed, she was still in narcosis, she opened her eyes and stayed awake for almost ten hours. She kept talking, puking, crying, yelling, it was horrible. She feels everything, she wants to feel it. Normally, the doc's said, people sleep when they are hurt that badly, but she wont. Her body doesn't shut off like it normally would, into self preservation drive, she fights it to feel everything. They kept pumping morphine, Diazepam and all other stuff into her so she'd sleep and when she did I came back here to get a few things." Both of them ignored the banging of Bence's fists on the right window. _

"_How...what's Katie said to her?" Emily's eyes transformed, the devil had nothing on her. She was out for blood. "And why the fuck were you with her before getting the kids? You should've killed her for what she did." _

"_I was about to." Naomi nodded, her face confronted into an angry grimace. "But when I got there she was so fucking stoned she couldn't understand what I was saying. Julie and her were getting high, don't know. Haven't expected to take the kids to be honest, only wanted to go home and grab some clothes and Effy's stuff, but when I saw her being a fucking bitch I had to. Don't think she should be stoned 24/7 with them there. I know, today they're not but sometimes they are. Besides, I think a bit time away from all the fucking battles is going to do them good." _

"_Your situation isn't easy for them." It's obvious that Emily felt awkward talking about the subject, so Naomi stopped herself from being a bitch and only nodded. _

"_All right, you should go or Bence will fuck up your hot Merc." Wiping away smeared mascara from under her eyes Naomi nodded again and sighed. With a helpless shrug she blinked repeatedly, trying not to cry. "You shouldn't visit her yet, she's not strong enough." _

"_Watch it Naomi." Barked the twin with so much venom Naomi was sure she should have turned into a pile of ashes. "That's Effy, my Effy who's laying there with every fucking bone in her body broken. I'd fucking walk there to see her if I had to." _

"_Should have thought about that earlier, huh?" It was all too much for the blonde. The whole last six months, starting before Christmas had been horrible and one tragedy followed the next. Now, with Effy's condition, she was ready to snap and she couldn't control it. _

_Truth to be told, she didn't care the tiniest bit about who got the full Campbell punch of anger, she needed release from this fucked up mess her life had turned into. "You do know that if you hadn't acted like a fucking thirteen year old closet dyke pining after the new girl she'd still be fine, right?" _

_It hurt like a ton of bricks, Emily's fist landing on Naomi's jaw did, cutting the blonde's bottom lip open. Moving her jaw a couple of times and opening her mouth, Naomi wiped away the blood drops and licked her wound. "The truth hurts, yeah I know. I wonder what's worse, knowing you're to blame for her trying to kill herself or that she survived it, tying her to a bed with tubes and IV's forever?" The second punch was worse, it made her jaw crack and she flinched. "Finished?" Was her hateful, laughing response and Emily pounced on her. _

_Maybe she needed to feel something, maybe, after everything that's happened, with her uncle dying, Ginia being sick, Katie, Emily, and now Effy the blonde needed to feel something. Otherwise there was no explanation why she let the twin tackle her to the ground and punch away on her face. _

"_**MUM**!" Bence screeched and jumped on top of Emily a couple moments later, grabbing fistfuls of her hair he pulled as strongly as he could. "GET OFF MY MOTHER! **Emily**!" She tried to shake him off but every time she managed to get him off, Bence bounced back up. "MUM DO SOMETHIN!" In the end, when it looked to him like Naomi would let Emily punch her to death, Bence pressed his little boy hands to his aunt's face and scratched. _

_She wailed and jumped up, making him fall to the ground and crawl to Naomi. He placed his body in front of hers with teary eyes, a face red and full of horror. "NO! Don't TOUCH her!" _

_Emily panted and wiped her tears away, her body totally spent. Her brown eyes locked on Naomi's and she bit her lip before shaking her head and marching into her flat without another word. _

_Naomi let her head fall back on the pavement and breathed heavily, watching the clouds pass by. "You were supposed to stay in the car, there are child-prove locks in it." He nodded, still staring at Emily's door with wide eyes, scared she might come back with a knife or bat. _

_Sure, he knew Emily could fight. It had never been a problem for him, no, it had made her seem so much cooler than other adults. He had seen her going off the rails a couple of times, yes he had seen her fight his ma, and yes, he even saw how she fought another girl once but it was still different to see her hurt his mum that way. "I thought she was killing you, I'm sorry, but I climbed over your seat to get out." He looked into her eyes. "Got it dirty." _

_She groaned and her eyes landed on his muddy boots, she could imagine how awful the red leather was looking after he climbed out of the car. "It's fine. Don't you ever do it again though, no feet on the seats." She had never been very 'sterile', always frowned at people not allowing their kids to do this, sit there, or do that, but having this new car made her want to keep it this lovely as long as possible. "Give me a hand will you? Or you could just leave me here to rot away if you hate me so much." _

_He rolled his eyes and pulled her up, which wasn't very hard as she had lost an unbelievable amount of weight in the past months. She hadn't been fat before, but never as skinny as now. "I don't hate you." He whispered, his head hanging in shame._

_She shook her head, wiping away the remains of blood. "I don't wanna talk about it now, get into the car we're leaving." She waited til he was safely strapped in before she got in herself and drove off, muttering how the world could collapse around her and Bay would still fall asleep as soon as she's seated in a car. _

_They stopped to grab a bite at McDonald's, a Big Mac Menu for her, two Cheeseburgers for Bence and Nuggets sweet-sour with chips for Bay. _

_It was almost eight pm when they arrived at her childhood home, the pub, and Gina came rushing outside to greet them. Her face was painted with fake happiness, Effy's condition even bringing the happiest woman alive to her knees. She showered the kids with kisses. It had been way too long since they had visited the last time. They'd seen each other one time after Christmas, and now was summer almost over. _

_The kids had a coke, some salad (no more fast food for the day, Naomi's rule after they screamed for fish n chips), and then the blonde made Bence take a shower and she bathed Bay. By 9.30 they were happily tucked into bed, sharing Bence's old room, and Naomi collapsed on a barstool. Her mother presented her a pint with a sad smile, showing her that she understood. She patted her arm as she walked past her to bring a customer his food. _

"_Naomi, Naomi, Naomi. It been too long." A lazy smile formed on her lips when she heard the voice of that handsome Italian who had become such an important part in her life. "If you don't mind I saying, you look like screwed shit." She chuckled, letting Fernando wrap his muscular arms around her and kiss her head lovingly. "But still drop dead gorgeous. What's bring you home? Trouble with bitchy Fitchy, your face has her fingerprints?" _

_She laughed half-heartedly, closing her eyes as she breathed in her friend, enjoying the closeness. "Almost correct my lovely spaghetti, I've made Emily lose it." She pointed to her lip, making him grin. "Girl's got a mean punch." _

_His thumb moved across her split bottom lip, feeling the slight crust of dried blood. "What you done to poor old Emily then? She is a really sweetheart." _

"_Blamed her." His smile faded and a long sigh ran through their bodies as he let go of her to have a better angle for looking her in the eye. "And why?" _

_Her face fell and she turned the stool back around to the bar, resting her hands on the counter and leaning her head down between them. Her fingers were gripping her own neck as she fought the urge to scream and cry. "Someone's to be blamed." _

"_Yes, that is correct. Effy is at fault." She almost jumped off the stool and he took a step back when her fire spitting eyes set on him. A sharp fingernail was pushed into his chest and she watched him in disgust. "Don't you ever say that again or you'll regret it for the rest of your life." _

"_But she is. She decide to jump, she jump, she kill people, children, and no think of you or Emily and" She was on her feet and in his face before he could finish the sentence. "That's where you're wrong. It was Emily she was thinking of, Emily who's hurt her sooo much she couldn't go on any longer. All because of fucking Emily! She's ruined all our life's and I don't know why I shouldn't be the one telling her when everyone else are fucking pussies and only thinking it. It was her, she might as well have pushed her." With that she gulped down the last drops of her pint and left, driving her awesome new car through the streets she grew up in towards the hospital._

* * *

"Mum! S'up?" Grinning at Bence, she ruffled his long, curly, hair. "New York was amazing! Gosh, I love it. We were up on the Rockefeller, seen the statue of liberty, ground zero made me cry. Did you know that it were terrorists who flew that plane in the towers? Mum! They did it on purpose." His huge eyes, almost as if telling a secret, made her smile gently and kiss his forehead as she took a seat next to him. "I know baby." "They didn't attack america mum."

"No?" Her eyes flickerd to Katie, who was sitting opposite of her, while she listened to his passionate ranting. "No! They'd have attacked the white house or something if it were. But they've chosen the World Trade Centre. They attacked the world mum." Nodding absentley she smiled at Bay who was sipping on her capri sun.

"Who brings children to a pub with their own drinks? She'll let food appear out that huge bag any minute now. Someone who's not having money shouldn't make children, should they? Pathetic." A nasty old man growled, staring at Katie in disgust.

The girls looked at him, speechless, and he continued with his hatred filled rant. "What you star'in at sugar-t" "Do you mind leaving us alone?" Katie hissed, glaring but he laughed, pointing a fat finger at her. "I do, actually. You pack shouldn't be allowed inside pubs, what have children lost inside one anyway? Never heard of playgrounds? If you need a refill go to Tesco's, bet that's more your style."

"Ma? Why is the man angry?"

Naomi had enough, she coughed, and when she had his attention her angry eyes made him shift uncomfortably. "I'd suggest you fuck off now, before I'll have you kicked out and banned for the rest of your life."

"It's fine Naomi" He winked at her. "I know you have to say that, don't worry. But I'd really appreciate if you'll watch who comes inside here, that's no place for fatherless children tagging along with their drunk mother." Eyes almost falling out, Naomi had no idea why he was acting like such a twat. She didn't remember his name but he came in from time to time, never making any problems or behaving poorly. It was the first time and she was torn between kicking him out and explaining.

Katie's next words made her decision. "Naomi, it's fine we're leaving. Obviously we're not wanted here." She smiled. "Come on kids, get your things and say bye to grandma."

"Look mate, it's the middle of the day and everyone is welcome here. You cant just go round tables and insult our costumers." She tried the nice approach but Katie's mean glare let her rethink it, seeing the kids put on their jackets did too. "All right. Enough, you haven't eaten yet. Stay where you are" Pushing Bence back into the booth Naomi got to her feet and placed a hand on the man's sweaty shoulder, gently pushing. "I think it's time to go. And I really don't want to see you here again." Katie, insisting that the they'd leave, made her continue rapidly. "Wait a sec." Then she turned to him again, watching him grin. "Leave please. I really don't want to call the coppers."

"But we don't want to go." Bence sulked.

"You're not leaving." Effy, who had walked to the booth when the commotion had started said, stroking his head. "Here's your coke." Beaming at her, he opened the can and was ready to stay where he was. If Naomi and Effy were on his side, he could easily fight his ma on that matter, he knew that.

The man was gone and Naomi came back with Gina, who had helped walking him out (She wasn't as diplomatic as Naomi, she had screamed her head off, warning him to ever put his foot back into her pub).

There were hugs and kisses, grandma showering the kids and Katie with questions and love. She felt like she never saw them any more and couldn't be happier, perhaps if there weren't glaring matches between Katie and Effy (who was smirking, standing next to Naomi, too close for the brunette's liking). Naomi though, had a smile on her face as she helped Bay with her steak.

"Katie, love, how is London? The business still booming?" Gina was trying to bring a bit normality into the situation. "I hope it is still your dream, not a nightmare. I know how I curse this old dump here from time to time." Polite laughter was the adult's response.

"Oh, almost forgot. Here, this one's better for you. Fits you, reminds me of your eyes." Naomi's face was priceless when Effy thrusted a tiny Samsung box into her hands. Seeing that it was practically the same phone she owned, only the mini-series, really fitting into her hand, made her smile. But the colour, metallic/blue/purple had her choke on laughter. Her eyes, right. "It's amazing Eff, thanks." Reaching out she pulled the brunette into her, hugging her lightly.

"So, you seem really happy that Naomi is staying in Bristol." It were pretty much the first words Katie had said to Effy after the fatal phone conversation after which the brunette had decided to jump. Hearing her actually talk to her made her frown, shaking her head before bringing the smirk back to her face. "Right, yes I am. But I'll be happier after we moved back to London next week."

Naomi's blood ran cold and there was a deadly silence in the booth, the tension too thick.

The reaction wasn't what everyone expected, Katie merely smiled and drank the beer Gina had brought her earlier. "That sounds lovely. You should come round for dinner sometime. We'll have the kids go to the sitter and Ashley could cook something."

Gulp.

The easy reaction wasn't easy, Katie was still in the middle of that fight and she had just aimed the fatal shot at Naomi's heart.

She shook her head and smiled, declining the horrible offer. "Sorry Kay, think I'll stick to visiting the kids. I'm not really someone for double dates." Effy's expression looked almost proud, and they watched Katie's face fall.

"All right. Who's up for another pint?"


	16. crash boom bang

_Here you go with the next chapter. _

_A bit more of the kids and everyone except for Emily is around. _

_More questions are answered. I hope you like it. that are actually two chapters blended into one, I couldnt decide where to stop so here you go. 10k words. _

_Have fun and tell me what you think. _

_Next time: Katie watching Naomi perform, awkward. _

* * *

"I'm not sure I'm ready to do that, Eff."

"Why not?"

"Won't it be weird?"

"It shouldn't."

"But...you're _Effy_."

"Yes I am."

"Exactly. You're _Katie's_ Effy."

"Naomi?"

"Yes?"

"Would shut up and stop being weird? Just massage my freaking back, it's killing me."

Drawing in tiny puffs of air Naomi bit her lip and took a seat on the brunette's, sparsely clad, bum. Her hands covered in baby oil, Naomi went to work on her mates horribly tense back, trying to kneed the knots out. The goosebumps her touch left wasn't helping the awkwardness and she shifted uncomfortably when Effy moaned, clearly enjoying what she was doing to her.

They were back in Effy's flat, or, their flat like she made Naomi call it. "You cant act like a homeless person Naomi, you know exactly that you are more than welcome here. You need a home, you deserve one, and as long as you're waiting to get back into yours, you're home _here_." She had said when Naomi had asked if she could take a shower after they had arrived the day before.

Sitting on the beautiful girl, who had somehow managed to become a huge part of her life, made Naomi think about how they could had ended up there. From the first moment when she had met Effy, she had liked her. Something about her laid-back attitude and that smart head of hers had made it almost impossible back then not to like her. But when things went tits up and she had been Effy's enemy, for quite some time, being mates wasn't a huge priority.

That is another reason which was making it very hard not to be drawn to her, as a person. She was, by far, the most loyal person she had ever met. After every piece of shit Katie had thrown at her, she'd never stand idle by the side if someone insulted the twin, or badmouthed her.

Katie was an almost mythical object in Effy's eyes, at least it seemed that way, and she could never let her get hurt if she could stop it.

The place was nicer than her bedsit in Bristol but it was still lonely, she knew that the girl felt just as lonely as her. If not more.

* * *

"_Naomi, how did it happen?" Effy asked, her hand running absently over Naomi's back as they lay on the grass at the clinics backyard. The dark blonde, who's changed her hair colour and cut after the big bad break up, hadn't been back home in London since arriving at her mum's doorsteps with the kids a month earlier. _

_Effy was one tough woman, Naomi mused as she watched the brunette who, after the horrible suicide attempt, had healed slowly but continuously. She still had her arm and neck in a cast, loads of bruises and angry scars pretty much everywhere but she was back on her feet. Well, not technically, Naomi had to wheel her around but she didn't mind, it had been quite some time since she felt anywhere at home, therefore spending time with Effy was also therapeutic for her. _

_She felt needed and when she was at the clinic a couple hours were not spent hurting and wondering what her family were up to. _

_She could forget. "How did what happen?" _

_Puffing on her cigarette like she hadn't had a care in the world Effy shrugged with one shoulder, raising a brow. "Ginia didn't seem fine when you brought her yesterday." _

"_How very oracly of you." Murmured Naomi, just trying to get off the topic really. "Naomi." It was something between a sigh and a warning, so turning on her side she looked up at the cross-legged girl and shrugged. "I don't know, honestly, I have no idea." A sad smiled played on her lips as she tugged on a blade of grass. "When my uncle died and we met up in Germany she wasn't fine, kept breathing all heavy and shallow you know? Like she's had developed asthma or something. Of course she pretended that everything was fine, just a nerve or a strained muscle or something." Effy nodded, listening without interrupting her. "I haven't really kept in touch you know. So much was going on that I kinda forgot." She was shaking her head at her own stupidity. "I forgot about her and I never returned her calls or mails. She's written me a couple times that she's back in Bristol for a few months to take care of things, I haven't questioned it." _

"_You should've." _

"_I know." With a sigh Naomi was mature enough to know that she had acted poorly, no matter what was going on with her life, she knew that woman like the back of her hand and even fucking Effy knew that Ginia wouldn't be back to Bristol for months. She wouldn't had kept trying to get Naomi to talk to her, meet her. Not if everything was fine.. "Now it's too late. I mean, god have you seen how much weight she's lost? You look like a freaking stick but compared to her you're a fucking fatty." The image of her best friend, the girl she's always loved, all thin and broken ran through Naomi's troubled mind. It had been a shock to go and get some stuff from Tesco's for her mum and run right into the ghost the girl had turned into._

* * *

"Stop Naomi."

Blinking herself out of her daydream she became aware of where her hands had wandered off to without her consent. Hastily she let go of Effy's right tit and stopped stroking her neck, blushing furiously.

What was wrong with her? "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Effy reached out and brought the hands back to where they were before, sighing, as she left the choice to Naomi. She didn't put any pressure on the hands, simply let them rest where they were and closed her eyes again. "I know. That's the reason I've told you to stop. Though, if you _do_ mean to, be my guest."

And the situation got ten times worse as it were from the start, and that in the time frame of five seconds. "I...I cant Eff."

The sigh, kinda disappointed sounding, made her cringe and she was thankful that the girl couldn't see her. Why was she acting all weird? She had a gorgeous, actually one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen, directly under her, pretty much serving herself to her on a silver plate, and what was she doing?

Sitting paralysed on her arse with a tomato coloured face.

She was an adult, hadn't had fucked anyone in what felt like forever, why couldn't she just go with it? Why did she always had to make things complicated?

Not like it's the first time either.

* * *

_A couple weeks earlier, when they were staying at the hotel. Some random pub._

* * *

"_So Lilly, tell me again where you're from?" The pretty blonde sitting next to Naomi asked her, batting her long lashes flirtatiously. _

"_I haven't told you that." Was Naomi's smirking response. She felt amazing, and to be honest? That was what she needed. She had needed an alter ego to finally feel like herself again, bless Effy, or rather Romina for that. "Perhaps I will if you turn out to be interesting." _

"_I'm not?"_

"_Eh, no more than the other six trying to bed me before you." Raising a brow Naomi challenged her, pegging the girl to have a bit of an competitive strike. _

_No five minutes later Naomi was pushed into the restroom's wall, having lips all over her neck as hands tried to open her trousers. She closed her eyes, desperately trying to stop her brain from overloading with the guilt she felt, but there was a deep voice telling her that she didn't have anything to feel guilty about. "Nothing! You're single and you deserve to feel good after years of nothing." _

_Her eyes snapped open and she looked around wildly, thinking she must have lost it but there sitting up on the cubicles divider with her legs dangling was Effy. Like it were perfectly normal to watch her mate getting it on with some random chick. "What the fuck Eff?! Piss off you creep!" _

_The girl finally managed unbuttoning Naomi's leather trousers (Effy's **spare** clothes she had had in her car for situations like this) was pushing her hand inside of that skin tight material, not caring about Effy or that she suddenly wasn't called Romina any more. "Why darling? I find it to be a breaking point in your recovery and I'd like to be a part of it." This got the girl's attention and she looked up with a confused smile. "You want to join in? Come on, I'll help you down gorgeous." Winking at a horrified Naomi, the brunette moved her legs over and jumped on top of the closed toilette lid. _

_Naomi's hand instantly reached out to steady her and Effy didn't waste any time in placing her hands on either side of the blonde's head as she climbed down. She never broke the eye contact, she was so close that the blonde could practically feel her heart beating against her own skin. _

_She was paralysed, her body pushed into the wall with nowhere to escape and her eyes were glued to so stormy blue ones. She couldn't move, think, or grasp the situation. Effy's sexual aura was entrancing her, trapping her. "Effy." Was whispered from her chipped lips and then the brunette smiled so gently that she closed her eyes and leaned in to press their lips together. _

_Reaching up with one hand, Naomi tangled her fingers in that always wild looking mane, pressing them that bit closer into one another. Her other hand went to the wall behind her and with one motion she had switched their positions, pinning Effy to the wall and pushing into her with her thigh. Something inside of her awoke and she let it happen, merciless. Her intoxicated brain was not seeing the wrong she was doing, instead concentrating on the unbelievable feeling Effy's deep groans brought out of her. _

_Blindly reaching down she replaced her thigh with her left hand and let out an guttural moan at the wetness she felt on Effy's knickers under her skirt. Her right hand flew past Effy and right into the door, frantically fumbling until she had unlocked it. The same hand moved around then, she found the stranger's shoulder and pushed her out of the cubicle without ever stopping making Effy groan. They chuckled at the girl's cursing and Effy pushed Naomi away long enough to close the door again, but not before smirking at the girl standing in front of it ready to rip her apart. "Sorry love, kinda busy here. Be a doll and piss off, yeah?" _

"_But I...Lily what the fuck? We were having such a good time and now you're really letting me stand here because you're screwing her? What is wrong with you people?!" _

_Naomi bit her lip, her flushed face and glossy eyes showing that she really couldn't care less who was getting her off at that moment. But Effy had other ideas, she knew that with opening the door and pushing the girl out Naomi had acted on pure instinct, she didn't really want a threesome and she didn't really want to shag that girl. So one tiny thing was enough to make Naomi close the door, it had to be her decision after all. "Naomi?" _

_Hearing her own, real name brought her out of that arousal fog and she shook her head chuckling. "Sorry." Shrugging she nodded at Effy, her lip between her lips, as if seeing her was enough to understand why she choose her. "It's Effy fucking Stonem." _

_With that, Effy fucking Stonem slammed the door into the girl's face. She wanted to turn around but Naomi was on her instantly, pushing her front in the door as her hands trailed up and down her sides. "You're so evil." _

"_I'm the devil." _

_Breathing heavily Naomi closed her eyes, feeling that wave of excitement wash over her. "Eff...I..I don't know if I can."_

_Her forehead leant on the door Effy didn't turn around, instead she asked one tiny question that weight so much. "You cant or don't want to?" A low chuckle was hitting her ear when Naomi dragged her teeth along her neck. "Cant. Like...physically. Believe me I want to."_

_There was such an calm around them all of a sudden that it felt like they were caught in the eye of an tornado. Knowing that whatever they'd decide, it'd haunt them. _

_Turning around, her hands on Naomi's sides so she wouldn't flee, Effy pulled her close. "If you want to, we'll manage. It's a head thing babe, and it wasn't me who's abused you, physically and mentally. Just think about good things, happy things. And when you get locked on bad stuff, close your eyes and imagine me there. Or open them and watch **me**." _

_With furrowed brows Naomi tried to remember why it suddenly made sense. Why Effy's protectiveness for the past years was having such an huge impact on her now. "I think I'm in love with you."_

_Smiling at the admission Effy nodded, leaning into waiting lips, claiming them. "Sure you are." _

"_You love me?" _

"_Sure I do." The kisses were way to sensual to be labelled as drunken mistakes. "It makes sense now, all of it." _

"_It does." Naomi groaned when Effy's hands wrapped from her front up under her armpits, so she could pull her close with her hands on her shoulder. "Fuck Eff...you..you keep doing that." She was close to losing her mind as Effy constantly moved her tongue and teeth over pulse point, switching between sucking, licking, biting. Her thigh had moved between Naomi's and pushed into her rhythmically, in sync with her mouths movements. "I'll do so much more honey, you'll be wondering who the fuck you are when I'm done with you." _

_Opening her eyes Naomi smirked at the obviously many times used line Effy had delivered. When their eyes locked the brunette rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath something about killing the moment. In one fluid motion, Naomi had her fingers in Effy's bra, devilishly smirking at her surprised expression. Just as Effy pushed her tits up, Naomi's fingers left their place, right after pinching her nipple once. She waved the powder bag at her. "You bitch." Effy grinned, rolling her eyes as she snatched the bag out of her mates/lovers hand, preparing a line on the loo lid. _

"_This is disgusting." Naomi complained, eyeing the dirty lid the pretty white powder was so carelessly piled up on. "My face's not coming anywhere near that." _

"_Awe, just try it. I promise you'll like it, get to your knees now." _

"_I really don't want to, it looks disgusting."_

_They broke out into a fit of giggles when the weird girl, still in the restroom, asked what the hell they were doing and that Lily or however she was called wouldn't be disgusted by hers. _

_Reaching for Naomi's hand Effy tried to bring her to her knees but the blonde was stubborn and grimaced. "No way. My poor feet are on that floor, bad enough but I'm not kneeling. It's so dirty." She crossed her arms ultimately, showing Effy that there was no way she'd get down. With an eye roll, the brunette pulled so hard on her hand Naomi lost her footing and crashed into her. _

_Two arms encircled her waist though and steady her so she was sitting on Effy's outstretched, bare legs, the toilette between her thighs. She wanted to turn her head and glare, perhaps even snap but when she did, Effy was grinning at her like a kid that's gotten its wish and she couldn't be mad any more. Not when she looked that adorable and cheeky and, huh, Naomi thought she looked kinda pleased with herself. Before she could debate on being mad for a bit longer soft lips met hers and they let her forget all about dirty loo's, bacterial lids and creepy girls. _

_When her hand was working its way up Effy's bare sides and finally cupped her tit, the brunette threw her head back in ecstasy, giving her room to attack her neck. But then Effy moved them, about 90% so the lid was beside her head. The blonde chuckled when Effy magically let a rolled note appear and turned to snort the line up without having to remove Naomi off of her neck. "Wow Eff, you know how to make a girl feel special. I'm impressed." _

_Throwing her head back with a blissed out smile, she was the only person who ever enjoyed the metallic taste speed left in the throat, she grabbed a fistful of blonde hair. Wild blue eyes opened and the blonde gulped, seeing the hunger in them, no, seeing the predator in them that Effy truly was made her knickers wet all over again. Without saying a word, the brunette pulled her hair, effectively bringing Naomi's mouth back to hers, where she wanted it. _

_Naomi struggled a bit with their position. Effy was half sitting, half laying on the floor with her back against one wall and her legs stretched out, feet leaning on the wall. Naomi was sitting on top of her, somehow strange, with her hands on either side of Effy's head to help her keeping the balance but with her hair being pulled she lost it and her knees hit the ground. She cursed the dirtiness and wanted to stand up from the floor but Effy had other ideas. She kept a hold of Naomi's head and wouldn't stop kissing her. _

_Not giving her a moment to think about the dirty floor, Effy bit her bottom lip and pulled, making Naomi moan. Her hips moved up, forcing Naomi to place her knees on either side of her thighs, straddle her. The blonde held her breath, trying desperately not to make any more noises as she knew that people were in the restroom, as was the creepy strange girl. It was hard, not making noises as Effy's hipbone was hitting her clit every time she pushed her hips up._

* * *

Eyes shut, so fucking tightly, Naomi's lips were forming an O while she pushed her hips upwards. One hand was tangled in Effy's mane, the other clawing at her back while the girl firmly kept pushing her fingers deeply into her. It wasn't aggressive, it was...firm. Never faltering, never slowing down or picking up the pace, it was one thing: mind-blowing, and it had Naomi's hips trash around wildly.

Every stroke, every push and tweak, kiss and nip was making the things occupying Naomi's mind, painful things, go away. It was almost as if Effy was desperate to make her mind go blank and just enjoy what she was doing to her.

Naomi remembered their time in the hotel, she remembered how her eed up mind had made her think she were in love with Effy, which was obviously not true, the other girl's confession had been intoxicated wishful talking as well, so at least they weren't awkward around each other.

Well, except for Naomi being awkward.

But right now, in that moment, she couldn't care less about awkwardness or MDMA influenced confessions, all she cared about were Effy's hands and lips and what her body was doing to hers.

* * *

_Tesco's, about a month after Effy's suicide attempt, when Naomi was still living at her mum's_

* * *

"_Fucking slow bitch, cant you get your stupid cart to the side of the aisle if you're gonna stand here and watch the lights?" Naomi snapped, pushing her cart around the one blocking the way. Of course she hit it with her wheels, almost passing out when her eyes met familiar ones. _

_But something wasn't right, she had to get her heart rate back under control because this, this sick woman wasn't Ginia. That pale person who's skin looked almost invisible, with the veins visible in dark purple. She had huge bags under her red, swollen eyes. _

_She looked sick. _

_No. **That** didn't look sick._

_She looked like she was dying. _

_By the time that thought ran through her mind, Naomi had let go of her cart and backwards walked away, never once breaking eye contact in fear she might get attacked by whatever her mind was playing at. Watching that zombie movie must had brought her to hallucinate shit, she hoped. Shaking her head Naomi ran into people, counters and huge refrigerators but she didn't stop moving, she couldn't. "Naomi wait" The woman was panting heavily as she tried to keep up with the spooked dark blonde, almost brunette girl looking like she's met her childhood's nightmare killer. "NO! Get the fuck away from me!" She wanted to scream but it came out as a strangled whisper, her voice breaking. _

_It was then that she realised she was crying. She had been crying since the moment she had looked into Ginia's eyes. _

_That made her stop fleeing._

_Wrapping her arms around herself Naomi tried to make her ears stop ringing but she couldn't, everything was feeling unreal and so soft, like her legs were stood on cotton. Two surprisingly strong hands held her by the waist, wrapped around her back from the front, and saved her from the fall. "It's all right, come on lets go." Ginia whispered, smiling sadly through dry, chopped lips. "N, you're making a scene and you know that I..." She took a huge breath, "hate that, so lets go. People are staring." _

"_They're staring 'cus you look like a fucking dead person out on a hunt for food." Naomi snapped, and even if Ginia wanted to be hurt by that when she looked into broken blue eyes, trying so hard to keep it together, she couldn't. Instead she took Naomi's arm once they reached the entrance and placed it around her own waist so she could lean on her. _

_Something inside of the blonde clicked then and, with a last shaky breath, she raised her head and arched her back, pulling Ginia into her as she steadied the sick girl walking towards her car. _

_Blue eyes glared at everyone with the nerve to look their way, the protector inside of her awoken by the weak state the strongest person she ever knew were in. "Yes? Can I help you?" She questioned when an older man, perhaps in his 60's, watched them as if they had a fucking stamp on their head; I'm from Mars. _

_Like every polite, British person, he felt uncomfortable for being caught staring and averted his eyes right away. "No, I can only apologise, miss. I was only...my daughter passed away a long time ago and..your friend looks a lot like her. I didn't mean to be rude, I cant apologise enough." He took off his glasses and started cleaning them as his eyes flickered back to them every other second. Opening her mouth to give him a piece of her mind, Naomi was interrupted by Ginia's lovely, but oh so different voice. "What was her name?" _

_He looked as surprised as Naomi when the sincere question left her lips with a struggle."Stephanie, love. Your eyes, I have never seen anyone with her cat like eyes. It took me by surprise, almost as if my girl was walking past me. It wasn't my intention to offend you." _

"_I'm not. Offended that is." She smiled at him. "Actually that's the most beautiful thing anyone's said to me since I stopped being me." _

_He frowned and walked towards them, now with steady steps and a purpose, until he stopped only a foot away. His hand reached up and Naomi pulled Ginia automatically closer but the girl let him touch her cheek, almost like she wanted it. "You will never stop being you. Whatever is fighting you can take your beauty, your body, your life. But it wont take who you are, ever." He brushed a tear from her face with a gentle smile and a father's love in his eyes. "I hope you've done all the crazy things I've forbidden my daughter to do when she was a teenager. I hope you went places, saw things, made bad choices and never once regretted them." _

_Ginia laughed, very painfully as she got a coughing fit. "Yes, yes, oh yes." Turning her head to a shell shocked Naomi who was smacked in the face by the gravity of that conversation, she looked at her the same way she did when they had first met. In complete wonder and confusion but so much feeling. "I've been to every place I ever wanted, seen the world for what it really is and I have no regrets. None." _

Remember the first time that I saw you

thinking one day will be the lucky to

I looked at you and your beautiful hair

give me your hand and we'll go somewhere

_She couldn't explain why it hurt, hearing Ginia say that, perhaps because in that situation she couldn't believe the girl wouldn't regret their separation. The end of what they've had for so long. It wasn't jealousy, or romantic love, it was simply pain and so much regret Naomi was drowning in. She had to look away, couldn't watch those eyes any longer without breaking down like a little child when it witnessed E.T. die for the first time. _

_Naomi had been three years old and Drew Barrymore's tears had nothing on her, her mum had to pause the movie in order to calm her down but the tiny girl had been hysterical when he came into quarantine. She remembered the moment when the grey alien's heart started beating again, how his finger rose, it was one of the happiest memories she had. _

_But it wouldn't happen this time. _

_This wasn't a movie and she was a grown up with a sense for reality. _

_Ginia wouldn't make it, she didn't have to know the details to be sure, the girl's appearance and worse, her demeanour screamed; dying. _

_She would had explained by then if she were undergoing chemo and if she were on her way to get better. But she hadn't. _

_Instead she talked to a stranger with so much love and warmth, and no regrets it broke Naomi's heart. Wiping away new tears Naomi searched her bag for her fags and lit one, sighing gratefully when the smoke filled her lungs. "Have you found love?" The man's voice was sounding very distant as the blonde was buried body deep in her own thoughts. _

_Ginia's gentle squeezing hand brought her back though and she made the mistake to look into her eyes again. And god, could she get any sadder? "Yes, I have. Thankfully at a very young age, and it's been fucking brilliant, hasn't it Naomi?" _

_They were both watching her, waiting for a response to that seemingly easy question. _

_A strangled sob left Naomi's trembling lips when she nodded, because it was such an fucking easy question. "Of course." She smiled through her tears, wrapping her arm back around the sick girl and pulling her so close she could almost breath her in. "We are brilliant." _

_Two gentle hands reached for her face and Ginia shook her head at the crying girl, leaning up so she could peck her lips. "No baby, we're not. We **were** brilliant though, the best." Before Naomi would protest Ginia said her goodbyes to the man, letting him hug her and ask for her name before they walked to the blonde's car silently._

* * *

"Fuck!" Naomi panted, letting Effy snuggle into her naked side. She was still panting, her dry throat making it hard to swallow at all and if her legs hadn't felt like jelly she'd had gone to the kitchen to get a drink. Wiping away some sweat off her forehead Naomi turned her head on the huge pillow, and was met with Effy's dark, twinkling eyes. Her cheeks were rosy and she was having trouble breathing too, it made Naomi not seem like a desperate knob, she thought. "Fuck." There was a dozy smile playing on her lips and with some difficultly, Naomi reached forwards. Her hand cupped Effy's porcelain face and she pushed her body up to kiss her softly. "Amazing, Eff, that was amazing."

And the mad beauty smirked, stroking Naomi's bare side with twinkling eyes. "You're welcome."

When they started joking about one thing or another, having a fag each and just relaxing in the after multiple orgasm bliss, Naomi's new phone kept whistling Somewhere on the floor in her tracksuit trousers. She leaned over, not caring much about her nudity any more, and fished it out. The blissed out, not-having-a-care-in-the-world-expression fell when she read the text on her locker screen.

Katie: Where the fuck are you bitches?

You were supposed 2 B here 30 ago!

Get a move on kids waiting

The rustling of sheets showed her that Effy had remembered as well, what they had forgotten about and she was already up and pulling her shirt over her naked body. Naomi moved so she could catch a last glimpse at that wonderful body, so shattered and battered yet so fucking magnificent, it almost made her drool. When she had marched up to the girl, pinning her to the dresser, Effy let out a low chuckle, grinding into the thigh that's crept between her legs. Her hands were holding Naomi's dark blonde head close to her neck, enjoying the light biting the girl seemed to be subconsciously obsessed with. "I've raised a monster out of its sleep."

"Yeah, want me to stop?" But she didn't, hell she switched their positions to show Naomi what she'd like to do instead of stopping.

"Give me something..._anything_." She pleaded with Effy, who was smoking her Spliff with an easy smile. To Naomi's begging, demanding and blackmailing to have a drag herself, she had simply smirked, shaking her head. "You cant go in there all drugged up, Katie will have your arse on a plate and throw you to the wolves." "I don't care. How the fuck am I supposed to go through with this without something blocking my instinct to rip Ashley apart, limb for limb?"

Effy produced a tiny pill out of her dress, and not for the first time, Naomi wondered where the hell she was hiding all that crap she was carrying around with her. "Take this, it'll calm you down."

"No diazepam, though, Eff. I really cant go through withdrawal again."

The look Effy gave her was priceless, so it was, after all, possible to shock the girl. With an indifferent shrug Naomi confessed her teenage sin. "When I was fourteen I got it for my back. It was hurting for months, we'd changed the mattress and the whole bed but it wouldn't get better. They prescribed me nitrazepam, for two weeks. After that, I kept taking it and the doc kept giving it to me. A year later, when I had to get my tonsils taken out the hospital had me locked away until I was clean. Right after that mum sent me to a clinic where they wanted to slowly get me down of it, with diazepam. Which was stupid since it's benzo's just the same. Long story short, worst three weeks of my life and I'm not about to swallow one again."

"It's no benzo's."

Reassured, Naomi downed it with her coke and lit a fag, waiting for the magic to kick in.

"About fucking time." Katie spat when they walked through the shop, following an excited Bence who was busy talking with Naomi about one thing or another. "You're two hours late."

"No we're not. You always say that, but we're only twenty minutes late. Just look at your dinner, every blind could see that you've just got it out of the oven." Naomi smiled brightly, hugging the glaring twin like she didn't notice her expression. "Whatever. Get the cutlery, will you? God, why cant you be useful, just one fucking time?"

Looking up from her position on the sofa Naomi raised her brows, not understanding what she had done wrong. Waving around, Katie told her. "Ash's gonna be here any minute. Could you look a bit less like you owned this house?" She pointed at Naomi's legs which were tugged under her butt on the huge sofa, a pillow on her tummy and a can of coke in her hands. "She's going to feel awkward."

"Shouldn't have invited us, then. This is bound to be as awkward as possible." Moving her head around Naomi's bright eyes searched the sitting room for Effy, but the girl was nowhere to be found. "Where's Effy?" She raised one brow and whispered, mockingly, as if talking to a kid which had done something she had to scold it for but really found it to be the most amusing thing ever. "D'you kill her? Thought you knew to wait after dinner, Kay. I'm really disappointed."

Watching her girlfriend, well ex, stare at her completely baffled, made her chuckle. Happy with the results. And then a warm smile played on Katie's lips and she walked over to the very homely feeling girl and clipped her ear softly. "Behave, stony." Her eyes were dancing and Naomi bounced excitedly, turning her whole body so she could kneel on the sofa and be almost on eye level with Katie who had to reach out, chuckling, as she steadied the wired girl. "You've noticed? Awe, Kay I'm so touched. Eff said you'll never guess I took a pill because there wont be effects but you have."

Brown eyes squinted, obviously sizing Naomi up.

She wasn't sure if Naomi was being honestly just trapped in an naïve state of mind of a child, or if she was taking the piss. Deciding that this open personality was something she had missed too long and almost not recognised, Katie's nose crinkled when she grinned, pinching Naomi's cheeks like she were a cute child. "Oi!" Swatting the pinching hands away Naomi narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "Only looksies, no feelsies!"

It made her heart beat five times as hard, hearing that loud booming laugh storming out from the back of Katie's throat. Had she heard her laugh that way since she had fucked off to Italy years ago? No.

This was it, she realised.

"_If you find someone who makes you laugh hold on to them."_ Her mother had always said, and Katie's laugh had always been one of the things she had loved most about the girl. She needed to make Katie laugh again, and she needed to do it forever, not forget to do so this time.

"You think I'm cute." She stated with a proud grin, her grey/blue eyes daring Katie to lie. Instead the girl shook her head, the same adoring expression on her face Naomi had missed for too long when she had looked at her. Then something happened what she hadn't thought through, hadn't thought it were a plausible outcome since she came into the house without a plan. Her eyes closed of their own when a pair of soft lips found her forehead and lingered, making her sigh contently.

"There you are, been looking all over for you. Bence is one tough rock star, played me black Sabbath's iron man and Naomi, I'm really sorry but his version trumps yours any day." Effy's voice made Katie wipe her lips with the back of her hand and shift uncomfortably, but she didn't step away, which Naomi thought was nice.

The blonde's hand shot out and tugged excitedly on Katie's skirt, pointing at Effy who was sitting down right next to her, very close. "Look Kay it's Effy! You didn't kill her, aren't you getting awesomer by the second?" She placed her head on Effy shoulder and the girl raised her arm to stroke her head gently. "I'm glad she didn't kill you." Was murmured into Effy's berry tasting neck, and she couldn't see the smirk Effy send a fuming Katie. "No, she didn't quite managed to do that baby. Come on, lets go for a fag."

Naomi moved with Effy, getting up in sync, and when she was standing her arm wrapped around the brunette's waist while they walked towards the back-door. In her intoxicated state she wasn't aware of how that had looked to Katie, or being left behind like that felt like.

Ashley came into the sitting room a few minutes later, finding Katie leaned on the sofa as she stared out of the huge windows. Her thoughtful expression and pondering eyes were glued to Naomi who was wholeheartedly laughing at something Effy had whispered into her ear. She was sure that she saw her leave a kiss on Naomi ear, and it didn't sit right with her. "Hey." Greeted her girlfriend, encircling her waist with her arms as she pulled Katie's to her. "How's it going? Glad you didn't kill either of them yet."

There was a long sigh, almost rueful, and after closing her eyes for a moment Katie turned around to kiss her girlfriend hello.

When she did, pulling away, something about the way the girl was beaming at her with so fucking open and shining eyes made her pull away faster. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Her smile didn't fool the younger woman,if anything, it only made her more suspicious. "Right. Was she a bitch to you?"

"What?"

"Naomi, she been a bitch?"

Brown eyes, something inside of them happened, they flashed with long forgotten protectiveness. Ashley recoiled, putting her hands up in surrender. "Sorry, it's all right. Draw in your claws." The confusion was evident on the pretty girl's face and Katie sighed, rubbing her forehead. "No _I'm_ sorry." Smiling tiredly at Ashley she kissed her. "It's just weird, having her here. You know?"

"Yeah. We knew it'd happen, that's why we asked them over. Have you told her?"

"No."

"Are you waiting until the kids are downstairs to witness her killing me?"

Chuckling at the fake terrified expression her girlfriend wore, Katie shook her head. "No, come on. Lets say hi."

"And then, then there was this stupid dresser I almost broke my tiny toe on. Stabbed it right, thought it was gonna fall off. And Effy was being really gross, she wanted to look at it all the time and touch it." Naomi pulled a face at Bay who was chuckling away with her mouth stuffed with mashed potatoes.

She wasn't aware of the long looks Katie was giving her, almost as if she couldn't look away for longer than a moment without returning her eyes back to her. Effy, of course, was very aware of the fact, and she used it to her full advantage. Smiling at Naomi, behind whom she had her arm on the back of her chair, Effy leaned in so she could take part in the conversation and look at Bay and Bence. "She's got a right problem with feet, your mum does. You know that she never touched your little baby feet when you were tiny, Bay? Wouldn't come near you as long as you didn't have socks on. She said your feet were gross." Bence almost choked on his food as a wave of laughter exploded out of him. He pointed at his little sister and chanted that she had gross feet.

When Naomi joined in a warm smile formed on Katie's lips and she kept watching her family adoringly. Her girlfriend's coughing brought her back to reality and she took a sip of her wine before addressing her ex. "Naomi? You know that we've invited the both of you for a reason, don't you?"

Blue eyes, confused, blinked a couple times before she slowly nodded. Not really having an idea what Katie was on about Naomi turned to Effy, who's jaw was set and who didn't look happy at all. She seemed to know what was about to happen so she took placed her hand back around Naomi, to ground her. "No. I thought, since I'm back in London we'll meet up to see how having all of us at the table is like."

Another warm smile was send her way before Katie shook her head slowly, not having the heart to break this innocent, drugged heart of Naomi. "We..." She looked to Ash and raised one brow, sighing, as she begged for help.

The girl nodded and after wiping her lips with a napkin she smiled at Naomi. "We've reached a new stage in our relationship and we think that it's time we moved in together."

Naomi was still nodding, even after Katie had begged her to say something, for the third time, she seemed to be in a nodding shock. "Please, say something?"

"Perhaps we should go." Effy's velvet voice suggested and it brought Naomi back to reality, a huge smile on her face. "I'm happy for you."

"No you're not." Whispered Katie, putting her spoon to the side. "We talked to the kids last week and we thought that now, with you and Effy being together, it's time we shared the news with you."

Naomi's expression was priceless, the way her and Effy's eyes locked and how she started to laugh right away made Katie furrow her brows. "Sorry! Right, uh, I told you that we're not together Kay. Besides, it was bound to happen. You letting her move in was. I mean, that's what lesbians do, right? They move in together after knowing each other for two minutes."

Aha, Effy thought, passive aggressive. She decided to let Naomi have fun before she stopped her.

"So why not? It's not like I have a say in this, is it? Except that I do, because I'm paying off the house too but you know what? I want you happy, I really do and if Ash achieves that impossible quest, please, hold on to her."

It was load of bullshit that didn't even make sense, but Naomi felt instantly better. Her eyes found Bay's, who was standing next to her and reached out to be hold. So she picked her up with ease and kissed her head, placing her on her lap. "God, you're so big Bay. Sometimes I forget how big you are honey."

Bay declared proudly that she was five. "Almost. You excited for school?"

Because of her illness, Bay couldn't start school with the others and had to wait another year. She'd get next year into school. They hadn't had a long talk about that, it was clear to everyone that Bence's school was the perfect option. With their income, the shop and Naomi's jobs, they were steady on the money and didn't have to worry about paying school fees any more. And they loved the school, well, the concept. The young girl could only benefit from it.

"I'm really excited mum, do you think they'll like me?" Watching her daughter, all dark blonde locks sticking to all directions and brown chocolate eyes, she finally had started looking her age again. And acting that way. Her illness had made her small and act like a toddler for almost a year, but now she was on her way to be on her best again and Naomi was thankful for the sharp sentences.

Whereas Bence had had to be reminded of certain grammatical rules, Bay had always talked very well. She had started when only a couple months old, and she had signed before that. They knew that she was a very bright child, just as excited for the universe and music as Bence was. But Bay loved skating. A year earlier she had gotten in-line skates from Naomi when she was fed up watching her mothers and Bence roll around the garden while she couldn't do that on her tiny little girl's skateboard.

From that day on, Bay had fallen day for day and got back up every time. She had to take a break in practising but now that she was well again, she spend almost all her free time in the park learning new tricks. She loved watching Naomi play guitar and was having a hard time learning to play herself but she always had gulped down her anger and tried again until, after endless tries, a chord was heard. She wasn't as talented as Bence, had to work harder for it, but the girl's were impressed by her persistence. Bay wasn't the typical little girl you'd see on the playground. She's the one with scraped knees, chasing the pretty girls in princess dresses with water bombs.

It was no wonder, Effy had said once, because Bay didn't grow up as only Katie's daughter. She had a big brother whom she adored, which made everything he was doing the coolest thing and she just had to do it too, and she had Naomi who was raising her to be a 'real' child. She hated the little girls that pretended to speak with this high mickey mouse voice and softly chuckled instead of laughing. She thought that children had to be confident and act as children, they didn't have to be censored as long as they were polite to adults and behaved wherever they went. If Bay didn't behave like an animal, Naomi was glad to help her up a tree she knew she'd jump off of later.

"But mum I have to ask you something. Ma says I need to ask you because she thinks it's not a good idea and I wont ask Ashley because she's not my mum so it doesn't matter what she says." With a sigh, Naomi scolded her daughter softly. "Bay."

rolling her eyes Bay looked towards a uncomfortable looking Ashley. "Sorry Ash." Her head whirled back to her mum and she grinned, showing off her two missing teeth at the upper front. "I was playing with Meg last weekend and when she asked me to stay over I called mum. She said I could after she talked to Meg's parents. We went to see her play in the morning and it looked sooo much fun! I want to play too."

"Sure." Naomi shrugged, glad her daughter wanted to do sports. "Just give me Meg's number and I talk to her parents about the club she's playing in. Perhaps they have a few open spots and you could join the team."

She heard Katie's sighing and met her uncertain eyes with a questioning look. "You don't like the idea Kay?"

"Well, I don't know. She's not very girly as it is, don't know if she should play footsie."

Her daughter started begging, tugging on her shirt and poking her rips until Naomi broke the eye contact and shrugged. "I think it's a great idea. If you don't want them to do something don't have them ask me, doesn't make much sense." She kissed Bay's forehead and the girl hugged her, almost breaking her neck in the process. "Thank you thank you."

"Your very welcome honey. But it's already after summer, don't be disappointed if you don't get in this season. Perhaps you'll start next year."

"I don't care, I just want to play."

Winking Naomi sipped on her wine and tickled her daughter with one hand.

"So Effy, what is it you're doing for a living?" Ashley tried some small talk, since there wasn't much the brunette was saying. Katie had made a point of not having a real conversation with her, and Naomi was slowly calming down from the pill but she was busy, of course, with her kids. She didn't have the time or concentration to entertain Effy all the time.

"I am running an on-line platform, started last year and now I'm looking into app-developing."

"You're an It person then?"

Smirking Effy shook her mane, playing with the napkin in front of her. "No. I read media design at uni and got my master. I've worked for an on-line magazine for a really long time, blogging about everything UK underground rock-culture related. A couple years ago I was looking into starting my own business and build the platform with help from mates I got to know through work. The same ones are helping me with the app-development."

"So you offer the ideas, like, McDonald's. There's an app which tells you how far away the next McDonald's is. You have the ideas and your friends write the app?"

Effy seemed more amused than anything by Ashley's overly polite conversation skills. To get her out of her misery she shook her head and smiled at a grinning Naomi. "No. I meant literally app-development. We are building a platform which makes it easier for everyone without any knowledge to write apps."

"Can you make a Bay app?" Brown eyes, so similar to her brother and mother's were staring innocently at Effy and she genuinely smiled, stroking the girl's unruly locks. "Of course I can. We make it a diary you keep updated for the people who love you and want to be bombarded with news."

"Can you make Ashley stop from moving in?" Again the question was asked with the same innocence and just when Effy searched her brain for a proper comeback Naomi's eyes locked on Katie's with a raised brow. 'What now', she was silently asking, shaking her head.

"Bay honey, we've talked about it, haven't we?" Ashley started, leaning over the table to get closer to the girl who's sitting on her mum's lap. "It'll be so much fun when I move in. We could go to the pictures, or the park, we could go to the zoo as often as you like and I could bring you to practice when you start playing football. I'd bring you to school and back again and we'd be really good friends honey. I promise."

Naomi was biting her lip, she knew that everything Ashley had just explained so very thoughtfully was the best thing she could wish for for her children if she wasn't around but the problem was, she wanted to be around. She wasn't ready not to be.

Bay beat her to saying something stupid though. She was glaring her little face off. "But I don't want that. For fun and jokes I've got my friends for, I can do all that with them. My mum can bring me to school and back, why cant you let her do that? You want to do everything. What will she do and when will I see her? Stop butting into my life so much."

"Bay." Naomi sighed, she didn't like hearing her talk that way to adults. "Please remember your manners."

"Sorry mum." She pushed Naomi's plate away for dramatic effect, it had been empty for at least twenty minute now, then she climbed back down to the ground and sulked away. "I'll be in my room."

Not able to help herself Naomi turned to her son and smiled gently, he knew what was coming and looked back to his plate, avoiding eye contact in hopes of her dropping the subject. But no such luck. "Bence, what do you say about Ashley's moving in?"

He shrugged and kept his eyes down, not daring to look at anyone.

"Honey look at me please." That gentle mother-voice was something he couldn't fight and his fearful eyes rose, making him look so much younger than he was. "It's okay, just tell me it's fine I promise."

He made to move his head and look to Katie but Naomi shook her head and pinned him down with her boring eyes, not wanting her ex to have an effect upon his answer. Taking a deep breath he let out shakily he shrugged again, fidgeting with his hands. "I, I don't know. She's nice and all but she shouldn't live here. You should."

"That is your only reason?"

His nod was enough for her to let out a sigh and meet Effy's horribly blue eyes for a moment, the girl helped her make the right decision. With a small smile she placed her hand on his shoulder, which got broader over the summer she realised, and squeezed once. "As long as you like her and she's nice, it's okay Bence. You know, I am not living here right now and if mama's happy with Ashley and you all get on well I don't see a reason for her not moving in."

It was literally killing her to say this, but the pill had her sport a pro po-face every gambler would jealous of.

His unsure glance was reading her, trying to see if she was honest so she topped her statement with her next sentence. "I think it was the right decision to give her a chance honey. You didn't regret it because she is fun, right?"

"Yeah."

"See? Then it's fine. Don't let me be a reason for you thinking you need to hate the idea if you don't." This was exactly what was happening and as much as she was touched by him despising Ashley for moving in, she couldn't let it happen when she was the reason for it. If her master plan wouldn't work out and Katie wouldn't be hers again, she needed someone in her life who loved her. And Naomi always thought the ex shouldn't manipulate the children's opinion on step-parents based on the own heartache and because they couldn't cope with the break up. She shouldn't stand in the way of that, but that didn't mean she would stop trying to get Katie back. She'd only help her children and let them have an own mind.

"Okay." An honest smile was on his lips and he looked to Ashley, hoping she'd forgive him for acting like a bad boy. "I'm sorry I was bad Ash, it wont happen again."

It made her heart clench when she saw Ashley grin at him and wink before she reached over and high fived him. "Oh you will, you're a growing boy and you should be a pain sometimes. Just remember that I will always be here so you can apologise after, as long as your mum lets me be here."

Katie's shaky voice made all of them stop with the emotional roller-coaster. "Bence baby, could you go and see if your sister's fine? Take Effy and show her your kit."

Knowing it meant the adults needed privacy to be at each other's throats Bence hastily got up and kissed Naomi's cheek before reaching for Effy's hand with a blush. She winked at him and ruffled his hair, making the blush spread all over his neck and whole face. "I'll stay, handsome. But I expect you to serenade me later, a beautiful song please. I want it to make me swoon."

He nodded and ran away to search for the perfect song to woo Effy.

Brown eyes, ice cold, locked on Naomi and made her blood run cold but she held her head up high, not shrinking away. "So you don't care. You don't care at fucking all if Ashley moves in then. Why have I even bothered to tell you? Should've let the kids tell you after she moved in, you selfish cow."

"Careful Kay, you might actually look like you cared."

"Oh stuff it Eff." She growled, rolling her eyes at the amused looking brunette that had the nerve to hold Naomi's hand on top of the table. "And would you mind not pawing away on my Naomi? Yes, I know I said 'mine' so don't make it a huge deal. She's my ex but that feels fucking awful to say and I surely wont say girlfriend so to make that statement have any substance I had to say something." Her rushed explanation had Effy's smirk grow, blue eyes shining. "Wow, you've actually managed to look like you cared even more. Your Naomi? Princess, that worse than ex or girlfriend would have been. Right Ashley?"

But Katie didn't ran into the trap and kept her cold eyes fixed on Effy's challenging face. "I told you to let go of her fucking hand."

"Why? Like you said, she's your ex."

"But this is my house and it's fucking weird."

Shaking her head Effy showed her that she knew this wasn't the true. To prove her point she stroked the blonde's hand with her thumb, very softly.

"How can you let her do this?" She sighed, almost deflating as her tired looking eyes met Naomi's confused ones. "Why are you doing this? Are you enjoying to see me like this?"

When Effy pinched her, Naomi finally found her voice back and coughed once. "Uh, I think that this dinner was amazing Kay. Always loved your meat balls. God, I'd die for them. Also, just, well just give me Meg's parents number or tell me where to transfer the money to for Bay's footsie club when you'll find out where it is. I think we should go now." She had to go, she had to. Katie was acting really weird and she feared she might get a knife and stab her in the back if she stayed.

Getting up Naomi took the dishes and brought them to the kitchen, putting them into the dishwasher. She felt Katie before she saw her, and closing her eyes for a minute she tried to get her heartbeat back under control before turning around to face her.

She hadn't expected to see Katie smile away tears, not hiding it. "I uh, I wanted to thank you for coming. That was really..."

"Necessary. Sorry I got high." But her apology was waved away and Katie chuckled. "Don't be. That was the most I've laughed in a long time, darling. I'm really glad you were here. A very big step, thank you."

Hearing her call her darling catapulted Naomi forwards until she had backed Katie into the back-door. Pinning her to it. They were watching each other intently, almost fearfully, holding their breath. Katie was the one to break first, she slid her hand up Naomi's back to her neck and played with shaky fingers with the hair on the nape of her neck. Closing her eyes Naomi leaned into her touch, bringing her forehead to rest on Katie's. Then she kissed her so chastely like never before. It wasn't more than lips against lips, but for Naomi it was the world.

Feeling Katie push into her was the world.

It was hope.

"You should come watch Naomi play this Friday. I bet it will be fun. We should do more things, the four of us, and seeing her play is our invitation." Effy interrupted, acting as if she hadn't just interrupted the most important kiss in human history. "Are you ready baby?"

"Yeah, course." Smiled Naomi and pressed her lips to Katie's forehead once more just leaving them there for a moment before she pushed away. Walking towards Effy until she could take her hand she turned back to Katie and beamed at her, letting the brunette lead her to the kids before they'd leave.

Three hours later, after Naomi had finally had enough and let Effy start the engine without starting to undress her again, they made their way from Katie's house to theirs, smoking. "You know Blondie, I really thought it would be harder but Katie is so fucking desperate to have you it's not even funny."

"I know."

Surprised blue eyes stared at Naomi and Effy raised her brows, waiting for an explanation. "I know she wants me now, because she thinks she cant have me. That's Katie's logic."

"Well, she thinks we're together. So technically she should be thinking she cant you and she shouldn't want to have you. Because honey, every time you meet she's either all over you or almost pissing herself with all the swooning she's doing. I think this makes her a bitch. She thinks your my girlfriend and yet she still hits on you."

"Yeah. Isn't that awesome?"

"It is."

They grinned at each other and Naomi finally felt like something was happening again, something good even though Ashley thought she was moving in. Poor girl. "But she needs more than that, she needs to realise she loves me. Wanting and loving is a different thing Katie might confuse. So I have to keep her at arms length until she cant stand it."

"Exactly."


	17. you're my everything

"I'm nervous."

"You don't have to."

"But I am."

"Well, stop."

"I cant."

"Tough."

"_Effy_!"

Grinning the brunette looked at the dark blonde mess, cleaning her guitar. Her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't reach under the strings. "I bet you I can make you grin when you're up there."

Naomi raised her brows, always very enthusiastic to see Effy make a twat out of herself. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah." She walked over then and knelt between the girl's legs, helping her with the strings. "I want you to sing a song for me."

"And that'll make me grin?"

"Yes. Perhaps not now, you'll probably have a right hissy fit so I need you to promise that you will play it, no matter what it is."

"Sounds dangerous." And the smirk told her that it was dangerous. "All right, fine. What is it then?"

And a shocked wave of laughter rattled her body, eyes wide, as she looked at the amused brunette who had just whispered the song into her ear. "Deal's a deal babe." One last kiss pressed to Naomi's lips and Effy went to leave the tiny room. "Be nice to her, okay?"

"Okay."

"Eff, it's huge that they decided to come. Please don't fuck it up for me, I want her sitting in my booth when I get off stage." The brunette left with an eye roll.

There were still two other singers up before Naomi, but she felt every bit of her nerves. It made her angry that the nerves weren't there because she was back playing in front of after quite some time without any stage close,no, she knew that it was Katie's fault. After they had gotten home after the horrible dinner, no ten minutes after she had pulled up in front of their flat, Effy and hers, her phone had rang. "So, you're playing a show next Friday?"

"Yeah. Nothing big, just thought it might be nice to play again. Effy arranged it, her mate's the owner."

"Of course she has." In the end she had gotten Katie not to come, she wasn't ready for that yet. The annoyance in Katie's voice often led her to believe that her ex still cared, which wasn't the cause. She was happy with Ash, for over six months now and it didn't look much of a rebound or _temp_ to Naomi. One thing had changed though, Katie called more often since the dinner. Almost every other day she'd be on the line, just talking, always with a make-believe reason for the conversation which never took more than two minutes to discuss and had been answered long before the call. It felt almost as if she was seeking out reasons to talk to Naomi, but it had to be her imagination.

Effy hadn't mentioned anything either.

If it were true, she'd have told Naomi by then that she was being an ignorant tit but no, _nothing_. So after Bay or Bence must have told Katie about her next gig Katie had demanded to see her play.

"I don't want...anyone else" She mumbled, brushing her fingers through her wild looking hair. There was a knock and Katie's smiling face appeared a moment later, Ashley in tow. "Hey, glad you could make it." She almost was a pro at pretending that her heart didn't break into bits and pieces every time she had to deal with them, together. "Almost didn't make it, did we babe?" Katie grinned, reaching out to pull Naomi into an one-armed hug, but her eyes were locked on Ashley's. "Bence wouldn't let us leave, he wanted Ash to help him get ready so he'll look sixteen and could tag along. Poor lad almost broke out in tears when he saw his very young mirror image stare back at him."

Naomi chuckled and pressed her lips to Katie's cheek, as if it were totally normal, she'd been doing that since she decided to get her act back together. Pretending everything was fine so Katie couldn't do anything other than ambush her and fuck her, and then be with her.

Preferably forever.

It was a fool proofed plan. The only thing making it almost unbearable was that this plan had to be fulfilled without hurry. She had to actually let Katie come to her senses of her own, she could only help in being the best version of herself, just like when they had met all those years ago.

Because she couldn't _not_ to, she pecked Ashley's cheek and smirked when the girl blushed, getting laughed at by Katie for it. "Awe, come on Ash, no need to be shy now. I mean, you've my house, family, and share the bed with my ex, I'd say we're closer than most."

She broke the uncomfortable silence with an honest laugh, the situation was nothing but fucking ridiculous after all.

"Good luck, break a leg and all that." The younger girl smiled, hugging Naomi.

Before she could try and woo Katie with her nonchalance a bit more, the club owner walked in and told Naomi she'd be up in three. So, gulping down four shots and snorting two lines as fast as she could, she winked at them and walked away with her guitar hanging off her shoulder. The tingling sensation on the back of her head, the one she's felt for years, was clear proof for Katie wanting to shag the daylights out of her in that moment.

And when she turned around again, she knew she was right.

Wide-eyed, slack jawed and completely in trance Katie was staring at her, not caring about her girlfriend's attempts at making her look her way.

Effy materialised out of thin air and took Naomi's guitar wordlessly, wrapping one arm around her waist while they walked towards the stage entrance. Of course Naomi hadn't thought that far and had no idea if Katie had seen that, or if she'd care if she had. Sometimes she was tired of it, all this pretending and acting, but on the other hand she wasn't acting really.

With Effy for example.

They had reached some kind of an weird understanding.

They weren't together, but they weren't not together either.

Whatever they were, it didn't go much farther than shagging. Mates with benefits. Sure, they were really good friends and that alone made it probably appear a lot like a real relationship but they were just having fun, better together than with strangers. And it was an unspoken agreement that if one of them got back together with a Fitch, whatever they'd had would be gone and forgotten, as if it never happened.

Just...painless fun.

And it was really fucking beautiful to feel the closeness of someone they cared about.

It was amazing, being on stage again after so long and Naomi enjoyed every minute of it. She couldn't perform her own songs, the club owner hadn't allowed it, the crowd wouldn't follow he'd said, so she was doing classics. A couple mates were on the drums, bass and other guitar and she had the time of her life.

Surprisingly she hadn't thought about Katie once since setting foot on the stage.

This could backfire, she remembered Effy warning her, but she had to sing that song. It was just a opportunity she couldn't pass out on. So with a knee weakening smile, she took her guitar and the effect device which was plugged into the amp. Turning her electric guitar into a acoustic sound, with a bit of distortion. Then she grinned at Effy and chuckled when the girl widened her eyes and shook her head warningly.

But she had to.

"Go on and close your eyes -go on imagine me there

She's got similar features with longer hair

And if that's what it takes -to get you through

Go on and close your eyes- it shouldn't bother you"

She had no idea where Katie was sitting but she knew that wherever it was, the lines would hit her right where she was aiming for, her heart.

"You never had to wait for nothing in your life

I guess wanting me must have been a steel blue knife

And when night after night the scent of passion would linger

You had to have the jewels wrapped around your finger

Now you keep running down the road in your midnight state of mind

Curiosity kills if you can't read the signs"

The audience liked it, some were mouthing the words along to her raspy voice, others would stare dreamily, just enjoying her pour her heart out.

"Go on and close your eyes imagine me there

She's got similar features with longer hair

And if that's what it takes to get you through

Go on and close your eyes it shouldn't bother you

Dancing with the wall made you bitter and sweet

There ain't much you can do when they just lay it at your feet

But you could tell by the song I wanted to be the one

Did you listen again when the damage was done

Now the paint's still wet in your do-it-by-number dream

Are you gonna tell me how it felt, will you tell me what it means

Was it want with no desire? Hell no.

Was it smoke with no fire? I wish.

Did I say it doesn't rip me apart? I lied.

I'm sorry dear my hands are tied.

Go on and close your eyes go on imagine me there

She's got similar features with longer hair

And if that's what it takes to get you through

Go on and close your eyes it shouldn't bother you"

She was enjoying the applause and had to laugh, it felt so fucking liberating to get it all out. And she was happy to realise that she didn't care what Katie was thinking, doing or saying about this.

She felt...freed, as if she could finally breath again.

Being with Effy, sharing the same pain and hole in the heart, standing with her shoulder to shoulder in this, had made her accept what had happened. She had accepted it, Ashley was in their life now but it was her decision how this would be turning out. She couldn't run around screaming and kicking, that'd make her fucking attractive in Katie's eyes, no, she had to work on herself and that she was doing.

Somewhere along the way it had stopped ripping her apart, it was almost...normal. And right then, when that had happened, Katie had started to develop a huge desire to ramble on about her day to Naomi. They were on their way to get closer again, and that was the way to make her plan succeed, she knew that much. She didn't had to do much, only live her life and be fucking amazing doing so, if what Effy said were true then Katie should still remember what it felt like being with her when everything had been fine. And she should want it back, and dump Ash instantly.

When her last song arrived she took the mic and smirked at the crowd, but then she turned her head and her smirk hit Effy who returned it from her spot on top of the huge amp. She mouthed 'You're paying for this' and then her introduction came. "Well, thanks for being so fucking lovely, it was really fun to be here tonight. Now it's time for the last song, and I couldn't help but let the special person know what I feel when I think of her."

People were pulling out their lighters but Naomi's chuckle stopped them. "No sorry, it's not a ballade. Perhaps I've mislead you. It's about what I _feel_." She looked down, at her own crotch and had the audience laugh, whistle and cheer.

"I love myself...I want you to love me.

When I feel down..I want you above me.

I search myself...I want you to find me.

I forget myself...I want you to remind me."

They were cheering and on their feet by the time she stopped with the intro, no one was seated any more. The upbeat pace made it easy to dance to and so they did, making Naomi happy and not as embarrassed.

"I don't want anybody else"

The cheers were louder then, people screaming the chorus along with her.

"When I think about _you_...I touch myself.

I don't want anybody else, oh no.

You're the one..who makes me come runnin'

You're the sun...who makes me shine"

Turning to a fucking ecstatic Effy, who had already jumped off the amp and started dancing on the side of the stage Naomi made her way over to her and placed her guitar into a barkeeper's hands. Her own hands were holding Effy's waist and neck as they danced.

"When you're around...I am always laughin'. I want to make you mine." She twirled her around, bringing a collective laugh out of the sweaty people filled room.

"I close my eyes and I see you before me.

Think I would die..if you were to ignore me.

A fool could see...just how much I adore you."

She kissed her nose once, watching it crinkle.

"I'd get down on my knees...I'd do anything for you."

Turning back to the crowd Naomi winked at them and pointed at Effy, making the 'hot, I'm burned' motion with her hands.

"I don't want...anybody else."

The next line was delivered right into Effy's smug face, combined with her most seducing expression. "When I think about you...I touch myself."

The last part was a huge party, everyone was dancing and clapping, making out or jumping up the stage.

"I love myself...I want you to love me.

When I feel down...I want you above me.

I search myself...I want you to find me.

I forget myself...I want you to remind me.

When I think about you...I touch myself. Who wouldn't?"

The gig was a huge success and so much fun Naomi was still all hyped up backstage, pressing Effy into her bathroom door while her hands were making their way under her clothes. She had forgotten how turned on she always got after being on stage. "I hate to say it, but I think that song was the fucking cherry on the pie."

"Not only that." The brunette moaned and stretched her neck for Naomi's hungry lips. "Was the fucking top of the cake for Katie too. She was killing us with her looks when you showed them who you were singing it for. You couldn't have shoved it deeper down her throat if you'd have tried."

Surprisingly, Katie's name didn't make Naomi stop. No, she was even more impatient than before.

But she let her head rest on Effy's bare shoulder, groaning, when the door flew open and Katie came in with Ashley by her hand. "Fuck's sake. Don't you have a fucking room?" She was glaring.

"Actually we do, _here_." Waving around and ending it with patting Naomi's, still groaning, head. "But you decided to march in here like you owned the place."

An uncomfortable silence hung upon them and when she was sure she wouldn't rip them apart for barging in, Naomi turned around, staying in Effy's embrace. "How'd you think the show was? Did you like it? I couldn't see you, where were you sitting?"

"That's because you were busy declaring your love to _Effy_." The picture would have been perfect if Katie's ears were smoking. "Not very classy. You have children you know? How can you even fucking sing about touching yourself!"

Rolling her eyes Naomi took the lit fag Effy handed her and smiled a thanks. "Because they're not here, are they? And I don't think it's any of their concern what I think about. They see you shagging mini-me on the kitchen counter, so I cant find a reason why my show should be a problem. They weren't watching _me_."

"Come on babe, lets go." Effy mumbled, already packing up Naomi's guitar and other stuff she had her bag vomit out earlier. Naomi was grateful for her decision to step in and bring the blonde away before she could explode on Katie. "You're tired, remember?" The filthy smirk, the lip biting and the way Katie scoffed had Naomi shift uncomfortably as her knickers flooded. "Right. Thanks again for being here, I really appreciate it." She smiled and pecked Ashley first, then Katie on the cheek. Reaching blindly for her leather jacket Effy was holding out for her, Naomi pulled it on and grabbed the still outstretched hand, leading Effy out while they joked about one thing or another.

"Why are you so pissed off? The show was amazing, Naomi was on her best behaviour. She didn't try to kill me once." Ashley mumbled at a furious Katie. "She was rather lovely, like always."

"She shouldn't be!"

"Why _not_? You want a war of roses? Isn't it better this way? I think it is."

"Well, you've clearly never been in an honest to god, almost never ending relationship then."

"You know I haven't but that doesn't make me stupid Kat. Are still hurt by her being with Effy?"

"She hasn't confessed once! She never told me she was with her, we had to find out through ten different sources. Naomi shouldn't be with Effy, they're not meant to be together."

"And you are?"

"Clearly not." Scoffing, a tiny smile formed on Katie's lips and she kissed the frowning girl. "I've got you now. It's just weird, hearing her sing such a song for Effy."

"Why?"

"Well, just cus we're separated doesn't mean that I stopped being _me_. She should still be thinking of me when she touches herself. Not _Effy_. I mean, when it's so fucking easy to be with her, had she been thinking about her all along?"

"Why? Are _you_ thinking of Naomi when we're in bed?"

Effy's chuckling interrupted the lovely discussion, the brunette came back into the room and walked up to Katie. Without breaking eye contact she took the scarf Naomi had left and Katie picked up. Wrapping it around her own neck before addressing the twin, her blue eyes were dancing with amusement. "You know Kay, for someone who's so fucking obviously moved on you're awfully jealous and territorial. Almost as if" She made a mockingly thoughtful face. "As if you were hurt by it because you start seeing what you're missing out on. And let me tell you, you _are_ missing out. But you know that already, don't you babe?"

"Piss off Eff." Was hissed through gritted teeth, Katie was trembling with anger. "Piss off or I'll push you'front the next fucking truck and let it finish your lousy job."

But Effy didn't freak out, the opposite happened.

She laughed, shaking her beautiful head, before she pressed her lips to Katie's contemptibly. "You're a joke Kay, a fucking joke."

Before Katie could lash out Naomi's head popped into the room, beaming. "You coming Eff?"

"I will be yes, thanks." Winking at Katie for good measure Effy sauntered over the Naomi and let her pull her away. They didn't see the twin watch them with a pained expression, as if something had finally clicked into place and she was feeling it in her bones, things were changing and she was feeling like she was the only one standing frozen in time and space, while everything around her kept turning.

* * *

It had been a life changing phone call, and when Naomi had dropped her new cell phone and kept shaking uncontrollably Effy knew something really bad had happened. "What is it?" Her worried voice demanded to know, pictures of children coffins were flooding her mind and made it hard to breath. Naomi was in no position to respond, she was in shock. Well, almost. She had it in her to walk over to the fridge and get out the vodka, downing shot after shot until Effy's ice cold hand stopped her and she had to meet her horrified glance. "Kay's been in an accident."

All colour was washed off Effy's face and she looked like a transparent ghost. "What?"

"Car accident. She's fine now, but"

"But what?"

"She's lost part of her memories. She thinks that she's still carrying Bay."

Naomi wasn't sure if she had ever seen Effy that shocked before, but she could imagine that no one had. Her jaw dropped, eyes wide and scared, but the thing sticking out the most was her not breathing. She was simply standing there, staring, breathless.

"We're...Ashley called and said I'm needed at the hospital." She finished the sentence and before being able to understand what was happening, Effy had her on the scooter, wrapping her own hands around the brunette's belly so she wouldn't fall off. "Scooter's faster." She yelled at a nodding Naomi who had buried her head between the other girl's shoulder blades.

They sped through Stratford's busy streets until, finally, arriving at the hospital's entrance. "Go." Demanded Effy, kissing the corner of Naomi's mouth and the girl took one last, huge breath before stretching her legs and demounting the amazing scooter she hadn't ridden in ages. "Eff I" But she left it there, no idea what she could say.

"I know. Katie must be fucking terrified, _go_."

She ran up to the information and hurriedly explained what she knew. Being send to the third floor Naomi took the stairs, two at a time, and almost ran into a pacing Jenna Fitch on the corridor. Their eyes met, Jenna's suddenly turning cold and hateful while Naomi was a worried piece of shaking nerves. When her ex almost-mother-in-law continued to stare at her and willing her to leave by pure mind power no doubt, Naomi moved past her and almost flew into the room, smashing the door against the wall in the process.

There she was, _Katie_, sitting on the hospital bed with a scared expression. She had her head bandaged and a few bruises on her face but that was all from what Naomi could see. Sitting on top of the covers Katie seemed not to have any broken bones. Except for her head, which obviously had suffered.

Brown eyes flashed to Naomi's and all of a sudden they filled with tears in sync with arms reaching out for her. Without hesitating the dark blonde made her way over and enveloped Katie in a tight embrace, minding her hurt head, while her hands moved smoothly, a tad shakily, over the girl's body to make sure she was in one piece. "What happened Katie?" She croaked, cupping the girl's face with her hands as she crawled next to her on top of the covers, as close as she could. Her thumbs wiped fallen tears away the whole situation was making her heart ache.

"I...I don't know. They're saying that I was in an accident but I cant remember. Baby, they wont tell me what's wrong with me and _she_ keeps touching me and wont stop fucking crying. Who the fuck is she? Why cant I remember and why wont anyone tell me? She's obviously someone important, why cant I remember?" Then, when she saw Naomi look. With a pained expression at Ashley who was leaning on the wall, silently crying, Katie gulped. "No. No, no. No." She shook her head then, putting two and two together was not very hard but she refused to believe it. "No, she's not my..._no_. And you've just had your hair done today, right? I haven't seen it that way yet, that's why I cant remember you with that colour. Yeah? Naomi please say _something_. Tell me...tell me what's going on here."

Then, without a warning, Katie ripped free from Naomi's touch and pulled her gown up so she could see her belly. Her _flat_ belly. Her eyes spilled over with tears then and a loud, almost animalistic cry left her shuddering body.

Naomi pulled her back into her arms and promised to fix this, to make it okay and to find out what was wrong. "I promise. Don't worry Kay, it'll be okay. Until then you need to rest and"

"I've been resting for _three_ days! I don't want to fucking rest any more now that you're finally here. Why didn't you come sooner Naomi? Why have you left me alone?"

"_Three days_?" Her own tear filled eyes narrowed and she turned her head so fast her neck almost cracked. The eyes, ready to freeze the life out of Ashley were set on the cowering girl. "The accident was _three_ days ago?"

"I, I have hoped she'd remember when she wakes up and I wanted to call you then. But she, Kat doesn't remember and it's not looking like she will in the near future. I had to call you, she was threatening to skin me alive after she woke up today."

"Where are Bence and Bay?" Rushing out the question Naomi bit her tongue, sending a worried glance at Katie who's eyes widened. "Is Bay"

"Yes. She's our daughter." She mumbled with an easy nod, not making a big deal out of it, or rather forgetting do so so, first she needed to make sure they were okay and taken care of before she could take the time trying to explain everything to Katie. "Ash, where are they?"

"Emily. I didn't know who I should have called. She was the only one who came into my mind."

"How about _me_? Huh? Stratford is half an hour away, I am only half an hour away and _I _am their mother, yeah? You should've called me."

Katie's insisting tugs on her sleeve made Naomi look at her again, breathing in deeply to calm her anger and not let it out on the hurt girl. "_Where_ do you live? Stratford?" Her voice was so tiny and broken that Naomi had trouble to stop her tears from falling. "I thought we, didn't we, I thought you forgave me. Haven't you?"

"What forgive you? Why and what for?"

"For getting knocked up again?"

She couldn't help herself, her arms were already wrapped tightly around Katie and she was whispering into her ear that she, of course, had forgiven her, a long time ago. Pressing a kiss to the girl's battered cheek Naomi wiped new tears away and smiled forcibly. "I uh, I'm going to look for a doctor. You stay here and don't talk to anyone except for me, or Effy."

"Where's Effy?" New tears fell when the question shook Katie's body and Naomi saw a scared, young, hurt woman who had thought, for hours, that everybody had left her and wouldn't care. She kissed her again, this time on the lips. It wasn't intentionally, so she glared right back at an almost hysterical Ashley. Naomi decided not to care about the girl at the moment, she had far more important things to do and care of. "She'll be here in a minute, just trying to park the scooter."

The door opened then and Effy came running in, dashing for Katie who she threw herself at. They were crying, loud and heart wrenchingly, forcing Naomi to look away.

She knew that as soon as Katie would get her memories back she'd push Effy away again, that knowledge alone made her heart ache. But now Katie's subconscious was telling her that she needed her best friend, and the amazing woman her best friend was, was fully there no questions asked. "I'll go looking for the doctor. Ash, come with me."

"I'd like to stay with Kat."

"My name is _Katie_ for fuck's sake. How often do I have to spell it out for you?! Look, I know that something's messed up my head and I know that I have to know you. I'm sorry I cant remember, I am but right now, right now you're just a stranger who's been keeping me from my family. I'd really like to spend time with them now. So please, just leave."

"But _I am_ your girlfriend."

Katie's eyes hardened and she arched her back, straightening right into her bitch pose Naomi had always found quite amusing. "I've no fucking idea who you are and to be perfectly honest? I couldn't care less. Like I said, I don't feel or see shit when I look at you, you're just someone who looks a lot my _girlfriend_, _Naomi_. So whatever my older self has fucked up, it wasn't _me_ doing it. In my mind, reality and time I don't even know you." She took a long breath and continued a lot calmer, rubbing her aching head. "I don t even remember that Naomi isn't mine any more, I cant remember my fucking daughter so how the fuck can you expect me to act like it didn't matter if I remembered you or not? Here are a few things that are more significant right now than to assure you everything will be fine. Because it wont, I cant. As long as I don't remember I am not gonna run into your weird arms. You're a stranger for fuck's sake."

"Get the fuck away from me!" The screams coming from Katie's room were heard crystal clear where she was standing next to the doctor by the glass room the nurses were in. She closed her eyes, trying not to imagine what the fuck must have been going on in that room while she was gone. "Doc, can you tell me when her memories will be back?"

"We cant tell. There's still no proof how much time she has lost, so until we figure that out, there is no way to fully start the treatment for gaining it back."

"She thinks she's still _pregnant_, we're living in Bristol, we're together and happy. The last thing she remembers are some events after my birthday. That's five years ago."

His eyes widened and Naomi smiled apologetically, jogging towards the room Katie's screams came out of.

When an almost animalistic cry had rang through their ears she had to barge through the door and see what had happened. A tiny part of her was scared Katie might had remembered, and that she'd be killed by her as soon as she'd set foot into the room. Her instincts kicked in and she pulled Ashley away from her ex, planting herself in between their bodies, holding the girl at arms length with eyes like fire. "I fucking told you to wait for me."

"Well sorry. I wanted to talk to Katie, see if I can help her remember."

"What the fuck have I told you? Leave her alone. You're scaring her." She spoke slowly, as if Ashley were an child that wouldn't understand otherwise. "Her whole world's just fucking collapsed Ash, and she even told you that! Why cant you be a fucking perfect girlfriend and do what she's asked you to? Piss off."

For the second time in her life Naomi saw Ashley get really angry with her, her nostrils were flaring and the dark blue eyes narrowed on her. "You know that as soon as she remembers you'll be gone again, don't you? You better enjoy being close to her now because she wont think twice about kicking you back to the sidelines."

Effy walked towards them from her chair by the other side of the bed and she reached for Naomi's hand, stroking her palm slowly. "And why should she want to be with her again? Think you're misreading things here, Ash. Naomi's got no intentions to go back to Katie, now or ever. In fact; nothing better could had happened than being screwed over by the twins, for us. Otherwise we'd never had acted on our feelings."

The blonde was very much concentrating on not pushing Effy off her in disgust at her words, calmly breathing in through the nose and out again. Then she found her voice again, coughing. "Right. I think you should leave now, though. Katie you still want her to leave? Bence and Bay are on their way with Ems, they'll be here soon and your mum's about to jump that door in if I don't let her in. I think we really need to have that talk now before they arrive." She turned her head, automatically, to see what Katie was saying but the expression on the girl's face was something she hadn't expected. She looked like she was dying. There was no hate or anger or anything Katie typical to see, the only thing was pure devastation as her eyes flickered from Naomi's face, to Effy's, their hands and back again. It didn't look as if she would answer though, all of a sudden she paled and tried swallowing the sour taste in her mouth but she couldn't. With fast steps she marched into the small bathroom and all they heard was disgusting puking and gagging. "Go." Effy whispered, nodding at the door the monstrous gross events were taking place behind. Naomi grimaced, shaking her head, she felt her own stomach rebel at the sounds. When she'd smell it, and see it, she'd puke right along with her. "Fuck's sake go." Muttered the brunette and pushed Naomi inside the small room.

Instantly she turned around, not able to see what was happening, and with closed eyes she managed to slowly move towards Katie and slide down the wall beside her. She reached out blindly and her heart melted a bit at the cute chuckle Katie's making when she took her hand and let Naomi feel around until she by her shoulders. Biting her lip Naomi fought the urge to just move down a little and hold those perfect tits but she couldn't do this, it would be taking advantage of Katie. She hadn't thought about the twin though, that she could had have the same ideas and then her hands was cupping a medium sized, perfect, breast. Not embarrassed Naomi let out a low moan and kept her eyes closed, perhaps she'd be able to pretend that everything was all right and that they weren't in the hospital with their girlfriends outside the door, well, Effy wasn't her girlfriend, but close enough. She felt Katie move closer and then she was sensing her directly in front of her face, probably wondering if she should kiss her.

Naomi jumped to her feet and opened her eyes, holding a hand to her mouth. "Sorry." She exclaimed, fighting the dry heaves. "I cant...I" Katie managed to stand up and hold back her hair when Naomi vomited everything she had drank in the past days, right into the sink. The twin couldn't stop laughing, her own troubling tummy long forgotten, while she comfortingly ran a hand up and down the blonde's back. "So you're still a weak cow then, I'm fucking glad something's the way I remember it." Without meaning to her voice had turned all nostalgic and sad. When she was sure everything was out, Naomi washed her face and spit out some water before wiping herself clean with a hard towel. She moved to Katie then, kinda standing in her arms, and placed her own hands on the girl's hips. "Everything will be okay, Kay. I promise. I've talked to your doctor and he said that you'll start a therapy for gaining your memories back. They are not lost forever, they're just blocked out and you'll remember eventually."

"What if I don't want to?" She dared Naomi to make a decision right there and then, begging her. But knowing what'd happen when Katie remembered the blonde couldn't do that, she couldn't pretend that they had never broken up. "I'm sorry, we cant." She was looking like she'd liked to punch herself for declining the offer. "I'm so sorry, but I am with Effy now. We cant just pretend that nothing happened."

"But we love each other."

"No we don't. I'm really sorry Katie but we havent loved each other for a long time now." Feeling Naomi slowly remove her hands was breaking the other girl's remaining pieces of heart. "I'm with Effy now and we're like, happy. She loves me and I love her, who knew that everything we had to go through, with you and Emily, was only for us to end up together?"

"No, don't say that." She begged with a breaking voice. "Please don't."

"But it's true. We have to find a way for this to work, for the kids. But other than that you're happy with Ashley and the both of you really are a match made in heaven. She adores you Katie, she'd never hurt you, ever. Like, she'd cut off her own hands before she'd hurt you."

"You cant mean that. And why are you saying like all the time?"

"We were good, like for a while. But in the end Katie, when we're both honest, it was always you trying to be someone you were not when we were together. I was putting so much pressure on you because you knew that I couldn't live without you. I think that it was just my age, I was young and didn't have much experience with relationships, apart from Ginia."

"I'm so sorry about her."

And neither of them mentioned the fact that Katie had remembered the girl's death. "How are holding up with that? I can never ask you because you wont tell me and it's breaking my heart Naomi. It's breaking my heart that I cant be there for you and help you"

"Move on?"

"No. You shouldn't do that, and you cant. I'd love to be there and help you live with it."

"Well you're a bitch. She never liked you and I always loved her more than you."

"Naomi please stop."

"So now you're crying? Why? You always knew. You always knew that I never stopped loving her and that I only stayed with you because I felt guilty about 'the summer'. I felt guilty and I stayed with you because you told me about Bence suffering and because I knew you could never take care of him and Bay on your own. You always knew that you were nothing but a substitute. Just think back! Ginia for example, are you alike? Not one bit. Who is the type of girl?"

"Effy."

"Exactly. I never wanted all that, that, that wifey bullshit. I couldn't leave you because you were insane so when I finally beat you unconscious it was my way out. Finally you've found someone who adored you enough and with whom you never have to fear they'd leave you. Ashley never would and you know it. So just stop being confused and trying to find ways back with me, it wont work. I was over you the day I fucked off to Italy."

Effy was with them in bathroom, slowly pulling Naomi out of Katie's grasping hands so she could sling her own arm around her. "Stop being pathetic and get on with your life, princess. It's getting really sad how you cant get a grip."

"Since you have a girlfriend that loves you to bits." Ashley's input, combined with a sincere, loving smile made Katie rub her hurting head. "I love you Katie so just stop pinning after her. We'll be great together and you know it."

Emily and the kids came into the bathroom and nodded, all of them. "Yeah, you should be happy with what you have Katie." Her sister mumbled, watching Naomi dreamingly. "I never got what I wanted, but at least we now know why. It wasn't the problem that I am your twin and that I look like another copy of you, the problem was that Naomi's always fancied Effy. Just look at them." She pointed at them snogging.

"Leave Naomi alone ma." Bence said in a strong voice, his face contorted with pain. "She never wanted me or you. She wanted Effy and Bay. Just give them Bay and let us, you, Ashley and me be happy. I was always a burden for her."

She wiped her tear streaked eyes and gasped when Bence was suddenly a very small toddler, clinging to Naomi's trousers but the blonde was ignoring him. She had Bay in her arms and was busy cooing with Effy at the little baby. "Isn't she just amazing? Eff, she's mine. Lets go and have you adopt her, then we'll be a proper family."

"NO!"

* * *

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Katie shot up from bed and kept yelling her lungs out, even when the light was turned on and Ashley comforting arms wrapped around her she couldn't stop or get her heartbeat back under control. Brown eyes, so fucking scared, flashed with non-recognition until she finally heard the other girl talk through the remains of her dream. "Shhh, it's okay Kat, it's okay." Kiss. "It was just a bad dream." Another kiss. "Just breath." When she went to kiss her again Katie flinched away and averted her eyes, her hand on her beating heart.

"What were you dreaming about love?" Her girlfriend's tired voice asked, yawning. The girl didn't seem to notice Katie's emotional state, or she chose to ignore it. Perhaps she trusted her and didn't think it was more than her calming down after a bad dream though, Katie thought ruefully. Her guilty eyes locked on Ashley's worried ones and she shook her head, wiping what was left of her tears away. "I'm sorry." "Don't be, it's fine. Were you being killed in your dream? Freddie Kruger again?"

With a fake smile Katie nodded, making her way out of the bed so she could go and have a fag downstairs. She didn't kiss Ashley, didn't say where she was going, she only smiled apologetically and left. Reaching the garden Katie slipped into Naomi's old chucks and lit a cigarette, watching the moon trying to shine through the smog and clouds. Her fingers were tracing Naomi's name on her phone, she couldn't bring herself to call the girl though, but she couldn't not call her either. So, with one last sigh, she dialled, her heart beating too fast. Naomi didn't pick up and after letting it ring for five times Katie hung up and locked the screen. It didn't take the girl more than a minute to call her back though and she almost sighed in relief when she heard the tired voice on the other end of the line. "Is everything okay?"

"You were sleeping? Shit, I'm sorry. Just go back to sleep, it's fine." Naomi yawned into the phone and chuckled tiredly. "It's okay, awake now. What can I do for you baby?" It must have been the tiredness but hearing Naomi call her baby, totally naturally, had Katie smile like a fool. "I've had a bad dream."

"Was it Freddie Kruger again? Fuck, I told you to never call me when he's there. He'll come to me next."

"No. But thanks for the help anyway." She mockingly snapped. "I just, I had to hear your voice. Hope that okay." The sigh reaching her from somewhere deep out of Naomi's heart was having her bite her lip in anticipation of the response. Who was she kidding, Effy's had snatched Naomi away right from under her nose and she always knew it.

"Course it is." Naomi yawned again and then she mumbled something to, probably, Effy. "I'll be right back, go back to sleep." "Katie again? At this time? Tell her to get a life." It hurt that Naomi didn't defend her, but on the other hand it made sense to Katie. Why should she? At least she hadn't hung up on her. "All right, I'm in the kitchen now. Sorry Effy's a right bitch when she gets woken up." "Yeah I remember." Was the reply through clenched teeth. Naomi didn't seem to mind or realise that Katie was a bit pissed of. But Katie was fighting her inner bitch to stay where she was; inside. She hadn't called Naomi to fight but she also didn't need her ex to remind her of how her best mate was ticking. She knew her better than anyone else. "Can I ask you something Naomi?"

"Sure." The clicking of an lighter, showing her that Naomi had her whole attention made Katie voice the question that had been on her mind for days now since they were at Naomi's gig. "Are you and Effy, I mean have you fucked each other? Are you fucking?" She hurried to explain that word vomit. "Like, I saw your love bite the other day and she was all over you, she _always_ is these days and I was just wondering you know? I know that it's none of my business and that you're free to do whatever you want and whoever you want but when I asked you, back in Bristol, if you were shagging you said you weren't. But not that you didn't want to, you were too high that one time but you'd liked to. So, I guess I'm just asking if you're fucking now." There was a moment of silence where Katie almost regretted to have asked that question but Naomi decided then to put her out of her misery. Perhaps Katie finally could sleep well again if she only knew. "Yeah we are." She said it in a really soft voice almost as if she could defuse the bomb Katie was about to fire at her. But she didn't, she simply gulped and shut her eyes tightly, biting her lip. "Is that why you're calling me?" "I think so." "Okay."

They stayed on the line, silently, smoking their fags and watching the moon from different parts of the city. After Katie finished hers she coughed once, alarming Naomi that she was about to say something. "Uh well I'm glad that you're happy."

"Are you?"

"What? Happy for you? Yeah. I don't want you to be miserable."

"Are you happy Katie."

She hesitated despite herself. "Of course I am. Ashley's amazing."

"Do you love her?"

"I uh, I think that this isn't something we should discuss."

"Right. It's perfectly fine for you to call me, at five am, demanding to know if I'm with Effy but when I ask if you're in love that's too far? You know what Katie? Perhaps this pillow talking isn't working out quite as well and we should go back to living our lives without the constant input of the other."

"So you want to go back to acting like I never existed?"

"What?"

"Please Naomi, it's obvious that you couldn't wait to finally have Effy. And it's okay, not my place to be a jealous cow about it but you could really stop rubbing it in my face you know. I'm not parading Ashley around so it'd be nice if you came pick up the kids without Effy being constantly chained to your hand."

"Be honest Katie; do you have a problem with me?"

"What with you? No darling, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"And could you please stop calling me darling? It's a bit weird you know. I never know how to react." That sentence, asked so nicely, carefully and innocently, felt just like Naomi was ripping out Katie's heart and then threw it to Effy so she could dance on it. Tap dancing. "I, of course. Sorry." Her eyes were closed and she willed her voice not to break as long as she was on the phone. "I have to go now though, Ash's getting impatient you know. Lovely chat. Thanks and sorry again for waking you."

"Katie wait, don't do that. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" The defence mechanism was switched on suddenly and Katie felt the anger build up inside of her. "You couldn't if you tried." She hated the way her own voice sounded spitting those words, a mean blade that was cutting Naomi again and again. "My girlfriend is waiting for me, so now that you answered my question I can finally go back to fucking her through _our_ bed." She prayed that there'd be a reaction, some kind, _any_ kind of reaction but Naomi simply hummed and chuckled. "All right. Do that then. We're good though, right? You lot still coming to my birthday next weekend?"

"Sure."

"All right. Have a good night Kay." After a pause Naomi continued with a knowing voice. "And don't believe what you're dreaming, believe me it's not true. None of it is."

"We were real?"

She could had kicked herself in the head for sounding that unsure and broken but Naomi didn't laugh at her for being a pathetic loser, her voice got that bit softer and her reply was carefully chosen. "You Katie were the only real thing in my life. You were the best and the worst that's happened to me but I wouldn't change any of it. Not one bit."

"You realise that we're separated and that we never really recovered from your trip 'round Italy and Greece, yeah?"

"Yeah. But I haven't felt that good like I do now in years Katie. And you haven't either. We needed that, that break to find the people again we really are. I think that we were like cars without drivers heading straight into one another's bonnets. It was bound to crash. And perhaps we could use this to be who we were again, you know? Be fucking happy and stop all this blaming game. Yes I fucked up. I never should've left for Italy back then and in the end it did break us. But how could I feel bad about it? Or wish to change it? Bay came out of it. I really am fucking sure that you'd never had fucked Danny if I was there so there's no chance for her being in our lives and how could I fucking wish it didn't happen? Just think about it Kay, out of every catastrophe we went through came something beautiful. I can feel it, it's the same this time. We'll be the best versions of ourselves and we will be happy, so fucking happy Kay and successful. We'll be having the time of our lives finally, just always think about it that way."

With tears Katie sobbed. "Why are you doing this?" Wiping her nose with her shirt's sleeve she took a ragged breath. "How can you truly feel that way? We haven't been broken up for long Naomi, how can you embrace your life without me so fucking effortlessly? Why am I the one still suffering? Why the fuck have you just shut down what was left of me in you and ran head first into your new life? We've been together for a very long time, Naomi, I've seen you grow into that adult you turned out to be, how can you let go that easily?" She was on a roll, not to be stopped by Naomi's desperate efforts to defend herself, her behaviour and actions. Katie ignored all of it. "I cant understand it. We were so happy Naomi and we love each other sooo fucking much, how can you let go like that? It's like you never cared, like you never truly loved me the way you promise you have. My mum's been right all along. You were never that into me."

"What the fuck Katie? Do you even listen to yourself? First of all; your mum fucking loved me. She wasn't 'right all along' because there's nothing to be right about and she never had any reason not to trust me. Secondly; will you relax and let me explain?"

"No! You've said enough. Know what Naomi? I wont do that, I wont be 'that' ex trying to keep you from the kids but I'm giving you a way out here. You're free to fucking do as you please and you wont have to worry about them any more."

"Well, thanks a lot but I'll stay in their lives."

"Are you sure? Perhaps it'll interfere with your new, awesome life?"

"God, why do you have to be so fucking dense Katie? Just listen to me"

"Piss off Naomi. Go and jump of a fucking bridge will you?" She gasped at her own words, mirroring Naomi's startled noise when the implication of the sentence fully hit them. She was catapulted back to that fatal day when Effy had jumped.

* * *

_Katie had just have another row with Naomi on the phone, her girlfriend, ex, whatever was being her whiny self and refused to come back home to talk it out. Yes she had a new girlfriend but it didn't mean that Naomi could simply act like she wouldn't care if they fought or not. And Katie was quite sure she was still allowed to demand that she'd come home to talk it out. She couldn't even remember what they had been fighting about this time, probably Naomi having a right hissy fit about Ashley or Emily or anyone except for her precious Effy. Why was she that close to her best friend anyway, Katie wondered. It wasn't like they had anything in common or any similarities besides the obvious. She also recalled Effy having a huge anti-crush on Naomi. Ever since her girlfriend had come back from her trip breaking Katie's heart there had been very blatant feelings of hatred going around. Sure, since Bay's birth Effy had backed off a little but she kept being weird towards the blonde, of course now Katie knew why. It still made her blood boil. Her own sister had dared to touch what was hers. She. Of all people should had been able to lay beside a fucking naked Naomi without any sexual thoughts. If not her, who else could Katie had trusted? Obviously no one. _

_None the less was the 'friendship' between Naomi and Effy upsetting. Something about it screamed: wrong! Perhaps Katie just hated the thought of HER best mate being Naomi's person of trust whereas she wouldn't as much as come near Katie. It was her own damn fault, she knew. But how could she ever look Effy in the eye after the horrible things she had said and done? How on earth could she expect her to welcome her back with open arms? Being rejected was one of Katie's biggest fears and she knew that she'd never live through Effy's rejection. It would break everything which was left in her, shattering it to a million of pieces. Katie had trouble looking at her mirror image herself, she couldn't believe what Emily's obsession had made her do. _

_She had chased away her best friend, the one person who had taken her for who she was, from the very beginning. The one person who never expected anything other than Katie being Katie, that was enough for her. How could she have hurt her that way? _

_She had the phone in her hands before another thought could stop her, dialling Effy's number she had memorised years ago. After two rings, Effy picked up with a surprised voice. "Katie? Something happened?" _

"_No, no. Well except for the tiny part where you've all left me behind."_

"_We what?"_

"_How is it with Naomi then? You enjoying having her around? I bet you are really glad that she turned to you when things went to shit. She couldn't wait for an opportunity to leave me, that's not a secret, but I never thought that you'd support her in that matter." When she received no response she took a calming breath, not wanting to explode on Effy and have her hang up on her before she could say what she needed to. "Also I think that you do that because you're a masochist Eff. You cant live without Emily and sadly the closest thing to understand what's happened, what made her fall...in love" She almost broke her teeth when the words left her lips "with Naomi is to understand why she fell in love with her. That's why you kept letting her in, isn't it? You knew it would be to painful to have her around all the time, even when she was the only one helping you and standing by your side you wanted her gone. But your thing, Effy, is that you cant not understand things. So you let her in and you're hurting yourself day for day because you actually get to see what it was that made Ems leave you. You probably even understand it, that's the worst, isn't it" _

_Katie knew that if she kept talking the truth would finally come out of Effy, one way or another. "So you're in constant pain, being reminded of what you've lost, and not able to hate it for it. Between you and me, I think that it's a bit mad, don't you Eff? I mean, Emily left you because of Naomi. Not only that, she didn't leave you for her, she left you because of her. She's rather alone then with you if she cant have Naomi, that's got to hurt." Sitting in the garden, smoking a spliff Katie wasn't trying to be a bitch. She was trying to understand Effy, to understand what was going on, in the only way she could. "Isn't it killing you, seeing Naomi day for day? And knowing that this person made Emily run away without looking back? That's the thing, Eff, you see Naomi is special. She is one fucking special person and I don't want you to get fucking obsessed with her and misread it as love again. The way you've thought you loved me. With your mind it's a dangerous game you're playing at, don't fall in love with her. And stop that, I don't want you to like, go really mental because you decided to punish yourself. It wasn't your fault, you know that don't you?"_

"_Wasn't it?"_

"_No. Emily's a bitch, she went too far and I hate to say it but I don't think that I'll ever forgive her for that. It was one step too far. Fuck all my exes, I'd have forgiven her eventually if she had crushed on one or even cheated. But, but not Naomi. And I know that you feel the same way. What Naomi is to me was Emily to you. It must kill you. How can you even survive without wanting to jump of a fucking bridge? I think, if I were in your shoes and not moving on the way I am, I'd have tried to off myself the day she left. Because I know that I'll never find a love like that again, ever again. How the fuck can you survive that? Knowing that Emily is fucking her way through London while you're not able to function? Like I said, I'd have jumped in front of a fucking truck."_

_She was high by the point, higher than she'd been in a long time and hadn't realised what her words might had triggered in the mentally ill girl. "So I'll tell you again, I don't want you to ever start anything with Naomi. If I find out I will personally strangle you Effy. That is the only reason why I would even think of coming near you again, to fucking kill you for getting together with my girlfriend."_

"_I'm not about to."_

"_Good. So just so we're clear, you keep your hands to yourself and keep being pathetic and hurting yourself as long as you don't start anything funny. Got it?"_

"_Can we have coffee Kay? I'm not feeling that good." She chuckled disbelieving. "No Effy, no we can not have coffee. Just because I called you doesn't mean that I want you back in my life. You've betrayed me, you hurt me too much for it. And I don't want you anywhere close to me. Ever again."_

"_But Katie" The twin's heart went out to the sobbing girl but she couldn't, she knew she'd never forgive herself fully for how she had treated her, never enough to be back in her life the way she was before. And she wasn't sure if she could have Effy around without Emily. If she could live with not having her sister but her constant reminder. "No Eff, no. You live your life and just stay out of mine."_

"_You don't mean that."_

"_I do. I fucking do. I couldn't care less if you actually offed yourself or not, that's how things have changed. So don't come stalking me, it wont do any good." _

"_I never wanted to hurt you."_

"_But you have."_

"_I was protecting you!"_

"_YOU WERE PROTECTING Emily!"_

"_I"_

"_No! Fuck off Eff and never contact me, I don't want to see your face ever again. You're dead to me." _

"_Katie?"_

"_What?!"_

"_You know that you're my everything, right?"_

_As teenagers they had tried to find a word fitting to describe them, what they were. Best friends wasn't enough, lovers and girlfriends were too much and cringe worthy, 'person' was too Grey's anatomy. One day Effy had simply shrugged and smirked, 'You're just my everything.' _

"_And now you're nothing to me. Goodbye Effy."_

* * *

Her hands flew to her gasping mouth, all colour long gone from her face, making Katie look like a ghost. "I, uh, it was, it was me." Before Naomi's pleas to talk to her could make her do just that she had hung up and ran towards the bushes where she left everything she had eaten in the past days.

* * *

**AU: Naomi's birthday next time :) that will be fun...**


	18. Hello, I'm right here

_Same chapter again, thanks to Christina I realised the site hadn't let me edit it properly. It hasn't uploaded the breaks between scenes I always do. NO wonder it was confusing. Sorry again. :) _

* * *

„Could you open the door? It's only Bence." Naomi yelled to her mother who was busy cutting steaks. "Really? Really Naomi? I think you're just sitting on your lazy arse watching telly, why don't you go?" A groan, the one Gina had heard on a daily basis when Naomi was a teenagers, _and_ afterwards, was sounding through the house, bringing the two women in the kitchen to chuckle lightly.

Gina mustered the girl standing by the oven making sauce, she looked better. Obviously being back in London was helping her. A dreadful feeling crept up on the mother when her mind had catapulted her towards another reason which might had been making Effy feel better. Unconsciously her eyes wandered to the sitting room her daughter was giggling at the telly in and she sighed, hoping that she was wrong.

"Don't worry." Effy's velvet voice brought her back to reality and she smiled sheepishly. The girl smiled gently in return and slowly made her way to the front door, throwing over her shoulder;"I might be mental Gina but I am not stupid. I know she's Katie's." "Right." Came the embarrassed answer and Effy's face broke out in a huge grin when a beaming Bence stood by their door, huge present wrapped in backing paper in his arms. "Ay mate, all right?"

He nodded, flaring his long hair around, a horrible blush covering his cheeks. Effy couldn't resist, she reached out and gently stroked his head, making him redder than a tomato. "God you're cute. Ten years older and you wouldn't be fast enough to run away from he." His eyes widened and then a confused expression washed over his face. "I'd be twenty then. But you're way older Effy. That's illegal."

She blinked a couple times, trying to figure out something. "How old do you think I am exactly?"

"Dunno, about fifty?" Her jaw dropped but she couldn't punish him for that, Naomi had reached the door and enveloped him into a huge hug, making it impossible to kill him on the spot. While Naomi managed to listen about boring footsie stories with an excited face, Effy self-consciously rubbed under her eyes, knowing that the first wrinkles were arriving exactly there.

Blue eyes were laughing at her when the blonde swatted her hand away, shaking her head while she pushed them into the house. She was just shutting the door when Katie's shriek stopped her. "Thank you!" She snapped at Naomi, narrowing her eyes, as she strutted into the flat like she owned it. Katie had never had a problem with feeling unwelcome or even slightly unwanted. Perhaps it was a protection mechanism, her moving around like a lion, the king of the jungle. They were monkeys, Naomi was sure, to Katie they were stupid monkeys she'd eat as soon as she'd get the chance.

That thought made her giggle, an image of herself with a necklace made of bananas almost had her in stitches. Not even Katie's raised brows could stop her. "Right. Where's the alc?" Naomi pointed, her face red from trying to hold in the laughter, and Katie marched off, muttering under her breath.

"Mum, that wasn't nice." Scolded Bence with a smirk, happily taking part in whatever Naomi was doing to his mama. "Oh shut up. What'd ya bring me?" she reached out expectantly, making him laugh. "I spent all week working on it, you should be grateful." She bit her lip to stop the laughter and nodded as serious as she could, ripping the paper off.

Her eyes widened, she hadn't expected _that_. The present that had been awfully wrapped was a real treasure. She felt her eyes prick and shut them so she wouldn't cry like a baby. He had touched her heart, and it was hard not to get all crazy and embarrass him with her being too emotional. So, like every mother would, she tried to swallow it. Too hard.

"Bence, this is" But she couldn't find a word worthy and instead traced her fingers over the faces on the painted picture. "Have you painted it?"

"No." Looking away he confessed who had. "Mama did it but I had to promise not to tell. She said you'll be over the moon and that we couldn't make you a better gift. Was she right? I wasn't sure. Had to call grandma and have her sent me old pictures of you, then I looked for the perfect ones so it'd had the hidden message. You got it?"

She nodded, shaking her head in disbelieve. This was, by far, the most beautiful gift anyone's ever given her. Better than the Vespa Cook had fixed for her and that one was hard to top. "I cant even tell you how much this means to me. I never knew such photos existed." Again her fingers traced the faces.

What Bence had given her was a huge, really gigantic picture of painted collages.

The first one was of Naomi alone, about ten years old, she was glaring at the camera. It was painted in black and white, with beautiful shadows that didn't make her look like a monkey (she thought that painted black and white pictures often looked like people were still animals). It kinda washed into the next one, Naomi and Ginia both grinning at one another, obvious to the shot being taken. They weren't older than thirteen.

A bigger one took the space of those two underneath them, one of Naomi and Ginia in their teens. They must have been about seventeen, perhaps even eighteen. Ginia was stood next to Naomi with her head on the blonde's shoulder smirking, yet Naomi was glaring at her like she knew that she was being made fun of.

Then they were adults, watching the sunrise with spliffs in their hands and bottles around them. Probably in Australia. The next one had Naomi smiling, it was the first one where she was truly smiling. She had a little Bence standing on her lap and he was making a face at her. Katie was sat next to her, leaning on her in Naomi's arm.

The last picture was of Bay's first day with the nanny. They were outside, just a happy little family, and Naomi couldn't had looked happier if she tried.

The next one was pure imaginary painted. A tragically broken Naomi looking at an almost invisible Ginia leaving through the traffic. She was glad that they hadn't had the artist paint it on a graveyard, she hadn't even been to the girl's grave yet and she thought that'd had been too cheesy. But the focus was on her face, yet she could still see that her knees were giving in. One hand was holding her steady on her feet. She could only see Effy's hair and eyes, she was almost like a background image.

There was still one spot left, purposely unpainted, for another big one that was yet to come.

While her eyes had roamed every part of the huge portrait she hadn't realised that tears welled up in her eyes. Only Bence's worried eyes made her finally come back to reality. She coughed and smiled, so fucking gratefully at him, wrapping him up in a huge hug. "I love you." "Love you to mum." And because it was her birthday he even let her hug him for as long as she wanted.

Katie had walked back into the room after downing her cider and greeting Gina. She had to stop and take a breath before making her presents known by loudly scoffing. "Don't break his poor neck, he's not a fucking toothpaste bottle." But when Naomi turned around to shake her head at Katie she saw the troubled expression on her face, the pity almost exploding out of her, and she glared. "Don't pity me, Katie. Just don't."

"I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No." Shaking her head to demonstrate her point Katie made her way over and biting her lip, she pondered over something, before slowly reaching for Naomi and pulling her into a tender hug. Automatically her hand went to Naomi's head and the other one around her hips, just holding her close. "Darling I cant even tell you how s" "Don't." She almost begged, untangling herself from Katie with wild eyes. "Please. Just go. You're back tomorrow though, aren't you? Look, Bence is fine here and we want to go to the match, so we need to go. Just, we'll see you tomorrow. Okay?"

Nodding with a tight-lipped smile Katie let go of Naomi completely, fixing the invisible wrinkles she made and then she turned to her son. She was sad knowing that there was no chance in hell Naomi would ever talk about her grieve and pain, she'd swallow it so hard and long until it'd break out full force. Katie would love to be there for her, make her finally cry, but Naomi wouldn't let her. And she had to respect that, she needed the time, but at some point she'd need to deal with it. "Be good Bence, I'm not joking. I don't want any complaints, yeah?"

"Of course mother." He rolled his eyes, grinning at a amused Naomi. "I promise I wont piss the bed."

"BENCE!" Four horrified women yelled in union, making him explode in laughter.

* * *

After spending a great day together, only Naomi and Bence, going to a match, McDonald's, buying him a couple records he had wished for, and then ending it with a nice film at the cinema, Naomi had brought his totally worn out self into her bed and tugged him in. Then she had had a couple drinks with her mum and Effy, after midnight when it was her birthday, and then when her mum had left for bed, the guest room, they made their own way to bed. She had gotten her birthday gift from Effy when they had reached the bedroom they shared. The brunette had stripped and then laid on the bed with only a smirk. "My gift Naomi? Do whatever you want, however you want, wherever you want. I'm all yours tonight." And when she had pounced.

Naomi knew that she would take her up on that offer all night long.

So, of course, they were horribly tired when Bence started trying to wake everyone in the neighbourhood. They had managed to sleep until eleven though, Gina took pity on them and went to the park with the boy.

They all had late breakfast together and started to prepare everything for the party. By five Effy had volunteered to bring Bence to her brother, who was babysitting, but Naomi wanted to go herself. She hadn't seen Bay in a week and knew that the girl was sad she wasn't invited to their day out, so she wanted to at least see her.

When she had returned home the first guest had already drank a couple drinks and smoked a few spliffs so the atmosphere had been pretty fantastic. By nine Jenna had arrived, much to Naomi's surprise. "What is she doing here?" Was her harsh whisper at a smirking Effy. "Well you invited her."

"Yes, because I knew she wouldn't be found dead in here." Not bothering to answer Effy had pushed Naomi towards her ex almost-mother-in-law. The greetings were forced and Naomi knew that Jenna was wishing her everything bad there was. But when she saw who came to Jenna's side a moment later, arms filled with drinks, her jaw dropped. "What the fuck are you doing here?" She hissed, her body trembling with anger. Emily only pointed at her mother with a glare. "She made me." "You're an adult, for fuck's sake. She cant make you do shit if you don't want to. You cant be here."

Naomi kept shaking her head and praying that Effy hadn't seen Emily yet but of course the twin corrected her. "Effy's fine with it. Already apologised but she's saying it's fine."

"Well it's not! Katie will be here any minute and when she sees you she'll never speak to me again. Can you please fuck off?" Another girl came to stand beside Emily and blue eyes narrowed when she saw her place an arm around the girl. "Sorry, but who are you?"

"Oh, hi I'm Bex." Naomi's eyes found Emily's, boring into her and willing her not to introduce her as her girlfriend. "Right. Bex this rude person is actually Naomi. Naomi that's my girlfriend Bex." The anger wasn't to be tamed and Naomi grabbed Emily's collar, pulling her in, as she almost bared her teeth. "You fucking leave right now and take your stupid bitch with you. Do you have any idea how this will fuck Effy up again?" For a moment she saw real guilt in the brown eyes of her former best mate, but then it was gone and replaced with anger.

She pushed Naomi off and scoffed. "Fuck you Naomi, fuck you! You know what? I don't care! I don't fucking care because obviously Effy's busy shagging _you_ now. So I don't see why the fuck I cant bring my girlfriend when _she's_ obviously hosting a birthday party for hers." Walking into Naomi's personal space she glared. "And I'm fucking tired of this shit, ain't I? Think I've been banned for long enough, you lot seem to play happy families again so I'm back in."

"Except that no one wants you here." Katie's harsh voice cut her twin's heart in two. "You've been banned because you're a whore and a cheater and a fucking pathetic liar. It's Naomi's birthday and when she wants you to leave you fucking well will. Also" She whispered that part into her twin's ear. "Try and hurt Effy again and I will make your life hell, Emily. You've gone too far." To everyone's surprise Katie couldn't really whisper in her rage so the message was clear, to _everyone_.

"Yeah how come it's fine for Effy to fuck Naomi and I was fucking stoned for fancying her?!" "_Fancying_ her?!" Naomi was sure that Katie would had punched Emily out but Ash was there to hold her back, much to the blonde's annoyance who searched the room for the person this was all about. She found Effy sitting on the sofa, seemingly with no care in the world, playing with her phone. She must had sensed Naomi watching her. Slowly her head raised and she smiled a brilliant million watt smile, lightning up the whole room. Her feet were moving before she could think about it and then she sat beside her, kissing Effy's cheek softly, her hand on her back. "Are you okay?"

"No. I feel like dying." Was the honest reply, covered up with that smile which had made Naomi move in the first place. If Effy smiled that way; it couldn't be good. "At least Katie's clawing Ems' eyes out for me, that's something, isn't it?" Nodding Naomi reached for her and hugged her close, not caring about the eyes that were staring at them. Yes, she wasn't her girlfriend, but she was her friend, and when Naomi hadn't known how to go on Effy had been there. She owed it to her to do the same. Especially since she could never ignore Effy's pain, not when it ended in tragic hospital visits.

* * *

„So you've decided to show up after all." Ashley muttered, not very happy when Naomi came towards the benches of the football field they were sitting on. Of course Effy wasn't far behind, her head buried in her phone checking out too complicated graphs about her business, her hand holding Naomi's loosely she was simply following or rather letting the girl pull her along, and to everyone's surprise she didn't look up once. Complete trust.

Trust that made Katie's teeth grit. "How nice, you've brought your own watchdog." She shot out with a sickly sweet smile directed at Effy, who kept looking at her phone. Even thought she didn't look like she was in their world at all she countered without any hesitation. "Of course I had to come, didn't want you to jump my girlfriend again, did I?" Her eyes, covered by her aviators, were set unimpressive on Katie, she tightened her hold on Naomi's hand. "Can't leave her with you for more than two minutes without you shoving your tongue down her throat." Just as Ashley opened her mouth to defend a fuming Katie Bence's bored voice cut in. "Could you please stop acting like children? It's embarrassing." He wiped his hair out of his face and beamed at Effy. "All right?"

After they chuckled at his lame attempt of flirting with her, Naomi took a seat next to Katie and pecked her cheek. "How've you been? The shop's doing okay?" Brown eyes narrowed, the twin knew right away that someone, most likely Emily, must have told Naomi about her money problems. "Emily fucking told you then? It's none of your business, besides, it'll pass. I'm getting a new world class deal. Purses. Animal printed, made in the Congo." Blue eyes, trying not to laugh, widened and Naomi looked away sharply so Katie wouldn't notice. "_What_? It's a great deal! Don't act like you know anything about that business." Effy sniggered and smirked at Naomi, who was still desperately acting as if the warming up was the most interesting thing on earth. "You said you'd be sensitive and stealthy." "I was!" Defended the blonde, her eyes narrowed. "Not my fault she reads me like a fucking book." Sighing she pointed to the field, daring them to say anything else except for how boring that game would be.

"You've seen me goal?" Bay, sweaty and covered in mud exclaimed, bouncing around. The first after they whistled off the game she had run to the benches and jumped her parents, much to their disgust. Naomi nodded, going to kiss her forehead but thankfully Katie pushed her back before she could touch it. "Right. You stink, go take a shower and we'll meet by the car." "So you've seen me goal then? It was awesome. Every one made room for me so I could kick it in!" Biting her lip Naomi smiled, nodding along. Katie wasn't that fussed, she raised a brow and looked at her daughter as if she'd lost it. "Well, yeah sure they did. You kicked it home." The girl's face transformed a couple times, from confused to shocked and it stayed horrified, her head tomato red. "Oh my god!" She buried that red head in Naomi's lap and the blonde grimaced, looking to the other adults for help but they were busy laughing at her.

Effy touched Bay's back then, with two fingers. "Now now, it's gonna be fine. Was your first match, just wait." That had the others explode in laughter again and she glared, in hopes to shut them up. "Now go, you really stink."

"But I don't want to see them. Cant we just go home please?" Big brown eyes, bathed in sadness and embarrassment bore into everyone's eyes, begging to be taken home. Four head shakes, a giggling Bence and one adult scoffing at them was the result. Effy got up and took the girl's hand, who in turn smiled gratefully at her. Naomi handed Effy the scooter keys, knowing that it was what she had planned and then they were off. "Why gets Bay to ride a scooter? I'm not allowed." Was the instant protest of the moody boy. "Just cause she stinks? Well shouldn't have goaled it home then, idiotic cow. Could've taken a shower then and not be driven round London on a super cool scooter. Mum I want you to take me again, lets go somewhere on it." Katie's head snapped to her and the twin glared. "You took him out on that death-trap?! When? And most importantly, why? Think we've agreed that it's too dangerous for the kids."

Naomi had her arm slung around Bence's shoulder while they made their way to the car. "No. you've pretty much ordered me not to let them fucking _sit_ on it. And it's safe, probably the safest scooter in the UK so chill will you?"

"You're not going to apologise?"

She looked at her ex with an expression that screamed; are you mad? "Uh, no. But if you want me to fine. Oh Katie, I cant apologise enough for not obeying your rules and wishes. My chip, the one you planted into me when you decided I should be a fucking robot must be broken. I'll have it fixed right away." Even Ashley giggled at Katie's slack jawed shocked state, it was just too funny. All she needed was smoke coming out of her ears and she'd be the perfect cartoon baddie. "Will you lot stop being tossers? Fuck's sake. Bence I am your mother you know? You cant be mean every time Naomi's around. I expect you to treat me with the same respect you do when she's not here."

He looked up at Naomi, just doing what every kid would, trying to get her to be on his side but she shook her head with a tight lipped smile. "She's right you know. If you really do that, it's not good Bence."

* * *

"I cant believe you're doing this to me!" Katie gasped.

Naomi shook her head, rubbing her face in an attempt not to strangle the insane woman in front of her. She was sitting on Katie's desk in the store and the twin was pacing around, shaking her head. "I an not doing anything to you Katie." She pulled her own hair. "I just want to take the kids for a holiday." Katie twirled around and pointed a sharp fingernail into the other's face, making her swat the hand away. "You're trying to hurt me that's what you're doing!" She's had enough, so with little effort she pushed off the desk and took the shaking shoulders in her hands, stilling Katie's frantic movements. "Listen to me you mad woman, I am not out to hurt you all the time. I don't know what you're doing in your spare time but I live and don't sit pondering on how I could hurt you best the next time." Katie wriggled out of the grip with a warning look, her brown eyes shooting daggers. "Don't touch me." Groaning Naomi threw her hands up, ready to walk out of the door and get the court to decide about the holidays.

The thing was that they were trying to do this the adult way but it seemed that without rules there was no chance of them ever stopping to be at each other's throats all the time. "You know what? Fuck it. I'm taking them to America and you cant stop me." "You want me to prove you wrong? Naomi don't be daft. You cant just take them and piss off to the end of the world. How am I supposed to know you'll bring them back? Perhaps you'll kidnap them again."

"Right." Muttered Naomi, looking in her bag for the envelope. When she found it Katie was suspicious, her face set in that glare it always seemed to be punished with. "What's that?" "Me paying alimony." And she thought that Katie would charge at her and behead her with the way the twin was shaking but then a hollow laugh filled the room, which was worse. "Right. Don't need your money, Naomi. Fuck off before I make you."

"Why?" She asked, shrugging helplessly. Katie furrowed her brows at the seemingly random question and attitude. "Why are you like this? I don't understand you any more Katie and I hate it. I fucking hate it." She lit a fag, and this time Katie wasn't trying to shove it down her throat for smoking in the store. "You've kissed me on my birthday, again. _You_. And now you're acting like I fucking raped you or something. I don't understand it, I really don't and I'm not sure I'm still willing to try. Over the past weeks, since you freaked out the day after my birthday, you've been nothing but horrible to me and I'm done. I'm done with your shit, if you think you can fucking play me like this again you're really stupid and naïve. You should forget it once and for all, I'm not a fucking teenager any more Katie. Why don't you grow the fuck up and stay out of my way until then?"

Placing the envelop back on the desk Naomi took her bag and made her way to the door, Katie's whisper made her stop though. "I know, I know that it was me who indicated the kiss Naomi. You have any idea how confusing this is? And how fucking humiliating it was to be yelled at by Effy? I just, I cant right now, I don't know what's happening to me but whatever it is, it's happening to late and this makes me sooo mad. I could rip out trees Naomi, I could fucking smash every little person I see to the ground and it makes me even more angry. I just, I don't understand." She sniffed when Naomi turned around to look at her with a gentle expression. "I just, look at you! You've always believed in me, even when I was at my worst. You were just there and now, you just told me to leave you alone but then you look at me with so much love that I just cant accept it. I cant accept it."

_Finally_, Naomi thought as her feet were moving toward Katie. Finally she knew what was going on in her ex girlfriend's head.

When she reached her, her arms were wrapping her up in a soft hug and Katie buried her head in Naomi shoulder right away, softly crying. "I cant accept it, I tried but I cant." She kept shaking her head over and over again, all the while Naomi kissed her head and rubbed her back comfortingly. When Katie had reached a level of sanity again and stopped crying Naomi mumbled her reply. "You cant expect me to live like a non while you're in a relationship Katie. You decided that this was for the best and now we've made our beds and have to lay in them. That's just how it is." Brown eyes, wet and sad looked up at her miserably.

"Or you know, we could just" When her lips found Naomi's the girl closed her eyes for a moment before shaking her head. Keeping on kissing Katie she pushed her up on the desk and grabbed her legs, automatically wrapping them around her waist while her right hand held on to the small of Katie's back, pushing her that bit closer.

She was panting, ready to pass out of excitement and arousal when she pushed Katie over the edge. When she _threw_ her over the edge. The girl's purple coloured fingernails scratched down her bare back underneath her shirt and she clenched so fucking tightly around her fingers. They were still breathing heavily, trying not to pass out when the little doorbell rattled. Naomi tensed, knowing right away who had walked in without needing to look behind her. "I'm done with shopping, so whenever you're ready I'll be outside. Of course if you'd like to continue this upstairs I'll just wait at home. I bet Katiekins will give you a good ride home." She let go of the twin and then all she heard were loud voices screaming at one another.

Katie had pulled her jeans up and was marching to Effy with a face like thunder. "Fucking shut up Effy! Just shut up and piss off! That's got nothing to do with you so why don't you fucking leave?!"

"Because you've just been fucked by _my_ girlfriend princess." Was countered with a low, threatening voice. "And I don't like sharing." Katie was in her face then, glaring. "Too bad. Don't be stupid Effy, you always knew we'd be back together and that you were just a fucking rebound. Little pathetic don't you think? What, you thought Naomi was suddenly the love of your life? Newsflash, she's not. She's mine."

The blonde bit her lip and shook her head at Katie, raising her brows. "Uh, I'm not." Her voice was all scratchy so she coughed before continuing. "I'm really not yours Katie. You've got Ashley and I wont let you talk to Effy that way. Like I said, please, just grow up. We're not twenty any more, I cant take this stupid game." Turning to Effy with a weird feeling Naomi nodded towards the door. "Let's go." She went to take the brunette's hand but Effy flinched away and was out of the door without looking back once. "Naomi stay."

"And then what? Want me to climb out of the window when Ashley comes home?"

"She's away for three days. You could come home."

"_For three days? Fuck you Katie_."

* * *

She had a weird feeling in her tummy when she got into her Mercedes. Effy was sitting there, smoking, her sunglasses on so the blonde couldn't see how upset she was. Yes, they knew that there were other people they loved but she could understand that it was strange to walk in on her and Katie shagging. She'd not know how she's react if she saw Effy with Emily. Perhaps that's what happens when you get involved into something, without feelings, they just grow. It might not be love but it is something, even if it's only possessiveness. Before turning the key she sighed and lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply. "So, had fun with Katie?" Damn Effy and her velvety melodic voice for not showing any real feelings. "Uh, are you okay?" Taking the brunette's hand carefully and cautiously Naomi bit her lip, still not daring to look at her. "Sorry you saw that, I didn't want to hurt you." Yes, Effy knew that Naomi was still and would probably forever be loving Katie but that didn't mean she had the right not to care at all what the amazing girl was feeling.

Effy turned to her then and it was the chuckle that made Naomi look her way. "You thought I was really upset? Awe, aren't you just the cutest?" She sputtered, not sure how to take that. "Of course it was weird but it's fucking fantastic, you know that she's almost ready to explode? Ashley's gonna be history soon. She said anything?" Not being able to help herself Naomi dashed forwards and kissed a laughing Effy, cupping her face. "God you're amazing." "Yeah, people tend to believe that."

* * *

"I don't like her lurking round the house, Kat. Why's she even here? She's got a home, she should be _there_, with _her_ girlfriend and _her_ space. Not invade ours." When another slow melody was heard from the attic Ashley pointed upwards. "It's not healthy. She's _always_ here."

Katie was sipping her coffee and nodding along to everything Ashley said, but her mind was upstairs trying to figure out what kind of a song Naomi was trying to nail. "Right."

"So you'll talk to her then?"

Katie blinked when Ashley's fingers snapped in front of her face. "Sorry, was somewhere else. What'ya say?" She saw the inner battle in Ashley's eyes, the dark haired girl wasn't sure what to think of the situation and of Katie's frequently absent mind whenever Naomi was around. Slowly but surely she was feeling threatened. "Is Naomi trying to get you back?" Eyes wide, a chuckle escaped Katie's lips, a bitter chuckle. "Right, she's with Effy for the knack of it, yeah? Don't be stupid. She's well over me, don't you see? Every fucking blind man would see that she's into Effy." Shaking her head Ashley knew, she saw the jealousy clear as if it were a huge neon sign. "She's winning. Fuck, it actually works." Katie had no idea what Ashley was on about but Naomi's raspy voice finally singing words she couldn't understand made her focus on that instead of her girlfriend. "You know that she's planned getting you back for quite some time now, yeah?"

Blinking again Katie narrowed her eyes in warning. "Stop it Ash. Don't create fucking problems when there are none."

"But there are!" She yelped, slamming her hand on the table. "There are fucking tons of problems! Wanna hear them? Since you're obviously not as bright as you pretend to be!" Just when Ashley went to explain the problems Katie jumped out of her chair and straightened her back with a furious expression. "Fucking watch how you speak to me. If you use that tone one more time you're out of here and I'll let Naomi off the fucking leash." A mean smirk made its way to her lips. "She'll be happy to tell you how to treat women, at least she never got _that_ wrong."

"Are having a fucking laugh? You told me all about her mood swings and anger problems! She punched a wall beside your head, she destroyed your old flat when you told her about your fling with the kids' dad! And she still yells at you all the fucking time!" Shrieked the poor, unwanted intruder. "You're completely nuts, Katie. You're insane."

"Oh, you haven't seen her insane yet." Commented Naomi nonchalantly from the door frame, grinning at Katie. "She's really meaner than the wicked witch of the west." Making her way to stay next to Katie she pecked the girl's cheek. "God have I loved her insanity." She chuckled along with a blushing Katie who was swatting her wandering hands away. "Stop it." But the grin and shining eyes were clear proof of Katie liking the attention. Before it would take overhand Naomi let go and simply stayed leaned on the girl, her face moved towards Ashley's. "Could I borrow her for a moment? I need help with the song."

"Sure, we'll help."

"Only Katie." Naomi hurried to explain. "I'm shy when I am not done yet. She's heard me when I was all hoarse from, well, you know, and she heard me when I was drunk and obviously didn't reach a fucking well note. So I think I'll be more comfortable if you didn't see it."

"That's too bad, because I am coming." To prove her point she took Katie's hand and made her way to the attic where Effy was working on the piano and Bence on the drums. Bay was strumming away on one guitar with headphones so she wouldn't disturb anyone.

Naomi took a seat with her electric guitar, plugged into the effect device 'Pandora' which changed it to sound like an acoustic. Bence was making the beat with nothing more than one kick every chord. A soft melody came from the piano Effy was, bored as always, sitting by and playing. Naomi saw the frown and kissed the top of her head before grinning at the audience. Even Bay stopped playing to hear what the commotion was all about.

"It's not perfect yet so just don't expect anything awesome, yeah?"

"Just shut up and play." Grinned Katie, she was well excited and bouncing on her seat on one of the huge, old and battered sofas she and Ashley were laying on.

_"Right now, I feel so empty..._

_And someday, wont be ending..._

_Until I've done all that I can_

_ALL THAT_

_Until I've done all that I can."_

Ashley was staring, she had never heard Naomi sing slow ballads and this song, whatever it was, was perfect for her vocals. Katie on the other hand had inched forward so she could almost crawl into Naomi who had her eyes closed as she was strumming. Katie was fascinated and her head was empty, all instincts were telling her to just let go.

_"One day, it'll get easier.._

_Cause right now..._

_I feel so simple..._

_Until I've done all that I can_

_ALL THAT_

_Until I've done all that I can and I said; hello, hello, hello"_

Suddenly Naomi's eyes opened and she was staring right at Katie, making the girl tear up._ "I'm right here."_

She took a huge breath before singing again with her eyes locked on Katie's._ "Oh hello, hello, hello, I'm right here. I'm right here waiting for you."_ Her face made the twin question everything she has been feeling and thought she knew because this looked like Naomi was dying to get her back. Could this be? No.

_"Drinking to yesterday's news..._

_I'm sorry I was late I was soo blue..._

_Oh my hands hurt from holding your hands.._

_And I'm young but it's hard to believe."_

She took another deep breath and turned her head to smile at Effy so the girl wouldn't miss her input as the backup voice. Katie's eyes almost fell out when the chorus started, she had never known Effy could sing. (Effy's parts are in brackets).

_"That someday I will never see you again... (never see you, never again)_

_And you might not believe this but you've changed me soo much. (too much)_

_But baby, (baby) it's so hard leaving you. (leaving you, leaving you)_

_And maybe, (maybe), this was the only way. (this was the only, the only way)_

_But right now, I wish I was older._

_And right now, you look so simple."_

_Her blue eyes were back on Katie, paralysing her._

_"Now is not **my **time._

_**NO NO**!_

_Now is not the time._

_And so I said: Hello, hello, hello, I'm right here. Oh hello, hello, hello,_

_I'm right here waiting for you._

_Drinking to yesterday's news..._

_I'm sorry I was late I was sooo blue.._

_And my hand hurts from holding your hand.._

_And I'm young but it's hard to believe..._

_That someday I will never see you again.. (never see you again)_

_And you might not believe this but you've changed me soo much. (too much, too much baby)_

_But baby, (Baby) it's so hard, leaving you. (leaving you, oh no)_

_And maybe, (Maybe) this was the only way,_

_The only way._

_But baby, (Baby) it's so hard, leaving you. (no, no)_

_And maybe, (maybe), this was the only way._

_The only way."_

Naomi looked to Effy first, beaming at her in thanks because it was the first time they hadn't fucked the song up. Katie was out of her seat and clinging to Naomi before the dark blonde managed to put away the guitar. Awkwardly patting the twin's back Naomi shrugged at a fuming Ashley. "Sing some more, please. Just a bit."

Keeping a hold of Katie Naomi grinned. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive, look me in the heart and tell me you wont go. Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love, look me in my heart and unbreak broken, it wont happen." She sang lowly, making Katie frown at her and wipe her eyes, sniffing while she whispered; "I promise."

"All right. That's quite enough, I cant stand it any more." Announced Ashley with a tired voice. "Naomi, you need to take boundaries more seriously, it cant be that you're always around messing with Katie's head. Obviously you're happy with Effy, at least Kat's saying that, why she lets you flirt with her then I'll never grasp but whatever. I want you to practise your songs at your house and stay away from mine. You being here for the kids is fine, when you pick them up and bring them back but that's it. We need our own life and space to actually enjoy it. I think that you're forgetting that this is _my_ girlfriend now. You don't have stupid dips on her. You really need to move on."

Naomi was holding Katie who looked ready to dash into her girlfriend and strangle her. "I appreciate your honesty Ash, I really do. But you know what they say; Speech is silver and silence is golden. I think that you really. really need to break sharply if you don't want _me_ to tell you a thing or two. It wont be pretty." Katie's panicked eyes showed Naomi that her ex didn't want her current girlfriend to know about what had happened in the shop between them, not that Naomi was about to tell. It still hurt and she pushed her gently out of her arms. "There, satisfied? It's not me who's the one indicating anything between Katie and I, you can be sure of that and I'd look for a reason if I were you. For a newly formed couple you don't seem overly happy. Not my fault though and you really don't want me to start on _my_ house. Because Ash this," She waved around, "this _is_ my house. I've paid for it, I'm still paying for it and I will keep paying until we fully own it. It's not yours and if I fancy jamming with Bence here in the attic I fucking well will."

"But, but you're Effy's girlfriend!" It was obvious that Ashley didn't have much arguments left. "How can she watch you throw yourself at Katie?!"

Effy rolled her eyes and lit a fag, blowing out circles into Ashley's direction. Her arm curled around Naomi's leg and she pulled her close until she sat down on the piano bench between her legs, leaning into Effy's front. "Relax, Ashley. You sound horribly paranoid. You want to know why I don't care if she flirts with Katie or the fat bloke at the petrol station so he'd fill up her merc? Because she's my girlfriend and I trust her. She's never given me reason not to, so I do. Simple as that. Why cant you trust Katie?"

"I think it's time for you to go." Stated Ashley with a breaking voice, something was happening, she could feel it, but she couldn't stop it if Naomi was always around. She didn't have any control left and she hated it, hated the idea of losing Katie. She loved her, and to see her swoon every fucking time Naomi smiled at her wasn't something she could keep watching without trying to stop it. "Just go, it's enough for today."

Katie was on it in a flash, shaking her head vehemently. No matter who she was with, she was still Katie Fitch and she didn't like being told what to do or what not to do. She couldn't stand someone forbidding things, she was an adult after all, and she certainly wouldn't let Ashley decide who's welcome in her house and who isn't. "They're staying." It wasn't yelled or growled, she only said it all matter of factly. There wasn't a thing Ashley could do, there wouldn't be a fight and if there was, she'd lose. That was exactly what her face was telling her girlfriend, it was telling her to not challenge her. "It's Naomi's home too, she's welcome to come and go however she pleases."

"Don't you see how sick this is? God, why'd you have to be such a clingy bitch? Just let her go Katie, fucking let go." Naomi coughed, gathering everyone's attention, and looked intently at Bence and Bay who were sitting on the floor and watching the argument as if it were an tennis match. "Brats, go to your rooms or to the garden or something, leave us alone for a sec please."

Bence was the first one protesting while Bay placed her guitar on its stand, ready to do as she was told. "Not fair mum, things are getting quite interesting. Why do we always have to leave when it stops being lame?" Nodding Bay backed her brother up, crossing her arms.

"Because I'm saying so. Now go."

"No."

Naomi rubbed her forehead and glared at Ashley who was smiling victoriously. "Hey, do you fancy ice cream Bence? Want to tag along? I'm getting some."

When Ashley had the kids leave the attic she turned to Naomi, a mean glint in her pretty eyes. "That's how you treat them, Naomi. No idea if you've forgot already or never really got it right. Either way I think that you should read some books on parenting." Drawing in a huge breath through her nose Naomi tried to calm her raging anger, but she couldn't. She spoke through gritted teeth; "Go get the fucking ice cream before I do something you'll regret later."

"You'll let her talk to me like that baby? Why cant you stand up for me once? _Once_."

Katie only shrugged, not bothered to get in the middle of that argument. If she had to she'd pick Naomi's side, Ashley didn't have the right to criticise the girl's parenting skills. "Not gonna happen, if you choose to fight Naomi you're on your own. I can hardly be on your side when you go around insulting everything she does."

Ashley left and Naomi could have sworn she had heard her cry. She knew it wasn't fair, nothing was in war and love, that's why she couldn't care about it. In another time, another situation she knew she'd be mates with Ashley because the girl was really cool and nice but she couldn't just let her be with Katie. It wasn't possible, even if she wanted to.

The twin smiled unsurely at the 'couple', fidgeting. "Uh, I've made dinner. You hungry?" Just when Naomi wanted to nod and thank her Effy tightened her grip around her waist and shook her head. "Sorry Kay, think we'll go home. Naomi's got a big date tomorrow and she needs to prepare everything." Furrowing her brows Katie tried to remember what she had missed but she came up blank, another reminder of how she wasn't really involved in their live any more. Yes Naomi seemed to be around all the time but that was it, Katie had no idea what they were up to when they weren't at her place. "Oh? Work related?" Her ex smiled with a light nod, yawning. "Yeah. Thanks though, another time, yeah?" They started getting their stuff and bringing everything back to its place while Katie watched them thoughtfully.

Her eyes were set on Naomi, seeing the way she was joking around with Effy, making her ex best friend laugh all the time. It had been a really long time since she had seen the brunette that carefree, or relaxed. Aching, her heart almost broke when she realised that, perhaps, Naomi and Effy weren't that bad for one another. Perhaps her stupid dreams, that kept coming back every night, might have been true. A soft hand on the small of her back made her almost jump out of her skin and Katie grabbed her shirt where her heart was in shock, her wide eyes staring at a laughing Naomi who pulled her into a hug. "So fucking cute." She planted a kiss to Katie's forehead and grinned. "Daydreaming 'bout me, like always. Katie you really need to stop perving on me every time I turn around." Opening her lips to protest and defend herself she saw the teasing glint in blue eyes and smirked instead, slapping Naomi's bum before resting her hands on it and squeezing. "Can't as long as you've got _that_."

Naomi's answer was swallowed by Katie's lips.

It was a tiny peck, nothing more than her making the blonde speechless, but Effy's cough made her jump away from Naomi as if she was burned. "Fuck, sorry Eff."

"No you're not."

"Yeah, I'm not."

They glared at one another and then Katie bit her lip, obviously debating on something. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips against Naomi's another time, this time more firmly. Alarm bells were going off in the other girl's head and she pushed her away gently, smiling knowingly. "You need to stop doing that Kay."

"I cant."

A look of sheer helplessness was directed at Effy but the brunette shrugged and left the room with a frown. Naomi knew that she wasn't really mad, at least she was hoping that, but it didn't make that situation any less awkward. Her phone whistled and she hurried to get it out of her jeans pocket. Effy;** talk. Your chance. I'll be in the car watching for Ash coming back.**

Naomi made a mental note to thank Effy properly for being amazing.

Then, when Katie coughed, she looked up with a smile. "I don't know what to tell you Katie."

She remembered the look on Katie's face, the fire in her eyes, the way she was chewing her lip and she knew that she'd have her ex bent over anything she wanted if she only let her do it. But she didn't want it to be that way. She couldn't be 'the other woman'. It'd feel dirty, so fucking wrong and degrading everything they were. So even as her body was reacting to everything Katie's expression told her, making Naomi shift uncomfortably, she shook her head. "We cant do that Katie."

"We can, we're aults. We're grown ups for fuck's sake, we can do whatever we want."

"Yeah, we could but I don't want to." Pain replaced everything there was before on Katie's face and Naomi kicked herself mentally for not saying what she had wanted to.

"Look, " she started, carefully clasping her hands around Katie's right hand, "I cant do that as long as you're with Ash. You know, I just wont be your dirty secret. Never been one and wont be, that's not me. Besides, I'm with Effy. You cant come on to me every time I smile at you, your girlfriend had that right. You need to figure out what you want, like, as soon as possible because it's not fair. Ashley's in love with you, you're hurting her and I fucking know how that can break her. If you don't feel the same for her then let her go. If you want me again you cant expect me to drop everything and come running as soon as she's nipped out to get ice cream. I'm not going to hurt Effy for you. She's been through enough already."

"You love her." It was like a light bulb suddenly went off and everything was crystal clear in Katie's eyes. She saw it all. Smiling, Naomi shrugged and looked away. "Won't discuss that with you." "But you love me more." The cheeky grin made her cringe, this wasn't going as planned. Had Katie figured it all out and was having a laugh? Could she had been playing her own version of that game?

"That's awfully overconfident Katie. After everything you've done?" Shaking her head Naomi smiled, her lips forced into a tight line. "I don't think that you have any idea what I feel for you."

That hit Katie like a ton of bricks and her eyes filled with tears straight away, making her look away in embarrassment. "I, I don't know what to say."

"Perhaps we should take Ashley's advice and give each other space? She's right you know, that isn't healthy. Look what's happened in the shop, we cant do that."

"You fucked me Naomi, I didn't rape you. Could you fucking stop acting like it? Yes, we're in relationships but that doesn't mean we're in love or anything. It's just, I don't know, the heat of the moment or something, yeah? Not like I'm gonna leave Ash because of one stupid mistake."

Naomi knew what that was.

Katie hurt and trying to protect herself the only way she knew how, with her claws. Knowing it she moved into the girl's personal space and stroked her cheek gently, wiping the remains of tears away. "If that's what you need to tell yourself it's fine Katie." She kissed her forehead again before moving away and towards the door. "Just, whatever's going on with you, you need to figure it out soon, _before_ everyone gets hurt again. Preferably before we leave."

"I miss you."

She'd heard the whispered words, but Naomi knew that they weren't meant for her to hear yet so she left. Katie wasn't ready, and she had to be, otherwise they'd never make it through everything.

Effy was sitting in the car, watching out for Ashley as promised and Naomi smiled at her sadly. She was blinking rapidly, fighting tears after that confusing evening, and Effy reached out to embrace her shaking form. "It'll be okay, you'll see it's gonna be amazing."

* * *

"You all packed Bay?" Effy asked, eyeing the tiny army bag slung around the girl's shoulders. "You cant have packed more than knickers, your bag's tiny!" Bay turned around to give everyone a good view of her 'baggage'. "I even packed my guitar."

Naomi came downstairs, huffing and puffing, as she carried Bay's real stuff. Two huge bags, one guitar case, and about twenty plastic bags filled with rubbish. "Mum?! Where's the rest?!" The child exclaimed, watching in horror as her mother brought the guitar to the car and one of the huge bags. "But, but I need all that. I promise! It's a life or death situation, mother!" Rolling her eyes Naomi crossed her arms and raised a brow, mocking her daughter. "Is that so? Why? If you can explain to my why it is a life or death decision to take all that shit with us, I'll pack it into the boot myself."

Bay mustered her mother and then her eyes gleamed, she had an idea. "My hair! When we're by the sea it'll look like I am black, it'll be all curly and dry. I need my hair products." Naomi nodded and asked which bag they were in. When the bag's squeezed between her other crap Naomi waited for the next explanation. "Uh, I'll need my amp." Naomi was about to pack the small room-amp into the boot when Bence's annoyed voice stopped her. "No mum! I cant take my kit, she wont take her amp. It's not fair." Biting her lip she looked to Effy for help but the brunette was sitting on the house's front steps with a fag, face buried in her phone. "Right. Bay, why don't you take the acoustic guitar with you? You wont need an amp and Bence wont bother you all the time about unfairness." An almost offended expression appeared on Bay's face and she gaped at her mother incredulously. "_Because_ I don't play power-less." Glaring she shook her curly head. "I'm a rock star mum."

Naomi's patience was running thin and she sighed. "Look, very amazing artists who changed the world did it without an fucking amp and only acoustic sets. I'll show you what you can do and how to play your western. So bring the amp and the e back upstairs." Stomping her feet Bay let out a groan and snatched the guitar off her mother's back, loudly walking up stairs.

"You ready to go Bence?" He shook his head, glaring. What was it with these children and their bitter moods, Naomi wondered. Why couldn't they be happy for once without blackmailing them into anything? "I'm sorry but flying your kit would cost me more than all our tickets and the rooms together. You know that."

"So what? She can take her guitar!"

"That's because a guitar can be transporter on a seat Bence. It wont need constant watching over and preparations. You'll play there, I promise. Our mate Aiden has a kit and he'll let you play whenever you want. Already dealt with it." She saw the relief on his face and then a huge grin broke out on his cute face. "Then I'm ready." "Cool. Get your ma will you? Wanna say goodbye." He was off and she took a step to the side so she'd stand between Effy's bend legs. The brunette looked up, surprised, and Naomi took her phone away, turning it off. "No phone til we get there." Another glare was directed at her and Naomi rolled her eyes, kissing the frown on Effy's face away.

"Isn't that cute?" Katie's voice made Naomi flinch but she took a deep breath and looked into Effy's reassuring eyes before turning to look at her. "You're gonna miss me." Her jaw dropped at Naomi's blatant flirting but she recovered pretty quickly, glaring. "Awe, still trying to convince everyone and yourself that you cant stand being apart from me? Katie, Katie, Katie." She reached out, without a warning and pressed her lips to a shell shocked Katie's. Grinning she pushed the twin away, winking. "Behave while we're gone, don't want any complains." Katie was still speechless, she was just staring at Naomi, blinking slowly. "God you're fucking adorable." Mumbled Naomi, pulling Katie into another kiss, this one was longer and she nipped on her lip when she pulled away. "You know, your so fucking sweet when you don't talk I could eat you." Brown eyes widened and Naomi chuckled at her own joke.

"Finished teasing Katie then? You'll make the girl false hopes if you keep playing around baby." Effy's smooth voice commented with a smirk, making Katie think that Naomi was just taking the piss after her confession in the shop. "Oh and Ashley's just parking the car. You'd want to let go of my girlfriend's bum." Blushing furiously Katie glared at an almost hysterically laughing Effy when she saw that her hands weren't on Naomi's arse. In fact they were hanging limply down her sides, and her moving them hastily made the girls break out in contagious laughter. "Really fucking funny Stonem, har har har."

Ashley walked to their group with a warm smile, greeting Katie first with a kiss and then the others with a peck to their cheeks. "How's the packing going? Told you you should do that, they'll just pack random stuff they haven't used in a year." Seeing Naomi and Effy almost die of laughter she quirked a brow at her girlfriend but Katie only shook her head sharply, not in the mood to explain what they were on about. "They're just bitches." She said instead, moving her head to the side when Ashley wanted to kiss her again. "Right." Mumbled Ashley, worry evident in her eyes. She turned to Naomi and smiled again when she hugged her. "Have a good trip Naomi and come back home safely." The words made Katie tense and grit her teeth, but no one except for Naomi who looked at her over Ashley's shoulder. She mouthed : 'You love me' and winked before pressing her lips to Ashley's cheek. "And you take care of Katie while I'm gone, wouldn't want her to do something stupid."

Ashley knew she was missing something but she only nodded before turning to Effy awkwardly. "H" But Effy raised hand and grimace made her stop mid-word. "Don't just" Chuckling she continued. "Just don't. I'm not here to pretend that the four of us are best mates." This was clearly directed at Ashley completely ignoring the fact that Naomi had been in this house, in Katie and everywhere before she came.

Ashley hurried away, embarrassed by the comment and Effy grinned at Katie when Naomi helped her to her feet. "See you in two months Kay, do a bit of a thinking, yeah? That girl is seriously a nutter, she's just weird. You don't have to step that low." The confusion in Katie the words had brought out was visible and understandable. That were the first words that had sounded like _Effy and Katie_ since before that horrible Christmas. "All right." Said Katie, still eyeing Effy weirdly. And when the brunettes arms wrapped her in a short hug she couldn't react fast enough as Effy was already inside the car helping Bay with the seatbelt.

She smiled at Naomi, an easy and honest smile. "You sure you don't want me to bring you to Luton? You'll pay a fortune for leaving your car there." Shaking her head Naomi kissed Katie's forehead, lingering, before pulling away. Her fingers were moving towards Katie's cheek and the twin held her breath, not knowing how to react, again. "Cook's gonna use it when he'll land tonight. That's why we've chosen today to fly. He'll take it to mum's and when we'll be back in Bristol I'll drive it back home. It's all planned out so don't worry."

"I just, I think I'd like to stay with you 'til you board." She confessed with a slight blush, inching closer to Naomi. "I'll miss you." The blonde nodded, a happy smile on her face. She wanted Katie to miss her, to have fun around her and feel carefree and happy again. But it wasn't done yet, Katie wasn't done yet and now she needed time to figure things out. Also, if Naomi tried to stay away she had to be literally away, she had been pulled to the other girl like a magnet and that wasn't really going as planned. The holiday was just the way to do it, and Katie would be missing them like crazy, for two months. So after they'd get back, hopefully Ashley would be nothing but a distant memory. "You learned Tegan and Sara's songs for me."

Rolling her eyes Naomi sniggered, she hadn't. "That was by accident. My club's bosses daughter, where I play from time to time, said I should meet them soon and convince them to play at our club. So I did some research, couldn't go meet them and be all like; I hate stereotypes, clichés, and you represent everything lesbians label themselves with before they scream when others do it."

"You're the most homophobic lesbian ever." Shrugging Naomi grinned.

She didn't like it, the whole 'same hair, same piercings, same clothes, same styles, same attitudes, same judging, same clubs, same hotels, same cruises, same TV shows ect' every 'dyke' had to adapt when coming out. She hated that gay girls had only gay friends who all looked the same and acted the same, listened to Tegan and Sara because that's the gayest and adored Leisha Hailey. When she came out, a long time ago, Naomi knew she'd never be one of them. She hated gay parties, except for Pride, she hated Loving Anabell (one of the worst flims), she hated the L word, she hated gay hotels, gay cruises, gay film festivals, gay music festivals, and everything that lesbians felt the need to outcast themselves from. Yes, she was gay but that was only a tiny part of her, fucking irrelevant to the person she was. She was a woman that's gay, not a gay woman and if she wanted to travel she'd go to a fucking common hotel, she'd go on a common cruise, she'd go have coffee and drinks at a normal bar and she'd go to every flim festival and not a gay one. She didn't feel the need to exclude herself because she was gay. In her opinion; if she would act on it and live it with every fibre of her being she shouldn't be surprised others noticed and felt different about it, if she acted different, socialised different, labelled herself with everything there was, how could she expect others not to make a big deal of it?

She never hid it but she never flaunted it either. 'If I were straight I wouldn't go round wearing the same my mates do, go to special straight bars and festivals and I wouldn't feel the need to live in a fucking subculture. Why the fuck should I do it now? I live in England, in the UK, in Europe, on planet earth and not in a gay subculture.' She had ranted once when Katie had asked her why she wouldn't listen to Tegan and Sara. 'Besides, why do you listen to them? Katie you're really starting to go down that road. Melissa Etheridge LP, Tegan and Sara, The L word's first three seasons, Loving Anabell, lost and delirious which is fucking fantastic by the way, and Ellen? Now I wait every day for you to come home with short hair and a piecing on the side of your lip.' Katie had laughed, long and hard at her girlfriend's passionate hate for the gay subculture. 'But, but you're gay Naomi. Shouldn't you like, support everything?'

'NO' She hadn't stopped only because Katie was doubling over with laughter. 'I wont. Why should I? I support enough organisations, why the fuck should I support specially gay ones? If a gay film sucks, it sucks. Loving Anabell sucks. You want a good one, that's not gonna make you cringe? Watch Bloomington. Or Imagine me and you. Want a proper lesbian tv show? Watch Lip service! But stop this stereotypical shit. Want good music? Listen to everything you want, don't chose because of gender or sexuality.'

'Will you take me to a Tegan and Sara concert?'

'Go of your own. You'll see it first hand then, everyone will look the same, act the same, talk the same. And they'll all eye you like a piece of meat because you're still not one of them, your appearance isn't.'

So hearing Naomi sing an Tegan and Sara song had melted Katie's heart. Yes, the twin had started listening to them whe she had met Naomi because they were like, the gay poster children, but she really liked their style of music. "You going to meet them?" Her eyes were wide while she stared at Naomi nod with a grin. "Yes, and I had to research. Blatantly, they're fucking brilliant musicians. I think Tegan's not gay and a huge bitch who made them sell out by the way, but Sara is really cool."

"I knew you'd like her more." Smiled Katie with a knowing chuckle. "Don't get me started on how they've changed Naomi, it's sad."

"It is. I've listened to them for what, two weeks? Watched videos and shit and it breaks my heart, so a fucking fan must be dying, I imagine." Looking at her phone Naomi yelled for the kids and then they got into the car, the mum's still by the steps talking. "Take good care of them Naomi and don't let Effy watch them without you."

"I will let them with her, Katie. She's not a monster and you need to stop acting like she is." Deciding she didn't need another argument she pulled the girl into her arms and kissed the top of her head sadly, wishing she'd tag along. "I'll miss you Naomi."

"Yeah. We'll skype."


	19. Home is where your heart is

_Sorry about the last chapter, didn't check it again after it was uploaded. :( _

_Hope this one's like it's supposed to. _

_Loads of questions are being answered, a sudden reuinion happens and we meet someone new for someone we love. :) _

_Have fun and tell me what you think. Oh, it might seem like it's close to the end now but it's not. We're in the middle I'd say, so stick around. _

* * *

It was almost time to start packing again, already six weeks were over and the last two were supposed to be spend travelling. Naomi had nailed that huge deal she had tried to get for almost a year now, it had taken her over three weeks to get the authors to collaborate but in the end she won and now her balance was twice as high and she could get Katie that huge, unnecessary dresser for her clothes. She couldn't help but hope that she'd be going back home when they'd land, that Katie would welcome her back with open arms but truth was, she had no idea what she had to expect. They would skype now and then, mostly for the kids though, and Katie had made it a point not to talk about her private life. It's making her crazy, not knowing what her ex was up to, but she always let Effy calm her down again and believe in the way things were supposed to go.

Effy was a _whole_ different story.

She wasn't quite sure how she felt about it but...Effy was in love.

In their first week, when they had visited Naomi's mate Aiden in New York, three weeks were spent there, they had gone out with his mates and family. The kids had stayed with his sister, who was still hung over, so she didn't want to tag along. Effy had talked to the girl animatedly, so very unlike her, and Naomi swore she had seen her flip her hair and stare at her through her lashes when she giggled at things not giggle-worthy.

Effy had been flirting her arse off, like, proper shy awkward flirting.

Of course that night the brunette had decided to cut the night short, something about a headache and an appointment in the morning, which was bull, obviously. When Naomi had come back to their rented apartment she wasn't surprised by the image greeting her, _at all._ The kids were sleeping soundly in their rooms and Effy was fast asleep too, on the sofa, with Lee draped over her.

It had been a weird situation, Naomi had had no idea how to react or what to do. They were, after all, _together_ in a weird way. But in the end, after smoking a fag and staring at them for about twenty minuets she had brought a duvet from their bedroom and covered them with it, kissing Effy's forehead gently.

From there on it's always been Lee and Effy _everywhere_.

Sure, Naomi and her would still do a lot together, it wasn't possible not to, what with the kids and both girls having different kinds and times of appointments for their businesses. But in the end, Effy was holding Lee's hand through all of it. She had rented her own car, in the second week, so they weren't chained together with one car and except for the nights she was watching the kids Effy would stay at Lee's place and be back in the morning for breakfast.

Naomi had no idea when they had shagged for the first time, or if they had waited at all, but it had looked like they were awfully familiar with one another.

And Lee?

Well, sighing Naomi looked over at the shoulder long black haired girl with rich dark eyes, almost black and silk looking skin. She was very much into Effy, and she loved the kids, which was a bonus. Naomi and her got along really well even if it was strange at times, she was good for her. Every time she looked at Effy or teased her, which she did all the time, or when they'd banter, the adoration couldn't be missed. And Naomi kinda enjoyed seeing Effy's eyes shine and that true smile she had painted on her face since the first time she had laid eyes on the girl.

Lee was a hair dresser, and a fucking brilliant one as well. She did wonderful make up and worked for a theatre as an make up artist and hair person. She had an awesome family who didn't have a problem with her being gay, a daughter of two years called Peyton (Yes, she was 'one tree hill' obsessed) and an normal life. A couple years lay between Effy and Lee, the girl was twenty-six while Effy had passed the big bad thirty not that long ago.

After New York they had taken a plane to L.A. and did whatever they were supposed to, met the people they had to and met new ones as well. After four days Lee had arrived with her daughter and since then she yet had to leave.

On the flight to L.A. the weird conversation had taken place. Naomi had read a book, Bay cuddled into her side. "Eff? What about the apartment?"

"Hm?" The sleeping girl had responded, snuggling a bit more into Naomi, her arm thrown over her belly. "The apartment in L.A. I mean, it's got four rooms, and if Lee's coming with her daughter...well, perhaps that'll be to crowded." Blue eyes, so fucking vulnerable had looked up at Naomi, so unsure. "You think she shouldn't come?"

She had placed her book on the tiny table next to Bay and ran her fingers through Effy beautiful hair, almost lulling her back to sleep. "Think it'd be better if we got another one." Smiling at the still confused looking girl Naomi tried to make her see that she was okay with it, even though they had never had _that_ talk about any of it. Especially not them, or Effy and Lee.

Naomi had always been prepared for Effy leaving and going back to Emily, but this wasn't Emily and she wasn't prepared to have Effy leave her for some random bitch. Except that she's not a random bitch, she's pretty much everything Effy needs at the moment to breath. "Thank you." Smiled the brunette then, her eyes shining in gratefulness as she had leant up to press a soft kiss to Naomi's jaw. "Thank you for not making this harder than it is."

Everything was great, they had amazing careers which seemed to only catapult upwards since their landing in New York. They had great people in their lives and to be honest, all problems seemed so far away Naomi had almost forgotten that they ever existed. Maybe that made her frown at the brunette who had come over in the morning, with a blank expression and demanded to talk. They were sitting for twenty minutes at the table, neither saying a word, just drinking their coffees. Naomi knew what that was, it was time for their road trip. She also knew what Effy was there for.

So, with a sigh she made it easy for her as she obviously had trouble speaking what was on her mind. "It's fine Eff."

"It is?"

"Sure. You're on cloud nine, of course you wouldn't want to go on that road trip with us before flying back home. You want to spend the time with Lee and Peyton." But instead of nodding and agreeing in relief, Effy looked away. Her expression was still so fucking troubled that dread washed over the blonde and she opened her mouth a few times, only to close it again.

After coughing and collecting herself she hated the tone her voice was sounding with, all squeaky. "You're not coming home." Realisation hurt, and she hadn't felt that alone and lonely in a very long time like in the moment Effy couldn't even look her in the eye.

They had been in it together, fighting through their heartbreaks and clinging to one another to stay sane, to survive it and now...now Effy was letting go.

"Wow." Was all she could say as she got to her feet and went to clean the counter with shaky hands, busying herself. How was she supposed to go back to London without Effy there to help her through everything? And when the fuck had she become that depended on her?

Almost letting the mug drop when two warm hands stilled her frantic arms Naomi's head sank and she took a deep breath, letting Effy wrap her arms around her and rest her head between her shoulders. "You will manage Naomi, don't worry. I'm sure Katie'll be back to her senses when you get home." She kissed the tattoo on Naomi's neck. "I feel like I need to do that, baby. I need to stay and see where this will lead. I can breath, here I can breath when I feel like I'm suffocating in London, or even fucking Northampton. Tried it all, I just cant. It's not a goodbye either, I'm not staying for good. Just for a bit longer, I promise."

Turning around she placed her hands on Effy's shoulders and smiled sadly at her. "It's tearing me fucking apart. On one hand I know that I'll feel like dying without you there and on the other I cant help wishing you _would_ stay here for good because you're so fucking happy compared to home. But that's it, isn't it? Being grown up. It means that we make decisions biased on our hearts and not mates."

Effy nodded, she agreed completely.

As a teenager there is nothing more important than your mates but when you grow up and feel what mates and heartbreaks can do to you, you have to do what you feel is best. In that matter the hearts beats mates. _Every time._

And that's good healthy, exactly what growing up means.

Naomi understood, she had kicked Cook out of her life without batting an lid, even though they had been best friends for the better part of her life. It had been so fucking easy because in the end it's not your mates you're trying to spend the rest of your life with, it's the person who's making it such a fucking easy decision. "What about Emily?" Feeling the need to ask Naomi watched Effy's closely, almost sighing in relief when there was no grieve in her eyes for the first time since their break up.

"Ems' with that girl, Bex. She needed to move on and perhaps, perhaps I needed to do that too. With you. I don't know why Naomi, I have no idea why I am pulled to you like that or how we could have had happened but we did, and without you I'd nowhere be near ready to be with Lee. I'd still be a crying mess, or whoring my way through America, but I think that you were there to help me heal. Not only my physical wounds, but my heart too, my mental ones. You helped them turn to fading scars that will always be there but not rip open every time I am reminded of love. Without you I'd never have the open mind to want and see where this goes. Emily and I cant be together again, we wont be able to. However we'd try I know that I would never again trust her like I have. It would break us and perhaps we needed to move on to be happy again. We needed to let go."

"You think that's what I should do too?" Shaking her head Effy's slender finger stroked a wet cheek, wiping tears away. "No. Katie needed Ashley too, she needed her to feel what it feels like to feel in love again. But not for Ashley, she needed to be reminded of that for you. That poor girl was nothing but a tiny part of her way back to you. After everything you've been through there was just no way you could have gone back together and be happy. You have forgotten how to _be_ happy with each other. But I think you know now, and she does as well. She knew long before we left and she'll be so fucking ecstatic to finally stop that charade she doesn't know she's playing. You've to be patient with Katie, babe. She's hating herself for how she was, she's hating what your relationship made her to be and she'll need time adjusting." Leaning forward Effy pecked Naomi's corner of the mouth and smiled. "But you'll figure it out I'm sure. You want to know why I know that you shouldn't move on?"

"Haven't you just told me?" Croaked Naomi, not even hiding the fact that she was a silently crying mess. Effy smiled with rolling eyes, her head shaking. "_Because_ as I was moving on you couldn't. From the very beginning you couldn't and you wouldn't even when you knew she's had a girlfriend. You felt like you were cheating on her, you couldn't even let yourself fall and it took you ages to give in to me. But even then you had only had one goal, getting Katie back. That's the difference. I didn't have that, Emily neither. We weren't set up to get back together again, not once. That, Naomi, that's the difference."

* * *

That evening, when Effy had left Naomi to pack, and the kids were showered and dressed in their Jim jams, the blonde (who had Lee bleach and cut her hair so it was _just_ long enough to put in a pony tail) turned on her net-book and opened Skype. Katie was online and without hesitating she called her, positioning the net-book on her bend knees.

The kids were watching some TV show in the bedroom and Naomi loved how their laughter was filling up the whole place and her heart. She knew they were probably watching Jersey Shore, Bence loved it even though they were trying not to allow him watch it, but she didn't care. As long as they were happy and no socio paths still watching Dora the explorer she was happy.

Katie picked up after a few moments and her cleavage was the first thing that came to view. It was a bit blurred but Naomi was grinning like an old perv anyway. After a few moments of Katie's cursing and adjusting the camera she moved backwards til she was in complete view, sitting on her desk in the shop. Her eyes were sad and she was frowning, making Naomi's heart ache. "All right Katie?" She asked instead of the hundred things she truly wanted to ask.

Katie had to shake off some thoughts before she was back in reality, smiling, so fucking fake, into the screen. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. Wha'bout you? Having fun running the poor population of Los Angeles over?" Chuckling with an adoring head shake Naomi wished she could stop pretending that her heart didn't beat out of her chest and that she wasn't dying to be back home again. "Course. You know me, always out to destroy people's hopes. And you? Please tell me mini-me wont pop up next to you again, almost gave me a heart attack last time. She always chained to your hip?"

They bantered for a few more moments before Katie got that far away look on her face again after reading a text she got. Quietly hearing her ask to see the kids. Naomi knew 'their' time was over and she yelled for them. She had to yell a few times, and only saying that Katie wanted to talk to them had made them leave the telly and run to the net-book. They talked over each other, both too excited and loud not to be heard and Naomi went to the kitchen to get a beer.

American beer tasted like watered down piss, she had decided on their first night out. Chocolate was a joke and she didn't want to start on their ketchup. Everything tasted watered down and now she understood why her cousin who had moved to New York a couple years back always made her send him chocolate and other things. There were things she was enjoying too, of course, like Mountain Dew. Everywhere she had lived was only the common green one but here they had like, a huge repertory with loads of different flavours.

Returning from the kitchen after having a fag, which had brought her getting quite a few giggles and perplexed stares in New York (people _knew_ it meant smoke, why were they acting like they were still in kindergarten and heard the word 'fuck' for the first time?).

She took a seat between the kids on the sofa and smiled at a very much listening Katie. She could swear that her ex had no idea what the kids were telling her, they were just too excited. So after a loud; "Bye mom!" they were off to finish watching their show. Mom, huh, Naomi thought with a shaking head. That's what six weeks made of their speech. Every time Bence would be in America with his grandparents he'd come back with funny speech adaptations which he'd desperately try to keep but forget anyway after a couple weeks back home.

Naomi smiled at her ex when Katie exhaled loudly, wiping invisible sweat from her forehead in fake exhaustion. "Glad you know now all they've been up to."

"Right. Like I got shit from that. I know now not a thing more than before." Giggled Katie, her eyes all bright and shining. Talking to the kids for about three minutes had changed her attitude and mood completely, Naomi could only imagine how much she was missing them. "I think Bay was screaming that she wanted to live with you, if I heard correctly." Of course Naomi could see right through the fake smile, Katie was bricking it.

So with a head shake she explained. "She's having fun, no school, no real responsibilities. Even when I've got boring appointments they are taken care of and having the most fun. We've been to Disney world for almost five days and when we're not at some amusement park we're doing other cool stuff. Of course she thinks she wants to live with me. It's holidays, not real life. If she knew that she'd have to go to school, wouldn't be at the coolest places every time she wakes up she wouldn't want to live with me. Last week she wanted to live with the janitor because he let her mop the hallway. So don't worry."

Something in Katie's eyes made Naomi frown, she knew that there was a thing she needed to address but had no idea how. All of a sudden she met Naomi's eyes, which was weird since it was a Skype conversation. Her face was almost painfully serious. "Have you ever thought of it? Taking the kids I mean." The thing confusing the blonde most was the interest in the question, Katie wasn't yelling or trying to make her feel guilty, she didn't assume, no. She was interested and that was confusing. "Well," biting her thumbnail Naomi shrugged, not sure how to answer that without ending in a fight. "I suppose. Why?"

"I've been thinking and, well, things aren't exactly peachy at the moment. I could really use the help." Was she asking what Naomi's mind was flashing her with, could that be? No, she wouldn't. "I'd, Naomi I, uh. Of course, I'd have them for the weekends and whenever."

She was _serious_.

Naomi paled and swallowed dryness. "Uh, Katie what's happening? Are you in trouble?" Because she knew Katie. She knew she'd never had asked if there was another option, she'd never let anybody take the kids, not even Naomi. They belonged to her, simple as that. No matter how many times Naomi had threatened to take them away she'd never had actually done it, as long as they were well.

"No, no." A fake chuckle and that far away look were back. "Just forget it, it's stupid. So, excited for the road trip? What car are you using?" But she couldn't forget it, not when Katie looked ready to cry. Was her business really going _that_ bad? Even if so, her parents would be happy to help out with a loan, since everything else was paid off by Naomi and her already. And if she wouldn't want to ask them why didn't she tell Naomi what the fuck she needed so she could fix it and take care of it? She was the mother of her children, of course she'd help. That's what she was for, and not for Katie to give up like that because of false pride.

Naomi had been gone for six weeks, what the hell could had happened to make her suggest that?

Looking away, almost chewing off her thumb Naomi sighed. "I guess I could take them for a while, Of course. If that'd help you."

"Not for a while Naomi,_ for good_."

When her head snapped back and felt like she had broken her neck she almost broke out in tears when her eyes landed on Katie's desperate, devastated face. She looked so fucking helpless and small it broke Naomi's heart. Her voice was firm and almost growled when she asked what happened. "Tell me what happened, Kay I wont fucking judge you. Tell me what happened and I'll fix it."

* * *

She was fuming when they landed in Bristol, Gina stopped her frantic waving at once as she thought the killer look was send her way.

The two weeks road trip was cut short and they were back home six days after her conversation with Katie. Sadly there wasn't a chance in hell they'd get an earlier flight with all the luggage and all. It had made Naomi almost go mental, the waiting. In the end the next best flight had been six days later from New York so they'd done the road trip after all.

The older blonde waited at the doors and greeted her excited grandchildren who were talking a mile the minute. Naomi didn't say word, she was biting the insides of her cheeks to keep herself from exploding.

With their bags on a huge trolley they made their way to the car and put everything in the booth before Bence brought it back to a trolley collecting man. Then they were off and Naomi stared at Bristol's streets with a sneer. The city she loved so much, the one she couldn't stand being at any more, not without Effy, was making everything worse and she hated herself for deciding to land there. How could she had thought that coming home was a good idea?

Her own bloody fault her heart was cracking and breaking.

Every corner held a memory which felt like a punch, reminding her of so much she had lost. "Oh my god, remember that time when I had to pick you and Ginia up at 10am at this bus stop? Some old bloke from the pub over there had called me because he knew you're my daughter. Good god, I've never seen you that high before. You thought you couldn't speak and Ginia was crawling, she was convinced she didn't have legs." Gina laughed good-heartedly. With so much time passed she could see the funny side of things that had made her crazy when the teenagers had made her life hell.

"Stop it mother." Hissed Naomi through gritted teeth, watching her phone like hawk. "She's on her way, should be home when we get there. She's texted me when I got in the car to pick you up." explained Gina, knowing what her daughter was waiting for.

As soon as they arrived at the pub the kids jumped Katie. She was sitting in a booth drinking a beer, had let herself in. Seeing the children cling to Katie, and her cling back like they were gonna vanish if she didn't hold on tight enough, made Naomi angrier than she was already. Giving them a few minutes she got herself a beer and went to pack all bag into her own car which was in her mother's garage. When she came back Gina had taken the kids to the kitchen to make them something to eat, convinced that they were starving from all the grease and tacos

Her daughter decided not to mention that she was about to make them greasy chips and fried fish, which wasn't exactly home made healthy either.

Naomi walked to Katie's booth and sat opposite of her, staring her hard in the eye with over the rim of her bottle. The brunette couldn't stand the look and had to avert her eyes, playing with her bracelets. "Katie." It was firm and insistent so Katie had to look up, her big eyes glazed over with tears. "I'm so sorry Naomi, you wouldn't believe how sorry I am. Please tell me you'll take them, _please_." Her voice was breaking and that woman sitting there wasn't Katie, Naomi had no idea who she was but it wasn't Katie. She was weak and a coward, a fucking pushover.

Not Katie.

"Tell me exactly what's going on here."

Sighing loudly Katie nodded and closed her eyes for a moment only to open them with fresh tears burning Naomi's heart completely. "It was about two weeks after you've left. Ash I were fighting, like, all the time. She didn't like it that I missed you. Said I was talking too much about you, skyping too much, pretty much everything I did was wrong and just_ too much_." She sipped on her beer, stalling for time but Naomi's eyes wouldn't let her.

She continued with a heavy heart. "That time when you couldn't reach me a week, remember? We we're out again, some party, I don't know. On the way home, I was driving, I ran a red light. Couldn't brake fast enough. Everything went so fast. Next thing I know we're standing there and the cops are about to come. I've run into a bus. Nothing happened, well, at the beginning it looked like nothing had happened. Ash and I were fighting like cats and dogs then, she wouldn't stop reminding me how I've almost killed people, you know. That I was out of it, that my life was a mess because I wouldn't know what I wanted and when to let go. She was so bitter." She paused to rub her red eyes, sniffing. "I had no idea, Naomi. No idea. Suddenly a letter arrived, for me. The cops wanted me to come down to the station for questioning, which was weird because we've done that the very next day and by then they've already watched the tapes and knew that it was an accident. Around that time Ashley wanted, oh god that's so embarrassing. Please, please just ignore what I'm saying now, I know that it doesn't matter so don't make this awkward, okay?"

Shaking her head Naomi agreed with a hum. "Just go on."

Rubbing her forehead Katie looked away, her eyes brimming with new tears. Naomi picked up her fags and lit two, handing the twin one and smoking the other herself. "Well, Ash's been on my arse forever now. She wanted me to choose. Which is stupid but she kept yapping on and on. I told her that this was a bad idea and that there was nothing to choose from and we were fighting again. She accused me of, uh, having a huge crush on you. Which is obviously bullshit, even if I had feelings for you I wouldn't be, like, just fancying you, right? I'd be like, in love. How the fuck should I just have a crush on you? After everything?" The nerves made her ramble and chuckle awkwardly, Katie was a wreck and Naomi bit her cheek to stop herself from cooing or teasing her. So after she coughed, she had herself back under control and whispered; "Right. And then?"

Katie's relief was mixed with confusion and pain, but she opted on keeping going for the moment. "She said that she's not blind and that I am acting like I'm fucking twelve and you're my first crush. She told me how good we are together and what a complete disaster you and me were. I said that she needs to shut up because she doesn't know you, us, or anything and that she's got no right to talk about you that way. It got her going proper then. She was hysterical, saying I am playing her, that I'm trying to prove something and that I'm pathetic. She made me sooo mad Naomi, so fucking mad." Her eyes weren't sad any more, they were raging with fury.

"Have you hurt her?" Asked Naomi in a cold voice, it was out before she could had stopped herself but Katie looked at her incredulously and shook her head, snapping; "No. I haven't, but thanks for the confidence." She rolled her eyes, her face set in a scowl and her arms crossed as she stared at Naomi.

The blonde groaned, she didn't have time or the state of mind for Katie's mood swings. She must had sensed it because smiling awkwardly Katie kept telling the story. Like she saw that she really shouldn't act like a childish, sulking ex. "I _almost_ hurt her, by accident. I was holding her by her shoulders because she was trashing around, I didn't want her to hurt herself. She misunderstood my intentions and kicked me away." "She what?!" A growl ripped its way from the back of Naomi's throat and she gripped her bottle so tightly her fingers turned ghostly white. "She fucking touched you?" With a head shake Katie waved that topic away. "Doesn't matter. Anyway"

"It fucking _does_ matter."

"You gonna listen or are you really trying to pretend you care?" Recoiling like she'd been slapped Naomi's eyes grew larger, mortified by that accusation. "I..I _do_ _care_."

"No you don't. You don't and that's fine. Took me a while to understand but I get it now and it's fine. Anyway" Naomi didn't interrupt her any more, too baffled to do anything than sit frozen to the spot with a sad face. "Next thing I know she's making me choose again and I told her that I cant and _wont_ kick you out of my life. You're my kids' mum, how the fuck could I do that? She didn't like that. Got really mental, said she'd be a much better mum to them, that she'd be there and that she'd carry us on her hands. I said that I didn't want that. I don't need a yeah-sayer, I need someone with a backbone and an own mind in my life, someone who can fight for what they believe in and who can be passionate about things I hate. I don't need someone to carry me around or eat out of my palm. I need a fucking equal partner not some swooning teenager doing whatever they think I'd want them to." She chuckled bitterly. "She's lost it then. Said that I've just described you and that it's obvious I've not moved on, _at all_. She wouldn't be someone's second choice and all that crap. I got pissed of, she got pissed of. Like, I mean she was there when we separated, she's played a huge part in it, was she really expecting me to just press a button and stop caring for you in a fucking minute? It wasn't like she met me AFTER we broke up ages before, so that I'd be expected to have moved on. It wasn't that way, she made me leave you, she made me, she made me choose and I weren't ready for it but after our fight, after that night I knew we'd never be okay again. I didn't leave you for her, never. We left one another long before that, I think we just never knew. And, I don't know, look I'm sorry, don't make that face. I didn't mean it, I know this is pretty out of order right now but you gotta know this so you'll understand. I don't need you to pity me or whatever, I'm fine. Just, just stop." She was hinting that Naomi should stop looking like she's about to start crying.

"I'll just, I'll just continue and you, perhaps you could stop looking at me like I'm a loser." Naomi looked away as to give Katie space from her face which told thousand stories, but she was sure it was actually showing how much it hurt her to see what Katie was going through. She had done that, she had made an confused, hurt mess out of her ex and she wasn't really sure that was what she had wanted. Without looking at her, her eyes were glued to the kids sitting by the bar, she circled her index in the 'go on' motion.

"Well, one thing led to another and then she said I'd regret breaking her heart. About that time the letter for questioning came in. Uh, well when I've moved her things to her best mate's place when she was at work. The coppers wanted me to piss in a fucking cup, took a hair sample and my blood because they've had reliable sources tell them I'm under drugs. Said I was accused of having been under influence when I hit the bus. Social services bombarded me instantly, saying that my financial situation, drug habit and lifestyle isn't proper for kids. They're threatening to take them away Naomi. They say I'm in no condition to take care of two children, what with the shop how it is, with my anger problems and because I sometimes party. Of course Danny's parents testified against me, a victim from the bus accident came out of nowhere saying that I've been at fault for his broken hip, bruises and a sprained neck. The court date isn't set yet but it doesn't look good. Had to give up all my saving for bail, I have no idea what to do. Nothing would have been a problem if they hadn't had someone tell them I'm taking drugs every now and then."

Naomi was listening patiently and when Katie had stopped to sip on her drink she shook her head at her, a disbelieving expression on her face. "_Someone_? You know who it was."

"Who? Danny's parents don't know anything of our life."

"Ashley."

"What? No! She wouldn't do that, she's just hurt and said mean stuff but she wouldn't try to have the kids taken away from me."

Running a hand through her hair Naomi yawned, fighting jet lag. "Fuck Katie, that's exactly what she'd do. Just think about it, it's obvious. You wouldn't keep me away because of the kids. So if the kids were gone" She didn't finish the sentence, instead almost chewed through her cheeks. "Do you have a lawyer?"

"I've a court appointed legal defender. Bail took all I had, cant afford a proper barrister, or even a half fucking priced lawyer."

With a head shake Naomi punched a number into her phone, impatiently waiting for the other person to pick up. When she heard her voice the blonde exhaled, relief washing over her. Her voice showed how on edge she was though as she hurried to explain everything. "Eff, you've had that barrister who's saved your arse when you killed all those people by the bridge. Can you give me her number? It's important."

And again Naomi thanked the heavens for Effy Stonem who didn't ask unimportant questions but send the number to her phone right away. Naomi hadn't said a word to Katie before and after she talked to Effy, instead she called the barrister with a pounding heart. The twin was looking at her with huge eyes, surprise and confusion, combined with fear were visible on every part of her.

"Miss Landard? Naomi Campbell, Effy Stonem's friend. She's given me your number because I'm, well to put it lightly, I'm in real shit. I need your help."

* * *

"I'm tired." Whined Bence, rubbing his red eyes. He wanted to curl up in his old bed, in his amazing room, but his mums wouldn't let him. Naomi were still 'fighting the jet-lag' and they made him fight it too when all he wanted was to sleep. His eyes dropped of their own, making him nod off momentarily. As it happened again Naomi nudged his head gently, his eyes flew open. "What, where've you come from? You're downstairs with mama." Placing a hand over his yawning mouth his eyes watered. "Go to bed." She mumbled, kissing his forehead. Bay was already fast asleep and didn't even stir when Bence crawled into bed next to her.

"Thanks mum." Smiled Naomi tightly, hoping her mother who had been watching the kids upstairs after they had dinner, would drop it and leave. She wasn't in the mood to explain what was going on, she had to figure it out herself first and she prayed her mother would let them alone. Coughing, Gina looked from one girl to the other and sighed. "All right. I've to get some groceries anyway. If anything happens just call me or knock, I'll be downstairs." When they nodded reluctantly she kissed their cheeks, smiling sadly at Katie, and left them in their old flat.

Gina had no idea what was happening but having her daughter's frantic messages demanding to be picked up an week earlier and to get in touch with Katie and tell her when they'd be there so she'd move her fucking arse to Bristol to meet them was a good give away. She had known from the moment she had reached Katie that it wasn't just them excited to be with each other again, which was her first thought. No, Katie was in shit. Her voice had been breaking when she asked what Naomi had told her. She wouldn't make them tell her though, Gina hoped she had made it clear that she was there to pick up the pieces after whatever happened again.

It was weird, for them being there with the kids, Naomi thought when her mother left.

Like they were stuck in a time warp.

Katie smiled and made a bottle of vodka appear out of nowhere with a questioning look. "I don't know Kay." Naomi walked to the sofa and smiled when Katie rolled her eyes and got old mugs (nothing other was left) any way. "Right. What would Effy say when she'd see this, huh? Big bad Katie trying to fill you up."

"She'd probably say; go on, what-cha waiting for? Tap that." Naomi said in an overly horrible American accent. Katie returned, brow raised, handing Naomi her drink. "She's turned into a terribly drawling helium mickey mouse already?" They shared a laugh and Naomi mustered Katie's worried face, placing her hand on the backrest. "Yeah, picked it up from her girlfriend. At the beginning she was making fun of how she talked but she's already using some words she'd never say before."

She had tried to make it sound matter-of-factly, like Effy being with Lee wasn't that big of a deal but of course her nervous chuckle and the stutter flawed her plan. Katie turned to her with a face full of confusion, then realisation washed over her and in the end a brilliant sad smile formed on her lips. "Are you coming home?" She had meant to ask that in a nonchalant and strong voice, but Katie had never seemed that nervous in her life. They were both pretty shaken, now that the time had finally come.

"You think that'd be wise?" Countered the blonde, playing with a loose lock of Katie's dark hair. "We'd kill each other."

Katie nodded, inching closer with her upper body until she was snuggled into Naomi's side, her head in the crook of her neck. She wrapped her left hand around her torso and stroked the skin under the thin material of Naomi's shirt on her hipbone. "We will."

"And you're probably going to jail." Muttered Naomi, resting her hand on Katie's shoulder so she could pull her closer. Kissing the top of her head Naomi closed her eyes and willed her heart to stop beating that hard, sure Katie could feel it.

"You're heart's beating all frantic. Are you okay? Not having an heart attack, are you?"

"No." Whispered Naomi in a husky voice, her eyes still closed. She felt Katie move but didn't dare opening her eyes in fear that she misunderstood her intentions and saw her leave. But then Katie's weight settled on her thighs, straddling her, and her arms went to her neck and side. She had her eyes still closed when her hands blindly felt their way to Katie's hips, all across her thighs and bum. She flexed her hands when they were passing Katie's bum and her spread fingers ran up her shirt on the small of her back, softly dragging her fingernails in random shapes across the skin she felt.

Her whole body was on fire when she heard Katie groan, the next thing she knew were lips firmly pressing to hers. She kissed back without a second of hesitating, pulling Katie closer while she pushed herself up against her lips. Balancing Katie on her thighs, holding her with her hands Naomi wasn't leaning on the couch any more, she was having Katie almost in mid-air with her head above over the end of the sofa, kissing her passionately.

The twin hooked her ankles behind Naomi's back, pushing her centre into her tummy as the kisses grew hotter. "Open your eyes." Asked Katie but her ex' response were kisses that proved that she wouldn't consider opening her eyes, not for one moment. "Why wont you open your eyes." Whispered Katie with a small voice, imagining the worst from that one gesture alone.

Naomi stopped her frantic kisses and moved her head to the girl's neck, placing her face right into the crook where she spoke lowly into the amazingly tasting/smelling skin. "Truth?" Katie's nod, which she felt while the girl stroked her neck comfortingly was enough of an answer and Naomi went to explain her dilemma. Yet, before she could open her mouth her ex interrupted her with a sad voice. "If this is gonna work, or whatever, we'll only need truth Naomi. Don't you see that holding it back, that that was what's fucked us up before? So yeah, I know it's to do with me, I'm not dumb, but yeah, truth." Naomi kissed the warm skin which wasn't farther away than an inch and nodded, snuggling closer automatically in fear Katie might choose to flee when she'd hear what she had to say. "Because I need to _feel_ it. I've...I've found out my uh, my problem. It's what I see and I'm scared I'll fuck it up when I open my eyes too early."

It was a relief that Katie kept stroking her head and neck softly, almost absently as she listened. "How've you found that out?" And she'd loved to look up and try controlling the damage her next words would do but she couldn't, so her hands held on tighter to the girl on top of her. "When I was with Effy I couldn't. I just couldn't do anything, always had in mind that I was cheating, everything felt like cheating, even being with her at Tesco's felt wrong. I couldn't be with anyone because it just, I don't know, it didn't seem right. At one point I had my eyes closed and kept them close, Effy insisted, and it worked. I was able to let myself fall, you know."

"Okay, but that's not why we couldn't..." She didn't finish the sentence, it was too embarrassing and Katie didn't like being embarrassed. Especially in front of Naomi. In her head they were way beyond that point, had stopped being embarrassed about an decade ago. She didn't want to be the loser starting and making it all awkward.

Naomi sighed and pulled Katie closer, nibbling on the tanned skin of her collarbone. "Same problem. When I looked at you I was bombarded with, well with everything and it kinda blocked me, was right narked."

She had no idea what she thought Katie would do, but she hadn't expected her to cup her face gently and slowly move it. "Keep your eyes closed." Was ordered in a fucking sweet tone that made Naomi's tummy all warm. "Keep 'em closed. Christmas, a year and a half ago. That was the last time I've, the last time you've cum for me, you've let go. And, and it fucking hurts to remember that one because it felt dirty. I felt like I've, like" Leaning up Naomi searched blindly for Katie's face, for her lips and kissed her to stop the words from forming. Yes she remembered too, that shag which had confused the hell out of her.

It had been the day after the Christmas party, the day everything was already ruined, broken and shattered never to be fixed again but Naomi had still thought they could make it if Emily only stopped loving her. They had broken up then, kinda, after their fight which had been physical and violent without actual fists and punches. After loads of shaking and shoving Katie had dragged Naomi to the bedroom, threw her to the ground and fucked her, even though she had tried to stop her.

They had never talked about it, Naomi had never wanted her ex to feel like she had raped her then, that's why she hadn't made a big deal out of it. Blatantly Katie had suffered because of it, in her own way and Naomi'd loved to open her eyes and comfort her but she didn't dare. Too many times she had wanted Katie had gone tits up because she had opened her eyes. Wouldn't make that mistake again. So with a smile she kissed her lips and then left a trail of soft along her jaw until she reached her ear. "It's okay, I'm not angry or upset. Only thing I really am currently is hot, so I'd say we stop talking now." But Katie sat on top of her, motionless, and Naomi could feel that the girl wasn't breathing. Her heart sank and she kicked herself mentally for bringing up Effy and sex with others, or just the intentions she's had but then the weight on top of her shifted and Katie's assuring voice made her let out that breath she didn't realise she had been holding. "Wait a sec, I'll be right back. Don't move, everything's fine." A last kiss ghosted over her lips and then Katie's presence left the room altogether.

She was torn, her eyes itching to open again, but Naomi leant back and rested her head on the backrest. Her head was working like crazy, throwing things at her she hadn't expected.

* * *

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_They were crashing through Katie's front door, clawing at each others clothes in pure desperation. Feeling like she had the upper hand Naomi pushed a thigh between Katie's legs and pinned the girl to the huge mirror in the hallway. The purple-haired girl almost fell when she tripped over toys and tiny shoes, stilettos and chuck's but Naomi grabbed her hips before she could smash her head on the glass table holding the phone. As soon as she started grinding into Naomi Katie's eyes shot open and an evil smirk made its way on her lips. With her eyes almost completely black, the rosy colour of her hot skin, her demolished hairdo and the kisses-bruised lips she had made Naomi stand there and stare at her in total paralyse. "Wait a sec, I'll be right back." She demanded with twinkling eyes, prying herself away from a still motionless Naomi who stared after her, blinking rapidly. _

_It took Katie less than two minutes to come back and when she did Naomi felt like fainting on the spot of horniness. _

_The young mother was wearing nothing, absolutely nothing except for her socks (there was no such thing as bare feet in Naomi's life, ever. After a few arguments about shared-showers and the absurdity of wearing socks during that the blonde had relented and allowed Katie's feet to be freed of any material. For showers only). Her hair was back in a ponytail and that alone made Naomi's knickers drown, she knew the reason for it. As always Katie had remembered a thing that was so tiny and random but meant the world for the blonde. She loved freeing her girlfriend's hair of the scrunchy when they were fucking. She also loved pulling on her hair, from time to time, and only after Katie had asked her to do it because she liked it. And if her hair was in a ponytail both things were possible. She also loved the after-image. Having some kind of an reminder how Katie had looked before and how she'd look after Naomi was with her. "You should close the door next time." Mumbled an eye rolling, clearly stoned, Emily. They had gone back home from the party earlier than the others, wanting nothing more than to ravish one another. Obviously their need to stop and make out every two steps had made them quite slow. _

_Effy followed her girlfriend with a smirk, when she past Naomi she patted her shoulder, winking. Then, walking towards her room she kissed Katie's cheek, seemingly obvious to the fact that her best mate was starkers as the day she was born, except for socks. She wasn't born with socks, that much knew Naomi even in her clouded mind. After Emily and Effy weren't in view any more and she heard them laughing through the closed door she finally recovered and jumped Katie, dragging her along to the twin's room. _

_All she could think about was sex, Katie, kisses, sweaty red skin, wetness, closeness, tightness as all her senses were working double when her girlfriend kept pressing her into the wall with her head which was positioned between Naomi's standing legs. She moaned when Katie did that thing with her teeth, always resulting in the blonde twitching and making weird sounds. All of a sudden everything stopped and Naomi's eyes flew open to glare at Katie. She was grinning up at her, wiping her lips slowly. Teasing her. "Wha...Kay why?" She whined in the end, her face contorting in frustration and pain. Yes pain, her clit felt like it's swelling so much it'd burst any moment and her inside was twitching almost painfully. Her hands were still tangled in dark locks so she tried to push her girlfriend's head where it was supposed to be but Katie laughed and placed a kiss to Naomi's hipbone on her way. Then her lips met Naomi's and she let the kiss happen for a few moments, but as soon as the blonde took a hold of Katie's hips and crashed them into hers, trying to find any kind of friction she went out of reach again, grinning. "Wait a sec, I'll be right back." _

_When she returned Naomi's pained eyes widened and an unsure smile made its way over her lips. "I uh, I don't know Kay." Her uncertainty was swallowed by Katie's kisses, turning from gentle and reassuring to demanding and lust-filled instantly. She almost didn't feel the difference at first. Still used to Katie's finger which had been rubbing slow circles on her clit, getting faster rhythmically with her kisses, Naomi only realised the transition when vibrations ran through her whole body. Her eyes shot open again, this time only a tad. There was the typical eye-half-closed-bedroom-look on her face and she pushed her hips into the small vibrating egg Katie was rubbing all over her clit. When her quite moans stopped every now and then, out of a lack of breathing (she hated making noises during sex, always found them embarrassing so she often opted on no air to prevent any) Katie urged her on with things like pressing her whole, naked body into her and panting into her ear, she knew fucking well how turned on Naomi got then. Her girlfriend knew she was close, so close it started in the pit of her stomach and made its way down, back up again and then, when she was sure she'd pass out if she didn't breath Katie filled her with three fingers and kept jamming the egg along her clit. A pained scream, so liberating, left Naomi's throat and surely made it raw when she finally let go, clinging to Katie like she was her life-net. _

* * *

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* * *

Hearing quite footsteps, Katie's, Naomi fought her whole body so she wouldn't open her eyes. The curiosity almost killed her, the twin should have been back on her lap by then but she wasn't and Naomi was about to find out why. Warm hand covered her eyes from behind then, and while something soft and silky was draped over her eyes Katie placed kisses to her head and cheeks, fastening the knot on the back of her head. Then there was more rustling and a searching hand feeling its way from Naomi's head to her shoulders and arms. Their fingers interlaced Katie pulled Naomi to her feet. "You see anything?"

"No."

"Okay. Come on, just hold on to my hand." The words were meant to comfort Naomi, show her that nothing was going to happen, but after everything Katie couldn't say them with the easiness she wanted to. It felt like a huge deal all of a sudden and she rolled her eyes at herself. Like Naomi'd trust her blindly, she thought bitterly but pulled softly on the hand she was holding anyway.

A moment passed before Naomi nodded and followed slowly, careful not to trip by accident or because Katie was having a laugh and wanted to see her fall flat on her face. They reached their old bedroom, which only held their drawers and an old bed Gina had put in their old bed's place after they had taken it along to London. Her hands were on Naomi's waist when she placed her right in front of her, then they were holding on to Naomi's, squeezing once. "Feel." She guided her hands, nothing except for their heavy breaths was heard in the quite house which made Naomi feel like it was the middle of the night when in fact, it couldn't been later than lunch time.

Naomi felt, suddenly feeling all her senses ten times stronger than she normally would. Katie's skin was soft on her shoulders, her neck had dry patches, the tattoo Naomi thought must have been the reason for it. Then she was brought to her face which was warm and soft and felt so fucking amazing and right she almost wanted to cry. But then, then her fingertips found silky material where Katie's eyebrows should have been and Naomi sobbed. This, this was unbelievable and it was the perfect gift, worth more than anything other ever could. "You're such a softy, Naomi." Katie said in an adoring voice, kissing both of Naomi's palm's before cupping her face herself and bringing their lips together.

While they kissed leisurely, not fastening the pace or kind, Naomi was surprised that Katie hadn't pushed her on the bed and 'de-bagged' her yet. No, it seemed like she was giving Naomi full control over how this was going to be. She was handing over the reins and that alone made the blonde push her lips more firmly against Katie's .


	20. home sweet home

„Fucking hell, I'm so done, Naomi. I'm fucking done." Katie rubbed her face in frustration, almost clawing at her own skin. "How the fuck am I supposed to fight this? There's no way. I cant prove shit and because of the fucking stuff in my blood and hair they wont believe me that I haven't taken anything before getting in the car."

They were sitting in the kitchen of the pub, waiting for Gina to come back and take over so they could leave. Naomi hadn't been able to go with Katie see the barrister, her mum were out having a really important appointment and she hadn't found anyone to take care of the kids. She had waited impatiently for Katie's return and when she did, Naomi face had fallen, washing away all the colour.

Katie had yet to shut up, her whole body was trembling with anger and fear of the future. "I mean, I'm not a fucking killer Naomi, am I? Not a child either, I do know not to drive when I'm under influence. I'm done for. If the witness wont take back the testimony I'm done. She said the best she could achieve were four years without parole. Fucking mint, least I know how to fuck girls properly now, that'll help me out in there." Her eyes narrowed. "I'll just be the bitch of Nessa or Steph or Candle."

Raising her brows in amusement Naomi watched Katie pace around with a thoughtful face, planning her time behind the bars. "I mean, I could, couldn't I? I'm awesome, fucking fit for my age._ My age_? I'm fit, full stop. Can hold my own against every twenty old. I'd probably lose a bit weight in there but that's not really a minus, could be a good thing. Think my arse's bit of a problem, haven't realised before but now that I'll need it we seriously need to get me in shape."

"So you can impress your future jail-girlfriend who will do what exactly?" She had to ask, this was getting ridiculous

"Protect me, obviously. I'm fresh meat Naomi darling, they'll kill each other to get to me." The way she puffing out her chest holding her head high made Naomi giggle uncontrollably "Katie, you're talking about jail and your biggest problem is who your killer dyke will be?"

"I have to be prepared. They'll need to protect me when I take showers so no one comes in and rapes me." Her big brown eyes were boring in Naomi's, trying to show her how scared she really was of that probability. With a sigh the blonde walked to the counter Katie was leaning on and placed herself directly in front of her. Her hands were on either side of Katie's shoulders and she smiled reassuringly at her. "Look, you need to calm down. You wont go to jail, and you sure as hell wont get a girlfriend there if you do."

"But I'll need one! The showers Naomi!"

She had to bite her lip so she wouldn't explode with laughter and make Katie look like a wimp. "Well, it's not exactly the telly, babe." Katie's eyes were squinting, trying to read Naomi and see if she only tried calm her down or if she was telling the truth. "They wont rape me?"

"I'm positive they wont."

"And I wont have to play 'bus' with duvets covering all sides of the bunk so she'll devour me in the joined bedroom room when everyone's sleeping?"

"No. Well, as long as you'll not get stuck in a bad American jail film, no. You'll have your own room, own key, privacy and you wont have to see much of the others if you choose not to. You'll work, probably in the best department since you have a degree and even girls with finished middle school are hard to find there, so you wont have to be in the cleaning team or cooking. Probably IT. But stop, you'll be fine. You wont go to jail."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because" But Naomi suddenly stopped with a serious expression, sadness in her eyes. "Because you cant. It's just not right, you didn't do it on purpose. The insurance company is covering the costs and" Katie interrupted her with a head shake. "No they're not. When they found out I'd had drugs in my system that night they've pulled the transfer back in."

And when Naomi heard the news the colour washed from her face, leaving her pale and scared. If the company wouldn't pay, of course they'd go after Katie to get coverage. To make the blonde stop chewing off her thumb Katie explained, very calmly, what the barrister had told her.

When she'd finished with a fearful expression Naomi squeezed her hand in silent comfort and waved at her mother who walking past them to wait on punters they had ignored professionally. On her way back she patted Naomi's head and leant down to kiss Katie's cheek. "All right girls? You want new drinkies?" She gestured to the kitchen counter where a collection of shots and long-drinks, all empty, showed what they had done the time she were away. She could understand though, more than they could imagine.

"Could you watch the kids?"

"Now? Naomi I'm working." The younger blonde swatted the dramatically waving hand away and smirked at her theatrical mother. "No, course not. Tomorrow til next Sunday?"

"Over a week?" She almost shrieked in union with Katie's glare who'd had no idea about the plan to take the kids away from her again. Naomi rolled her eyes at the women before going to explain. "Kay's in real shit mum, like, she'd be gone for four years if we don't figure out how to make the witness stop lying." Gina almost fainted and hadn't Katie grabbed her at the last moment she'd have fallen and broken an arm or two.

They helped her into the booth, the bench and Naomi brought her dramatic mother a glass of 'crystal clear water', no bubbles. "Thank you lovely, my poor heart is breaking. How can they do that to you, sweets?" She was on Katie instantly, her arms wrapped tightly around the perplexed twin who hugged her back from an awkward angle. "Jail? Oh no, no." Gina kept whining for a while until Naomi decided that it was enough and pulled her sobbing mother along back to the kitchen before she could upset Katie further. "Get a grip mother." She begged, rubbing her mum's back and fanning an newspaper in front of her face. "Please, my arms 'bout to fall off."

"How can you be that calm? Katie is going to jail, to _jail_!" Snatching the paper away from Naomi's slow hand she rapidly fanned wind at herself. "Your wife will be going sitting her little bum behind bars, she'll get raped! And you, you just don't care. How can you be that heartless? How much would it cost to buy a new identity? You think ten grand will be enough? We need new passports, birth-certificates, complete make-overs and perhaps plastic surgery. If you give me a month I'll be good with thirty, tops. Oh Naomi." Without warning she enveloped her daughter in a bear hug, sobbing loudly into her shoulder.

Naomi let her have her moment until she'd had enough and took her mum's shoulders, shaking her with eyes like steel. "Calm down now, enough of that. You really need to get it together woman, you're not helping." When a new barrel of tears flowed down her mother's cheeks, Naomi sighed and gentled her expression. "It'll be fine. We'll go to London, find Ashley and I'll talk to her."

"Ashley? Katie's girlfriend is getting her into jail?" If possible, her mother's expression saddened further. "Her heart's broken, Naomi. She'll never take it back, except" But she didn't finish, dread washing over her. Her daughter rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Even if she'd only take it back when Katie goes back to her, then she'll do it. I wont let her go to jail, don't worry."

"You cant let her get back together with that...that criminal liar!" Gina's face was red and her eyes almost looked scary, perhaps to everyone who didn't know her. Naomi smiled and kissed her mother's cheek gently before shrugging. "I don't care. Only until all that is over." Nodding Gina started preparing food, busying herself as she let Naomi explain her plan. The blonde was trying to be helpful while getting in the way loads, as always, until her mother told her to shuffle off and get packing. "And don't forget to take the babies for a good talking to, they'll know something's up and I wont spend two weeks lying to them or have them quiz me like on my Level's orals." Gina was still muttering to herself when Naomi fled the scene before her mother indulge her into another sobbing conversation she wouldn't get out of for ages.

Katie was right there, by the door counting some change for a customer but her tight lipped smile and pained eyes told Naomi that she had stood there for a while, hearing everything they had talked about. "Here you go, six-twenty for you. Have a good night Charles." The smile didn't reach her eyes and their regular customer watched her in worry, pushing the change back into her palm with a small smile. "Keep it, haven't seen you in ages, have I? Gotta tip pretty girls when I see them, and you're always one of the prettiest Katie." There was no jealousy burning in Naomi, only warmth was spreading through her body when the old man, in his late 80's, tried to make Katie smile the only way he knew how.

It was easy to forget how webbed Katie was in her life. She was everywhere and it hadn't been possible to erase her out of anything when all reminded Naomi of her. Not only was she reminded though, she had stopped counting the times people had asked her about Katie's whereabouts, business or simply send their love. All through the separation it had taken everything out of Naomi not to bite off their heads for hurting her with the questions. All until her mother had sat her down, with Effy towering over her and shaking her head at her as she demanded she'd stop being rude and splash about only because they cared. Inventory, that's how one of the old punters had called Katie, she was a piece of the inventory. Belonged into the pub like the bar, the booths, the snooker table or chips 'n fish. Belonged there like Naomi did, of course the revelation had come as a surprise and the blonde chuckled lightly at her own stupidity.

Her girlfriend, ex, whatever she was, turned around sharply but then her face softened and curiosity won the battle inside of her. She wanted to know what was funny and she also wanted to be angry. A small smile was tugging on her lips when she turned back to the old man to thank him and bid him goodnight.

Every time she did Katie had had that faraway look on her face, watching him until he limbed into the next taxi. As Naomi had asked her years ago why she was looking like she's about to break out in tears she had shrugged, a bit embarrassed. 'Don't know if I'll see him again, do? Half the people I've waited here on have died and I haven't known until I overheard others talking. They all die because they're fucking ancient and it makes me sad because they're lovely. Take them over the obnoxious footsie and hockey lads any time.'

Naomi took two small steps and stood beside Katie, their shoulders touching lightly.

It was weird, being there together was. They had no idea how to act around each other, what was expected of them by the other and what was appropriate. Would it be a good idea to put her arms around Katie or would it be too demanding and forcing her into something they hadn't talked about yet? Katie's voice, small as it could be, broke Naomi out of her confusing thoughts. "Gina all right? Looked like she's having a nervous breakdown and I cant hear her any more. You haven't gagged her, have you?"

"Na," Grinned Naomi, happy about Katie's attempt at trying to lighten the mood. "Thought she needed time to cool off. Don't forget to get her out of the freezer in ten, yeah? Don't want her to to be an ice sculpture with a forever screaming expression." Katie chuckled lightly, nudging Naomi's shoulder with hers. "You're awful."

"I'm quite awesome actually." Nodding to herself Naomi inspected her nails. "People told me, just so you know." And hearing Katie laugh again, this time a bit louder, brought that warm feeling back into her belly. She had missed this. "I've missed this." Sighed Naomi, her eyes set on a few customers playing cards in the corner.

"You were here for a long time, before you came back to London." Reminded Katie with a small voice, obviously not really over the separation.

Naomi didn't look at her, kept watching the old bloke get into the cab, as she nodded. "Yeah, right. I was. You weren't here though, were you?"

* * *

"So ma's going to the nick? Jesus!" Bence exclaimed. "But, but she cant go!" Then his eyes narrowed on Naomi and she knew right then that his next painful jab would be fired at her. "Why have you let that happen? Why let her be with Ash then? You knew that she wasn't good for ma, you knew it! If you hadn't moved out that never would have happened and mum wouldn't need preparing for her time behind bars!" Knowing he was scared, confused and fucking devastated Naomi let it all slide and placed a comforting hand on top of his. It was promptly shaken off, making her sigh. "We'll figure it out, I promise."

"You cant promise that!"

"Yes I can, and I am."

"Who do you think you are then, the fucking queen?" He roared with a red face, the fear of being apart from his mama making him shake. "You cant! She'll leave and then we'll have to go to my grandparents and we'll visit her only once a year because she wont let us come more often. You've ruined my life! I hate you!" Slamming his fists down he made the glasses shake, coke spilling from his but Naomi didn't care about that at the moment. He was close to exploding, which hadn't happened yet, ever, and it was something she didn't want him to experience.

Losing control wasn't something that should be treated casually, not with the Fitch genes running through him. She had already suffered through the aftermath of Emily's steel fists and everyone knew that Katie had a slight anger management problem as well, who knew what could be boiling up inside of Bence?

"Calm down." Her tone was firm and so serious he raised his brows a bit in surprise, but then his eyes chilled her her heart again. "Why? You don't like hearing the truth Naomi? Well tough, shouldn't have left then, perhaps then I'd still give a shit about what you say. You cant expect everyone to cower and whisper just because you say so. My _mama's_ going to jail, _you're_ letting her and it's _your_ fault! Deal with it!" He went to shoo off, furious, but Naomi caught his wrist and spun him around as she got to her feet.

"Careful how you speak to your mother lad, for that cheek I'd had my old mum box my ears good and proper." A customer told the fuming boy, clapping him sympathetically on the shoulder. Bence, not like him at all, flinched away and grimaced at the old bloke. "Sod off you codger! This got nothing to do with you!" He opened his mouth again, much to Naomi's horror. "Get the fuck off my back now, dude. Get a life." Naomi felt her face heat up in embarrassment and she turned around to apologise when the man's next words let the words die in her throat. "Ah yank, spent time with the septic then? Aren't you just the perfect little spotty chav? With that behaviour you'll end up plumbing my toilette for the minimum, mate. Better watch your fucking gob next time before I bung you at the wall, disrespecting brat."

"Bence, go upstairs."

"What? No! He's being"

"NOW!" With one last scathing look Bence stomped through the pub and slammed the door shut of the hallway leading to the stairs. When he was gone Naomi looked around, finally breaking eye contact with that old bastard. Her voice was low when she addressed him. "You'll bring your pint to the bar, pay the girl behind it very generously and then you fuck off and never show your face here again." Meeting his surprised eyes Naomi glared.

Bence had acted like a real pain and she had been about to make him apologise but he's a child who still had to learn certain things. This old duffer had no right to talk that way to him, not to _her_ child, no matter what he'd said. "You got that or want me to spell it out for you?" She got into his face. "Get the fuck out."

"Can't kick me out, love, can you? You don't own this shit-hole and I doubt the owner will have me kicked out for defending myself against that little bratty sprog." He smirked, his yellow teeth making Naomi's tummy rebel, she'd always hated unhealthy teeth and nails. Teeth especially. That's what health insurance was for, there were ways to have them checked regularly and cleaned properly. They weren't in America were you had to pay for every doctor visits, not with the European health system. She smoked, drank loads of coffee and had fun taking drugs from time to time which fucked up her teeth like nothing else and still, hers weren't yellow or had, like that white cover no toothbrush could get off. "You wanna see me kick you out? Really? Fucking try me then."

Two hands, carefully unclenching Naomi's fists made her turn around. She was surprised to look directly into Cook's face, she hadn't seen him yet since she got back and his phone was dead. Assuming he was out of town she had put that aside but obviously he was back. "Time for you to go, mate." Cook's authoritative voice demanded, his eyes holding the typical mix of fury, amusement and fun. "Yeah, wont happen, _mate_." The man pointed at Naomi with a scoff. "Her sodding bonny lad meant it's all right to insult me. Wont let a fucking brat talk to me that way, will I?"

"You should." Commented Cook, still with that easy smile which told the man that he was in for the fight of his life if he kept it up. "You're the adult so yes, you fucking should. He's barley eleven and he's a good kid, something must be bothering him otherwise he wouldn't act that way. I suggest you do as Naomi's told you and we're all good."

"I want to speak to the owner, right now!" He demanded loudly so Katie would hear him from behind the bar.

She raised her brows at Naomi but the blonde was too angry to have silent conversations. With a shrug the twin made her way over and watched the three people carefully as if they were about to get gunning the place down. "What's the problem?" She asked, a confused smile plastered over her lips. The man glared at Naomi all through the story, he was too engrossed in, to realise that Katie's face was changing from confused to pissed off. When he had finished, leaving out the really shitty things he had said, his eyes locked on Katie's expectantly. "I assume you'll have them removed?"

She laughed, nodding at Cook.

* * *

„He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you." Promised Katie with a sigh. They'd been through this a hundred times but Naomi was looking like someone had punched her out. "He's just going through a difficult phase." Her words were not much of a help, they only made Naomi look at her pointedly. "He _does_. Every time something happens he tells me, _every_ time Katie. There's to be some true to it. He wouldn't shoot it out like that if there wasn't. _Every fucking chance he gets._ And every time something isn't the way he wants it, calling me Naomi is like a bullet for him, he knows it'll hit me like nothing else."

With a sigh Katie sat down next to Naomi in their home, in London.

They had arrived home an hour earlier and after unpacking the most important things, the kids' clothes and all they had with them on the holiday that needed a good washing, Naomi still had to stop sulking on the sofa. In fact, since Bence's freak out the day before she hadn't stopped yet.

Katie was as patient as she could. With no idea how to get that idea out of Naomi's head she hadn't had much to work with though. Except for distracting her. Randomly stripping wasn't an option though, sadly she had learned it the hard way when Naomi's eyes had widened in horror before she fled the scene down to the pub as if Katie was an slaughtered body. There was still awkwardness between them and Katie didn't dare thinking about it.

The fear of it _never_ fucking pissing off crept up on her every time she tried.

She hesitated, torn between yelling at Naomi to get a grip,act like an adult who wouldn't let a rebelling child break their heart, but on the other hand she just wanted to comfort her because her eyes were broken. "Could you please, _please,_ stop that? Like, now? We've really got bigger problems right now than Bence acting out. There'll be like, hundred other times where he'll yell worse at you and you cant let him get the upper hand, for fuck's sake. He's barley eleven!" Oh, she thought, obviously she hadn't been that torn after all.

Blue eyes, shocked like Naomi got slapped, bore incredulously in Katie's and the twin shifted uncomfortably, suddenly a bit embarrassed by her outburst. "Sorry, but, like, it's true." Blonde hair shook along with Naomi's head when she scoffed, straightening her back to pull herself up and go cry in the bathroom but Katie's hand caught her wrist and stopped her leaving.

The twin knew that this was a breaking point, like it had always been, and she wouldn't fucking let her do it, again. Not this time. More importantly; she wouldn't act like she always had, she'd change the devils-circle of never-ending wrong choices.

Every time things got uncomfortable, and Naomi felt like she was making a real tit out of herself, she'd leave. Not when they were fighting, mind you, then she'd yell as good as Katie but when she thought she was overreacting or being a whimp.

Or when Katie acted like she'd made a scene when everything wasn't that bad after all.

That could had been an issue, Katie had realised some time during their separation. But really, Naomi _was_ kinda dramatic and had spend more time in the bathroom sulking than actually dealing with whatever was bugging her.

In the beginning Katie had thought it was adorable and she'd always giggle before going after her, coaxing her back out of the shower, well, or she'd just join her and get her mind off of things. But then it had been up to the point where she'd get pissed off when Naomi, again, made her way for the bathroom for a good cry. It had happened during a fight they'd had and she'd yelled at her how childish that was and that she'd to stop acting like a toddler and deal with things. Because Katie couldn't raise two tiny humans, one was enough, she didn't need Naomi acting like one as well. Yeah, after that Naomi didn't even bother any more and fucked off to the shower before Katie could find out what was wrong.

And then, then Katie had stopped caring altogether.

So, before history could repeat itself again she was holding on to Naomi's hand like everything was depending on that tiny decision. "No look, I'm sorry, yeah?" Getting to her feet Katie planted herself in front of Naomi, she hoped she was stealthily blocking her way. "I know it's hurting you, and I know it's hurting you because you let him get to your head with things you believe yourself but it's not like that. That's not your fault, Naomi. I fucked up. Ash's out to fuck me up and that's just it. How could it be your fault? You were on the other end of the world, for fuck's sake. Just, just relax and stop him. Easy peasy, he's your child. Ground him, take his drums away, his phone or make him study German. I don't fucking care what you do but do something, don't let him do whatever he wants. That's your job. Raising him and not allowing him to become a fucking monster that thinks he can do what the fuck he pleases and hurt anyone if he's not happy." Stopping to see a reaction and not getting one Katie took in a huge breath and kept going. "It's not your fault. And our break up isn't your fault either."

There, she got an reaction.

Naomi looked away and blinked rapidly, making Katie sigh. She knew, everyone would, that Naomi was trying not to cry and that alone made the twin angry again. "It's not!" Letting go of the hands she was clutching Katie gestured wildly around, at nothing in particular. "You were there, weren't you? We'd have killed each other if we stayed together, you know that. _I'd_ probably have killed you by now, if we're honest. It was the best decision we could've made, Naomi. We needed that to, fuck I don't know, to get our minds back on track and stop being really, really lousy people. Don't let him tell you otherwise, it was for the best." Reaching for Naomi's hand again Katie ducked her head so she'd look into her eyes. "All right?"

Averting her eyes again Naomi tried to leave the confrontation. Desperate not to get into a fight with Katie she walked around her and made her way for the bathroom. She didn't want to cause that fight, not when everything was that, that _fragile_. "I, uh, I gotta" but then, out of nowhere, two strong hands pushed against her shoulders, making her take a gigantic leap forwards.

She froze, with her hands holding her upwards on the wall she'd stumbled into. Closing her eyes she counted to ten, hoping she'd get herself back together before she'd turn around and kill Katie. The words, the ones Katie's spiteful voice fired at her, made her snap around and charge for her ex like a wild, hungry, bloodthirsty animal. "I said you're not going anywhere. Need me to remind of you of how this works around here?"

The twin didn't step aside, she only closed her eyes when the impact came and she was hurled across the wooden floor right into an old cabinet with her back. Her arms flung out and gripped Naomi's arms while they slid, she tried to straighten her so she wouldn't smash her head in the collision. All air was knocked out of Katie's lungs when instead Naomi's right shoulder bore into her belly, making her gasp. Knowing the cabinet wasn't the most solid thing in the world Katie leant down, covering Naomi's head and neck and back with her body when books, CDs, DVDs and old Vinyl's came crashing down on them.

Naomi was the first one to slowly open her crying eyes, she knew that something horrible had happened, she could feel it, had felt the adding weight of the stuff that's fell on top of them. On top of _Katie_. Naomi's shoulder hurt, like hell, and she had a stiff neck but she was okay, somehow. What the fuck was she thinking? Had she wanted to fucking kill Katie? Smash her out of the window or why'd she tackled her like that?

"Katie?" She croaked but the only thing she heard was Katie's breathing in her ear. With a bit of difficulty Naomi tensed her shoulders and pushed so Katie'd be sitting up and not curled around her. Wasn't that easy though, getting Katie upwards wasn't. "Katie, Jesus, get up, I cant breath. Your knee's boring into my stomach."

But Katie didn't answer and Naomi froze. Her mind showed her exactly what that fucking cabinet had contained before it fell on top of Katie. When she remembered the stupid glass vase, the vinyl player and the huge Oxford dictionary her mind went blank. She struggled her way up and knelt between Katie's legs, staring open-mouthed at a gasping Katie who, much to Naomi's disbelieve, was in the middle of an laughter attack. She had a bruise forming on her forehead, almost in her hairline, and looked very shaken.

Yet, she had lost her mind and was laughing uncontrollably.

All worry left Naomi and she sat back on her heels, giggling along. Katie was properly losing it, all head thrown back and loud, earth shattering laughter was what made Naomi almost roll over pissing herself. Another fit of giggles left her when she took a book off Katie's shoulder, letting it drop to the ground carelessly. "You're mad."

Slowly Katie regained the control over her body back and she moved forward towards Naomi, sitting on her shins. She didn't hesitate this time, her lips were firmly planted to Naomi's and she sighed in a way which showed that a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. When she was kissed back, instantly, Katie's hands tangled in Naomi's hair and rested on her back, pulling her closer. "Got it out of your system then?" Was whispered against Naomi's jaw, making her close her eyes in anger and arousal. "Come on, I know you're itching to beat me to pieces Naomi." Katie bit hard down on Naomi's jaw, making her wince as she pulled her closer. "Not gonna hit you." Naomi pushed out through gritted teeth, leaning back on her elbows when Katie moved to straddle her, keeping up her biting attack.

"We'll never be okay Naomi, never if you don't let it go. And I don't mean acting like nothing happened" everything stopped and Katie looked up with wide open eyes Naomi could look right through into her soul, "we need to get past this and you've every right to be furious. I think that you don't even know how much rage you've got bottled up. Last years have been proper shite and things got worse and worse until you blocked them out. I see it, you know. I see how much you're hurting and not only because of me. I was the alibi for your emotional withdraw. But it's not just me, is it? You're suffering like an animal and you wont let yourself get better because you think you don't deserve it, I know."

For the first time since Katie had kissed her Naomi's eyes flew open and she glared, her jaw snapped shut tightly, making it tremble. "Shut up."

"It's normal." Katie carried on as if she hadn't been interrupted at all, getting more comfortable on Naomi's thighs she encircled beck, helping her holding her balance. "You're hurt and you think that getting me back will make everything okay again but it wont."

"Shut up Katie."

"It wont, that's just part of the problem." Seeing that Naomi was ready to push her off and flee the twin planted her arse firmly down, which made it harder for the struggling girl. "You've to work through this, and you're not on your own. There are people who love you and who"

"Fucking shut up!" Shrieked Naomi with a face like thunder. "Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!" She kept screaming the words as if they'd make it better. Her face and throat were turning red through the exhaust of yelling from the top of her lungs, almost deafening Katie who was staring back with wide eyes. "Shut up!"

When she struggled to get Katie off her legs and run upstairs or somewhere else, _anywhere_ else, the twin filled her lungs with air and screamed, silencing Naomi at once. "She's dead!"

Blue eyes welled up with tears and a gasp, so fucking heart breaking, made Katie hold her breath. When Naomi appeared to be paralysed in shock, not even blinking or breathing, Katie cupped her face gently and ducked her head to her eye level with soft, sad eyes. "She's dead darling and you cant keep ignoring it. You cant."

* * *

_Katie sighed when Bence fired another German word at her she couldn't help him with. "Here, look. It says run means rennen, or laufen. Lets take rennen. So the past tense is rannte. Ich rannte." The frustrated mother tried to explain, hoped that it was correct, with the dictionary in her hands. It wasn't correct, Bence just laughed. "No ma, ich bin gerannt. German's talk like we mostly do. Instead of using simple past. Ich bin gegangen. I've walked." _

_Bence was out of his seat in a flash when someone knocked, thinking it was his mate June picking him up for band practise. A wave of happiness ran through him when his eyes landed on Naomi instead, standing awkwardly in front of him, clutching her bag. "MUM!" _

_When Katie arrived at the door after hearing his cry of excitement she almost fainted seeing her ex. Naomi was hugging Bence but her face, it was, well, Katie couldn't explain. All she knew was that she had never seen her look that way, so, empty. There was nothing there. Naomi's eyes were the door to her soul, or rather the door to her emotions. She couldn't hide them because she was just so fucking easy to read and couldn't control her facial muscles one bit when something good, bad or nasty happened. "Honey, why don't you go back to your homework and show it mum after you're done? She'll help you better I ever could." _

_He turned his head to her incredulously, the perfect expression of; are you mad woman? "I'm serious, go." She shooed him away, had almost to pry him off of Naomi before he walked away groaning how unfair everything was. _

_Out of earshot Katie took Naomi's hand, the girl didn't even blink, and pulled her through the house all the way to the garden where they sat down on a bench. She lit two cigarettes and tried to calm her racing heart, fear and worry making it hard to breath, but she couldn't. "Naomi, what happened?" _

_It was the first time in a month that they had seen each other. _

_Since the day at the shop when Naomi had send Katie on that horror trip for almost killing Effy, she had only seen her once to get the kids back from Bristol. Since then...nothing. Gina had told her that she was spending her time visiting Effy at the hospital and Ginia, but that was it. She knew that Effy was out of hospital now, but hadn't heard anything from either of the girls. "You're scaring me." _

"_Today's her funeral." _

_Eyes wide Katie grabbed her own shirt, clutching the place where heart was. "Who's?" _

"_Ginia. They, she wanted to be burned but they didn't do it. She's getting buried in Bristol now, now, like, now." _

"_NOW?! What, why and when and what the fuck? What's happened? Is she, god. You're having a laugh, aren't you? Please tell me you're joking." Maybe it wasn't the best reaction but Katie was hit by that information without any knowledge of anything. She assumed that Ginia had had an accident, or something. "Was she in an accident?" _

_Blue eyes, too empty, locked on brown and Naomi almost spat out the words, knowing that Katie would be hurt by that. "Cancer." _

"_But, but, just like that? Oh god." Her eyes filled with tears instantly and she wiped them away when Naomi's eyes rolled and she scoffed at her. "Sorry, sorry. I mean, why hasn't she told anyone? You? I mean, fuck. Come on, I'll drive." When she went to get the keys Naomi stayed put, not moving an inch. Her questioning eyes bore into the dark blonde but she didn't seem to care. "Naomi we have to go. You've got to say goodbye." _

"_Already have." _

"_What?!" Katie walked back to Naomi and stood between her legs, her hands on her shoulders as she turned her head towards her. "What do you mean, you already have? You knew she was ill? What? Why haven't you told me? Since when do you know? Did you know she's __**dying**__?!" The sadness and confusion were slowly transforming into anger and Naomi shook off the hands holding her before she responded with cold eyes. "Yes I knew, knew it for about a month. Why should I have told you? What the fuck do you care what I'm doing? Except for when it's about the kids my life's not your business." _

_Katie shook her head and wiped new tears away. "I know, I know that, Jesus. But don't you think that I've deserved to know?" _

"_No." _

_One single word felt like the worst physical pain Katie had ever had to endure. "Right." Her hand was reaching out for Naomi of its own, wanting nothing more than to be there and comfort her but it was slapped away before it could touch her. Blue eyes blazing with fury, making Katie gulp. "What? You gonna make this about you now, are you? Well guess what, it's not. And it wasn't. I know it's hard to believe but there are things you don't have anything to do with, or any right to mingle your stupid obnoxious self in. You never asked, not once, what I was doing, how I was feeling, what I was up to and now you have the nerve to stand here and try make me feel bad for not posting this on my fucking Facebook wall?" _

"_I know that this is hard for you now and"_

"_You don't know anything." Laughed Naomi bitterly, shaking her head patronizingly at Katie. "You never knew anything, always too busy being a fucking bitch to care about anything that's not you." _

"_You can yell at me all you want darling, but lets go now or we'll never make it on time." _

"_Didn't you listen? I'm __**not**__ going." _

_Katie knew that this was a mistake Naomi would regret for the rest of her life, giving up on the chance to say goodbye, but she couldn't drag her all the way to Bristol, could she? Also, she was sure that she was the last person able to ever do that with Naomi. Perhaps the only person who could make her do things she didn't want to was the one being buried. Fresh tears formed in her eyes and Katie looked away, not wanting to make Naomi more angry. The only comfort, the only tiny string of hope for Katie was to know that she came home. She came home, when the world collapsed around her she came to Katie. Even if she didn't want to acknowledge it, she knew that it meant more than they were able to grasp. "All right. You're not going. What you wanna do then?" _

_Naomi was caught by surprise and shrugged, looking away with a hard expression again. "Don't care. Why don't you fucking tell me what you've said to Effy on that bridge? That'd be a nice subject, I think." _

_Katie groaned, that wasn't a topic she was eager to discuss. Partly because she couldn't remember and feared that she might really had been the reason for the jump. "Because I don't know. I was stoned, I was angry, I've no idea."_

"_Where's Ash, then? She not your constant shadow now that I'm away, yeah? Bet she's thinking that this is hers now, her house, her kids, her wife. Everything. Everything that little bitch took from me." _

"_I'm not your wife." _

"_I know, you're with her now."_

"_No, no. That's not how I mean it, Naomi. I wasn't technically your wife, is all."_

_A shallow laugh made Katie cringe, perhaps that wasn't the wisest thing to say to Naomi at that moment. Not when she was a bubbling volcano ready to erupt and kill everything around. "Oh I know that darling, I know. Should have known then, god, I was so stupid. So fucking stupid."_

"_What are you on about?" Honest confusion was visible in Katie's every move and expression but Naomi didn't take too kindly on that. Instead she stared at her with disgust and hatred, almost making her cower. "What I'm...what I'm on about?" Another laugh sliced Katie's heart. "You're not my wife, Katie. Ever thought about the reason for that? You didn't want to. I've asked you a million times. With a ring, without a ring, with roses, without roses, at a fancy romantic dinner, at a rock festival, at the balloon festival in Bristol, at pride, at" _

_The twin looked away as Naomi's eyes narrowed with every added location. "I get it."_

"_Good. So don't fucking act like I didn't want you to be my wife. You were the one who wasn't ready to commit. You. Not me." _

_Katie bit her tongue. She knew that Naomi was lashing out, trying to get into a fight so she'd stop hurting so much, but that was a bit too far. There were only that many times she could bite her tongue. "Oh, I didn't want to?" She spat. "I didn't fucking want to? I wanted to marry you the day I met you Naomi." Her eyes were now just as hard as Naomi's but they were also desperate for the blonde to see the truth. No matter if they would end up in a huge fight, Katie didn't want Naomi to think, even for a second, that this was the case. "I wanted you, fully and always. Forever Naomi."_

"_Funny way of understanding forever, __**Katie**__." Mumbled Naomi through the fag between her lips. _

"_I know exactly what forever means and believe me, back then, I was ready for that. I always was. I couldn't know what would happen, could I? So yes, I wanted you. I'd have asked you myself if you hadn't fucked off to Italy." That was a mistake, Katie knew as soon as the bitter words left her lips. She closed her eyes in preparation for the fall out which never came. _

_Slowly opening her eyes she was looking right into wide blue ones, which could have belonged to a scared child and not an almost 30 years old adult. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." She back-paddled but Naomi shook her head, croaking out her next question. "You wanted to propose?" _

_Her head in her lap and her arms holding it so she didn't have to look up Katie nodded. "Fuck. You weren't supposed to know that." _

"_But, but" Before she could form the words Katie pulled her head back up and met her eyes with a small smile. "Don't worry, Naomi. It wasn't supposed to happen. It's better that way, believe me. What I wanted to say is that you don't believe in marriage. You don't believe in gay marriage, not the way it is still and until it wont get changed to be equal with straight marriages you wont do it. I knew that every time you proposed, you did it to keep us going. You love me, and I love you, and in your head every time we've had another row because of something looked like the end. So you proposed. Not on purpose. But it is like that, and you know it. I didn't say yes because I didn't want to push you into something you just don't believe in. I'd have said yes in a fucking heartbeat if I were sure you truly mean and want it. But I know you," an adoring look crossed her features when she took Naomi's hand and stroked her palm with her thumb, "know you like the back of my hand and I know that it wouldn't have made you happy, not really in the way it should have. So I couldn't say yes." _

"_Okay."_

_Seeing Naomi relaxing, visibly shaking off the tension with an additional sigh, Katie inched closer on the bench until their sides were fully touching. She waited until Naomi had finished her fag before telling her to stay put while she ran to get something. Not long after she found Naomi in the same position she had left her, except that her legs were crossed under her bum. Katie waved the glass around a bit with an proud smile, sitting herself next to her ex when she handed it over. Naomi smiled in thanks when the strong smell of good vodka hit her senses. "So, cancer, huh?"_

"_Cancer's killing my family." She was hinting to a phenomena which occurred in her family. Her grandmother, her dad's mother had twelve siblings and only two were still alive, all others died on cancer. The past years wasn't the question who might have been next, but what kind of cancer would kill them and which they'd beat for a few more years. "I know."_

"_She's just, you know, too young." _

"_I know." Katie wanted to know what had happened to cause this, so badly, but she knew that Naomi would start yelling again if she did, so she bit her tongue. "What?" Of course her ex knew that something was practically flashing in neon letters in her head, with huge question-marks. "What? Just ask, fuck's sake." _

"_How'd you know?" _

_Blue eyes were cold again, losing all traces of emotion they had carried only moments ago. "Met her at Tesco's one day, didn't I? Ran into her, such a fucking zombie. Thought she was someone else. She looked bad, like she's dying. She was." When she stopped her story and looked away with a far away look, her face set in an angry grimace, Katie prayed she'd get through this. "Then, well, I made her stay with me. We spent her last moments together, a couple weeks, that's nothing. Not enough, not enough moments. And the worst is that I'll forget. I will forget that one time she couldn't get the clicker working and drowned it when it wouldn't break after being smashed against the wall. I'll forget how she would glare at me every time I mentioned your name."_

"_She hated me?"_

_A laugh, bitter as lemons, shook them both. "No, no. Was bugging me all day long she's awake to go come back home. To pack my crap and kick Ash out of here. Said I's weak, and that she'd never had let me go if only she knew what a complete disaster our 'relationship' has turned out to be." When Naomi turned to Katie she was caught of guard by the pain in her eyes, sheer devastation was on her face and the blonde had to avert her eyes, mumbling; "What now?" _

"_I, god. I just, I cant believe it. I never saw her ill, Naomi. In my head she's just this beautiful creature travelling the world without an actual care in the world. She's, I don't know, this irresponsible free spirit that doesn't stick around for bad stuff." _

"_She stuck around for the worst." Was muttered in annoyance, cutting off Katie's weird praises that sounded like insults to Naomi's ears. "Whatever. You never knew her at all, so don't act like you have."_

"_What are you gonna do now?" _

_Shrugging Naomi exhaled, before she scoffed and gulped her vodka down. "No idea, but not giving a shit either, so it's all good." _

_Katie knew that she had to address it, she still had an responsibility, she cared. Only because she had a girlfriend, that wasn't Naomi, didn't mean that she'd stopped caring. "Why don't you stay until you've decided? It'll be fine, the kids will be ecstatic and I think it's gonna help you through this. You need your family now. Losing Ginia, that must be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to get through and I understand that" _

"_Shut up!" Snapped Naomi, almost baring her teeth. "Shut up! You don't know anything and you've no right to go round acting like you do! You have no fucking right to tell me shit any more, never again. I'll do what I want, how I want it and who with." _

"_You're hurting!" Screamed Katie in despair, her own eyes filling with new tears. She hated this, hated seeing Naomi that detached from __**everything**__. It wasn't like her, and Katie knew that she'd have the most horrible time now Ginia was gone. Katie needed to know that she'll be okay, but __how? How could Katie make sure she was okay when they couldn't be in the same room for more than two minutes without beheading each other? _

"_So what?!" _

_Naomi got to her feet and took the bag she had dropped earlier, flinging it around her shoulder. "It's not your problem, and I don't want you butting in." _

"_You need me." _

"_I need her; she's gone and she'll never be here again. Ever. How you'd be a suitable substitute, I've no idea so drop it. There's no fucking room for me in your life any more, not with Ashley in it. And you know it. Besides, you wouldn't understand. You'd just get jealous over her, and I'll probably kill you for it so no, thanks." Naomi knew that she wasn't thinking clearly, she knew she was unfair and that Katie didn't deserve what she was firing at her but she couldn't stop herself. _

_Feeling numb was the worst she had ever experienced. It beat heartbreak and sadness, yeah even mourning. Perhaps, if she only kept going, Katie might push the right buttons so she'd cry, yell, laugh or do something. But it didn't look like it'll work, she had done all that and more and Naomi was still on her way out without as much as a shed tear. _

_With everything that had happened, Katie, Effy, Emily and now Ginia Naomi felt a bit distanced. She was looking at Katie's tragically sad face and she didn't feel a thing, which was so fucking liberating. She didn't feel guilt for leaving her like this, or for all that's happened, she didn't even feel sorry for pushing her that one fatal night. She was empty and she was enjoying it. "Oh, and Katie?" _

_Having the emptiness inside of her was bringing out the bitch Naomi was from time to time when needed, only ten times worse. Her eyes were twinkling with amusement when she slapped that hopeful look off Katie's face with a few words. "Don't you ever say her name again, around me, or ever. She doesn't deserve it, being talked about by someone as devious as you are. You are not worth it, don't think you ever were. Guess that's the only thing she was wrong about. You're not worth anything." She turned away when her words brought tears to Katie's eyes. "And thanks for knowing me. Otherwise we'd be married and miserable 'til the divorce'd be done. You knew I've never wanted it, thanks for not letting me make the biggest mistake of my life, marrying __**you**__,"Naomi threw over her shoulder. _

"_Who did you want to marry then, who clearly wasn't me?" Katie's resigned voice asked. The down point of knowing Naomi like the back of her hand was that she read out of her sentences what Naomi truly meant. Katie sounded exhausted and tired of all of this and, with a pang to her heart, Naomi finally understood. _

"_Who'd you think?" _

_She left._

* * *

She had spend a week travelling before getting that bedsit in Bristol. It had taken her mates some time to figure out where she was and when they had, Cook had been the one seeing first hand how living in pain could look like. She had cried so much then, so much it had made her puke, but she had still blocked the worst pain out. As soon as he had mentioned Ginia she'd called Effy and left for another distraction. Ever since there hadn't been much time to mourn or remember. Her goal had been getting Katie back and now it looked she had, Naomi knew what was next.

Katie did too, and when Naomi exhaled loudly, taking her hand in hers and squeezed it, the twin knew that she would be there. All the way through every bit of pain her girlfriend was going to be dealing with, she'd be there, like she had wanted from the moment she'd known about the death.

No way was she going to jail and let Naomi go through it on her own, she'd blocked it away so hard that now that it was back in her face she'd never had the dreamy fantasy of ignoring it. It wouldn't let her. She had to endure all that came with it, and Katie couldn't be shagging it up with her jail-girlfriend for four years. She was needed there, in London, at home, by her girlfriend.

Her eyes hardened, with a clenched jaw Katie stroked Naomi's cheek and got up. "Where, where you going?" Croaked Naomi with wide eyes. So Katie smiled reassuringly at her, lying through her teeth. "There's nothing to eat here. We need food. You go take that shower and I'll get us something to eat." Kissing Naomi's temple with a last, fake, smile Katie turned and marched out of the house.

* * *

She was banging her fists, both of them, against the hard wooden door. Didn't care about bruises or blood, she'd bang it open with her head if she had to.

As soon as Ashley's surprised face appeared, the girl didn't have time to react, she had her pressed up against the hallway's wall by the girl's collar. "I'm giving you one chance, _one_ chance to make it right Ash."


	21. are you here, are you?

_Hello hello, I'm sorry for vanishing. Too much is happening at the moment. I'm helping Tomek, my cousin, who came from Poland to work here and needed a place to stay. So we had to move my bedroom into the huge sitting room, all the furniture and everything. At the same time we've brought shit away I've managed to collect over the years I'll never need again. It took a good week. Then summer's arrived, yay. Been to the Heide Park all the time, it's from the Merlin attractions group (You British people will know what that is) an amusement park here in Germany. I'm having a shoot in a few weeks, been to castings in the last weeks (not allowed to tell what it is, because it'll be shot next month but airs in winter and I'll be sued if someone knows if I wont something/someone or not). Then festival time has started and I'm ready to go to WACKEN (hard rock festival in germany), Hurricane, rock am ring/ and rock im Park, Southside and so on. Tegan and Sara gig is soon where I'll meet them for a business related meeting and my laptop's just got back from the ship it was sick. :) but it's fine again. So you see, life's pretty hectic and so much more's happening that I haven't really found the time to update. _

_That chapter was halfway written, only edited a couple things. The next one is almost done though, so it shouldn't take up too much time. _

_With that said, say goodbye to depressive times, only good things are ahead of us._

* * *

Naomi was eagerly awaiting Katie's return, she couldn't relax. After she had taken a shower it dawned on her where Katie had run off to. She wasn't stupid. Of course she should've seen the signs before but her mind wasn't working as it was supposed to, too overwhelmed with grief and arousal to function at all. But now, now she knew Katie was out to deal with Ashley the blonde couldn't stop worrying. Her fingernails were suffering badly under the tension, she was biting them off to the bitter end, making her pinkie bleed because she'd chewed too far. Just as she was blowing on it, why were people doing this anyway? It didn't help, she'd heard the door lock turn.

Before Katie had had the chance to take off her heels Naomi was on her, bombarding her with questions and tugging on her everything, arms, shoulders, even her trousers.

The twin widened her eyes at the, obviously, scared blonde who thought she might had to take up her mum on the new papers for them now that Katie'd killed the girl. "Oh my god, how bad is it? You didn't kill her, did you? I've to call mum, she said she'd have 30 grand in a couple weeks, for new identities. I have no idea how we'll get you out of this now, no barrister will be good enough." Katie stopped her girlfriend's nervous rambling with a soft chuckle, silencing her with her lips pressing to hers. "Oh." Smiled Naomi, a bit embarrassed by her hysterical outburst. She ran a shaky hand through her, still dripping wet, hair.

Katie's eyes followed the path of a bunch falling water drops, watched them flow down her shoulders and then disappearing in her cleavage. Subconsciously licking her lips, Katie's eyes stayed glued to the visible parts of Naomi's still rosy skin, flushed from her shower. She would had been happy just standing there, forever, and stare at the tiny traces of the drop's way down Naomi's body hadn't the girl snapped her fingers in front of Katie's eyes with an smug smirk. "You're looking awfully hungry Kay, hadn't had a nice meal in a long time huh?"

Naomi enjoyed seeing Katie's eyes darken at the suggestion of sex, but she had to tease her a bit. "'d ya get the groceries then? I'm starving." And she walked away, chuckling voicelessly when she heard Katie's sad sigh. "Uh, no. Sorry. Fancy pizza?" And she didn't sound enthusiastic at all suggesting actual food, a pout practically heard through the words. "Naomi?"

"Yes?" The blonde turned to her then, smiling brightly with a raised brow as she prepared coffee.

"You have to put on clothes if you wanna talk. You seriously need to put on some other clothes, don't think can get my brain function properly when you're here, wearing that, that _towel_." She gestured at the towel barley hiding Naomi's private parts. She hadn't had any time to change yet, not when she was going mad in worry for Katie, well, and Ashley's life.

Laughing a bit Naomi leaned on the counter with her shoulder, looking as smug as one could. "Really."

"Yes." Mumbled Katie, embarrassed now that Naomi clearly wasn't planning to seduce her. "Just, just go get dressed."

"I think not. Quite comfortable actually." She grinned. "Want some?" Breaking out in laughter at Katie's enthusiastic nods, Naomi pointed at the coffee maker, watching her girlfriend's face fall. Rolling her eyes she walked over to Katie and took her hand, pulling her along wordlessly. "Where we going?" Wanted the twin to know but Naomi kept on walking, up the stairs, two doors down, until they were in their bedroom. She'd had changed the sheets the very second they had arrived, mumbling about how she couldn't sleep under the same ones Ashley had. So, that out of the way, Naomi gently placed her hands on Katie's waist and pulled her close.

The twin's brows were furrowed, she was surprised. Were they going to have sex now? Like that? Wasn't that weird?

Seeing her confusion, and hesitation Naomi grinned, pressing her lips to her nose for a tiny peck. "Stop that. You're horny, I'm here and almost naked. What's the problem?"

Shifting uncomfortably Katie averted her eyes, blushing. "Uh, well _that_ is. I mean, we're not, are we? And then just only because I'm turned on is a bit, don't know, awkward. Not the heat of the moment and all."

Naomi's laughter filled the room and had Katie look up meeting her eyes with a curious glance. "You really don't expect me sitting down, asking you to be my girlfriend, are you?" There was a teasing glint in her eyes now and Katie blushed a bit more, hating feeling stupid. "Don't know."

The blonde took pity on her then and pulled her in a hug, chuckling. "I wont. We're adults and I think it's pretty fucking obvious we're back together. Except if you wanna wait for Nessa or Candy that is." Katie hit her bare shoulder with a glare, not liking the mocking, but secretly being over the moon by the situation. Naomi was comfortable enough to tease her, bickering like they'd used to since day one, it was making Katie fucking ecstatic. "Oh shut up, you're a cow."

"A bitch Kay, I'm a bitch. And you'll be Nessa's bitch, just wait." She dodged the next attack, which resulted in her landing on the bed with Katie straddling her as she tickled her. Knowing all the tickling spots Naomi had, the brunette went to work, poking each and every one until the girl under her was almost gasping for air.

Taking advantage of her position Naomi pressed her hips up, arching her back. Katie's groan, how she closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep herself from moaning made up Naomi's decision. She pulled her down, flush against her own body and they kissed without another moment of hesitation. Katie's hands were already underneath the tiny towel, desperate to feel as much of Naomi as she could. They were too far gone to realise how not-awkward that was.

* * *

"Water." Husked Naomi, letting herself fall flat on top of Katie with a sigh. "I'm drying out. That'll be the end of me, knew you'd finally manage to make me see stars." She shook her head at a smirking Katie. "No I'm serious. There are tiny dots I see, they're flying round randomly and I know I'm not supposed to follow them or I'll pass out."

But Katie didn't pity her, she didn't show _any_ sympathy, that cow. Instead she rolled over so she was topping Naomi, smiling lazily as she stroked her naked skin aimlessly. It made her a bit less of a cow. "You'll live."

"Oh will I? Sorry, forgot for a moment you're a doctor." Teased Naomi with a content expression. She enjoyed this, just laying about, all relaxed and blissed out after hours of passionate shagging. The best part was that she didn't need to have her eyes closed during it, she was able to watch every little bit of what Katie had been doing to her, and what she'd done to Katie, _continuously_. "Yeah, since I'm really good at my job I should order you to do that more often. Preferably three times a day, at least. It'll help you get back your stamina and your body wont make you think you're going to die without water."

Naomi pinched Katie's bum, swallowing the yelp with her own mouth when she kissed her.

"So, Effy's got a new girlfriend, huh. Weird that. I thought she loved you." Without realising it Naomi tensed at the girl's name being mentioned. Katie felt it, and her eyes narrowed for a moment before she sighed, kissing Naomi's bare shoulder. She was the big spoon, holding the blonde close and wrapped up in her arms and legs. She had always loved to do that. People always thought that the smaller person should be the one being held, but Katie thought it was bullshit. She wasn't _that_ much smaller, in fact, they were almost the same height. "Sorry."

"Na, 's fine."

"So now that we're back together, back home, happy again. I assume she'll be gone?"

"What?"

"Well, she's got a _girlfriend_ now, in _America_. And we don't get on really well so it's probably best you distanced yourself a bit, don't you think?" Her voice didn't contain the malice it usually would be bathed in when talking about Effy, but still, Naomi turned around sharply with hard eyes. Her girlfriend shut her eyes for a moment, sighing, before she opened them again only to be looking at her in the same, war-prepared-way. "What? I think we need time for us now, don't want your ex butting in all the time. Effy's got a bit of a problem with boundaries."

Shaking her head in silent disbelieve Naomi tried to untangle herself from Katie's claws, hands and legs that _felt_ like claws. Of course she didn't get very far. Before she could actually get up Katie had her back on her back, covering her body with hers. She was staring deeply into stormy blue eyes, trying to make her see that she was just scared Naomi'd leave again if Effy were around. "I didn't mean it that way. I just, I don't wanna see you leaving me again."

Watching Katie sceptically Naomi's eyes were narrowed, regarding her. "I'm serious. I'm scared you'll find that you're utterly in love with her or something. Now she's got a girlfriend she might realise she wants you after all."

Scoffing, Naomi shook her head. "Yeah, no, she wont. She's Effy, not you." And to make it worse Naomi's tongue lashed out another time. "She's easy. When she wants something, she takes it. Doesn't need months of preparations and tactics for it."

She didn't have to fight her way from under Katie this time, the twin rolled off of her, staring at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. "So that's true then. Ash said you were planning all this shit to get me back, never believed her. Couldn't believe you'd manipulate me that way."

But Naomi didn't cower and apologise, opposite was the case. "What, manipulate you into thinking you love me? Please Katie." A scoff. "You've never stopped. You were just too stubborn and furious to see. Had to remind you of _that_. That's what I've been doing for so fucking long." Getting up she searched the room for her clothes only to realise she hadn't brought anything upstairs yet and earlier she'd worn the towel. "Fuck." Naomi mumbled, kicking the bed. "The fuck are all my clothes? Burned them, has she?"

Katie didn't find it important to contribute to the monologue, it'd only end in a huge fight.

When that thought hit her, the twin glared and marched up to Naomi. Pointing a finger at her Katie forgot all about nakedness, scowling. "That's not working."

"I know it's not." Snapped Naomi with cold eyes, pushing past Katie to get to the dresser.

"Obviously I didn't mean _that_." Hissed Katie through gritted teeth. "We've gotta fight."

Blue eyes looked back at her, incredibility washing off Naomi in waves. "_Right_."

"I'm serious. There's too much anger bottled up in us, we need to deal with it. We just do, otherwise we'll always avoid confrontations until we explode and this'll never work. I know that."

"Oh you do, don't you?" Was Naomi's sarcastic response when she pulled a shirt over her head, not caring who's it was. "Forgot you've eaten wisdom with spoons."

"That's not even a thing!" Yelled Katie, exasperated. "You cant translate German sayings like that. They don't make sense! How many times do I have to fucking tell you that?!" Naomi walked slowly towards Katie, stopping only inches away. "Oh I don't know, until the day I fucking care what you have to say, maybe?" She yelled right back into her face, seeing the fury build up behind brown eyes.

They were shaking with anger, both holding their ground.

Naomi's hands shot out then unexpectedly and grasped Katie's shoulders, almost painfully digging her nails into the flesh when she pulled her close. She kissed her angrily,biting, chewing, almost drawing blood with her teeth. She hissed in pain when Katie caught her bottom lip with her own teeth and bit down, hard, tugging it back so she had to follow. "I fucking hate you." Growled Katie, letting herself fall backwards on the bed she took Naomi with her.

Gasping at the impact Naomi straddled the twin and locked her arms above her hand, one hand already working its way down. "Hate you too, _darling_." She mocked the fuming girl, pressing her hips into hers strongly. Naomi's tummy felt like she was on a roller coaster when Katie moaned despite trying so hard not to while she clinged at the blonde's skin, pulling her closer still.

* * *

Her right hand was holding Katie's back upwards, close to her, and her left one was ramming into her girlfriend at a pace that'll make her regret it in the morning. But she couldn't stop. Not when Katie was going wild, trashing about, clawing to Naomi almost painfully. "Fuck" Mumbled the blonde when another flash of pain made her arm hurt, she had to reposition herself again. So, without stopping, she pushed herself up so she was straddling Katie's right thigh, her left hand finally free of her own body slamming against it. A guttural groan was ripped from the twin's throat then, her hips making random, frantic movements as she couldn't keep up but tried so desperately. "Don't stop", hissed the girl through clenched teeth, a weird 'Joker' expression on her face. That's clear signal of her being so closer, making the blonde sigh in relief, she wouldn't need to get her arm amputated after all.

With an intake of a huge breath Naomi brought Katie closer to her own body, having the girl almost sit up, she was helping her holding her balance with a hand on her back. Since this wasn't new or weird or strange Katie knew exactly when to fling her hands out and grasp her girlfriend's shoulders so she wouldn't crash back into bed.

The pain was getting almost unbearable and Naomi knew that if Katie didn't cum soon, she'd have to stop. And the worst thing of stopping to change hands in that moment? Katie'd be propelled down from the high she was up at and Naomi'd have to start back at the beginning, it would take much longer to get the twin back to be ready for the explosion. So not making the mistake she had done in past when she was still not experienced enough in fucking Katie Fitch the way she needed to be fucked, Naomi grit her teeth and kept slamming her fingers into her girlfriend, ignoring the painful ache making its way up to her shoulder. "Naomi" Panted Katie, her body trembling and sweating as she worked her body to its fullest.

It was enough for the blonde.

With one, fast movement she had Katie pinned to the bed, laying flush on top of her as her hand kept its rapid mission. Her eyes locked on wild brown she whispered, almost wordlessly and too gently; "I hate you."

All the pain she knew she'd have the next day for pushing it was well worth it when she witnessed the most beautiful thing ever happening on earth. Katie came undone, right before her eyes. And it was her face, almost angelic, losing all the trouble and stress and it were her eyes losing their focus and it were also her lips, turned upwards in a smile when she groaned;" Love you too" that made Naomi's eyes prick with tears.

Because as much hate as there was, Naomi realised, there'd always be more love hidden and they'd simply have to remind each other of that.

Nothing had been ever perfect or easy when it came to being with Katie. From the first moment there'd been anger, fun and mots crashing against her ribcage and she knew that she couldn't expect that to change. She wouldn't want it to even if she could. It's them, Katie and Naomi, fire and ice, deadly collisions, beautiful.

She was brought back from her thoughts by Katie's shaky fingers running through her newly bleached hair. Their eyes locked and the fingers which were in her hair a moment ago were suddenly on her face, softly wiping salty wetness away. "I love you." And Katie's voice had never held that much meaning before, never had three words meant the world, and never were whispered promises more important.

Naomi nodded, sighing as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "I know." Turning her head to the side, she kissed the palm stroking her face. "Love you too. _Loads_."

* * *

"What you wanna eat?" Asked Naomi, her eyes roaming the fridge where various take-out-flyers were pinned to. "Chinese, Italian, Korean, oh look there's that old diner you love the chips from. Want some?"

A very naked Katie, 'cept for socks (a habit she'd had to adapt since Naomi'd given her the silent-treatment for over a week at the beginning for walking round barefoot), sauntered over to her and wrapped her arms around Naomi's shirt-covered waist. Her shaking head was resting on the blonde's back. "Want McDonald's."

"They don't deliver."

"I know."

Rolling her eyes Naomi reached for the phone and dialled the taxi station's number. "Yeah hello, d'ya think you could send someone to get us Big Macs?" She nodded, biting her thumb when she listened to the response. "All right. Thanks. Uh yeah, that's the number. Thank you."

Turning to Katie she smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "She'll ring the cabbies and ask if someone's up for it. Could take some time though." They had ordered McDonald's before. One time when they were stoned beyond words Katie had demanded a Big Mac and Naomi had had no idea how to get her one. So she had called the taxi station and asked. Delivery routes weren't obligatory so they had to wait until a cabbie had time and offered to bring them the food. They had never eaten as expensive Big Macs, but from time to time it's worth it.

The phone was giving off its shrill tone and Naomi grinned, telling the nice woman their address and order. "Four Big Macs, four Cheeseburgers, a bag of chips, twelve nuggets sweet n sour" She looked to Katie who was gesturing widely. With a chuckle she added another item to the list. "And an Milkshake, vanilla please. Uh huh, right. Thanks, yeah no problem. Thank you. Bye."

"How the fuck I knew you meant a milkshake I'll never know." Laughed Naomi. The image of Katie pretending to milk a cow and then spreading lotion over her body still in her mind.

Almost tackling the blonde Katie tangled her fingers in her hair, watching her adoringly. "Because you know me."

"Yeah, I do."

* * *

"I'm bloody stuffed." Groaned Katie, stroking her upset tummy. She was draped across Naomi's torso, her girlfriend sitting on the sofa, almost laying really, her legs propped up on the couch table. Katie had her head on her lap and the rest of her body was curled up on the sofa as she was cuddled into the blonde. "You think it's right to heat them up in the oven later? Wont they be all mushy?"

"Na," mumbled Naomi, too tired to open her mouth fully. "micowath mas em mushy."

"Right. Good to know, never knew why I couldn't get it right. No wonder. What I'd do without you, starve I'll say...You're staying mumbly for the whole day then?" She teased, whimpering when her tummy protested. Naomi hummed, her right hand tracing random patterns over Katie's bare back. The twin was wearing nothing but a bra and panties.

Naomi had demanded she'd cover herself up when the cabbie had arrived. Katie had protested of course, vehemently, that he wouldn't get to see her anyway and why should she be dressed when they'd shag afterwards she'd never understand but Naomi had known that after that meal they'd be as good as dead. Certainly not ready to shag for hours at least. She'd been right, _of course._

"When's your next meeting with the barrister?" Wanted Naomi to know, still curious what had happened between Katie and Ashley earlier. "You'll have to tell her you went over to Ashley's."

Brown eyes rolled before looking up through thick lashes. "Just ask Naomi." There was annoyance, badly hidden, heard and the blonde scoffed once before meeting the defensive look Katie was sending her way. "What've you done to her? Did you make it worse? I mean, aren't you in shit deep enough already? You really had to go and make things worse, didn't you. What did you want to go and do that for?"

Nodding Katie sat up, moving subconsciously to the other end of the huge sofa, her arms crossed. "What do you think? Beat her up, good and proper. Wont tell one single lie, my lovely ex wont." She was staring at Naomi, almost challengingly and the blonde knew what that meant. So she rolled her eyes, scooting a bit over so she'd place her legs over Katie's and take her hand, playing with it. "Why cant you give me a straight answer for once? This isn't a joke Kay, it's serious shit you're in."

"I know that."

"Yeah? Act like it. You're an adult for fuck's sakes." She kept a hold of Katie's hand which was trying to get away, but she wouldn't let it. "Stop it. We _can_ argue, Katie. It's not the end of the world. _Stop fucking fidgeting._" She groaned when Katie had finally succeeded to get her hand free, her face a picture of rage. "And stop glaring at me."

"Something else you'd like me to stop do or say? Should've thought of it before you've decided to play games with me. What they say? Careful what you wish for, you might just get it." Naomi's face fell, her eyes turned that one shade they always did when something had hurt her just a bit too much. Making her speechless, making her distance herself.

Katie realised what her motor mouth had done, again, and she tried to back-paddle. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know. But it'll always be there, now, wont it? You'll always throw it back in my face." She knew, they'd been in that situation before.

Even Katie's shaking head and promises of it not going to become a constant problem couldn't make Naomi relax. "Italy's out of the way but now you'll find this whenever you'll not get your way." She shook her head, sadness covering her whole face, and body. "This wont work, will it? We'll pretend it's working, then it'll explode right into our faces and we'll only have lost more time." Katie nodded, deeply in thought agreeing and moved so she was right next to Naomi.

She gently moved the blonde's legs and wrapped them around her own waist, bringing the girl closer with her hands on her bum. When they were only inches apart her sad eyes locked on Naomi's and she leaned in to kiss her, only for her lips to meet the blonde's cheek. "Naomi." Whimpered Katie, feeling the change, feeling what was happening. She hated it and it scared her. "Baby please look at me."

And because it wasn't a common fight where they'd bite one another's heads off, blue eyes locked on brown and made Katie want to always make sure they'd never look that sad again.

Thinking hard about the words she needed to choose carefully so Naomi'd not get it mixed up again Katie was buying time with a meaningful look. She felt weird, being openly watched by Naomi that way, as if she were grading her. Her eyes ran all over Katie's skin, every little inch and the worst was that the twin couldn't read that expressionless face. "Naomi, you need to let me speak without interrupting baby. I don't want you to confuse it, read things in it, or run. You'll stay right here and listen, can you do that?"

Naomi's eyes were still fixed on Katie's features, on the thin lines around and between her eyes, the ones from laughing and glaring. The ones forming slowly on her lip's sides, her forehead. Her eyes followed their paths, seeing still surprisingly smooth skin, void of any make up.

When Katie gently cupped her chin they met brown ones, and she saw that her girlfriend had aged. She wasn't the same, fit, young girl any more. There was a maturity which she hadn't seen before. It made her wonder if she was the cause for it.

Had she been the reason for the worry lines above Katie's eyebrows? Or the ones between them, from when she'd glare and scowl at her for years? How had Katie looked back then, that was the question. She had been so obsessed with getting back what she'd had that she hadn't guessed that it, perhaps, wouldn't be possibly because it was all long gone.

Could they ever be with each other the way they had been? How much were humans able to ignore, not forget but only ignore to pretend being somewhere else in life?

Why did she have that urge to flee whenever a conversation took a turn she didn't like?

Naomi knew the reason and it was ripping her apart. She was scared that they'd both see it, that they'd be forced to see that you cant just pretend all life long. You cant hold on to memories as reality, you have to give in and acknowledge that that's what they were, _memories_. Fading. No matter what you'd do, you cant bring them back. Ever.

You can try, get your heart broken in the process, but you wont be satisfied. When she was that scared, that frightened of the future, how must Katie be feeling?

She owed it to her, no matter the consequences, she owed it to her to let her see it too. "Yes, yeah of course." It came out stronger that she'd imagined, and even though she was scared she was feeling really good. Almost like in that one moment when you're on a roller-coaster.

You're all excited when you wait to get on, but then, when you're sitting in the little wagons and you're all strapped in, ready to be shot somewhere, you're quite. Almost serene knowing that what you knew was gonna happen was now there and there'd be no turning back, you'll be driven three hundred meters high only to fall vertically right into a sharks open mouth. You know what's coming and you have made your peace with it because it cant be changed any more. "I promise."

A small smile was her reward, then Katie went to explain, her body and hands carefully keeping to touch Naomi's all the way through. "I know that it's not how you've dreamed us being back together. I'm sorry, I really am, but things are never the way we wish. We fight, we have soo much to fight about that it's scary. And I am scared too, you've to know that. It scares me that you could walk out of that door again if I said too much. If I took it far. If I looked too angry. It scares me because Naomi, being without you has been tough. Please don't look at me that way, it's true. I know Ashley's been a great distraction, I think in a fucked up way I've really needed her at that time. You were right there. I've needed her to wrap my head around things. I had to stop...resenting you."

"Resent me?" Croaked Naomi, truly shocked. She had tried to stay silent but that was something she couldn't had ever guessed and Katie didn't seem to mind, thankfully. Instead she smiled lightly, stroking Naomi's palm absently.

"Yes. It's always been extreme, from day one. You were the one that has made me the happiest, but you're also the one that has made me a monster. I love you sooo much, soo hard that it's making me mad. I cant control myself around you or others. I don't know if you remember but shortly after we'd met there's been that incident with the bartender."

Naomi remembered.

* * *

_She was smirking at the cute blonde when the girl handed her a beer, winking. "On the house, love. Couldn't take your money Naomi, could I? Not after what you've done for me." The flirty tone had the blonde's smirk grow and lean over the counter. "Well, cant say it wasn't a win-win, don't think I've ever managed to please that spectacularly like on that day." _

_Naomi almost crashed into the counter when an arm squeezed her waist, pulling her roughly to the side. She had to almost shake herself out of the shock and only then did her mind grasp that it was Katie, pissing on her territory with a sickly sweet smile. "Hey darling, you were gone so long. I've missed you." A long, over-the-top kiss was smacked on Naomi's grinning lips, leaving a vanilla taste behind. "Awe, didn't see you were talking to someone. Want to introduce me to your new friend?" Her eyes were a weapon, Naomi had known from the moment they had shot daggers at her for the first time. _

_Instead of cowering and crying, the girl behind the counter laughed and reached for Katie's hand, catching her off-guard. "I'm Mel, I'm working at Naomi's pub sometimes. You must be Katie. Jesus," She whistled, winking at Naomi, "you said she's a stunner but that's making even my straight heart race." She had walked around the counter to get a better look at Katie who was blushing stealthily in the dark light for acting like a huge tit. When she was hugged by Mel the twin let out an embarrassed groan and apologised for being a gigantic twat. "Ha, it's fine love. Think it'll be good someone's got an careful eye on that one here. Naomi's quite the flirter you must know." _

"_Is she now."_

"_That she is." They grinned at each other when Mel started a speech about embarrassing things that had happened to Naomi during college._

* * *

"That was what, the third week we were together? What I'm trying to say is that you always, you always have made me insecure. So fucking insecure Naomi. I never knew that feeling. I'd never had felt so much for anyone before I met you and I was living in constant fear of it being ripped from my fingers. I thought you'd leave me because Bence would be a problem after all, thought you would realise that you loved your life the way it were, without nappies and a crying toddler crawling into our bed because of bad dreams. I thought you'd get bored and you'd leave. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair because you've never given me the impression something like that would ever happen, you were in it from the beginning but it was too good to be true. So, as happy as you made me, you've made me just as mad. I was constantly switching between being happy and in love to being a huge bitch that got jealous over everything to a miserable clingy git." Katie stopped.

The blonde didn't know if she was supposed to say something or stay silent, opted on the latter and let Katie give her a lit fag they were sharing. "But that wasn't the only problem. You are so stubborn Naomi and everything I never knew. I had no idea how to get my head round it. When I yell, you yell back, louder than me. When I storm out, you don't run after me, you slam the door shut. When I left, furious, you didn't call me until I let you apologise and talk me into coming back. You were the opposite to everything I knew. So it lead to us constantly fighting. And, perhaps I'm really mad, but I've always enjoyed fighting you. You're the first one that's been equal to me. Not a back-boneless whimp. You're able to make me feel invincible to the world, but you're the one that's hurting me the most. My kryptonite. Always, Naomi you've always made me feel loved, so raw and passionately loved that I knew I'd happily wear socks 24/7 until the day I die. I guess we had reached a point where I took it all for granted. You left because you were overwhelmed, left alone. That was the biggest mistake I'll never forgive myself for. Yes, yes you've hurt me. More times than I could count. But I know that I've made you live in hell for a very long time." Her face was so open Naomi had to look away, almost feeling like she was intruding.

Katie didn't let her though. She leant back and with her arm around Naomi's shoulder she took her with her, their eyes locked again. "You know, I see our relationship in three parts. The first one was before Italy, that's the one we were running round on clouds. Then part two, my pregnancy with Bay and the beginning of our new life where we've been biting our way through tragedies because we weren't able to be without one another. Part three Naomi is the one were we were getting tired of fighting. We've given up, and it'd made me soo sad and heartbroken I was angry all the time, leaving it out on you. Making you pay. I was resenting you for giving us another chance, for webbing our life together so much firmer, so constant. I was resenting you because you weren't happy, neither was I. Everything you did, everything you said was like a punch to my face and I couldn't deal with it. I had never experienced what it was like when you put others before me. I wasn't used to you taking my mates side instead of mine. And I'd certainly felt like I had lost you, when it was so easy for you. I guess it hurt too much to realise what really was the problem. It was easier to make you the bad guy, the cheater, the one who had broken me. And I know that it's sick, believe me I do, but that's what was happening to me. I woke up angry at you because you had stopped needing me some time during the third part. I wasn't used to that. I wasn't used to feeling anything than loved by you. It really did my head in.."

The gentle tone in her voice took a sudden change, it was almost breaking and she had to look away. Wiping her wet eyes.

Naomi wasn't sure if she should speak, too frightened she'd break that, that spectacular moment. Katie was explaining things she had never even questioned. It made her feel a twat, that she never once had sat her girlfriend down and asked properly. She had just assumed that Katie had changed into an angry bitch because of Italy. She had never known the gravity of what she had been for Katie, how much she had made her deal with. It was weird, sitting and listening to all those stories she remembered differently.

Her hand, softly stroking Katie's bare thigh was the only indication that she was listening. She didn't want to spook her, or make her uncomfortable. It had to be one of the most intense conversations and revelations Katie was going through, she didn't want to make it worse.

After coughing, the twin continued, her vice small and regret filled. "I think, without trying to find excuses, that something has died when Italy and Bay happened. We glued it together, but, well you know, it wasn't enough and we weren't brave. We wouldn't talk about it. It got worse. I, uh, I always had that feeling that you were feeling obliged to stay with me because of the kids. Because of Bay. You're the type who fights to the bitter end, no matter the consequences. Guess I thought that you've given up on me already and were round for them only. I was losing you, bit for bit. For a whole year I've had been thinking that you were cheating on me with Effy. You have no idea what kind of anger and confusion that's left in me. I'll never forgive myself for the way I've treated you, Naomi, never. And this isn't about me trying to make myself feel better, not at all. We knew that I've always had a bit of a temper issue, but I would have never believed that I could actually hurt you, physically hurt you. I was, god, I was abusing you, and you were swallowing it. We both did it out of avoidance." Katie was shaking her head, her eyes fixed on her hands that were on the backrest of the sofa, she glared at them. Hardly believing what they'd done. "You see, when you were gone, properly gone, I needed to distract myself. Everything I've ever been scared of had happened and I had to find a way to deal with it. Ashley, so fucking sweet and fun, she was the best distraction. Of course I'd go find a girl that's a spitting image of you, so likely." She chuckled. "Of course I couldn't admit it to myself. I was alone, my sister gone, my best friend gone, my girlfriend gone. And she was there, making all better. You know, I remember that you told me once what you're mum's said to you when you met me. If you find someone who can make you laugh, hold on as tightly as you can. I've stopped allowing you to make me laugh Naomi, and I think that that's been a huge problem. We've forgotten how to have fun together, when fun was one of the most important things in our relationship. Not going out getting shit-faced all the time, mind you, just having a laugh together. And Ashley was doing all that. But at the same time I've started to realise that she couldn't fit that giant hole you've left in my heart. Never fully. There's been moments, random ones, where she'd say something unimportant and I'd just stare at her, not knowing why I was feeling sad. It took me some time, figuring out that I was missing you being here, doing and saying random, unimportant things. That it felt wrong having her walk into the kitchen in the morning and get coffee. Or how she'd be all chipper after opening her eyes. Id lay there, staring at her and thinking; she should be a walking, glaring zombie til she's had her third coffee at least. When I learned you and Effy were together it made me shake, Naomi. It made me so fucking angry I couldn't catch a simple thought."

Remembering that, Katie tensed. Her jaw was set and her eyes slowly narrowing into angry slits as she glared at the wall. "You're mine, Naomi." It was pushed through gritted teeth with so much feeling and pain that the blonde stopped stroking her thigh. Instead she shuffled towards her, placing both arms around her waist. She turned Katie around in her arms then, making her look at her. When she had her full attention, the furious grimace still evident on Katie's beautiful face, Naomi's head dipped and she kissed her, as softly as she could.

She knew that she shouldn't encourage that jealousy. But she also knew how it had torn her apart seeing Katie with Ashley. Naomi knew that this was justified jealousy, Katie had tried, all through her and Effy's 'relationship' to act the way she was expected to, but now she couldn't hide it any more.

And if they wanted to make this work didn't Naomi have to show her that she was, in fact, still hers? Especially after what Katie had just told her.

"I'm yours." She mumbled against Katie's unresponsive lips. "I'm sorry I've let you doubt it back then, but I am." A sigh of relief left her when the twin, finally, kissed her back. Just as gently. "Keep going." Naomi asked, wanting to know what else had been hiding in her girlfriend's head she hadn't cared about before.

Katie stayed in her arms, snuggled close unconsciously. "I need you Naomi, I really do. I don't think I've ever known how much I actually need you. You know that bullshit about people making others better? I think it's not bullshit after all. I do need you, you are making me better. Well, you could. And I hope that I'd let you again. If you give me another chance, the last one, I'll show you. I'll show you how good I can be, how fucking amazing we could be. I'll talk to someone. Never thought I'd say this but I think I really need to see a therapist. I don't mean couples therapy, not yet anyway. I think we need, separately, to deal with everything so we can unload all the anger and work through it together. Mum's said that Emily's seeing someone, seems to be pretty awesome the man she's in therapy at. I'll ask her for his number. So, I don't know. I guess I just need you to know that this wont be a piece of cake, it'll be hard work. For both of us. And if you cant, or wont do it, you need to tell me now. We still can go back." She was giving Naomi the way out, even if it killed her. Katie knew how much she was asking after everything but she felt the need that she needed to, otherwise she'd always wonder.

It didn't take for Naomi to make her decision. A low; "I'll be with you, all through it.", left her lips and she tried to smile reassuringly when she was, from the inside, pretty scared. Therapy always brought up things one desperately learned to live with, to ignore. It'd be a very intense time, like Katie said, not a piece of cake. "What do you need me to do?" She asked, tracing random pattern over Katie's soft skin.

"I want you to see someone too."

The response was firm, and so serious Naomi knew she wouldn't get out of it. "You need to deal with everything that's happened as well. And so much more baby. We'll seek out different therapists, so it wont mess around with us. But I'll do it either way. Don't think I'm backing you up against a wall here. I'm not. I wanna do this, don't think there's a chance for us otherwise. It would be fucking amazing if you'd take part in it too though."

Breaking eye contact Naomi's jaw set, facing straight ahead her mind was twirling at rapid speed. In the end Katie made the decision for her, with a couple words. "Ginia's been bothering you all the time with how we should get back together, hasn't she? How fucked up would it be if she were the reason we couldn't make it. Because we couldn't get past this." For the first time her tone didn't hold any demands or anger. She was truly wondering and that made Naomi see it too. Yes, it'd be right fucked up that.


	22. FPR

_Hello lovelies, so here's the next one. Hope you like it. Worst is over now, like I promised. Lets flash forward a bit and see what they're up to. _

_Also, I'm happy to say that Effy's back :) bringing along some people. _

_Thanks so much for your kind words, I appreciate each and every of your comments and shared thoughts. I enjoy hearing it all, so thanks for the Pms, comments, favs, alarms and so on. _

_Tell me what you think and...free pussy riot? _

PS: wow I'm blown away by who is actually reading this, thanks :) true ff legends. Hope I dont disappoint. 

* * *

„Mum, are you gonna lose all your inhibitions?"

"Yeah she is."

"Will you be dancing on tables? _Naked_?"

"Sooo starkers, that's why they wont take us."

"But you cant! People will see your...lady parts!"

"That's the plan. Just look at them!"

"Mama! You need to put on a jumper!"

"She wont. Be glad she's got her track suit trousers on now, was wearing a skirt small like a belt earlier. I made her change."

Naomi and Katie were flying through the house, perfecting their skill to ignore the kids' annoying inputs. What they were dressed in wasn't that bad, not _really_.

The blonde was wearing jeans which stopped just underneath her kneecap, they were skin tight though. A big Ramones T-Shirt with cut-off sleeves hung off her right shoulder, showing off her tanned skin, tattoo and white bra. Her hair, which had grown a lot in the past months, was left to open fall to her shoulders in soft waves, making her look easily beautiful. She's having scrunchies, loads of them, wrapped on her left wrist, saving them for the moment they'd desperately need them. There was almost no make-up on her face, except for concealer and water-proof mascara she just knew would still make her look like a depressed clown, water-proofed or not.

She was running around, wild like a chicken without a head, packing last needed things into the huge army bag.

Katie on the other hand was more styled than her girlfriend.

Really short denim _shorts _(not a skirt), barley covering her bum had been hanging round her waist perfectly, she had thrown over some track suit trousers when Bence had almost paled seeing her. A black bikini top was all she was wearing upwards. Her skin was just as tanned as Naomi's thanks to the amazing weather they got to enjoy that summer. When the blonde had seen her walk out of the bathroom looking the way she did it's made her drool. Her hair was pinned loosely up with seemingly random locks (which probably took more time than Naomi's whole outfit). The dark purple, almost blackish hair colour Katie had changed back to gave her the familiar seducing look Naomi could have died for. Katie's feet were covered in heavy dark biker boots, the only alternative to high-heels, whereas Naomi simply had slipped into her battered pink Chuck's with the funny colourful laces.

"Mother! Are you listening to me? You need to put on a jumper!"

Swatting away the ugly, dark green jumper Bay was holding up Katie tutted once before storming into the kitchen to get the drinks ready.

"She's ignoring me." The girl exclaimed, not impressed with her mothers' behaviour. "They're acting like children Bence, we should make them stay home. Quick, faint!"

Naomi stroked Bay's unruly locks, which never stayed the way they'd managed to tame them after a long fight, and she chuckled. Kissing her daughter's scowling face Naomi grinned. "He's not fainting. Didn't keep us from going to that concert and it wont make us stay in today. Have you packed everything you need? Remember, _three_ _days_ Bay and you wont be driven round back home whenever you decide you want to play with something you've forgotten."

Grumbling the young girl glared at her mother before making her way up the stairs into her room to check if she'd forgotten something. Bence needed only the typical brow-raised 'are-you-sure-_you've_-got-everything?' look to follow his sister with much more enthusiasm.

When the kids were gone for a moment Katie walked back in from the kitchen with shining eyes, pouncing on Naomi the very second she was close enough. Not hesitating, Naomi stretched her fingers out along Katie's bare back, pulling her close with a moan while they're tongues battled.

They were interrupted, some time later, by the kids' disgusted barfing noises and the door bell.

Katie placed her forehead against Naomi's and smiled, leaning up to kiss her nose softly, it made it crinkle. "Love you."

"Love you too."

And it was the truth, it's always been the truth and Naomi was sure it'd always stay the truth. She'd always love Katie from the bottom of her heart, that she was sure of.

"We'll be fine, wont we? It wont be strange."

But Naomi's crocked brow and smirk told her that it was nothing but wishful thinking. "Oh baby, it'll be the strangest shit we will ever have to go through. But we need it, need to do it, it's 'bout time. And what better place than the fucking bestest festival on that part of the world?" Katie nodded into the kiss the blonde planted on her lips.

Excited voices and laughter made them lock eyes a last time before they nodded and turned around to greet their visitors. Katie's voice was strained, showing how terrified she was of the outcome of that weekend, even if her appearance and posture tried to lie. "Hi I'm Katie. You must be Lee. I've heard loads, all good of course."

The pretty American girl smiled brightly at the twin and shook her head enthusiastically. "Your accent is so cute and that lisp, gosh, I love your voice. Effy's told me all about you too. Cant say I wasn't scared shitless of finally meeting you." All of a sudden Katie was pulled into a bear hug, almost squashed. Her relieved laugh boomed through the house and Naomi smiled, glad that Lee had managed to defuse the situation with her happy-self.

When they finished the hug-fest, stopped gushing and complimenting one another, Lee squealed in delight, jumping Naomi. The blonde laughed and pulled the girl close, so happy that they'd made it back home after so long.

Lee was the one to pull away first. Her eyes locked on Effy's and then she looked so fucking gently at her, nodding encouragingly at her girlfriend. Next thing, the beautiful brunette's smirk transformed into that loving smile Naomi had grown to love over the shared time they'd spent together. "Come're." Whispered the blonde, already opening her arms and stretching them out invitingly. Effy sauntered over, her smile matching Naomi's in both, happiness and relief when she was tightly enveloped into a loving embrace. "God I miss you." Was whispered hoarsely against Naomi's cheek before warm lips pressed to hers for a hello kiss.

Naomi ran her hand through the beautiful mane of her mate, or perhaps rather ex girlfriend, smiling adoringly. "Miss you too babe. Jesus look at you!" Taking Effy's hand she twirled her around in a circle, watching her body admiringly. "You're magnificent."

Katie's cough brought Naomi back to the reality in which it might not have been okay to be that happy about Effy's visit. Or how well she looked.

But just when she thought the first fight would be breaking out Katie did something unexpected. She pushed Naomi out of the way with her hip, grinning cheekily afterwards. Then she smiled at Effy, her face void of any hatred or anger, instead it was filled with curiosity and vulnerability. "She's right. You're a right cow, not one fucking wrinkle on your stupid doll face. How's that fair?"

To Naomi unknown, the words meant the world for the girls and her eyes almost popped out when Effy darted forwards to slam herself at Katie in a huge hug.

* * *

"_So like, you fancy me, yeah? But, you know, I'm not a muff-muncher babe. So, I don't know, could you maybe stop sulking now? It's not a big deal, you being a Lezza isn't. Ems' so gay she's a right gay-lord, how that stupid bitch still thinks she's straight is beyond me. Whatever. So like, you should stop now." Finishing her pep-talk with a proud smile, happy with her words of wisdom she turned to her sister who was glaring at her. _

"_Well done Katie. She's so gonna come out of that fucking cubicle now. Why don't you say instead" her voice went an octave deeper and she turned on that typical Katie lisp before continuing, "'Oh Effy? You're like, desperately in love with me? Huh, well not gonna happen. Come out and watch me throw myself at the next best bloke, it's gonna be soooo much fun babes." Katie punched her sister's shoulder with a scowl, not liking the implication. _

"_Stop it. You know I'd go for her if I were gay, who wouldn't?" She was interrupted by two girls asking them to get their weird mate out of that toilette, the queue was out of control because of Effy. "Just snog her already or piss off, will you? We're tired of listening to your annoying lisp." _

_The doorknob was turned then and out came a dangerously smiling Effy. She was heading straight for the girl that had still her mouth open, the one that had insulted Katie, and when she was in front of her she stopped. "I'd suggest you fuck off now." _

_Seeing that they'd insulted Effy Stonem's mate the girls hurried off without another word. One glance was enough for the other girls lingering in the restroom to leave as well. When everyone was gone Katie sighed, a gentle smile on her lips. "You're a cow. If they'd only know you wouldn't hurt a fucking fly, your mean-girl act wouldn't work. You are just what you are, Eff. The most amazing person walking this planet with a face like a doll." She let the brunette hug her, sighing contently when she smelled the familiar berry body lotion. "But if you try fighting my battles one more time I'll break it, got it? Into a million little porcelain pieces." _

_Effy shook her head, chuckling softly when her lips pressed to Katie's. She didn't need to tell Katie that 'her' battles always involved the twin protecting Effy._

* * *

Lee's worried eyes found Naomi's, but the blonde wasn't worried. She was leaning on the wall, a happy, relieved expression on her face, eyes shining. "World's back in order, then." But Lee kept throwing hesitating glances at her girlfriend, or rather Katie who was standing motionless, paralysed, in Effy's arms. "Ya think? She looks like she's having a stroke." It was so random, and said so concerned that Naomi sputtered out something between a shriek and giggles.

That got Effy's attention, who had been basking in Katie's personal bubble she so carelessly invaded. Her eyes locked on Naomi's, a thin line of worry forming between her brows, she silently asked if she should run for her life. "Right." Katie's voice brought them back to reality and three different shades of blue watched her curiously. "Effy's still got a problem with boundaries then. Told you."

And another sigh of relief flooded through Naomi and she reached out, grasping Katie's track suit trousers when she pulled her into a quick kiss. "Love you." Was breathed against the twin's smiling lips, making her beam when she returned the snog. "I know. I'm pretty amazing." Dodging Naomi's slap to her bum Katie cackled, shaking her head. "Love you too."

Bence, when he saw that his mother wasn't in the middle of something important like finally making peace with Effy, tugged on her arm. "Hey ma, that's Peyton. Look, she's so cute and she talks funny." He pointed at the little dark haired girl that looked like she would end up in a lotta trouble, on a daily basis. Katie smiled and hunched down so she'd be on eye-level with the grinning girl. Patting her wild hair the twin smiled, glad to see that someone else's daughter was just less a girl as hers was. "Hiya sweet, you know, I really love your name. Peyton's my favourite character ever."

"Mine too." Smiled the girl, showing off her missing front teeth. "Mom knew I'd be just as awesome." Laughing Katie couldn't help herself, she had to squeeze the girl's cheeks.

A horrified gasp was heard and then Effy was physically prying off Katie's fingers of the poor girl , shaking her head. "You stop that, right now. You're not an old bint out to scar kids for life." To dramatise her statement Effy had hugged Peyton to her body, a protecting hand stroking her head comfortingly.

The way Peyton was comfortably snuggling in Effy's side, smiling so big she could have lighten up a whole town had Katie watch the scene with an awe struck expression. But Effy's content, almost chuffed eyes were making it hard to believe. Obviously the brunette had found a cure for her broken soul. Being in love and caring for another human being who was depending on her to stay alive did the trick. "You said hi to Naomi?" Murmured the brunette lowly, her lips leaving a kiss on the girl's wild locks.

She laughed then when Peyton ripped free and smashed into a surprised Naomi who, just barley, managed to keep her balance.

Katie's gushing sounds and so easily to read eyes made Naomi shook her head vehemently. "No way, _no_. They're perfect size now, I wont be changing nappies all night long again. Get it out of your head woman." A finger pointed at Katie when she wouldn't stop the wishful expression but Naomi stood her ground, _not another child._

They weren't healed enough for that, it'd again be only an plaster, nothing more and she was enjoying the kids being in school now and them having a life of their own again. They could go out, see films, go on festivals, yeah even travel if they wanted to. She didn't want to give it up again. They were still kinda young, could still do what they wanted, she didn't want another baby taking up all the time. Perhaps it was finally the time to be selfish, she wasn't ready to share Katie again. She'd shared her from day one, of course, but it was fine and not changeable. Now it was. And perhaps in a couple years it'd be worth another thought, but not at the moment. "Lets talk about it in five years, yeah?"

And that answer was the best she could have given, because Katie was smiling so fucking brightly Naomi was ready to carry the child herself. Right away.

Nine months had passed since their return back to the UK, back then when Katie's freedom had been on stack and nothing had looked anywhere close to okay.

Bence was hitting puberty, almost twelve years old and a right twat he was making their life miserable. But that was fine, they enjoyed 'normal' problems more than anything. He was in love, met a girl and was all over the moon but she didn't really care about him. They weren't sure she knew he existed.

Bay was the most energetic human being on the planet. She'd have lessons for everything, only get home when the sun set and was out again before it could rise. She was good in school, had fun, so they didn't see a problem in it. They were glad really, seeing other kids and their faces hidden behind various displays all day long they supported the kids being outside when it wasn't raining. That's how they had grown up and both remembered their childhood filled with adventures and fun, no xbox, wii, playstation 5003, or dsis. Sure, the kids had all that, but were only allowed to play on the weekends or when the weather was shit. Even then they always found something better to do. Making music for example. They'd be up the attic and play for hours, practising something only they could tell what it was.

And Katie and Naomi?

They had looked for help. It's taken them countless tears and angry words, too much was there to work through but at the end they'd managed to find some common ground. Naomi's therapy was over, she had accepted that death was unstoppable and that even if you lost someone you thought you couldn't live without, it's proofed that sadly, that's bullshit. You do live on, even when the person's gone. That had taken her the longest to grasp.

Katie would be in therapy for much longer, there was too much anger bottled up and temper breaks deep inside of her which had been there since her childhood. They'd found out loads that she had gone through, which no child should ever _know_ about, let alone live through. Lets just say that they had cleared away the dung, remodelling their social web and kicked out a few family members of the Fitch clan without sparing it a second thought. Of course that wasn't the whole reason for Katie's behaviour, but it had brought piece for piece up for her to become that violent and angry person.

"You ready babe?" Asked Katie, absently kissing Naomi's head as she took the coolers which were filled with drinks. "Yeah. Yeah I am. Kids!" Naomi's yell made them barge back into the sitting room, three cheeky grins in check. "You've packed everything?"

"And who are they staying with again?" Lee asked, smiling at everyone.

Katie liked her instantly, she was a happy person, something Effy really needed. "Tony. He's always watching them, since the day we got to London, really. He loves having them round, and more importantly they think that he lets them get away with everything." Winking the twin explained the weird situation. She had always liked Tony's easy-going attitude when it's about the kids.

She never would've guessed that he'd be her favourite babysitter but like everyone, he had changed after Bence was born.

He had grown from the careless, macho, always high wanker to an honest, caring man.

"Will I meet him? Cant wait to finally see your famous brother." The pretty newcomer smiled at Effy, her dimples making all of them grin back at her. The beautiful brunette in question shrugged, her eyes looking to the door which opened, as if by magic.

Tony came in, his face set in that permanent smirk. First he made a beeline for Katie, hugging the hell out of her. When his hand ran over her bum though, Naomi swatted his shoulder. "Mind not groping my girlfriend?"

"Awe, don't think I've got nothing left for you blondie." Then his arms were around her, twirling her and almost making them trip. After she struggled free and kissed his cheek with a knowing grin he turned around, gasping when his eyes landed on Lee.

Falling to his knees he took her hand, looking up into her eyes with a bright smile. "Finally, fucking finally someone who makes my sister smile again." Kissing her hand his usually smug expression was nothing but welcoming and happy. "Tell your parents a big thanks for shagging that night and making you, they've no idea how much this means for the world."

"Leave her alone, you tosser. You're making her uncomfortable." Effy's velvet voice interrupted another praise he was bombarding Lee with. His eyes twinkled and after grinning at a laughing Lee, who was finding the word tosser and hearing Effy's 'British-slang' very amusing, he got up and had his sister in his arms instantly. Whispering how glad he was that she was back.

Effy teared up, understanding the meaning of the sentence he muttered into her ear. She kissed his cheek and smiled brightly, pointing to Peyton with a raised brow.

He gasped again, letting go of Effy as he grabbed the girl and threw her in the air, making her laugh. "There you are, in flesh and blood. Brilliant. You know what this means, don't you?"

Peyton nodded her head excitedly, a little bounce in her steps. She remembered the promises he'd made every time they had skyped. "Fun days, junk food and rule-less playing."

Lee looked to Effy with a raised brow, asking her who the bigger kid was, her little daughter or her girlfriend's brother.

"Right. While you're off being a toddler and have the kids watch you we'll send you pictures of fun you're missing out on." Naomi teased when she emerged from somewhere with another bag in her hands.

They said their goodbyes, lots of hugging and kissing and promises not to annoy the parents. "Please, please baby-Bay." Naomi begged, hugging the giggling girl to her side. "Please don't call if no one's in danger of dying. We'll call you every night to say goodnight but that's it. We're having some adult-time. Okay?"

"Yes mum, for the tenth time. We wont be clingy."

"Promise?"

"I promise. But you've to promise not to run round naked, with weird permanent marker on your boobies." Rolling her eyes Naomi shook her head, not believing how she could had forget to let the pictures of her teenager time disappear. Of course two curious, snooping brats would find them and bring it up every chance they'd get.

"Are you meeting Emily and her girlfriend there?"

All eyes were on Tony, watching him with equal incredibility. Surrendering with his hands in the air the man shook his head, flipping his sister's ear. "You should meet up with her, it'll do you both good. She'll be there."

"That's what I said but she wont listen." Mumbled Lee, rolling her eyes good-naturally. Redundantly, Effy smiled and stood on her tippy-toes, kissing her girlfriend. "That's right I wont."

"Come on, get your stuff and go. We're about to start our awesome time, parents need to be gone." Tony grinned, shooing the girls away after giving each a peck on the cheek.

Naomi packed the last bags into the back of the van, then she made her way to the open slide door where the others sat on the floor and smoked. She smiled at Effy, who was leaning on the car-doors edge with her spine, her legs pulled under her chin as she watched Lee and Katie talk. They were sitting on the car-floor, Katie with her back on the middle seats row and Lee mirroring Effy's position, only her legs were stretched out and wrapped round Effy's shins.

Naomi couldn't believe how well the scary meeting had started, she could only hope it'd stay that way and they'd have fun instead of nerve-wrecking fights and constant battles. Her hand reached for Effy's neck where she softly curled her fingers and tugged lightly on her locks, gaining the girl's attention who looked up at her through her huge sunglasses. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Sit with me?"

A gentle smile, forming slowly out of the smirk was her answer and she smiled back, tugging on the hair again with a chuckle. "Lets go then. Babe, you okay with Lee in the back?"

But Katie didn't hear her, she was too busy and deep in the conversation about hair products to care. So Naomi rolled her eyes and leaned in, getting an absent-minded kiss from Katie who kept talking like she didn't notice she'd kissed her girlfriend.

"Up or down?"

Naomi smirked, shaking her head. "Up, but later. Not gonna lose my license now Kay's using me as her driver."

"You take Effy up front, yeah darling? Lee's telling me about hair products that'll make my hair shine. My beautiful hair. She's said I've got the _prettiest_. Cool, huh?" Effy and Naomi looked at one another, bursting out in giggles.

"Yeah, cool. Up or down? Effy's sorted us out." Katie grinned, pulling the blue-eyed girls in the car. She slammed the huge, rolled door shut and opened her mouth demonstratively. Naomi shrugged when Effy's brows raised, telling her to do whatever.

Instead of smacking their lips together though Effy opted on something else, her eyes shining when she grabbed Naomi's shoulders and pushed her onto the middle seat bench. "Keep your head down." Then the powder was fished out of her bra and she made six lines all across the naked parts of Naomi's skin. Three on her tummy, one on her chest, just above her heart and another one on her pulse-point. The last one was the worst and made Naomi shake, chocking on laughter. It was covering the very last bit of her tummy, under her hips, where Effy had pulled down the waistband of her tiny shorts.

Blue eyes shot open and locked on Katie's, scared the girl might freak out after all but she was proven wrong. The twin was very much enjoying what Effy had created, her eyes were glued to the lines she had already picked as she licked her lips hungrily. "Lee, you go first baby." The brunette handed her girlfriend a note and smiled encouragingly when she saw that the American was hesitating. "It's fine, she wont bite. And Katie's well in her own world, don't worry."

"Yeah just get on with it, yeah? Don't have all day to sit and stare." Muttered the twin absently, her voice husky as her index finger, the tip of it, softly tickled its way down Naomi's face to her throat. "Just do it."

Lee met Naomi's eyes, asking her if she was really fine with it, which made the blonde laugh again. "Oh, that was so funny Kay. Every time, in America, every girl we were with or even flirted with was staring at us, like all deeply and trying to read our soul if we're okay with everything. _All the fucking time_. When we're in bed I'm not watching you all the time, wondering if you're okay with this and that, am I?."

"Which time? In America." Was Katie's slow answer, fearing the worst.

"With Ginia."

"Oh okay." Then the twin laughed at Lee's confused expression. "Naomi's a true America fan. She loves all the stereotypical behaviour and made it her mission to find out if they're all true. Turns out most of'em are."

"Like what?" Wanted Lee to know, finding the topic interesting and not as awkward as the silence when she's supposed to snort up the powder of a beautiful blonde's body. While she listened to the explanation her two lines vanished up her nose.

"Like," Naomi started, giggling when the powder was sucked away, "the are-you-my-girlfriend talk, are-we-official-or-only-dating thing, can-I-kiss-you question after the first date which, sadly is also true. You're actually making a huge deal out of asking a girl out. Even when you're together, then it's all like; would you go to a movie with me? What, you mean, like, like a _date_? Giggle giggle. Everything we saw on the films we've tried out and it's actually true."

"So how do you know if you're together when you don't ask?" The question was making loads of sense to the American girl, not to the others though who watched her like she'd grown another head.

"Uh, we just know." Said Katie, confused. "Same with the official thing. There's no such thing like not-official. Dating, as you do it, we call whoring around."

"What Katie's done." Effy grinned, but Katie ignored the rude teasing and continued. "When you're with someone, going out, being with them, you're not with others. You don't have to talk about it, it's obvious."

"Yes," Nodded Effy, laughing when her girlfriend threw her head back and made the very attractive noises one does after snorting lines, "we've to talk about it if we _want_ to see others though. Let's take us, we're together. If you'd have asked me if I was seeing others while I'm with you I'd have been offended because of course I wasn't. If I still had a girlfriend and met you, then I'd have told you. Or if I only wanted a loose affair, open relationship, shagging mates thing. But, I don't know we just know."

"That's weird. And you just go and kiss her after a date? Without knowing if she wants it?"

"Well, if she enjoyed the date as much as I did and stayed till the end I'm not _asking_ for a kiss. I'm asking her back to mine for drinks and a shag against my mother's pub's wall in bright daylight." Was Naomi's cheeky response, which got her a slap to the shoulder from her blushing girlfriend. "Sorry babe. I mean, we're all adults aren't we? Besides, then as a teenager, who was patient enough to ask and wait and shit? No one. You knew. You knew if she didn't want to. You _feel_ it. And if she doesn't want to kiss you at the end of a date you really should stop bothering, clearly you're not on the same page then."

"Or she's a virgin." Piped Lee, but again all she got were weird looks. "You do have virgins, right?"

"It's a legend." (Effy)

"Myth." (Naomi)

"Always a lie." (Katie)

"Oookay." Grinning Lee asked for more things Naomi had found out. Before she could respond, Effy dipped her head and was snorting a line from her neck, shutting her up right away. Naomi's eyes shot opened again, scared Katie might get the wrong impression but her girlfriend was cool, still staring at the line by her waistband line.

"Fucking _finally_."

Katie smirked at Naomi dangerously.

Her left leg was on the floor, the right between Naomi's as she hovered above her, looking up at her from the spot by her waist. The blonde gulped loudly, her mouth all dry as she tried to swallow. "Stop fucking teasing."

"As you wish."

The line was gone, very deliberately slowly and then lips pressed to the place. Katie's tongue poked out and the tip of it ran over the area the powder had been on, before ending the torture with another kiss. Then she moved up, doing the same to the one above Naomi's heart, but her teeth tugged on the skin there as she sucked, trying to leave a love-bite.

Without her allowing it Naomi's hands tangled in Katie's locks, pulling her closer and pushing her tit up into her mouth.

"Think I'm driving then." Was Effy's sarcastic comment, it made Katie pull away with a filthy grin a she licked her lips teasingly. She took Naomi's neck and helped her up, pulling on it until they were both kneeing on the floor and she could kiss her. Sighing. "God I love you."

"I know." Whispered Naomi, a huge smile on her lips. "You grew on me too."

"Oi!" Laughed Katie, attacking Naomi's lips again.

"We know you're in love now, for the whole wide world to see but could we, perhaps, get going? Don't wanna get the spot five miles from the entrance." Effy teased, brow raised. Naomi's eyes found hers then and she smiled. "We've got a reservation."

"Yeah, but when we don't get there before Sunday they'll give it away to someone else."

* * *

"Yeah I don't think so." Scoffed Katie with saucer eyes. They were scanning the area impatiently but, with a sigh, she had to accept that she was lost. "Listen, me shagging anything with a tiny Biro cock is as rare as rocking horse shit so I'd really appreciate if you stopped grabbing my tits."

The young man didn't stop though, instead he pushed his front flush against Katie's back, encircling her waist with his huge, hairy, bear arm. His lips, leaving a strong beer smell in Katie's nose, were pressed to her ear and he wetly whispered into it, thinking he's being sexy.

She was far gone, not getting his attempts at being a perfectly painted high Adonis, her eyes were still flickering from face to face.

"You're sure? I'll show you a good time, promise princess."

"Don't call me that."

"No idea what kind of blokes you've shagged but gotta tell you, mine's anything but a tiny Biro babe. Come on, tent's over there." He was leading her towards the green, slowly, still all pressed up against her.

His smirk grew, lips detaching from her neck he thought she was getting excited. As soon as he had seen her, her arms stretched out as she kept circling her body around, he knew she'd be a sure thing. Knowing she was all talk, he was convinced she'd be all over him as soon as he'd get his tongue down her throat. Of course he's trying to get her away from the open space, not at all in the mood to have a jealous boyfriend play knight in shining armour and defend her honour. She's well into him.

"Having fun there, stony?" A raspy voice asked and he raised his head, smiling charmingly. Perhaps it was his lucky day. If the other girl's up for it too, he wouldn't mind taking care of them both.

"Yeah, my girlfriend's overdid it a bit."

"Has she now."

"Yes. What you're doing here all by yourself? We've still got room in my tent, don't we babes?"

"Hm, I don't know. You haven't told me your names and you expect me to just run along? Also, I want what she's had, wanted to get flying today anyway."

His smile didn't falter, instead he pushed his hand out and brought the girl in to whisper, _sexily_, in her ear. "It's Matt and that's Amber, my girlfriend. Got tons of pills in my tent, just come with us. We'll show you a good time." He promised, pressing a kiss to her ear but she flinched away with a grimace.

"Right. That was fun and all but" She pried Katie out of his grasp through his protests, "this is actually my girlfriend's twin, very gay twin who's _girlfriend_ should be round and wont be happy with you trying to fucking oblivion-rape her. So get your fucking hands off of her before I break them, you dirty little shit." By then Bex had pushed Katie behind her, glad that the girl hugged her, so she wouldn't be gone after she was done with him.

"Bex! I remember you! You're Ems' girl, wow."

Matt's angry eyes were hard, his jaw set when he straightened his back and pushed himself up to tower above the petite girl. Obviously trying to intimidate her. Before he could get a word out though Bex' fired the next words at him, full of venom. "And her name's Katie, you sick pervert. If you don't run along I'm getting security and have you arrested, fucking prick."

"Everything okay?" Asked Naomi's cheery voice when she sauntered over to them, holding two plastic cups. She frowned then, her intoxicated brain trying to figure out who the girl was Katie was hugging and giggling into the ear of.

Bex realised her dilemma and smiled, her eyes darting back to the bloke. "Bex, Emily's girlfriend. Found Katie and thought I'd watch her til you get back so she wont get kidnapped and raped by sick perverts." She explained, smiling, before scowling at Matt again.

Naomi, not that stupid in her fogged mind, needed a moment to process the words and understand the meaning but when she did, her hand shot out and she smiled sweetly. He was covered in sticky, red liquid, from head to toe. It was all over his naked torso and his face was priceless. She shook her head, reaching out for Katie who, without a second thought, slammed into her, giggling uncontrollably. "Darling! Look who's found me, it's Emily's Bex." She pointed, Matt long forgotten, well, the tiny bit where she actually had known he existed. "She's here! Glastonbury. What're the chances!"

"Coachella babe." Grinned Naomi, shutting Katie up with a long, over-the-top sensual kiss. When they finished her blue eyes searched the area but Matt was gone, never to be seen again by them. "So I cant leave you for ten minutes without you having a topless bloke hanging off your arm then, huh? Guess I'll have to chain you to me." She waved the handcuffs she's bought at one of the tents, smirking at a laughing Katie who gave her wrist to Naomi instantly.

While she chained her girlfriend to herself, Katie's right to her left hand, Naomi smiled gratefully at Bex who was standing a bit awkwardly by their side. "Thanks, who knows what'd have happened if you weren't there to stop him."

"You're welcome love, couldn't let him drag her away now could I? I'd have looked well dumb if she were actually _with_ him but I thought the chances were pretty slim and even if she had suddenly had a lapse of taste she'd tell me. So all good." She was stalling, nervously flickering her eyes left right and centre, making Naomi raise a brow knowingly.

"So Ems around?"

"What? Oh, well you know how it is."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, yeah." Naomi nodded, a drunken smile on her face when Katie groaned, placing her head to her shoulder. She was bored and hot. "Right. So we'll be off then." Bex smiled again, patting a closed-eyed Katie's head and waved, leaving in the other direction.

"Now to you." Mumbled Naomi when she kissed the top of Katie's head, leading them to the centre where the tents were.

* * *

"I didn't need to see that!" Shrieked Katie, nursing her beer bottle with a pout.

She was sitting on their 'bed'.

Effy and her girlfriend had a small tent for themselves, put it up right by the bully van Naomi and Katie were camping in. They'd pulled out the last two rows of seats and placed a mattress in the empty spot. The remaining row was covered in clothes, make up, bottles and can food while the first bench, where the driver was sitting, acted as the space for the coolers with food.

"I'm sorry Katie."

"Fuck off." Glared the twin at her former best mate before her eyes set on a chuckling Naomi who could hardly suppress her laughter. "And you stop laughing. It's not funny. I'm scarred for life."

Naomi nudged Katie's shoulders with hers, leaning on her as she drank her cider out of a can. "Relax babe. Nothing you haven't seen before."

"Excuse me!" Katie's outraged. "I've never watched Effy go down on a girl before, thanks very much. How much of a big fat perv do you think I am? She was my sister's girlfriend and I was staying well away from that."

The blonde chuckled again, if anything she was finding the situation hilarious but she could understand that, for Katie, it might have been a pretty strange sight to see. On their mattress. They had gone out to charge their phones and get fags but when they got back their van had been occupied by Effy and Lee. Sure, she could think of nicer things to see than her own ex have sex with her current girlfriend, but since she wasn't in love with Effy or anything it didn't matter. The situation made her laugh instead.

"I cant count the times I've seen you go down on a random macho wanker, see me complaining? Just see it as payback and we're good." Smirked Effy, not bothered by her old mate's obvious discomfort. Her girlfriend though, Lee, was shrinking further into the seats, trying to vanish from sight.

"You were warned! You knew when I was shagging them and you barged in anyway. I cam into my van, minding my own business, expecting to find nothing but our stuff and got to see your bird's lady bits with your head clutched between her thighs. How that's us being even is beyond me."

Effy simply rolled her eyes and giggled into her hiding girlfriend's ear when she kissed her head.

Naomi looked at her watch and smirked, she had been waiting for that moment since the minute they'd got the tickets months earlier. Effy saw the expression and mirrored the excitement, getting to her feet she rummaged around looking for something.

The other girls watched their girlfriends with curious expressions, all embarrassment forgotten. "Naomi? What's up?" Enquired Katie. She wanted to know what got her girlfriend all bouncy and eye-shining.

Instead of responding Naomi's reached for Katie's hand and pulled her up while she stuffed things into her bag. Effy did the same and then they were marching up towards the third stage. Shortly before reaching it the girls stopped, as many others did too, and Naomi smiled so fucking brightly at Katie that the twin almost feared another proposal might come.

The blonde grinned when Effy pulled a sleeveless shirt over Lee's surprised face, tugging it into place. Naomi did the same and Katie's eyes widened when she saw what was written, in neon pink letters on them. "OH my god." Before another word could leave her lips her head was covered by a bright green balaclava with cut out eyes and lips. "Perfect." Smiled Naomi and kissed the open lips of a very shocked Katie who didn't have time to react to all of it.

When she turned to the other girls she shook her head.

Of course Effy'd have her own style, she thought when her eyes saw that hers had the top cut out too so her mane was falling over the red material. Lee's was blue and when Katie moved to see Naomi again, finished dressing herself, she chuckled. Leaning in to kiss her again Katie smiled at her black material covered face. They wore the same shirts, black ones with pink letters and no sleeves and when they made their way towards the end of the crowd, lighting fags and waiting Katie looked around.

She was in awe. There were hundreds of people wearing the masks and shirts, just chatting, drinking and waiting.

She was no idiot, being with Naomi there was no chance to escape such a topic, even if she tried.

It made her feel like she was doing something important, worthy, when she stood in between all those faceless people for the same cause.

A few trees were not far away and they made their way over after making sure they'd hear good enough from over there. Naomi was the first one to climb it, she got up to the second branch and pulled Effy up.

Katie got up to the first one, leaning on the huge tree with her back. Effy's girlfriend stayed on the ground, not trusting the old thing to keep them upright. It didn't matter, as soon as the bass drum started its rhythmic battle beat Lee was desperately making her way up so she'd see better. The girls were pulling her up as good as they could. In the end it was Katie who was holding her waist and got her up her branch where they stood on their feet, holding onto the tree (Katie) and the branch above (Lee). Naomi and Effy were sitting, their legs dangling on the other one's girlfriend's shoulders, excitement buzzing out of every pore.

When she came on stage, wearing a green balaclava herself they cheered loudly, yelling along the words from the bottom of their hearts and back of their throats.

_**"FREE. PUSSY. RIOT!"**_

**"Church and state- SEPERATE**

**Shoot out flare for the punk**** pra****yer!"**

**"_Anarchist_!"**

**"**_**Feminist**_**!"**

_**"What we need!"**_

_**"FREE. PUSSY. RIOT!"**_

_**"Put Putin on a stick and play burn the witch!"**_

_**"So poor- so rich!"**_

_**"Seven year itch!"**_

**_"Putin: Pussy Riot wont eat shit!"_**

**_"I love you- I don't care!"_**

**_"I love you- It's not fair!"_**

**_"I love you-Anarchy."_**

**_"Silver-screen!"_**

**_"Bitch is a bitch is a bitch is a bitch"_**

**_"Patriotical shit!"_**

When it was over Naomi almost came crashing to the ground because of their enthusiastic madness when the riff had started and the old clip of the church performance was shown. Peaches then started going on about equality, gender freedom, GLBT rights, democracy and dictatorship, the girls had both tears of hope and happiness as well as tears of sadness in their eyes.

Katie couldn't understand how that was possible. How in our time, the 21 century for fuck's sake, a country could be that far behind from the common laws and freedom of speech and opinion. Her eyes almost bulged out when Peaches said something about the law suit against Madonna who had asked her fans in Russia to raise their hands, with pink bracelets, to show their support for homosexuality. "They sued her for 10.5 Million dollars. See how dangerous a person with a thinking mind is? They try shutting them down with a good 11. Million Dollars."

* * *

"_One thinking person is enough to start a revolution Katie." Naomi once had explained after the twin wanted to know what the big deal about the naked Russian girls was. "Their own fault when they get naked and run into a church in that country" Her girlfriend had set her straight, explained how they hadn't stripped, how they hadn't even had time to really perform because they were escorted out. _

"_Why are they in jail then?"_

"_Because it's a one man dictatorship and a person who's open minded and thinking is dangerous. "_

"_Why? They're just three young girls."_

"_One thinking person is enough to start a revolution Katie." She had smiled at the confused looking girl, showing her clips on Youtube. _

"_OH my god, is that a frozen chicken? I wouldn't want Bence or Bay to have to see that when we're shopping. No wonder people are shocked and angry." Naomi had taken her time to explain everything. She didn't want to slam her own opinion on Katie, she wanted her to understand why it was important what they did and why it's important that they wouldn't apologise and back down. _

"_Me neither. I don't want to see that either Kay. But, we've got the choice. Just think back, in what kind of country would we be living if people hadn't gone out, naked, screaming for justice and equality. If women hadn't burned their bras, hadn't demanded the choice of abortion and a voice."_

"_Yeah, I get that darling. But that's what, 50 years ago. Why are they going nuts now?"_

"_Because this is their revolution. While we were going forwards they stayed in place under everything that's not democracy. They are standing up, realising that they are more than bearer of men's children. They are human beings, no less than the best man."  
_

"_What? Like, they cant vote and stuff?"_

"_Their opinion doesn't matter. It's forbidden to support gays in Russia, just think what a danger a powerful woman could be for them. Pussy Riot are not the three girls in the camps, pussy riot is what we are. It's what we're allowed to be and they should fucking be as well. It's what the 60's, 70's were for us. The 'riot grrrl' movement in the 90's. Everything that gave you and me a voice and Bay the chance to choose who and what she wants to be. They deserve it too and finally the first stone's thrown. There's no turning back now, you'll see the world will follow that lead. So no, I don't want to see anyone fuck a frozen chicken either, but they don't to it for the sexual pleasure, not to fuck a frozen chicken and get off. They do it to be heard. If that's what they have to do to have a voice, burning crosses and storming churches? Give your fucking best and be as loud as you can." _

_Katie had asked Naomi if there was any chance they could help, personally. After loads of searching and phone calls with strangers Naomi finally had found a person who was collecting money for the girls' families so they were able to survive and help their loved one who's imprisoned without a fucking reason. They had donated a bit money, knowing that it would never be enough but more than they'd ever given any other organisation which said a lot, since Naomi had always had a soft spot for good causes. They felt it was their right as well as responsibility to support Pussy Riot and everything they represent. _

_They represent the Western way of living, the freedom to think and speak and to fucking be._

_And the Western world owed it to support, scream and get naked for them._

* * *

It was Katie's first political thing she went to, the gig of Peaches with the balaclavas was and as she stood there, screaming her lungs out into cameras and people's faces she knew she was free.

That thought did it. She couldn't help herself, fishing out her lipstick she pushed into Lee's hands she had never felt more free than when she stripped off her shirt and showed the world her tits with the same demand. A huge grin broke out on her face when a camera ran to them and set on her before it went upwards to film a topless Effy with the words:

I'm Pussy Riot

Of course hers was painted with permanent marker and carefully applied on the hot skin, making them suspect she had done it right after having her shower. And Katie was exploding with something close to awe and pride when she saw her ex best mate stand high above everyone else, silently daring the world to ignore _her, _ignore _her_ opinion.

"Fucking get your hands off of her!" Naomi screamed at the bouncer, trying to pull Katie out of his grasp. "You dirty piece of shit, don't fucking touch them!" Lee and her were desperately trying to get Effy and Katie free from their secure holds as they dragged them away.

Lee was furious.

With a glare that looked ready to kill, through the cut out eyes, she was refusing to take off the stupid balaclava. Running after them and digging her nails into the huge bloke's arms but he wouldn't let go, dragged Effy with him as if the American didn't exist.

Then, all of a sudden, they were let go and pushed forwards, staring wide-eyed into clicking cameras of yelling reporters.

"What's your opinion on Pussy Riot's imprisonment?"

"Are you trying to show your support or seeking attention?"

"How old are you?"

"Do you have family? What will they say seeing you go mental on a Festival?"

The questions kept coming, the stunned girls were speechless, just staring. Snatching her hand out behind her Katie grasped Naomi, knowing she'd be there. Holding her hand, their fingers interlocked, she finally opened her mouth. "What we're doing here, all those faceless people, young old, men and women both, straight, gay, bi and tran, speaks for itself."

"What's your name?"

But Katie shook her head and moved from the flashing lights, thanking Naomi who hastily pulled the shirt over her head. When they turned to do the same to Effy though the girl was standing with her hands on her hips, rambling on about what Putin deserved and how that punishment was unacceptable for what they did.

"If we'd walked into Westminster Abbey, doing what they did, you know what our punishment would have been?" She hissed. "Ban to enter the cathedral for a year and a two hundred dollar fine, if we'd strip off our clothes. Otherwise we would be banned for a year. It wouldn't be in our records, and it fucking certainly wouldn't get us in penal camp. Penal CAMP! What the hell? How can that be still an acceptable punishment for any crime?" Others who were dressed similarly were brought to the reporters and after a few more questions Effy was done, refusing to put on a shirt.

They were making their way back to the van, hyped up, and Katie's words were tumbling over the next as she ranted. How unfair the world was, did Russia even have the fucking power to allow that to happen? And why was Putin ruling the country anyway? "I cant believe the festival's over again. The days went too fast."

Naomi agreed, leaning into Katie by their van, kissing her neck absently as she nodded. "Up or down?" Rolling her eyes the blonde muttered that she's tired and that they should get some sleep.

"Yeah, right. You go sleep we'll look for fun people." Laughed Katie, kissing Naomi's forehead gently. "You're really knackered darling, go take a nap." And she did, while Effy took the girls to a tent a party was being held at Naomi stripped down to her bikini and planted herself above the duvet on the mattress, headphones covering her ears and head.

She knew she couldn't sleep, but laying in trance was better than nothing, and her body needed its rest after days and days of staying awake and under influence.

Feeling her body starting to weight more and more she enjoyed her mind go crazy, thinking in tiny parts of milliseconds about ten things at once. She was so engrossed in her own drug-influanced thoughts that she didn't realise the door being pulled open or someone entering. It took the person to touch her foot for Naomi to jump into a sitting position, eyes wide. "What the fuck!?"

"Hey Nomi, missed me?"


	23. it'll always be there, wont it?

_We might see them have fun more but let's not forget about things that aren't fixed yet, or even argued about. :) So this one's a bit of everything AND please, please PLEASE dont spoil me with what happened in Skins Fire. I'm protesting and wont be watching it. Ever, I hope. _

_MY laptop crashed when I tried watching the livestream...thank god. Someone told me today, I thought he was joking, that Naomi's SPOILER: sick, and that she wants to become a stand up comedian. And effy, well she's whoring up her way through the finance-world of London. Not very surprising, she knows how to live. :) So anyway, I've decided I wont watch it...not when they're fucking up the beautiful ending of the finale. Sometimes, it's better to let things be. Just think about Buffy's last season, Charmed, Scrubs, even Gilmore Girls, One tree hill, or now How I met your mother. No matter how much I adore the shows, why fuck them up and not let them go beautifully? Even if it hurts when a show ends, at least for crazy people who are obsessed with it, I think that I'd rather not watch what has been made now. I'll just remember the awesome finale. _

_:) _

_This one's for Reddawg, loads of things are answered in here and since I've been telling you for days I'll upload: Here it is :) _

_Oh, and btw, of course because of you ;) _

* * *

Naomi's wide eyes were flickering from the girl to the slide-door and back. She was hoping that, by accident, she had fallen asleep and this wasn't really happening. "Katie?!" Was her desperate scream but Katie didn't jump into the van, laughing at her shocked face. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen so Naomi sat up, pulling her knees up to her chin in an ridiculous attempt of covering her almost naked body. "Nope dear, it's Emily."

"I know _who_ you are." Snapped the blonde, glaring. Emily wasn't bothered, she smiled so big that Naomi was sure she had to be high as a fucking satellite. "The fuck are you doing here? I'm busy."

Emily's face changed. It went from overly happy to nasty and mean, her eyes shooting daggers. "Bex told me she's saved you from another baby. Thought I'd stop by to tell you your welcome."

"Fuck off. It wasn't like that. Didn't you hear me? I'm busy. Fuck off."

But Emily only threw her head back and barked out a laugh, having Naomi look away because no matter how angry she was at the twin she'd always get pulled in with that laughter, it was infectious. "Awe, that what you have ta tell yourself, innit? Just fucking accept that Katie's always gonna be into men. How can you live in that oblivion? But I guess you two need ta ignore everything or you'd be well miserable." She shook her head, as if clearing it of the stupid image of her sister liking girls. "And you're busy doing _what_ exactly?"

"_Sleeping, _if you must know. Any reason you've sneaked up on me while I'm _sleeping_ other than being you? A fucking stalker?"

"Actually yes, there is." Plonking herself down next to Naomi Emily leaned against the back-row with her back, turning around so their eyes would meet. "I miss you. And you weren't sleeping babes."

"How the fuck you wanna if I was asleep or not? You know what, forget it and leave me the fuck alone. Don't wanna hear another fucking speech about you knowing me. You've got a girlfriend. Go annoy her." Groaned Naomi and hid her face in her hands, she couldn't deal with this.

Her head was pounding, her mouth was dry and she felt like her jaw would fall off in the morning if she didn't stop clenching it but she couldn't. Typical_ jaw-action _as they were calling it. Sweat was pouring out of her every cell, she had been so relaxed and being pulled out of that state by fucking _Emily_ wasn't something she enjoyed. At fucking all. Even being sober she could think of things she'd rather have the girl do. Fuck off and get lost is a good one. "_Go away._"

"I may have a girlfriend but obviously you forgot that we were amazing mates before you got that massive stick up your arse"

"What the fuck? _How's_ that my fault? You went nuts, obsessing over me like a pathetic middle school girl when you knew I'd never be with you. I love Katie, your _twin_ for Christ's sake. Get it into your fucking napper and stop being pathetic. I'm tired and I wanna be alone, _without you_ so leave." She was whining and felt like her head was gonna explode any minute now, but Emily smiled sympathetically and shook her head, that stupid adoring look on her face.

"You still tell yourself you never fancied me?"

"I _haven't_." Blue eyes were still hidden behind Naomi's hands which were clenching around her head, desperate to block the annoying hobbit out. "Go _awaaaayyyyy_."

"Right, still the biggest sunshine around. You're lucky I always liked your moods, fucking amusing you are..buuuut I'm not here to beg for your love, or for you to finally stop lying to yourself. Even if that were hilarious. I'm here because I want back in."

"Huh? In? Back to...you're having a laugh." And that statement made Naomi's head rise, she was staring at the girl in utter disbelieve. "You've lost it, completely Ems. Leave me the fuck alone with that shite."

"Why not? I'm family Naomi, why the fuck do you get to decide that?"

"I _don't_. _Katie_ wont stand it. And I wont make her, you've done enough." Glaring she kept shaking her head at the stubborn person that had broken so much, things that no one could ever fix again. "We're in a fucking good place now, amazing actually and I wont risk it so you can waltz back in and ruin everything again." Naomi felt like she was stuck in a wrong film, she couldn't believe Emily would still think that way or have the nerve to actually try and sabotage everything. The way she always had. "We're good, _all_ of us are."

"Without me."

"I'm sorry but yes. Can you go now? You're doing my head in."

"You're not sorry." Scoffed Emily, reading Naomi like an open book. "You don't care."

"True, I don't. You wanna know when I stopped? Huh?" She didn't wait for an answer from the surprised girl who actually recoiled at the venom spat at her. "Since you're going to ignore my obvious discomfort and not go anyway I'll tell you. _Christmas_. I stopped caring when everything fell apart and you stood there, willing to take the chances of Katie leaving me and possibly beating Effy to death on the streets. You stood there, in the fucking door with your mum, and _kept_ lying." Sighing Naomi looked away, playing with the scrunchies on her wrist.

Her tone changed, the voice transforming into one that was full of pain and regret. Even if the anger was so great she couldn't ignore the fact that Emily was _Emily_, and that they had been amazing friends before she saw how the girl could truly be.

"I can forgive mistakes Emily, people aren't perfect. That moment showed me how ruthless you can be though, how selfish and how you'd never admit to be at fault even if it means others, _your_ _family_, are going to suffer because of it. That's when I stopped caring, when I knew I'd never again trust you, I'd never have trust _in_ you again. To be honest I trust you only as far as I can throw you and that wont change. I don't want you near me, Katie, Effy or anyone else."

Naomi shook her head at the gaping girl who had never had the chance to talk it out with anyone before. She never had an idea how bad things actually were. "But I'm not the problem here. Katie is. You're her twin and yet you've shaken her up soooo much that she's better off without you. Of course she's missing you, sometimes, on her birthdays or other special days she goes to the bathroom and cries because it hurts so much but she's decided that she cant have you close when there's not the slightest bit of trust left."

"I didn't mean to"

"But you _did _it anyway, didn't you? _You did Emily._ You were standing there, watching her throw everything she's ever loved away because she believed in you. Without a single bit of doubt. I told her that it was you, that you were the reason for all of this, that I was protecting you and her and she didn't even look at you once to see if I was telling the truth. In her head is was clear that it couldn't be, that you'd never do that to her. She went inside because it was so far from what she could grasp, _you_ _betraying_ _her_ that way. And you let it happen. You allowed her life to break, standing there doing nothing even though you were the only one who could." Shrugging Naomi met Emily's wet eyes again, hating that she didn't feel a thing, that all the compassion she would have felt years ago was nothing but a distant memory of someone she once knew and loved. "You fucked up, and I don't think that it's repairable."

Reaching out Naomi grabbed her fags and lit two, handing one to a shocked Emily. "Stop hurting her, stop calling and leaving messages, stop stalking her and stop your weekly visits. Be glad that she's a good person and still lets you see the kids."

"She forgave Effy." Whispered Emily.

Shaking her head Naomi realised she was talking against a wall. It made her angry. Hearing Emily say Effy's name with so much resentment was making her furious. She didn't have the right, she didn't have the fucking right to even say the girl's name after what she's done. "She _didn't_, you idiot. That shows you've no fucking idea what we've been through. She forgave _herself_, she finally after months and months of therapy forgave herself enough to look Effy in the eye again." Spat Naomi at the girl. "Because she knows when she's done something wrong, she knows it and she fucking suffers so much it's killing her. What do you think was the reason she was a bitch to Effy? Making her life hell because of you? She knew she was letting her down, that she couldn't choose her over you, simply because you're _Emily_. But when you've had that choice, the same one, you never chose her. You chose yourself over Katie, every single fucking day over and over again." Her face was enough to make Emily shrink away, the hatred hitting her like a ton of tiny needles. "You chose yourself, killing Effy in the process. You don't expect anyone to forgive you for almost killing her, do you?"

Emily looked away, her face a picture of shame. "So you think that's it then? I should just stop trying to make peace with my _twin_? We're family. We cant be fighting for the rest of our life."

"So? Yes you're family. But that doesn't mean it's special. Your father is family as well and Katie didn't hesitate a fucking moment to kick him out of her life. I think, even if she will ever feel the need to forgive you, it wont be the way it was. Never. She wont trust you. You broke her fucking best friend, her own heart, us and everything else. But I think, when I'm being honest, that she cant forgive you for what you did to Effy. How selfish you've thrown her away like she's a piece of shit."

Their eyes were locked in a glaring contest, neither about to give in or stop the argument. Emily's sadness had transformed into anger she would have been glad to let out on Naomi. "You have no fucking idea so you better shut up. I loved Effy, with all my heart."

"And then you didn't, did ya, love?" She spat with venom. "No, you threw yourself at me like a fucking whore. Breaking her, every day for months. For a fucking year. She was begging you to stay, begging you not to leave her, she'd have done everything for you, you stupid cow. Her heart, her fucking fragile heart was in the palm of your hand and you squeezed it to death."

"People change Naomi, they separate."

Naomi pulled the smoke into her lungs hastily, trying to calm her beating heart. This was getting out of control. "I know. But you didn't. You destroyed her, in the only way possible. How the fuck you expect anyone to trust you again, Katie to trust you again I've no clue."

"But she trusts you, don't she? Why and _how_ can she do that? I mean she knows 'bout the time you barged into my home and snogged the fuck out of me, yeah? That time you'd have shagged me, and yes; I know you'd have been happy to if I hadn't pushed you off."

Naomi's eyes were watching Emily sadly, she couldn't believe the twin would go there and throw up the dirt, not caring what she'd destroy in the process. "What? Stop watching me like I've hurt you, it's me who's hurting Naomi. Not you." Shaking her head Emily looked away, she couldn't keep looking into Naomi's devastated face. "You loved it."

Sighing, Naomi bit her lip, mustering Emily curiously. "Right. Sure, it's not like your hideous, opposite really. I mean you're a spitting image of the woman I love. Of course it's turned me on, my body functions without my heart's okay you know? But...Emily you've to understand that I didn't fancy you, at all. Not to be a bitch but I was missing Katie like crazy, I couldn't breath without her and there you were, attacking me like a piece of meat. When I'd just close my eyes tightly enough I thought I could forget that you're not her."

"That's a lie."

She shook her head at the sad twin, knowing that this must hurt her even now after all the time that's passed. "Except that it's not. I'm sorry, I really, truly am. I never meant for _that_ to happen, never. It was supposed to open your eyes, to stop you obsessing over me when you see that I'm really not that special."

"You've moaned _Katie's_ name."

Naomi flinched at the bitterness hitting her right in the heart. "Of course. What'd you expect? Emily, please tell me what you've expected of me. Were you thinking I'd wake up one day, realise; hey Katie's a huge bitch and not even gay, I'm in love with Emily, have been from the start. Forever and ever." She sighed with a head shake, almost looking like she'd lost her fight. "You...you couldn't really have believed that."

Emily had the decency to look away, not comfortable with the blonde opening her the eyes. "I...I don't know."

"Just think back, think back and tell me what you were expecting me to do. Was I supposed to leave Katie and Bence, and later Bay so I'd be with you?"

"Of course not. I would never want you to leave your children Naomi." She almost sounded offended at the thought.

"Right. So what was the plan? Because I swear by god Ems, I had and still have no fucking idea. And I'm sorry if I didn't treat the problem as I should have, instead I yelled at you and became a huge bitch to you. I should have treated you differently, all the more so _because_ we were amazing friends."

"Why did you treat me badly then?" The question caught Naomi off guard, who stared at Emily, blinking slowly without a thing to say. "Back then, now still, why did you push the hate-Emily button? I've had mates fall in love with me and when I wasn't interested I still treated them the way they deserved. I'd never have acted like a bitch, or be mean on purpose. Hurt them on purpose. Why'd you do that?"

Naomi gulped and looked away, her thoughts twirling. Why had she acted the way she had, the need to hold Emily as far from her as possible? With a groan she realised her mistake. "Ems," She even took the girl's hand to show her that she's serious, locking her eyes with Emily's, "I know it must have looked to you like I couldn't keep you close because I'd be...uh...you know..._tempted_, but that wasn't the reason I promise. I felt, god, I felt disgusted by you. I was fucking grossed out, from the very first moment when I realised you've feelings for me. I felt, dunno, almost like you had betrayed me. It was out of question, never an option for me to actually consider being with you. Not once"

"You couldn't stand me being close to you."

"I couldn't. And I still cant. But now my feelings have changed. There's sooo much anger and sadness now I cant even look at you for longer than a few seconds without wanting to kill you. You're not the person you made us think you were and that hurts. It fucking hurts, okay? And, and I don't want to have anything to do with the person you are." She looked away, running her free hand through her matted hair, the one Emily wasn't clutching like her life depended on it. "There are things you don't mention, you don't _act_ on, even if it's horribly difficult. That's being a grown up. You should've never tried it on with me, it would have made everything different. Even if I knew how you felt about me, but also knew you'd keep your distance and never interfere in my relationship with your sister, because you'd know that you didn't stand a chance, things would be different. But you acted like a fucking twelve year old, thinking this is Hollywood and I have to pick you as well. When I don't and never will."

Emily snatched her hand from in-between Naomi's, glaring dangerously. "You were turned on."

"For fuck's sake Emily let it go."

"You were turned on, just admit it Naomi."

"Yes, like I said earlier, I was trying to pretend you're Katie."

"No, you were turned on by me."

"Emily,"

"_Naomi_!"

The blonde bit her lip, her pounding head making it hard not to slam her head against the van's wall. She shook her head, wondering where her wonderful mate, funny, loving and loyal Emily had fucked off to? She's missing her like hell. "What, what do you want me to say Ems? I wont be with you, even if Katie and I end up separated some day. I wont be with you. I just cant believe what you were thinking back then. Were you really thinking I'd decide that I loved you from the start and took Katie because she looked like you? Please, help me understand this. You owe me that much."

"I never wanted you to leave the kids. And it hurts to hear you say that. I'm not a heartless bitch, Naomi. You're their mum, I know that, and they're my niece and nephew. I wouldn't want them to lose you."

"They never would."

"I know, I wouldn't want that to"

"It doesn't fucking matter what you would or wouldn't want Emily." Tasting the angry words on her tongue Naomi lashed out again. Emily's last sentence had brought rage up in Naomi she never knew existed. "You've to fucking understand that when my children are concerned, you have absolutely nothing to want, wish or say. And that you even can imagine a situation like this makes me want to fucking beat your head in til it's set right again. You need to fucking wake up. I'd never had left Katie for you, I'd never had left the kids for you. I'd never even had left Effy for you and you want to know why? Because I _never_ wanted you."

She saw the words hit Emily where it hurt, the girl looked ready to burst in tears, but she couldn't stop. "I never wanted you and I never will." She hissed, pure disgust back on her face. "So fucking get a grip of yourself."

"Fucking listen to me!" Exclaimed Emily, almost sobbing. "Yes, yes I fucking wanted you Naomi. But don't make me a monster I'm not. How can you even say that I'd have made you choose between me and the kids? I'd never!"

Hearing it, _again_, had Naomi jump head first into the rage. She couldn't see that Emily was openly sobbing now, or how she was shrinking into the other end of the van when she saw the blonde being short of killing her. "I told you to stop saying that like it'd had mattered!" Screamed Naomi, her tightly clenched fists shaking. "This had never been, at any point, a fucking option or possibility you fucking twat! I cant believe you. If you don't get out of here right now I swear to god it'll be you laying in the hospital bed with an open skull this time."

Horrified, Emily's jaw dropped and her eyes budged out.

But instead of getting herself back under control Naomi's anger was heightened at the pure shock written in Emily's face. "How you even have the fucking nerve to attack me in my fucking bed and start talking about how we should've been together and the kids still would have been with me, it makes me sick."

"That's fitting then, cleverly planned through Emsy."

Naomi, suddenly calmer than she'd ever been turned her head to the open slide-door and sighed, Katie was back and she didn't look impressed. At the same time the blonde knew that it were the drugs talking, they'd spent hours discussing Emily, with and without a therapist. No matter how high Katie was, no matter how honest her words sounded, missing all the sarcasm and venom, she knew that she was trying to goal that one. She couldn't mean it, Naomi was sure.

But in her own fucked up head she wasn't that sure.

With a tight-lipped smile Naomi reached for Katie's hand, making her relax visibly when she pulled her down to the 'bed' between her legs. She's turned her around so the twins were looking at one another, their similar eyes locked on in an empty conversation. Holding Katie in place with her arms around her waist Naomi's head on her shoulder, she kissed her neck. "Had fun?" She whispered into Katie's ear, kissing it softly afterwards.

Nodding Katie sighed contently and leant into Naomi, closing her eyes for a moment. "Yeah. You get any trance?" The kiss she pressed to Naomi's jaw was so random and unplanned Emily had to look away, she felt like she was intruding. "Sorry babe I'm back that early. Missed you didn't I? There were those leggy blonde bombs everywhere I looked and when I was drooling over one who was dancing on top a table, _naked_, I knew I had to get back." Her face got that look it always did when she was high and horny. "Got my own blonde bomb to fuck the living daylights out of, don't I?"

But then she remembered that her sister was present and stopped kissing Naomi's throat, turned around to look tiredly at her sister. "What are you doing here Emily?"

It missed the usual venom, instead the words were filled with indifference. "Why am I not surprised? The moment I'm gone you're with Naomi in the back of the van." She must have realised that it wasn't like Naomi had had the time of her life, fighting Emily, fighting her off for god knows how long without being able to get rid off. A sympathetic smile was shot at her girlfriend, she stroked Naomi's palm. Raising her girlfriend's hand, kissing the knuckles absently Katie's eyes blazed dangerously at her sister. "She's _my_ girlfriend."

Her eyes held the same warning they'd always had, since the moment at the park when they'd met for the second time. Naomi's hers, simple as that, and no matter who she _had_ to inform about the fact didn't get a greeting card with flowers, a death glare was all they received. Along with a coldly muttered declaration which would have made the Vesuvius freeze into a freaking iceberg.

Hurrying to explain herself Emily stumbled over her words. "I know, I _know_. It wasn't like that, like, I'm not trying to hit on her I promise. I was just, I, I miss you. I miss you soo much and I thought perhaps Naomi's the way back, you know. I was hoping if I could get her to see how sorry I am she would talk you down a bit so we could have a chat and get past this."

Without the bat of an eyelid Katie's expression hardened. "Then talk."

"W...what?"

"You wanted a chat. You're not here to talk about how your life would have looked like, sharing it with _my_ girl and _my_ children, so then talk."

Brown eyes, so scared and confused flickered to Naomi but the blonde was busy concentrating on Katie's well being. She had her arms around her, her head on her shoulder, was whispering things into her ear, calming her down even though Emily had thought she'd be the one hyping Katie up to fight her twin.

Perhaps Naomi hadn't lied, perhaps she wasn't out to make things harder for Emily, she simply knew it wouldn't change a thing and that's why she didn't want to risk getting on the wrong side of things again.

Emily wasn't important enough for that any longer.

"Right. Uh, I miss you."

But Katie wasn't impressed, she could only barley hold in the scoff the words brought out of her.

"I really do. You're my twin, Katie. You've no idea how hard it is to have things happen in my life and know you wont care. Great things, horrible things. I cant share it with you any more. You're not there to be happy or cry with me or fight with me. You're gone and I hate it. When I do see you, after weeks of trying you simply look through me like I'm not even there. _Like right now_, you don't look at me: you're looking _through_ me. Like I don't exist, like I'm made of glass. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much that it's breaking me apart." A sob shook Emily's small frame and Naomi had to look away, knowing that no matter how angry she was, there were things she couldn't, physically, ignore when Emily was concerned.

"And the worst thing is that you're fine. You're fine _without_ _me_. You've your life, your family, even fucking Effy is back in your life but you still wont look at me." She sucked in a breath and shook her head, blatantly hurting. "It hurts too much. Knowing there's nothing I can do to make you see me the way I was. It hurts. Together forever or dead in the scene, remember?"

Katie's fingers twitched, the urge to clap at the amazing performance was unbearable. That or clawing Emily's eyes out. She wasn't sure but knowing her, Naomi was holding on to her hands. She didn't want Emily to hurt more than she already did.

"I neither know nor care if that's true Emily." Left Katie's thin-lined lips with a puff. "All I know is that you're a lying bitch who'd sell out our family without hesitating. And anyway, I cant even tell if you're telling the truth or not, any more."

Seeing Emily shake with choked tears was harder for Naomi than for Katie, no surprise in that. Even whispered words wouldn't make the twin's heart loose the cold armour it was covered in when looking at her sister. "I went through hell Emily. _Hell._ The past years have been hell and you were standing by my side, feeding into that without having the fucking backbone to stop it. Instead of sitting me down and telling me what had happened you were there nodding and saying how Naomi and Effy were _obviously_ having an affair. You knew better, you _knew_ what the problem was but you still let me turn into an angry bitch who," Shaking her head Katie closed her eyes for a moment, "who laid hands on the girl I love and I"

"You what?!" Roared Emily all of a sudden, just barley keeping herself from charging at her sister like a bull at something red. Naomi pulled her girlfriend close, automatically trying to prevent any harm Emily could be doing, yelling at her to calm the fuck down. "Fucking stop it! Get a grip Emily!"

But the angry twin was again shaking, this time with nothing but anger when horrible images of Katie beating Naomi black and blue were running through her mind. Knowing this, Naomi tried her best to stop the outcome she knew would come. She had lived through an attack of Emily, knew that it wasn't pretty and she was pretty sure she'd actually kill Emily if she touched Katie. "She didn't beat me, okay? She never did so calm down and stop acting like a fucking teenager." But Emily didn't look like she was calming down, she was a moment away from bashing Katie's head in with the closest object she could reach, which was a stiletto. "It's none of your business."

"She hurt you! Like, _physically_ _hurt_ _you_ Naomi." Shaking her head vehemently Emily got to her feet, scoffing at how Naomi joined her instantly, still hiding Katie behind her. "How can you let her do that? Huh? How the fuck could you let it happen and be with her still? Are you out of your mind?" A sneer was making her face look like an ugly mask when her eyes hit her sister, behind Naomi. "That you still protect her is fucking pathetic."

Knowing that yelling at the girl wouldn't do any good Naomi tried a different approach, her voice softening when she went to talk. "We were awful people, Ems. Too much had happened and we couldn't deal with it, too much was breaking. I know you think it's like every other abusive story you hear but it wasn't. It's not. Katie's got help and me too, we were able to work through it. That wasn't your sister being a monster, I promise. That was her breaking into pieces."

Emily's blazing eyes locked on her sister's, spitting fire and shooting daggers at once. If she could, she'd have killed and turned her into a pile of ashes then and there. She was disgusted by her. "You're a piece of shit Katie, a fucking waste of space. I knew you're a bitch but I had no idea you'd step that low."

Getting finally to her feet Katie shook Naomi's hand off, not able to look at her as she kept her head down. "I know, I"

"Fucking useless bitch." Emily growled. Not really caring that she's interrupted her sister. "Forget everything I said, yeah? I sure as hell don't want to be in your life and see Naomi black and blue the next time you 'break into pieces' because she smoked in the house or forgot to clean the dishes." She flicked the stub end of the cigarette away, watching it die on the dark floor of the van before setting her eyes on Naomi who looked like she'd like to strangle her with her own hands. "Before you read shit into this again _darling_, I'd have reacted the same way if it was Cook beating his girl, or any other person. That's unacceptable, no matter the reasons. I never thought you'd be one of those girls Naomi, _weak_."

They heard Lee and Effy's drunken laughter come closer, making Emily rub her forehead. "Shit. That wasn't planned." But just when she turned to leave the door slid open and they came rushing in, swaying and tripping over one another.

The laughter died down as soon as they clocked her standing there, on the end of the mattress. Effy shook her head and smirked at her ex, her face void of any emotions. "Lookie lookie who's here, it's Emsy." Running her eyes over her friends' she decided that Emily must have done something wrong, _again_. "I think it's best you leave now Ems."

"Right." Mumbled the twin, clearly cross. "Since you know exactly what was going on here and all."

"No, but it's enough Naomi's looking ready to kill you."

"Know how to read her now, do you? Had time to practise I guess. The perk of being with someone you've absolutely no fucking business being with, innit?"

"Awe, jealous?"

"Fuck yourself Eff." Emily elbowed her way through the crowded vehicle, trying to get out as fast as possible. Lee even cuddled the wall so she'd have room to leave faster.

"Don't need to. Had Naomi do an amazing job of that actually." Yelled the beautifully bitching brunette after the twin, smirking.

Horrified; "Effy!" was exclaimed by the remaining three girls in the van but the she only shrugged, waving at a hastily retreating Emily. When the girl was out of sight Effy's face darkened and she turned back to the couple as she took a seat on her girlfriend's lap. "What the fuck's happened here?"

* * *

"I missed you!" Mumbled Naomi into Bay's head, hugging her close after the little girl had slammed into her as soon as they'd walked in. "Oh my god, you've grown! You're a freaking giant."

Laughing at her mother's silly face Bay swatted her hand away, it was probing and poking. "I haven't. You were gone for three _days_, stop being dramatic mother." But Naomi didn't stop, she kept up the act and hugged her so close the girl had trouble breathing.

After the big reunion they were sitting in the garden, grimacing at the smell of Tony's barbecued meat. He saw the equally grossed out expressions and laughed, knowing why they couldn't think of eating anything, let alone greasy meat. "Had fun then?"

Katie paled when he slammed a plate of bangers, swimming in oil and liquid, on her plate. "No thank you."

Naomi was nursing her water, willing her stomach to stop churning. "Did you have fun?" She asked the kids stuffing their faces with the disgusting food. "Bence, close your mouth when you're chewing." Instead of doing so he opened his mouth wide and showed her what he had half chewed, making the last bits of colour wash off of her face.

Katie clipped his ear and he continued eating, cackling like an old hen. "Yeah, was fun. Went to the Thorpe park it was soooo awesome mum. Peyton was scared but she went on Colossus anyway. It was almost like Heide Park in Germany."

Katie grinned at him, loving the childish excitement he often tried to hide because he thought he was too old and cool. "Because it's the same group honey."

"Group?"

"Yeah. The Merlin attraction group? Madam Tussauds, sea life, Thorpe park all belong to it. They are all over Europe and Heide Park belongs to it too. Has the same Logo."

"Awesome!" He tugged on Peyton's hair, making her look at him. "You need to come with us when we go back to Germany. It's really awesome, Heide Park is most fun. Hansa Park is for babies but you'll love Heide Park. They've got Colossus."

Naomi was watching the scene with a content expression.

Seeing Effy be happy, her arm draped across Lee's back of the chair as she listened to Peyton's excited screams of 'please can we go too?', Bay and Bence join the begging parade, bouncing in their seats and Katie smile so big that it looked like she hadn't just had the most awful encounter with her twin known to men, made her feel blessed.

She wondered, if when time travelling were possible and if she went back in time to her younger self standing in the broken pieces of their life, would she believe herself that everything would turn out just fine? Perfect even?

She would, that Naomi knew, because back then she'd Effy by her side to tell her that, day for day.

Speaking of Effy, the blonde locked her eyes on the magical blue one's of the brunette in question who had sensed her being watched already and smiled. Naomi couldn't be happier for her if she tried. That huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders knowing that Effy was going to be okay.

Of course things were still strained between Effy and Katie, the blonde knew they wouldn't ever be the same but that was fine. Only because both of them knew it and were okay with it, knowing that too much had happened for it be forgiven and forgotten about but they were also okay with being simply _there_. No matter how weird and awkward it was.

Baby steps.

Effy raised her brow at Naomi, asking silently if she was all right and with a light head shake Naomi shrugged, everything was fine. It felt weird, but it was fine. "Come on sexy, let's go have a fag." Smirked the brunette, sensing the inner confusion in Naomi. She took her hand and pulled her along, yelling at Katie who's bickering with Tony that she was borrowing her girlfriend. The twin waved them away with rolling eyes, indulged in the conversation with the others.

When Naomi was walking by Katie's seat her girlfriend grasped her loose shirt and pulled her down for a peck, smiling sweetly before slapping her bum and shooing her away.

-hhhh-

They were watching the sun set, together on the front door's stairs where they were alone and not bothered by curious eyes and ears. In the background the kids' excited laughter and shrieks were heard, mixed with the adults' teasing and weak scolding from time to time. "Are you happy?"

Shrugging Naomi nodded.

"I am."

"Right. What's wrong then?"

Looking at the beautiful woman sitting next to her, feeling her skin touch hers and smelling the berry lotion Naomi wondered what could be wrong. Why was she in such a melancholic mood when everything was perfect?

"It's Ems, isn't?"

"I don't know."

"I think it is. She's marched into your life and shat all about it, leaving devastation like a hurricane. But you managed, you calmed Katie down, you made her see that everything is fine and that she doesn't need to feel guilty. You did a good job fixing it, love." Effy's words were actually helping. The blonde hadn't realised how much Emily's 'visit' had stirred up, even when she had spent hours making Katie see that they were indeed fine and that she wasn't a monster.

She was sure it were the drugs making Katie that angry at herself and so sad, but still, it's happened.

* * *

"_Right. Up or down?" But no one answered the whispering brunette, instead Naomi's big eyes begged her to leave them alone for a moment. "Uh, come on babe. I haven't had a proper shag today, one which Katie didn't feel the need to watch." And because that was, like always, highly inappropriate, the girls chuckled at Lee's blushing face when she hastily followed her girlfriend out and into their tent. _

_When they were gone Naomi sat back down on the mattress, patting the empty stop next to her. Katie's eyes were fixed on the van's walls, her jaw tightly clenched, making the darkness almost allow her to hide her tears. Almost. _

_Naomi saw them glister, and when she did the urge to go and kill Emily ran over her, making her shake. "Baby, come on, sit with me." She took Katie's limp hand, tugging until she had moved her and could pull her down. Her right arm wrapped round Katie's shoulders, bringing her close, close enough for Naomi to place a lingering kiss on her temple. "I love you, okay?" _

_Katie nodded, drawing in shaky breaths in an attempt to not break down in tears. _

_She couldn't speak, everything that would leave her lips wasn't enough for what she felt and she couldn't stop the burning pain in her lungs, not enough to bring words out without losing it. _

_Sensing the problem Naomi brought her closer, randomly placing kisses wherever she'd reach. "You're not a monster, far from it baby. To be perfectly honest I think that Emily's lashed out through her pain. She's hurting, she really is, and for one moment it gave her the opportunity to stop hurting so she threw herself into the anger but she's wrong. You're not horrible, you're one of the most amazing people I've ever known." Naomi realised that it needed more than that. _

_Emily's bashing anger had shaken Katie to the bones, breaking her heart with the only weapon she'd let anyone do it with. _

_The twin was feeling so guilty about having been that way, bout the whole time, bout what she did. So whenever someone mentioned it she'd shrink away in shame. Hearing Emily hiss the painful words at her was ten times worse though, and Naomi knew that Katie needed her now. Needed to make her see the reality clearly. _

_The comforting pecks changed into lingering kisses, all over Katie's throat and neck. Simultaneously pushing her girlfriend onto the mattress with her back Naomi crawled back round and on top of her, pushing her leg between her thighs as she was working on her neck with her lips and teeth. Her hands were tracing random patterns on her skin, wherever they'd reach, and only after she unfastened the dark purple top, running her right hand up Katie's bare stomach and cupping her tit Katie pulled her head away and stared back into nothing. Shutting Naomi out. _

_Thinking, perhaps Katie had to get comfortable, Naomi's palm gently squeezed the soft flesh but her girlfriend's eyes filled with tears before she clenched them shut. _

_The blonde stopped moving altogether, just silently watching Katie hurting. A long sigh left her, shaking them both, but Katie wouldn't turn her head back round and meet her eyes. She hadn't looked at her once since the moment fucking Emily had decided she couldn't control her stupid mouth. The sigh, sad and helpless, got caught in Naomi's throat and turned into an angry growl. _

_Her hand shot up and she grabbed Katie's chin with her thumb and pointer, bringing her head round and fixing her with a hard stare. Ignoring the wide eyes, tears and how Katie was holding her breath Naomi's eyes narrowed on her, anger washing over her. "Listen to me. We're fine, fucking **great** and Emily's stupid input on things she never understood because she wasn't around has no right to change that. I wont let her ruin us again, d'you hear me? I love you and I fucking love all of you, your past, present and future." Three big tears escaped Katie's eyes as she chocked out a sob. "I love you, so much Katie, so fucking much that I cant see you like this. I've forgiven you, you're always and forever forgiven for what you did." _

_Naomi's own voice wavered, her eyes watering. "I know we're exhausted and high and not in our right minds, that's why this is so fucking horrible, but it's good that it's happened now." Dipping her head down she kissed away a fallen tear, catching it before it could roll off her girlfriend's jaw. "You're, god you're so amazing and I wish you'd see it. I really truly wish you stopped beating yourself up so much bout that. We cant change it, it's a dark part of our past but it's also over. You're nothing but loving, when you're not a screaming bitch that is," Relief made her exhale when Katie cracked a sad smile and absently rubbed the small of Naomi's back, hanging on every word the girl was saying. "You need to believe in yourself again, baby. We've had fights, all the time in the past months, we were ready to kill each other but what did you do? Whenever you realised that your anger was overtaking you, you'd leave. I let you because I knew why you're doing it. You're controlling yourself so good baby, so fucking good and I'm unbelievably proud, just like Effy and everyone else. It's time you see it yourself, how amazing you are." _

"_Why did you forgive me?" _

_The question had burned Katie's tongue for months, years almost but she had never dared to voice it. Too scared of the answer. If she heard, because I love you, she knew she'd to leave. That would be no different of other wife-beater stories, it would make her sick and she'd be swallowed by guilt. _

"_Because I see you. I've seen you, always. No matter what kind of anger was possessing you, I knew that it wasn't you. Not truly. I knew what was making you go mad, and I couldn't stop it. I also knew how you were before and how you'd be again if only you remembered how to be it. I knew that instead of pushing you away I needed to pull you back to me, to show you the right way as you were lead off it." Wiping away the stream of tears falling down Katie's cheeks, Naomi was smiling lightly. "I could still see you. I saw that it was tearing you more apart than me." _

"_What if she's right?" _

"_How?"_

"_What if this isn't any different? And in a month, a year or five when you'll do something you're not supposed to, what if my hand" Her eyes were glaring at her own hands, like she couldn't believe they were hers, "what if I hurt you again?" _

_With a sigh Naomi propped herself up on her elbow new Katie's neck, watching her girlfriend blankly. "I don't know."_

"_You need to stop me."_

"_Katie,"_

"_No, listen to me. If you ever get scared or think I'm about to lose it you need to punch my lights out. Just slam my head 'gainst the wall or something, yeah? I couldn't...I cant...it'd break my heart. I don't think it'll ever recover again." _

"_Katie, baby please think bout what Doctor Loid's said. What are the chances that it'll happen again? When did it happen and what can we do to prevent you from the rage?"_

"_Except for my meds?"_

"_'cept for them."_

_Katie bit her lip, she always felt uncomfortable talking about her aggression problem. "Well, for me to lose it, uh, I have always felt like I was losing you." _

"_Yes, and?"_

"_And, and if my head fucks me up again, making me think you're cheating or leaving me we need to talk. No matter how awkward, grotty and naff it is."_

"_And?"_

"_Trust. I need to trust you, I need to trust you, fully and wholeheartedly so you can trust me too." _

"_Do you trust me?"_

"_With my life."_

"_What did you think when you saw Emily in here earlier?"_

_Looking away, in shame, Katie didn't respond. It had Naomi clench her eyes tightly shut for moment, hoping she'd overcome the urge to really kill Emily. When she opened them again she let herself fall flat on top of Katie, the impact making the girl look at her in surprise. Just as she tried to look away again Naomi caught her face, placing her right palm against her left cheek, holding it, so she couldn't move. Penetrating her with a soul-shattering look. "Katie?"_

"_I," She paused, closing her eyes. "I thought that you were going behind my back to fix things." _

_A relieved laugh shook them and Naomi grinned, shaking her head in amazement. "Fuck me that's okay babe. Stop looking so fucking worried, will you? You didn't think I've just shagged her with my big fat strap on, on our bed. All good." Another wave of giggles hit Katie when Naomi saw the dropped jaw of her girlfriend, brought up by her comment. "Sorry. God, just think back how you've reacted."_

"_Yes, I was furious and snapping at you."_

"_Yes you snapped at me. Once. So what? You're snapping and yapping all the time, it's in your blood. Right after you came sitting, practically on top of me and you forgot all about her. You let me calm you down."_

"_I did that?"_

"_You did."_

"_So you don't think I'm a stupid, abusive nutter that's completely unlovable?"_

_Naomi's eyes widened and she grimaced before scoffing, shaking her blonde hair. "Stop fishing. Bitch." The attack was fast and thoughtful planned out, her hands went to work while Katie was laughing, fingers poking into the twin's ribs, strawberries blown against her neck. _

_They shrieked, laughed and banged their heads and limbs against the walls by accident in the fight, but as always, Katie won. _

_She was sitting on top of Naomi, pressing the girl into the passenger seat where she had stupidly crawl on to in her panic to escape. Struggling all she wanted there's no chance she'd move Katie an inch. Every time she'd try pushing her off, pressing her hips up without a warning, Katie would smirk and press hers down, shutting Naomi up, who bit her lip to stop the moans. After a while, of unsuccessful trying to get her off Naomi decided to get her **off** instead. _

_Knowing she couldn't wrestle her hands free from Katie's iron grip above her head she had to improvise. _

_With one push her thigh slipped between Katie's and she flexed it, using the chance of her losing the balance. Naomi broke free, grabbed the small of Katie's back, pulled her close, pushed the left hand inside the girl's shorts, round her knickers and crashed their lips together, swallowing the guttural growl when her finger rubbed her girlfriend's clit furiously. A strangled "Fuuuuck" was pushed into her mouth, Katie's eyes shut tightly as her hips moved in rhythm with Naomi's fingers. "God, you're so fucking hot." Whispered Naomi, completely awestruck by the image she felt her own panties flood with wetness. It made her double her efforts and no minute later Katie's hips were bucking and she tensed, screaming for Jesus, his mum and dad, and a horse._

* * *

"I, Eff you think I'm being an idiot?"

"Most the time yes. But what'd you have in mind in particular?"

Rolling her eyes Naomi's nudged Effy with her shoulder, keeping the conversation going anyway. "I just feel like Coachella made me see that no matter how hard we try we cant run from the past. It'll always be brought back up by somebody or something. We wont ever forget it, we'll always be reminded of our worst. Can we truly be happy knowing it? Knowing that we'll always feel the pain?"

Effy's sigh was honest and sympathetic, she understood.

It wasn't an actual concious decision to take Naomi's hand and play with her fingers, it happened without her realising it but the blonde let her. Not taking notice of it either. "I think that you know the answer to that. You've worked so hard the last year, fighting for your life with teeth and claws. Fighting next to Katie through all the shit that's bottled up and you did it beautifully. You're happy Naomi. I think that you forgot how that truly feels. Without one of you being a mess or almost in jail, in the arms of another or being a bitch. You're on the same page, for the first time in ages and being confronted with the past makes it all feel fragile. But it's not." Leaning her head on Naomi's shoulder Effy's lips pressed to the girl's neck. "You're fucking strong, and you've the strongest woman ever created by your side, wearing high heels. It's time you stopped worrying she'd be ripped from your fingers by the tiniest problem. I think Katie's proofed her love for her old mistakes as well as her future ones. No idea how that happened but you turned her into the person she is, you actually made her be someone I'm proud of. She's grown loads over the years but seeing her now, seeing her fucking shine again was well worth staying away and letting you see that you can do it without me."

With a head shake Naomi chuckled lightly, kissing the top of Effy's head. "You knew I'd never throw myself in it like that if you were around."

"Of course I did."

"Thank you."

Effy lifted her head, locking her eyes on Naomi's, boring into her soul. "You need to trust in Katie and yourself. Stop waiting for the next catastrophe and trust in you to deal with whatever life throws at you."

Naomi laughed, shaking her head in amazement. "Fucking psychic."

"Always read your thoughts like an open book babe." When they shared a laugh, enjoying the tension and weird atmosphere leave there was a cough and turning their heads to look behind them they saw Katie smiling. "Mind if I cut in?"

Effy pressed another kiss to Naomi's forehead, this one longer and with more meaning, telling the girl that she was sure things would work out and that she was proud of her as well. The she got pulled to her feet by Katie. "Be nice to her, she's a weak cow." Stage whispered Effy, making Katie nod in mock seriousness. "I'll do my best."

When the brunette left Katie took her place, automatically snuggling into Naomi. A smile broke out on the blonde's face when she too, automatically reached for the girl and pulled her close. "I love you, sometimes I feel like that's not enough." Was out of her mouth before she could think about what to say and Katie murmured in agreement, much to the blonde's relief. "Me too."

"Effy says it is."

"She can be a right cow, and sadly a pretty fucking good fortune-teller, so I think it's best we listen to her or she'll never stop bugging us." Stroking Naomi's side where the shirt rose Katie's lips attached themselves to the girl's pulse-point, dragging her teeth along the skin and leaving goosebumps behind. "You asked her?"

"No," Sighed Naomi nuzzling her cheek on Katie's head, "scared what she'll say."

"You know, even if she'll go back with Lee it's not the worst that could happen, yeah? She's happy, everyone can see it and if Lee doesn't want to live here, or cant or something isn't it for the best if she went back with them?"

"Of course, but that's not making me miss her less." She knew she was acting like a toddler fearing its favourite toy would be taken away, but she couldn't change it. Since the moment they had arrived Naomi was having the thoughts run through her head, bombarding her really; Effy's going to leave again soon, she wont stay, she's only here for holidays, and it went on and on. "How can I help? Want me to talk to her?"

"It wont change anything. It'll only make me look clingy and desperate." Pouted Naomi.

"Perhaps she'll visit more often if she knew you're actually a miserable git without her."

"I'm not!" Protested the blonde, horrified. "I'm fun and amazing and very charming no matter where she's at. Take that back!"

Suppressing the grin with biting the insides of her cheeks Katie nodded, her eyes filling with tears. Naomi glared and huffed, waving. "Laugh, go on before you get a stroke."

Doing as she was told Katie's laughter boomed out of her throat, making Naomi's lips twitch upwards. "Awe come on darling, you can laugh too."

* * *

_They were sitting on Katie's favourite sofa in the whole wide world, cuddled together in a mass of limbs watching telly and eating pizza. Bence was staying at Katie's parents for a few days, and Effy had pissed off to Emily's to give them some time alone to 'shag their lights out on her bed'._

_At the moment they were fighting over the control of the clicker, Katie was winning. She had Naomi pinned to the sofa, straddling her thighs as she waved the device demonstratively in the blonde's scowling face. "Awe come on sweety, don't be like that. You can laugh too." She poked her rips then, having Naomi squirm under her. "Come on honey, laugh." The teasing went on as did the pet names which were actually making Naomi burst out in laughter when she was called Nomi-popsie._

_Catching Katie off guard with the laughing Naomi grabbed the chance by its balls and switched their positions. When she was pressing her girlfriend to the sofa a whole different atmosphere enveloped them, her hips firmly pressed between Katie's thighs were the reason for it. Inches from Katie's face the blonde's breath was hitting the girl's skin hotly, having her almost tremble in anticipation. "Went through all embarrassing pet names yet, snookums?" Moving her hips with a firm thrust she watched Katie's eyes roll back before focusing on her again. "Not yet no, poppet." Husked Katie, knowing how much Naomi hated pet names. _

_Everything other than babe was not acceptable and she didn't want to become one of those embarrassing couples, she had declared loudly the first time Katie had muttered something in her post-orgasm-blissed state._

_Katie had made it her mission to try them all out, saying that every couple had pet names for one another and that it only looked to the world like they'd forgotten the partner's name because they changed the pet names all the time. They didn't, she was sure, they simply had one that stuck with their loved one and she really wanted to find out how she'd forever call Naomi. _

_Of course the blonde didn't enjoy being teased with it for the good part of a week. It had them end up in fights between the sheets every day though, which made it more than fine but she wouldn't admit that she actually liked the search for the name. _

_Katie'd never let her live it down. _

"_Poppet, that's a good one Kay. Naomi the poppet." Muttered Naomi sarcastically, her hips moving in rhythmical motions now, bringing a slowly burning sensation to the pit of Katie's stomach. _

"_You think so darling?" Shot Katie back, a smirk on her face that was wiped off by Naomi's thumb sneaking between her legs and under her knickers where it moved in circles over her swollen clit. "Fuck, keep doing that darling." _

"_Not planning to stop, love." _

_Without having realised it their pet names had been chosen in the moment where the mind had shut down out of arousal. It had been weird first, hearing Katie call her darling without any teasing in it, and without being aware of it. She had been right, Katie was, when the name came it was so sure and obvious that it wasn't questioned any more. _

"_Darling? Are you shitting me? We're not 80, Kay. Could you go with something not as ancient please?" _

"_Like what dearie?" _

"_Oh nothing, darling's fine, love." To stop any more irrelevant teasing she let her fingers dip, readjusting her position so she could start pumping in and out of her girlfriend the way she liked it, making her clench her teeth and eyes shut. _

* * *

"Mums? Can I talk to you?"

Naomi shared a surprised glance with Katie, nodding at the nervous boy. Hopefully not out to fight for a new drum kit, they thought with encouraging smiles. The blonde patted the cushion next to her, raising her brows at her very fidgety son. "Something wrong honey?"

He shook his head lightly, biting his lip in deep thought. Then his shaky hand was giving her a couple papers and he silently looked away right away.

Worry was building up in the girls when they scanned the pages hastily, Naomi gulped. "Uh, you, you want boarding?"

Bence wouldn't meet their confused eyes, fearing he'd make them sad, no, _knowing_ that it'd break their hearts. "We had career day the other week and, well I've been talking to some people who saw me play or heard of me. They said I'd have more chances there."

"No way." Katie shook her head vehemently, not up to discuss this. "We're managing just fine and your school is one of the best in Europe. We're not pulling you out mid term, are we? Forget it."

Shutting Katie up with a hard look Naomi turned back to their son and went to pat his head but he flinched away, not meeting their eyes. "The school has better programs for me, they are specialist in art and I think"

"_No_."

Sighing Naomi fixed Katie with a serious glare, telling her to shut up right away. "Kay, let the lad speak his mind."

"He's eleven Naomi, he's _not_ deciding this."

It was the end of the conversation for Katie, she shook her head and went to the kitchen, slamming doors and making glasses shake on her way. Muttering on her way; "An artists...a fucking artist. We' haven't paid a fortune for his education so he'll play drums in a fucking Indie punk band."

Bence was shrinking into the couch, big fat tears forming in his huge eyes. He had known they wouldn't be ecstatic, but he never would have guessed that his ma wasn't supporting his life choices. He knew he's a musician, always known it. No matter how much physics interest him, or how much he loves exploring history and the universe, it was never a question whether or not he'd be a musician. He had thought they were with him on that one.

Biting her lip, Naomi couldn't stand seeing him that sad.

His world was breaking apart, right under his feet, and she knew hearing Katie say this mean stuff had hurt him more than he's willing to show.

She reached for his hand, glad he let her hold it. "Have you thought about this Bence? Do you know what it'd mean to board?"

"Yes mum, sure. But it's not like my opinion matters, is it? Mama wont have any of it. How could her precious, intelligent son throw his life away on drums." He choked back tears, staring off into space. It broke Naomi's heart seeing him...well...heartbroken. In his eyes they weren't accepting and supporting him, he was just a kid. "Haven't been happy at my school for a long time, and I don't wanna miss out. Everyone's boarding, they get to experience so much and so awesome things I don't want to miss. Do you have any idea how much I could accomplish at that school? They'd show me _music_ mum, it's a real factory for musicians and every uni will be glad to have me when I'm done."

"Sadly that's not good enough baby, same goes for your school." He closed his eyes, blinking away tears in frustration. "You'll need better than that to get your ma on board." His eyes shot open, wide and surprised. "You mean, you mean you're okay with this? With me becoming a musician? You're on _my_ side?"

She shook her head, a sad smile playing on her lips when she placed her arm round his shoulder. He got so big. "No, not like this. That's just a print out of the school's info page. We'll need a proper plan, like...a business plan. Why you want to go, reasons that shine out your school by far. I want to have it all planned out, the reasons, the ups and downs, the costs and advantages. I want to know what for I'm supposed to let you leave home. What I'll miss you for, every day." Then, seeing his expectant eyes bore into her she knew he needed to hear more. He was his mother's son, after all. "I strongly believe that you can become whatever you want, within reason Bence. But being a musician doesn't mean you're flunking everything else, it means you'll work twice as hard so if it wont work out, who knows why, you'll have a bunch of alternatives at your hand."

She kissed his forehead. "If I hadn't gone to uni, which I never wanted by the way, I'd never be qualified enough to do what I love for a living. And I never knew that I actually wanted it, so you see, you're too young to decide the path right away. You should find a direction, which you have, and keep your eyes fixed on the goal you're trying to score. But don't forget everything else while you at it."

He snuggled into her, closing his eyes when she kissed his forehead gently. "God, why'd you have to grow up so fast?"

"You think ma will let me go?"

"It's gonna be hard on her, honey. You know she went to a catholic boarding school with your aunt, yeah?" He nodded. "It wasn't a good experience, for neither of them. It's not very easy for her to believe that a child can be boarding and not be pushed away by the family, still loved."

"Were you boarding?"

"Yes, only four years though." Naomi smiled at the memory of her boarding years, it was a very good time for her. "I was younger than you are though. Was 'pre-prepping'," A chuckle left her, "it helped me turning into who I am. See, we've deliberately decided not to board you when you started school. We could have, easily, it's not the money and it hasn't been. Your education was our number one priority and we knew that's something we'd never try to save money on. Just like food. You don't try saving money with buying less food, that's not right. You can stop smoking, drinking and partying, stop your hobbies if necessary but you don't start eating worse. Your school was just that for us, a given that we'd work twenty hours a day for you to have the best start into life with all opportunities possible. What your school costs, it'd cover two terms of boarding. But even though we've had a very hard time juggling work and you and your ma's studies we wanted to have you close. To actively be in your life. I don't know how it would be if Katie didn't have a trauma from boarding. But now it's hard, we are not used to you being away honey." Kissing his forehead her eyes searched the area for Katie who was leaning on the doorframe, watching them silently.

A far away look was on her face, sadness covering every little part of her.

Seeing her there, listening without screaming bloody murder was a good sign, Naomi knew. Deep in her heart she already knew that Bence would go to the school, breaking Katie's heart in the process.

If it was that what would make him happy, what he truly wanted they needed to let him go. No matter how hard it was. "Now go to sleep, it's late." She kissed his forehead again, smiling when he pecked her cheek. "Love you mum, night."

"Love you too Bency, loads."

He smiled at her, proper beaming and walked towards Katie who hugged him on his way out. "I love you too baby." She whispered into his neck, god he was soooo big. His cheeky smile, huge eyes and and a 'you too, loads' was the response, the one that always warmed her heart. Then he was stomping up the stairs, loud as an elephant.

"What you think?" Yawned Naomi, reaching for Katie's hand who in turn made her way to the sofa and planted herself on top of her girlfriend, cuddling into her. Pressing soft kisses to Naomi's throat Katie sighed, getting comfortable. "I think that he better makes the presentation a good one."

"We've to let him leave if it's good, you know that."

"We're his parents. We can chain him here til he's eighteen."

"No we cant."

"No, we cant."

"And we also cant decide what he's going to become Kay. If he wants to sell cars, we'll support him. If he starts baking we'll support him. If he works at a bank we swallow our anger and support him, just like we would if he decided to go into politics."

"I know."

"When he becomes a drummer, playing in a fucking punk band we'll make sure he's eating enough and that he wont fuck it up with drugs. That's what we're for."

"It's just hard...seeing that everything we went through for him, just for him to have all the chances there are...is for nothing."

Naomi stroked Katie's skull, massaging it in the way that always made the girl purr like a cat. "I wouldn't say that, baby. You're following your dream, aren't you? Even if it's not the way we've dreamt, you are living your dream. You do what you always wished for..I do what I love."

"It's not what you've wished for."

"But only because I've had no idea what I wanted. I was content working at mum's pub, living above and hanging out with my mates, bladdered every day. Yet, thanks to you I've found exactly what I love doing. He should be allowed to do that too and I'll fight you every single day if you'll try to take it away from him."

Katie's head rose and she penetrated Naomi with a serious look, reading her, trying to figure out if she was really taking his side in this. Trying to figure out if she had the right to do so. Deciding, Katie closed her eyes and nodded, kissing Naomi gently. "I know. And I love you even more for it."

* * *

"Naomi."

"Jenna, looking good today. Is it your hair?"

Naomi's sarcastic answer got her a deadly glare from the Fitch woman who had marched into her home like she owned it. "Why don't you come in? Make yourself at home, why don't you."

"Lovely, thank you." Jenna didn't attempt a a smile or anything else that would be considered polite. Her face was set in a permanent scowl, the usually loving and embracing eyes were firing bullets at the blonde, ready to kill. "Where's your girlfriend? My daughter? _Katie_ to be precise."

Ignoring the jab with a clenched jaw Naomi smiled and put her finger up, showing that she'd be a sec. Then she made her way back out of the house and into the shop where Katie was organising bills and orders with a frustrated glare. She almost groaned when Naomi planted herself on top of the desk, right on the papers. "Naomi get off, you're ruining hours of boring torture." Trying to move the blonde she gave up when Naomi crossed her arms and glared so hard Katie had to lean back and ask what the matter was. Even if it was the worst timing for a hissy fit. "What's your problem?"

"Cut the crap. Why didn't you tell me your mum's coming?!"

"Because you'd have fucked off til she's back in Bristol."

"Great. I'm leaving by the way." She planted a dismissive kiss on Katie's cheek and wanted to make her way back down the desk but the twin pinned her to it. Standing between her thighs that wrapped around her waist automatically. "You're not going anywhere."

"I am. _Anywhere_ but here, actually."

"Naomi." Sighed Katie, rubbed her forehead with a tired expression.

"Katie." Mimicked Naomi, her stern look not wavering. "She hates my existence."

"No, she hates what you did to me."

"Basically the same thing."

"No." With a head shake Katie bit her lip, boring her eyes into her girlfriend's, begging her to be the bigger person. "You cant run from her forever."

"I can try."

"Could you please stop being so fucking stubborn?" Exclaimed the twin, flaring her arms around helplessly. She's had enough. "You're my girlfriend, that's our home, fucking cut the crap and make her see _that_, instead of running away like a coward. Show her that you deserve to be my girlfriend, that you are everything I want and need and make her stop thinking you're bad for me."

"_What_?!" Pushed the blonde out between gritted teeth, her incredulous look hit Katie like a bullet. "You're having a fucking laugh. What am I, _twelve_?" After shaking her head she lowered her voice and softened it, apologising. "I don't have to prove myself to anyone but you. And I wont."

"I know that," A kiss to Naomi's side of the mouth and a gentle smile made her calm down a bit, "of course you don't but she thinks you do. Try seeing it her way darling. The good is gone, she only remembers me back then when you pissed off to Italy, when my heart literally broke. Then the horrible time when I was pregnant. The top of the cake was that you were with Effy instead of me. She loves you soo much, just like Effy, and it hurt her to see that. No matter how much fault I have in this, she only sees me with a broken heart. Just imagine how you'd feel if it was Bence who got his heart broken, over and over again. Or Bay."

Naomi sighed and snuggled into the crock of Katie's neck, inhaling her coconut scent and the essential that was only Katie. She kissed the spot. "I'd hate the girl forever, or boy."

"I know." Mumbled the twin, caressing Naomi's side of the face. "You have to try babe. She's my mother and she's a fucking brilliant woman that loves you. Why don't you remind _her_ of that?"

Rolling her eyes Naomi knew she'd never live that one down.

* * *

"Oh, how nice of you to finally come back. I wasn't sure if it was okay for me to sit down, or get a coffee. So I just stayed put waiting for you." Accused Jenna with a hateful expression.

Naomi nodded, biting the inside of her cheek in an weak attempt at keeping her calm. It didn't work, not when Jenna was out for a fight, ready to battle Naomi's guilt left right and centre. "Right."

She sucked on the end of her burning fag, penetrating Jenna with a unwavering glance.

Ice cold, empty and ready for the fucking battle. "I don't care if you ever get that fucking stick out of your arse, I truly don't. Have I fucked up? God yeah, more than once. Massively. Has Katie broken my heart into tiny Fitch shaped pieces? You can bet your perfect little bum on that. Are we good for each other? Prolly not in the common way of seeing it, no." Drawing in a long puff of the smoke Naomi stared the speechless woman down. "But we're perfect, with all our burdens, edges and mistakes. We're who we need to be for the other to be who she is. It may not make sense to you, no wonder there, since you've lived with a massive wanker for the better part of your life, but _that's_ love Jenna. True, raw and fucking pure love. You can hate me all you want, I don't care. I really don't because that's something I'm quite used to. Having a Fitch woman despise me. As long as Katie keeps on loving every little piece of me I'm fine with it and you and Emily can form a little Naomi survivors group for all I care. The thing is, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you're long gone and buried. You have to understand that this," She waved absently, never taking her eyes off of the woman, "this is my life. Katie's my life, those kids are my life and I wont let you come in here and piss all over it. You've had a good year where I shrank away the moment you looked at me but that's done. Katie's right, I have to stop being a coward. As I told her, I don't have to prove myself to anyone but her. _Never_. And I wont. Have I made stupid decisions in the past? Of course, more than I can count."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she inched closer to the stunned Fitch. "But being with Effy in a time where we've needed one another more than anything to _survive_ isn't one of them. And it wont ever be a mistake or a stupid decision I made. So I'm sorry you feel offended or hurt or whatever but I suggest you get used to it. I cant change history, and even if I could I wouldn't dream of doing it. The chapter's written and I wouldn't dare to change one fucking line because besides Katie, and the kids obviously, Effy is the person I'd do anything for. And I think that you can understand that, that's the problem isn't it? You were scared I'd run off with her again because you know how she is, how much she means to people close to her and you couldn't believe I'd really stay faithful and not betray Katie now I know how Effy feels to be with. How fucking brilliant she is. Well tough Jenna, I'll tell you a thing I told Katie and then I'm done. Effy is and _will always be _holding a piece of my heart, no matter the consequences, I wont let that change. At a time where I couldn't _breath_ she was there, holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction. Even at her worst she was making sure I was still following the right path, back to Katie. So no, I wont run off with her, not in this world and reality. I'm sure we're happy and together in another one, perhaps running on sunshine and clouds but as long as Katie wants me I couldn't be with anyone but her. So you better get it into your head that people make mistakes and that some mistakes are too beautiful to be regretted. See me again for who I am. Naomi. Who's loving your daughter for a good ten years, never less than unconditionally. I am taking care of her, I am caring for her, I'm the mother of her children, the person who even though it broke my neck was protecting her fucking twin and her from something I couldn't prevent, and I am someone who's going to stay. Make your peace with it or get the fuck out of my house."

When she finished her speech Naomi shook her head, a challenging look on her face that was firmly set on the woman.

Jenna raised her hand and took Naomi's burning cigarette, drawing smoke deeply into her lungs before exhaling with a look of contentment. "Right."

"I assume you're staying for dinner?"

Biting her lip with a thoughtful expression Jenna nodded, blowing the smoke out in circles. "How could I say no to that lovely invite?"

And when Naomi saw the Fitch's lips twitch upwards a relieved chuckle left her lips, right in time with Jenna embracing her and whispering into her ear how sorry she was. "But if you hurt her one more time I'm going to behead you with my own bare hands." Then her eyes softened, as did her voice. "She wont survive another time."

"_Me neither." _


	24. give me more, give me all

_Thanks for the lovely reviews, :) always make me happy and typing like a maniac. :) _

_Have fun with that one, hope you'll like it. Be warned, there's a bit you shouldn't read around your parents/work/other authorities. _

_Tell me what you think _

* * *

"I don't know what do, babe. She's like, sad and shit. Business is fucked, don't think she's got a clue how fucked actually but it is and I think that she's missing Emily like hell. Seeing her again has really broke her. Of course she doesn't realise that either."

When receiving no answer to her concerns a scowl set on Naomi's face, she threw an not impressed look to her laptop.

Effy wasn't bothered.

Instead of replying, in _any_ way, or even showing that she'd heard her best friend, the girl kept staring blankly at her in a : 'and I should care, why exactly?' -way. "Stop being a bitch Eff."

"But that's me. A bitch, Naomi. Nice to meet you."

"Okay, what the fuck is your problem?" She snapped, fed up with Effy's mood. The whole conversation, which had taken almost twenty minutes of Naomi desperately trying to get Effy involved in it, was boring. The brunette was disinterested. Detached. Re-bitched.

"Right. If you don't fucking start speaking properly"

"Then you'll do what Naomi? You'll call Emily to figure this childish shit out? Or will you sit Katie down and make her fucking talk it out? Oh wait, I know what you'll do. _Nothing_. A whole lot of that I'm sure. And then, you'll be still whining to me in a week from now."

Naomi's jaw hammered to the floor and she tried closing it again, only for it to open back in shock. Speechless, she was fucking speechless. "Fuck you Eff."

"Fuck yourself."

The stupid Skype disconnecting noise made her girt her teeth and she slammed the laptop shut, which was never shut. But to demonstrate her anger she had to do it. Of course she felt stupid, there was no one around to witness her anger, so she opened it again with a sigh. Rubbing her forehead Naomi tried to think of reasons for Effy to act a right tit. "Katie?!" Was her desperate yell and the twin came into the sitting room with a glare.

Right,_ hating Naomi day_, the blonde remembered bitterly. "Stop glaring, will you? I didn't do a fucking thing and you're being a bitch all day long."

"Naomi, darling, I love you but if you don't stop fucking moaning and moping round all fucking day long I will sew your lips into a smile." A loud groan, too dramatic for Naomi's liking, and then Katie made her way to the sofa where she flopped down miserably. "It's awful and I've lost all patience. All. Of. It. Killing or flying you out to New fucking York seems to be the only way if you wont stop acting like a fucking child." She grabbed Naomi's hands and watched her intently, too seriously for it to be real concern. Katie was having a laugh. "You need to get it together."

"What the fuck Katie?" Snatching her hands free Naomi glared her face off, crossing her arms with a scoff. She didn't like being made fun of. "Way to overreact. Just trying to avoid the big fat elephant in the room, are you? Stop blaming me for stuff I didn't do, _which I didn't,_ and look in the mirror if you wanna see a whiny bitch."

Katie's brows raised and she nodded slowly, but the way that her jaw was hardening, the muscles moving rapidly, showed the blonde that she should apologise, fast, or run for her life. "Just phone Ems and talk to her."

That wasn't what she'd planned to say. At all.

Of course not, it was the worst she could have said and it was proven when Katie straightened her back to appear taller in her anger. "And why the fucking fuck should I be doing that? Why don't you go round hers and snog her again, perhaps then you'll stop being a miserable cow."

Seeing that this would get them nowhere Naomi bit her tongue, she knew how hard it was for Katie not to lose it, how hard she was trying not to let the anger get the best of her. "Right. I'll be at the pub."

"What else is new? Gonna hang round with your stupid lousy 'mates' again? Don't fucking come crawling into bed at 5am, stinking like Tequila again. I wont help you puke out your fucking liver this time."

Her eyes flew to Katie's sharply, knotted in tiny slits and she marched back to the sofa with hard strides. When she reached the battle-ready twin she grabbed her left wrist, pulling her to her feet with a strong tug. Then she was dragging her through rooms and hallways, ignoring Katie's loud protests and threats. She pushed through their bedroom door and Katie was backed into the wall, hot eyes freezing her to the spot, as the girls shook in anger. "I fucking hate you sometimes." Growled the twin with fire in her eyes.

"Me too Katiekins, I fucking hate you t", and before she could have spit the last words at the angry girl Naomi's back suddenly crashing into the wall. The pain was replaced by something else entirely. Katie's bruising kisses were taking her breath away and she couldn't do much than grasp and claw at the girl's clothes trying to get them off. "Fucking bitch."

For that one a thigh was smashed between hers, she had to bite her lip sooo hard she had the iron taste of her own blood in her mouth. "Emily couldn't get enough of this either."

A palm, so soft and smelling like berries, was on her cheek then and Katie moved it briskly so the other one was pressed to the wall and Naomi was staring at their door instead of her. Teeth wrapped round her earlobe, biting as Katie growled;"You're mine, fucking get it into your head." The next bite had Naomi quickly move her head with the sharp teeth so her ear wouldn't be bitten off and she glared when their eyes locked. "What, trying to be Mike Tyson now?" Her arm shot up, her hand gripping Katie's throat, digging her nails into the soft skin. "And no Kay, _you_ are _mine_." Naomi's other hand moved to the girl's shoulder, the one holding on to her throat let go and swiftly went to Katie's shoulder as well.

With one, hard push she had brought Katie to her knees, her fingers fighting Naomi's Jean's zip-fastener. She had heard Katie's growl when landing on her knees. She knew that now, now she had Katie where she needed her.

The girl would rip her apart and put her back together, piece for piece, only to tear her down again. And hours later, when they'd be exhausted and not able to walk without looking like the Huncheback of Notre Dame, they'd talk.

Simple routine.

If Katie was in one of those moods, to not have her lose it and attack everything in reach, she had to be fucked. Her aggression needed to be redirected. After finding that the method worked better than anything else, and that Katie was cute and cuddly like a puppy afterwards, Naomi knew that only a few words and glances were enough to bring her girlfriend back down to earth. Their psychiatrist had been shocked about the procedure, but in the end, he had to agree that this was a harmless way of letting out all the anger Katie was having buried deep inside of her and he even suggested those tactics to some of his other clients. Of course only the ones that weren't getting angrier when screwing their partner.

All air was knocked out of Naomi, her back pressed into the mattress after Katie had, when freeing her of the stupid trousers, dug her nails into her back and smashed them into the bed.

Naomi's legs parted of their own and another 'umpf' left her open lips when Katie crashed into the welcoming place, almost ripping her bra after throwing Naomi's shirt somewhere behind her. "Careful, bra's new." Exclaimed Naomi, horrified when hearing the tearing noise.

Katie's hand pushed her head back into bed, showing that she didn't like being interrupted, and went to work her teeth all over her upper body. Biting, bruising, licking and moaning into Naomi's skin. "Stop the fucking foreplay Katie, I know you, don't I?" She husked, closing her eyes when another bruising kiss was delivered to her ribcage. "Romance and Katie fucking Fitch don't belong in a sentence. I could expect that from Emily but" She stopped mid-sentence, her eyes growing when she slowly lifted her head to look at Katie.

Katie was watching her, and the way she looked was almost too erotic to handle. "I love you, darling. You don't have to do that. Okay? We'll stop."

Her eyes, black and clouded with lust, managed to soften and show Naomi exactly how much she truly loved her. The blonde propped up on her elbows and kissed Katie slowly. Her thighs opened wider, giving Katie more room to position herself, and then they wrapped around her waist, bringing her impossibly close. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

That alone, the thought of what was going to happen made Katie close her eyes and shakily breath through her nose. Her body was trembling and when she opened her eyes again there was fear in them. "What's wrong Katie?" Naomi's fingers gently stroked the girl's cheek, "I didn't mean it. You know that."

"I know, I know." Shaking her head she smiled sadly. "I'm not sure I can do that though."

"Oh I am fucking sure." Laughing disbelieving at her girlfriend Naomi pushed herself up into a sitting position, kinda sitting between Katie's open legs with hers still wrapped round hers. "And I'm also fucking sure of it feeling amazing."

"You'll tell me if you don't like it."

"Katie, _come on._"

"You need to tell me before I get into the frenzy of breaking your back. Promise?"

"I promise." Naomi smiled encouragingly and kissed the tip of her nose once, watching it crinkle. "Now, please love, show me what shagging really is and come into a frenzy of breaking my back."

Instead of throwing her back down the bed Katie did something else. Without giving it much thought she reached her arm round Naomi's waist, holding onto the small of her back. The other went to the girl's neck and she pulled her in for a kiss before pressing her own hips upwards. It didn't work, and Naomi broke the kiss to take Katie's hand and guide it to help the strap-on find its way. Together they had it there in no time and Naomi's head fell to Katie's shoulder, her lips pressing against the warm skin as her eyes clenched shut while Katie slowly moved in into her. It didn't slip in like, without any resistance but it didn't take nearly as long as Katie had expected.

She had been sure nothing bigger than three, maximal four fingers had ever filled up girlfriend so having Naomi move back and forth not even a minute later was a huge shock.

Recovering from it wasn't hard.

Not when Naomi had whispered into her ear to stop holding back, when she had laid back on the bed and took Katie with her.

Seeing her lay there, open and waiting, moving to get at least some friction, pushed a button in Katie's brain. The one that regulated the civilised and aniamalistic part, it was turned off and Katie forgot all about the fact that it was the first time she was fucking someone with a strap-on, how very gay of her. She slammed her right hand onto the pillow next to Naomi's head for balance. Her whole body surged forward, the strap-on hitting as far as it could, and she watched carefully for any signs of pain but Naomi didn't seem to mind it. Her face confronted in a grimace but her hands were holding Katie's arse, pulling her in even deeper. "You ready?"

"Uh huh." Moaned Naomi before holding her breath when Katie kissed her once, softly, and then started pounding into her with abandon.

"Oh my god," Shrieked the blonde breathlessly when she was thrown onto her belly, her hipbones held tightly by Katie who pulled her arse up, "not the wrong one!" She managed to get out, almost coughing of dryness in her throat, but then it didn't matter any more because Katie slammed back into her and she could only yell for more.

* * *

Naomi was on the verge of losing her mind.

Proper hair pulling, screaming for god and everyone else, and trashing around like she was being electrocuted.

Katie was still fucking her, and that was the proper word for what she was doing. That wasn't making love, or even shagging. That was brutal, raw, control-less fucking. She was laying on her back, her head almost slamming into the headboard every time Katie pounded into her. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..." Was her girlfriend's chant and Naomi knew that Katie was doing her best not to cum. Poor girl was losing her mind trying.

Naomi decided, somewhere between not getting enough and an aching body that screamed for release and a break at the same time, that she needed to help Katie out of her misery and have her cum or she'd break the bed. And Naomi's back right along with it.

With the strength that was left, she had no idea there was any, Naomi switched their positions in one, fluid, motion. When she was on top of Katie, sitting on her, blazing brown eyes met hers confusedly. "What, what's wrong?" Breathed Katie, keeping up her hips work of still pushing into the blonde.

"Nothing." Smiled Naomi and threw her head back for a moment when Katie's lips attached themselves to her right nipple. Her hand was in the twin's hair, bringing her closer when she remembered her mission.

Without breaking the contact she gently pushed Katie's shoulders til she was laying flat on her back. Then her own body moved to cover Katie's, her head on the girl's shoulder, every little millimetre of their skins touching. She slowed down the pace of Katie's thrusts, blocking the girl's motion altogether so she'd decide how fast they'd go. And she slowed down. The strokes stayed firm, and strong, but they missed the fastness and brutality.

Katie was moaning like crazy, surprised that the tiny stud hitting her clit was more prominent now than before. Naomi's body, which was pressed so close to hers, didn't give it much chance to lose contact with her aching clit, and the slow pushes of the girl above made her run towards the cliff at a neck-breaking speed. Hearing her pant into her ear was bringing Katie closer and closer, something about having the hot breath hit her ear, hearing the exhaustion in it, was making it hard not to cum on the spot.

Naomi's hands were stroking every bit of Katie's body she'd reach, her lips doing the same, while they shared this moment in the eye of the hurricane.

"Naomi, darling, I'm," "I know." Whispered the blonde, pushing her hips down on Katie's a bit harder, her lips finding hers in a slow kiss.

Katie exploded into a million pieces, lowly groaning. And while Naomi watched, mesmerised, she was wiping away drops of sweat and fallen tears off of Katie's face. "God I love you, so fucking much." Katie cried, clinging to the blonde like an emotional wreck.

It wasn't often that Katie'd cried during orgasm, happened no more than three, perhaps four times in all the time they'd been together but with everything that's happened recently, the girl was ready to explode. In more than on way.

Naomi sighed and pressed her lips to her girlfriend's head, whispering that she knew and that she loved her like the fucking sun. Not able to live without.

She didn't have the strength to move off of Katie, her limbs too heavy and aching to even think about going some place else. With one last move she managed to get off of the dildo, which made her muscles clench and twist, and then she rolled over so she was snuggled into Katie's side.

* * *

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* * *

"What're you doing babe?" Katie's eyes tried to catch a glimpse of what Naomi was doing on the laptop but the girl closed it before she could see anything. "Writing a hot brunette with impossibly blue eyes perhaps?"

The teasing made Naomi grin, she pulled on Katie's hand until the girl was sitting cuddled into her on the sofa. The telly was on and they watched 'Melancholia'. Of course Katie had been bitching for a good forty minutes, claiming that the film was stupid, didn't have a real plot and that they could go sleep without missing anything. After an hour and a half she was staring wide eyed at the telly screen, her eyes filled with huge tears that followed their mates paths down her cheek. "Oh my god. Darling, that's the worst/best apocalyptic film ever made. Forget Armageddon." Perhaps they only saw Bence now, sitting in the tiny tent, waiting for the planet to pass when they knew it'd hit and kill them. "I've never watched a film with less of interaction, or special effects. I, I love that we didn't see what the world thinks of it. That we didn't see them try bomb it up, the NASA barking out orders."

Naomi held Katie, trying to comfort her when she was just as devastated by the film. She kissed her girlfriend's shoulder, mumbling; 'I think I'll visit Effy soon'.

The dark haired girl, still crying her eyes out, nodded absently. "I'll have a chat with Ems."

* * *

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* * *

"Mum? What are you doing?"

"Working honey."

"Can you come and help me with a song?"

"Later. I really need to finish this. Ask Bay."

"She wont do it. Said she hates me and that I stink."

Naomi bit her lip to stop the chuckle, knowing he'd explode if she as much as acknowledged Bay's teasing. "Uh, I see." Turning to the scowling boy Naomi smiled, shrugging. "Sorry I cant. I don't think I'll be finished before you go to bed." Pointing to the papers and Laptop Naomi rolled her eyes, "creativity's a bitch."

With a sigh, like the world was too heavy for his shoulders, the boy walked into the kitchen where she was sitting by the counter. He jumped up to sit on top of it, and frowning she wanted to know what was wrong and if there's a reason for him disorganising her papers with his bum. "Nothing. I'm bored."

"Go play something. Why don't you phone Luca and see what he's doing? You could practise your keepie-uppies." Instead of jumping at her wonderful ideas, yeah _right_, he stared at her like she's lost it. "Wrong kid mum. I couldn't keep it up if my life depended on it. What are you doing anyway?"

Naomi closed the laptop with twinkling eyes, not allowing him to know the secret. "It's a secret."

"Tell me! Tell me? Please! Tell me."

The excitement ran through his body and suddenly he was back to being the cute, five year old that had bounced for hours when they left for Disney Land. "Mum come on, please tell me."

"All right." The smirk grew on her face. "You know how Effy's in New York now, yeah?" He nodded. "I was thinking we could take some time off and visit her and Peyton" Before her sentence was finished Bence leaped off the counter and threw his arms around her waist, bouncing. "Yes, yes please let's meet them. Please mum, _please_!"

"We'd have to get you a note from a doctor, there's no break right now and I don't think the new school will let you take a week off right at the start" He interrupted her with a scoff, "I can stay at mine for another month or so, cant I? They'll let me go for a week. Please, please lets go to New York!"

Naomi promised to try and make it happen. "But you've to be good and not annoy the hell out of us until we go."

"You're blackmailing me."

"It's called parenting honey."

"I refuse to be blackmailed." His voice sounded too like he was trying too hard, as if he was sixty. "If the biggest and wisest people had allowed to be blackmailed we'd never live in a world like this mother. Take Einstein for instance. Would he had allowed to be blackmailed, our world would be nothing but a glowing radioactive rock."

Quirking a brow at him Naomi bit the inside of her cheek, nodding too seriously. He scowled. "Bence, who do you think found the formula for radiation? And why, do you think, has Einstein given it to people?" She chuckled at his astounded expression. "Besides, our planet is nothing but a radioactive, glowing rock."

"Will you adopt me?"

Her brows raised and vanished in her hairline she was sure, they'd never be back to their place after this. "Wh..what?" Came her very intelligent and encouraging statement, which sounded like something between a shriek and a surprised gasp.

"Will you adopt me? You know, have me be your son and all."

She shook her perplexed head, blinking rapidly. There's no way they could have been prepared for that. It hadn't been an issue for years, how should she respond to that? "Would you want me to?"

"I guess."

"Okay then."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Why not?"

"I thought you'd make me power-point my reasons."

A frown appeared on her face and she turned around on her bar stool to be on eye-level with him. "Why?"

"Because it's something I want to change and you always make me bring up my reasons in a way you cant refuse them."

"But this is different honey," was her hurried reply, her mind running wild, "this is something big and important, and if that's what you want, then we'll do it. It's your decision."

"You don't want to?"

There was no anger in his voice, only curiosity and Naomi sighed, gently stroking a dark brown lock out of his eyes. Too long, she mused, too long hair. "It's not that I don't want that, I promise. It never was. It doesn't make a difference to me, if you're my adopted son or not. I'll love, support and get on your nerves you just the same. We've always said that if you ever want us to go down that path we'll do it. It's your decision, it always was." Kissing his forehead Naomi smiled. "How come you're thinking about that?"

He looked away, looking highly uncomfortable. "Bence?" The motherly tone, the one that always made kids respond, made him raise his sad eyes. "I, uh, we were talking about inheritance law, in our work group for the law assignment and the teacher answered all our questions. Apparently, if something happened to you and ma, I'd only get a legal share of ma's bit and I'd have to share with Bay. Only from ma's stuff of course, which is, like, _nothing_. So, that means, for instance, that legally the house wouldn't be mine. Bay would pay me out, a fourth of its worth. If mama died, I'd get a fourth. You'd get a half, and me and Bay the other half. But if you died, I wouldn't get anything. Legally I am not your offspring."

He was awkward and almost crying when the words left his lips. Naomi's frown transformed into a smile. "You really think we haven't taken care of it?"

"What?"

"Bence, we do know all of that. That's why we made a will. We had to, as soon as Bay was born and we got the house because we're not legally partnered."

"_Married_."

"Yeah, _whatever_. Without a will your mother would get nothing, nothing at all if something happened to me. Bay would be the only legal heir. We had to prepare for the worst. And of course you're in it as well. If we both died, you and Bay will share everything. You're just as legally entitled to it as she is. Only through a will that is."

He nodded slowly, a blush running up his throat. "Sorry."

"It's fine honey." Her fingers tangled in his long hair. "I understand that you're questioning things."

"I don't want to it only for the money though."

"No?"

"Of course not. I want to have a say."

"In what?"

"If...if something happens to you. I don't want Bay to decide everything and kick you out into an old-people-house or pull the plug. Or if you have wishes for your funeral, I wouldn't want her to go over your head just because she can. I want to take care of you then, just like I wanna take care of mama."

Scrutinising his expression mindfully Naomi tried reading his intentions. At the end a smirk broke out on her face and she clipped his ear. "And you want the money." She's only trying to lighten the mood. A child shouldn't worry about the parents death or immobility.

His booming laughter echoed through the kitchen when he dodged her slap. "That too." Bence teased, almost pissing himself when Naomi's fingers attacked his rips, poking him in his most ticklish spots.

Katie walked in with Bay from their trip buying everything they didn't need at the High-street. Plastic bags hanging off their arms, shoulders, fingers and hands, they looked like decorated Christmas trees.

Seeing all the unnecessary shit the blonde almost paled, gulping loudly, her expression worried. "Come on Kay, lets go for a smoke." She didn't wait for a response when she made her way out of the door. Katie followed blindly, holding on to Naomi's hand that was loosely grasping hers on the way to the garden.

Naomi had to take a deep breath before addressing the blatant issue. "What have you bought? Looks like a right shopping rampage."

"It was." Grinned Katie, puffing her fag with light eyes. Of course she didn't have a clue that there'd be suddenly something wrong with her shopping addiction. It never was, so she answered truthfully. "Bay needed new clothes, she's grown out of everything we bought three months ago. And we got her a new kicker kit, shoes, protectors, and other stuff I don't know the names of."

"Again? She's just got new shoes, last month." Muttered Naomi through long drags of her fag she tapped to get the ash off of. "Naomi, love they have to be fitting otherwise she'll hurt all the time."

"There's no way she grew out of them already. You didn't check, did you?"

Katie's reply were huge, almost shocked eyes, watching Naomi accusingly. "What? You want me to check on them now, see if they're lying about the _shoe_ size?"

"Which size did you buy then?" The question was asked with sooo much smugness and self-assurance that Katie glared, scoffing. She wasn't impressed by Naomi's detective work. "2.5, I told you she's grown out of her old ones."

Groaning, the blonde pushed her fag in Katie's hand and looked round the garden. Her eyes finally settled on football shoes, in the far corner by the trash bins, and she brought them to her girlfriend. Naomi didn't look inside, instead she pushed them into Katie's hands and waited, a hand on her hip.

"That little cow." Exclaimed Katie when seeing the bright red 2.5 on her daughter's old shoes.

With a satisfied grin on her face Naomi tutted, breathing in the smoke nonchalantly. "Those are her shoes form _last_ summer by the way. How many have you bought since then? All 2.5 I assume?" With a dark expression Katie threw the stub of her fag to the ground and stomped it out. Then she turned and marched into the kitchen, fuming.

Bay's eyes widened, she knew she was in trouble and tried to backtrack. "Did you show mum the pretty dress you bought? I bet she's loving it. Or the heels, make up, shirts and blouses you got."

Katie didn't bat an lid at her daughter's trying to get her in trouble, Naomi didn't either. In a situation like this they couldn't let the kids play them. It was important they knew the rules, boundaries and that lying to get things was not acceptable. "Doesn't matter Bay," Mumbled Naomi, leaning on Katie, "she's an adult who works for her money, she can buy whatever she wants."

Of course that's only half-truth.

Katie's anger shot out immediately. "Which size are your feet now Bay?"

"Uh, 2.5, I've told you."

"And you grew out of your last shoes this month, have you? You've not had 2.5 before, did you?"

"Yes."

"Go to your room, your under house-arrest." Katie's words were final and when Bay didn't move she elaborated. "Surprisingly you're old shoes, the ones you wore over five months ago are the same size. Funny that, I've bought you three new pair since because you grew out of them. But," She narrowed her eyes, "they're all same sized."

The girl's eyes widened in horror and she was by her mother's side instantly, pulling and tugging on her arm, begging. "Please ma, don't. I'm sorry, I really am. I cant be grounded, I cant. I've a match this weekend and the season's just stared! I cant miss practise. Please don't ground me."

Of course Katie could see how that would devastate her daughter and she sighed, petting her head, giving in. "Of course your sport activities aren't"

"Like fuck they aren't!" Snapped Naomi before Katie could free Bay of her punishment again. "She's grounded-end of story. No electronics as entertainment, no outside activities. Go to your room Bay, we'll call you for tea." Huge tears filled up the girl's light eyes, and when she turned to stomp up the stairs they'd heard her heartbreaking sobs.

Katie's turned to Naomi, watching her like she'd lost her mind. "What. The. Actual. Fuck."

"What?" Realising that Bence was still in the room, staring at them, she waved him away and only responded when he wasn't in sight any more. "When Bence fucks up he's grounded for ages, including his band practise and lessons."

"Yes, but that's different."

"How?"

Looking away Katie's brow furrowed and she asked herself the same question. Why, and how could his interests be worth less than Bay's? "I don't know. It's not like he's playing a team, is it? He wont lose a whole season if he wont arrive at the basement to jam."

Naomi's eyes blazed, anger rising. "So? You know what Katie? Get your fucking head straight, this isn't right. When they're grounded, because they fucked up, they've to be punished." Her anger was visible and Katie straightened her back to feel less a scolded child. "Equally."

"And they are! No other parents take their kids' electronics away. We're always acting like enjoyment-nazis."

"Punished _means_; they've to feel that they're missing out on things. They have to suffer because of it so they wont do it again. That's the point. And Bay wont ever realise she's done something bad when you let her still do what she loves most."

Katie crossed her arms.

Naomi glared.

And they moved away from one another.

Katie walked up the stairs to tell Bay she couldn't play as long as she's grounded, and Naomi went to the garden with her laptop to call Effy and have a fag.

They met again for tea a few hours later.

Naomi's home made pizza, with Bence's help created, didn't make everyone grin and be happy like usually. The tension was too much for any topic used as distraction. "So, how's school?"

* * *

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* * *

Naomi's still glaring when Katie moved to clean the dishes before setting them into the dish-washer. "Stop glaring at me." Mumbled the twin over her shoulder, not even bothering to look into her girlfriend's face. Her fingers were busy running the dirty plates under hot water as she looked out of the window into nothing.

"We're having a problem Kay."

"Are we?"

"Yes."

"When are we not having a problem? Don't think I remember a time, actually."

Sighing, Naomi moved towards her and took the plate out of her hands, placing it into the dish-washer and closing it and the tap before Katie could start cleaning another one. Her eyes locked with Katie's, watching her seriously. Of course the twin couldn't hold the stand-off for long and in the end it was her who rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, waiting expectantly.

Naomi knew that this was her chance, she coughed once before starting. "I think...I think I need to go and see Effy."

Even though it shouldn't have been a surprise Katie's brows rose and she tensed, not saying a single word.

"I know that this is still weird, Coachella didn't change that, did it? But I really need to see her, spend time with her and just...I don't know. Feel normal." She smiled slightly. "You're right. I'm a real bitch now she's gone back, and I think I just need some time alone with Effy."

Katie still wasn't saying anything but Naomi could see the disappointment behind her nonchalant mask and she sighed. "You're not seriously jealous, are you? Fucking hell Kay, stop that." But she didn't, her big Bambi eyes just looked to the ground, making her appear all sad and weak, almost like she's on her way to the death-row. "Katie." Whined Naomi, already moving to take her girlfriend's hands in hers and pull her into a hug. "Don't be like that. You told me to go and see her."

"I didn't think you'd actually go. And not...not with those reasons."

"Whatcha mean?" Whispered Naomi into her wonderfully smelling neck, kissing it randomly. "There are no 'those reasons'. I just miss my best friend."

Katie's chuckle, missing humour, made Naomi pull her closer. "Please stop. I hate it when you don't yell at me and get all quite and sad. Don't know what to do. You know, you didn't exactly come with instructions." Not even that amazing joke did any good and Naomi sighed again, speaking into Katie's skin. "You know how important she is to me, _for me._ I cant be a miserable bitch all the time. It's not healthy."

"But she's not."

"She's not what?"

Raising her brows in confusion Naomi pulled back to look into Katie's empty face. "She's not your best mate, is she? She's your ex. Your ex girlfriend you were with when you weren't with me."

She could see what made Katie get pulled into that mood, it didn't sound nice at all, having all those doubts. But Naomi still couldn't really understand this. "I never loved her." An indifferent shrug was all she could offer.

"You always have. From the very start. And we both know that she isn't the problem." Their eyes locked and revealed truths Naomi had tried not to think about. Silently she urged Katie on to keep talking. "You replaced her."

Just when she was trying to leave the embrace with a jerk Katie's hands held on, as tightly as she could, knowing that this wasn't the time to withdraw. With a resigned sigh Naomi closed her eyes. "What do you want me to say." It was helpless and empty, almost as if Katie had asked for the date she knew she'd die.

"It's fine to miss her."

"It hurts."

"It's fine."

"But it's not."

"It is." Katie's voice was insisting and her eyes honest, pinning Naomi to the spot with the bare truth. "It is fine and it will always be fine. I promise."

"Why cant I just go on?"

At the small question, combined with Naomi's teary eyes, Katie could only shrug. "Because you love her."

A shaky breath was drawn through Naomi's nose, her eyes still closed, so Katie leaned in and kissed the corner of her lips. "And that's fine too." Blue eyes shot open and stared at Katie in disbelief. "What?"

"You've always loved her, your whole life, darling. How the fuck could I ever want you to stop doing that? Specially now? I think I've long gotten over my fear of you leaving me for her, thank fuck for that, it'd be right pathetic if I hadn't...But that doesn't mean it's not hard to see you place Effy into her fucking huge shoes."

Naomi's eyes widened in horror. "I'm not..I promise. Effy's lovely."

"But she's not Ginia. And you need to get that in your head or this'll backfire."

"I'm not pretending she's someone dead Katie."

"I know that. But you've still managed to build your world around Effy now. She's your best friend, the one you call when something good or bad happens, the one you'd want to spent every free minute with, the one making you feel 'normal'. It's the same thing, all over again. You're projecting all you're missing onto Eff. And that's not fair."

* * *

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* * *

"And here we have the boys music rooms. Four rooms, piano orientated, drums, guitar and for singers. Another big combined room where every instrument is welcome goes from that door. After the lessons and dinner the boys like to practise or hang around in here." Lucy, a nice intern of the Hemmonds boarding school explain with an easy smile. "Please follow me to the dining call."

Katie didn't look impressed, she was sniffing at everything and her mean expression had made the girl rather try and pull in Naomi and Jenna than the cool woman. Bence was going nuts either way, his eyes all wide and mouth pressed into a huge, permanent smile. "Simply marvellous." Gushed Jenna, squeezing her grandson to her side. "Just imagine the wonderful hours you could play."

"He's having a perfectly fine music studio up the attic, mother. I don't think that this tops it, not for one second."

Naomi grimaced and busied herself in running her hands over the beautifully arranged guitars. "The instruments, how does that work?"

"Well," Beamed Lucy, glad someone was taking an interest, "we provide basic instruments, optional of course. They are to be filed and categorised, of course so if Benedict would like a guitar, for example, he'd get a basic product. A Fender Squier."

"Fender Squier? Real Squier or A Squier **by** Fender? The bullet versions?" The girl's eyes widened for a moment before she pressed out an uncomfortable chuckle. Nervous as hell. "Well, we can not afford to provide 2000 Pound guitars for every student, except for the ones that pay for it."

"So it's the fake ones."

"Well, they're not fake. As far as I know they are made directly in the Fender labours, only available for every class of people thus cheaper than the" Naomi didn't need to interrupt this time, the girl was stumbling over her next words all of her own, not knowing what to say the blonde helped out; "Originals?"

"As I said, those are the basics."

"I can see that but this room's filled with Gibsons, Fenders, Gretchens and every other expensive and good kind. Who's are those?"

"We assure you that having money isn't a necessaries here at our school, even with the basics"

"Who's guitars are those, Lucy?"

"They belong to the students."

"Private?"

"Yes."

Nodding, deeply in thought Naomi had made up her mind about the school. Sadly Bence could see that too.

"But _mum_, I've got a real Gibson and one of the better drums. My instruments aren't cheap and fake. That's a good thing, why don't you let me go here?" His huge eyes bore in hers, questioning her, he couldn't understand her sudden dislike of the school.

"Because honey, every student should have the same chances and they don't. Not here."

"But _I_ will!"

"It's not about that, sadly it shows under what kind of management this school operates and I wont let you grow up in an environment like that."

"But mum!"

"Bence, we'll talk about this later." Turning to Lucy Naomi smiled, shaking her hand. "Thank you for taking the time to show us around, we really appreciate this but Bence wont be choosing this school."

"But mum!"

"Bence." Her tone was a clear warning and he shut up right away, with tears in his eyes but he did shut up. "Thank you." Then her eyes met Lucy's surprised ones. "We don't share the same political opinions."

"Are you sure that there wont be a way to compromise? He seems to enjoy it here."

"I'm quite sure I'm afraid." Looking to Katie she raised a brow, the only person who could, maybe change her mind, but the twin shook her head. "I'm sorry to have bothered you for nothing."

"We would be very happy to have your son, perhaps we could find a common ground if he started a try-out-term, free of charge except for the annual accessory charges." Naomi couldn't believe her ears. They were actually trying to buy him, giving them half a year for nothing? That comes with having the biological father be known as a shitty footsie player, she thought bitterly.

No.

She wanted a school that'd make him take tests, see if he's up to date with the subjects and his knowledge, a school that'd check his physical condition, see if he's athletic and that'd make him join a sports team as well as take in working-class-sons and daughters. This wasn't the school. It'd make a posh git out of him, thinking he's better than anyone else and she could never allow for that to happen.

She wanted a brilliant school which didn't differ the children by race or abilities, money or personality. This was the third school they'd looked at, the first one they'd visited in person, and Naomi was shocked to see the way children were being treated as nothing but products, labelled and jammed into the right drawer. Black, slow, sporty, nerdy, Jewish, rich, poor, famous and of course gay.

They'd seen schools with a corridor for the mixed, everything that wasn't entirely white in colour, a corridor for Jews and one for the athletes, one for the Bill gates (the corridor was called the Gates), and one for the outsiders (gay, skaters, mentally ill, aggressive, and so on) without realising that they really were the most popular ones as times had changed.

Another school had made it clear that if they'd donate a massive amount of cash every month Bence would get private lessons, a tutor, personal shuttle service to and from town, and a seat in the A canteen. Highly unacceptable, they agreed on that. All of them.

This school wasn't better.

Sure, it sounded better, from outside the shell.

But Naomi thought, since they couldn't provide good guitars for everyone, _everyone_ should only be allowed to play and practise on the same ones. No huge, 2000 pound guitars allowed. Perhaps draw a line at a 600 or something. And not that if the parents had money, the children would have advantages. Because they did. Everyone who could play guitar, really play, could play a fake Fender or Gibson. But if they would be playing an original, they wouldn't be good, they would play like gods. If someone, who cant play guitar, started on a fake one, they'd never know how good they truly were until their fingers slid over the wonderfully _painless_ strings of a Les Paul instead of that wire the fakes have.

So a kid playing a Les Paul, and another one playing a Lesa Paula, playing the same song, being equally good, wouldn't be fair. The Lesa Paula's kid wouldn't stand a chance.

That was not acceptable.

A school should offer the same options and chances to all its pupils.

* * *

ööööööööööööööööööööööööööööööö

* * *

"Naomi? What are you doing up? Come to bed, I'm done for today." Mumbled Katie through a yawn. Her hand reached for Naomi, who's sitting at the kitchen counter, papers and calculator laid before her.

Her tired eyes met with Katie's for a moment, then she shook her head. "Sorry, gotta do this." Yawning, she smiled at the twin making her way over to her, jumping slightly so she'd sit on Naomi's lap and see what she's doing.

The blonde moved to get more comfortable on that bar stool with Katie, but when she did her head rested on the girl's shoulder and she held her, cuddling instead. "I don't think we'll be fine if things stay the way they are babe."

Katie gasped at the numbers. "What the...when did _that_ happen?"

"Round the time you were too proud to take my money for the shop's bills." Yes her words had a certain edge to them but Naomi didn't think that Katie's had any right to stop paying her bills every other month just because of her pride. Not when Naomi had the money to cover the open amount, and when she had been glad to help. Now they were in trouble. "See? We cant cover the upkeep costs with what the shop's bringing in. Losing money, every month babe. Things need to change. Drastically."

"Doesn't it help that we've only got one car now?"

"Uh uh. We're too far behind for it make any difference."

"What about Bence's boarding?"

Naomi sighed.

That had been the reason she'd finally sat down and started going over numbers and calculations for the upcoming months. "We're not broke, Kay. We'll have food and warm water, power and a car but I don't think that him boarding will be manageable."

"And...what if you sold your car?"

Blue eyes widened at the girl, a look of utter disbelieve on her face. "Not happening."

"But Naomi"

"No." It was said with an amount of finality that Katie recoiled, turning her head to Naomi's with a glare. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not selling it."

"I heard you the first time. Care to explain why the fuck not?"

"Well, if I must." Fired the blonde. "I wont sell it because I don't see why only I should make sacrifices. Not for a school he doesn't need. He's at a fabulous school, it's one of the best. Were it different and he'd be at some community school with bums and junkies round the corner I'd sell the fucking house but not like this."

"Oh, how very noble of you. And now?"

Naomi's eyes narrowed when she clocked the sarcasm and blame in Katie's words. As if _her_ shop was making them pay thousands into the thin air, for _nothing_. "Oh I don't know? How bout you rent out the useless room downstairs."

"Downstairs?"

"The shop Kay."

She hadn't thought Katie's eyes would fill with scalding tears.

Seeing this she couldn't think of a day where she'd be capable of actually ripping Katie's dream out of her hands, after all she's been through to get there. "Look," She sighed, kissing the girl's forehead. "we'll figure something out. Or we'll get another loan for his studies. The bank's willing to help us."

"You talked to them?"

"Yes."

"Naomi, another loan?"

"Well, I don't see how we'd get it covered otherwise."

"What about the book you're translating? Or the money of the last huge deal?"

"It's stored away for the kids. They get it when they're older, we cant reach it." She flinched after her answer, knowing that Katie would snap her head off her neck for that one. "You did what?"

"I planned ahead, didn't I? Look, I'm sorry but I knew we'd get to that point where we'd have to take the money. We're not made of gold, Kay. Everyone's got a bit of hard time now and then, it was bound to happen."

"Because of my shop."

"Because that's life."

"But the sequel you've been working on, wont you get another check soon?"

Naomi shook her head and wrestled a fag out of the pack on the counter. Katie lit it with a small smile. "I'm getting monthly paid. I'll get the deal money when I finish it, that'll be extra. We're living off of the other money, love. Our bills, food and heating are being paid with it. Petrol, insurance, taxes and everything else."

Furrowing her brows Katie pulled out her phone, checking her bank account balance. Her eyes almost popped out seeing it. "Oh my god. Naomi, how the fuck is that possible?"

She knew the twin would break out in tears if she didn't stop it, so kissing her bare shoulder she took the phone out of her hands and placed it out of reach. "Katie"

"How could I not realise that there's no money?"

"You didn't because I was transferring you some."

"You..._what_?"

"I knew you needed money, Katie and I also knew that the shop's not in a good place now."

"But...Naomi we're using a combined account. We fucking have a shared bank account and separate ones for our spare time or items we separately want."

"I know."

"So, so I haven't transferred any money to ours?"

"I stopped the transfer order a while ago, was keeping your account up so you wouldn't be without any."

"You lied."

"No I haven't. I just knew we'd have to start looking for the problem soon but we never did. Now I had to, and look!" Pointing at the papers Naomi shook her head. "It's a fucking huge problem. A 3grand worth one actually. Keeping the shop open costs us more than having the room empty would."

"You really want me to rent it out, or just end the business?"

"No." With a head shake Naomi stroked Katie's tensed shoulders. Hoping she'd lose the battle armour and sarcasm so they'd talk it out. "No, I really don't. But we need to figure something out, this cant go on."

"What about the guitars?"

"Katie, don't fucking piss me off." Warned Naomi. If there was one thing she'd never do it's selling her instruments. She could be sleeping under a freaking bridge and they'd be stored away at her mum's.

"They're easily worth Bence's boarding."

"They're worth more than that but forget it. We'll need to think of a way to make your shop more successful. That's a basis Katie, for the shop to make our life easier, not harder. We need to get it back into the teenagers' mouths."

"Any ideas, clever clogs?"

Naomi ignored the jab, she knew Katie was going mad in worry and blamed herself for not telling her sooner. Sure, they knew the shop wasn't making them rich, Katie knew things weren't pretty but didn't have an actual idea how bad it was. "You thought about selling music?"

"Naomi, darling, I know you live music but others only _download_ it. They're not interested in vinyl."

"Course not, too expensive. But what about instruments? I'd help you with it, teach you all about it and I even could give lessons. Workshops. We need something we're good at, that'll be a success. I know you wanted a shop you'd sell everything at but that's the problem. People don't know what you got here today or in two weeks. You need a brand. Commercials, PR. Even gigs. We're in Camden Town, if you cant score with music you're's good as dead. I tell you, we should find something like this."

"And again it would be you making the money."

"No, _your_ shop honey. You'd do all the business, I've no clue of that anyway. You're the brains, I'm the hands."

Katie cracked a smile and dipped her head to kiss Naomi's side of the mouth. "How very unlike of you to admit it."

"Shut up. I'm serious." And then they started throwing ideas into the room, staying up half the night til four am when they'd fallen asleep on the sofa between Net-books, Laptops and printed pages of ideas.


	25. Dreams are better nightmares

_Hola!_

_This one is short, actually it's over forty pages long but I'm leaving for six days, 'Wacken' Festival (Only the best rock Festival in Germany, puh, whole of Europe where I'm gonna chill with Deep purple and Rammstein and so many more musicians that have changed my life) and I thought I really need to update before I leave. It's taken me too long and I apologise. So i had to cut it short because I'll be gone in like three hours and I dont have the time to edit the forty pages. _

_I hope you like it. _

_Tell me what you think though, otherwise who knows where my inspiration goes...yup, blackmail. ;) _

_Have fun reading oh and Red; Cant wait to hear your thoughts, I didnt change much this time, hope it doesn't disappoint. _

* * *

Katie was standing in front of the door, biting her thumbnail, her eyes flickered round like she was being followed or a criminal or something else she _clearly_ wasn't. With a huge intake of breath she straightened her back and exhaled, banging her fists on the door loudly.

About a minute later she saw an eye in the eye-hole and slammed her palm against the door, covering it. Rustling of different locks, keys and chains made her furrow her brows and look in surprise at her sister when the door finally opened. "Way to be dramatic. You got any cider? I'm in a serious need of a drink."

Emily's eyebrows vanished in her hairline at the usual greeting, one she hadn't received in years. Not to break the spell, she nodded and hurried to get her sister a drink, trusting that Katie'd let herself in and make herself at home just fine without her.

When she returned, a sceptical expression on her face, with two huge opened bottles in her hands Katie sighed dramatically, snatching one away and gulping the bubbly liquid down like water. "Thanks, I really needed that." Wiping her wet lips her eyes locked with Emily's and she rambled on about things that were so uncommon Emily almost feared she was dreaming. "So, like, she's planning to go to New York, right, and I mean it was my idea. Obviously I didn't have another chance, yeah? She was a right moody bitch all month long and I was soooo close to strangling her if she sighed another fucking time. I mean, isn't that a bit much? Don't you think?"

Emily's expression was blank, there might have been a big fat question-mark on her forehead, it'd looked the same. "Uh,"

"Yeah I know. Can I smoke here?" Katie didn't wait for an actual answer before her fag was lit and she puffed away happily. "Where's your girlfriend anyway? She living here then?"

"Uh, are you okay Katie?" Was Emily's worried question. She had no idea if her sister had hurt her head and simply forgotten all about the fight, or the being-dead-for-the-twin-thing. "You know where you are and who I am, don't you? Who's prime minister?"

Rolling her eyes Katie blew a smoke circle at Emily, making her cough. "Harriet Jones," Smirked Katie but then her expression changed and she stopped playing, making Emily worry. "I don't know what to do Em." Helplessness was evident in her sister's eyes, and Emily watched her intently, not really understanding any of it. She didn't have to wait long to be let in on the big situation. "I'm just so scared I'll lose her to fucking Effy."

At her ex' name Emily's whole posture changed.

She was sitting up straight, her head held high, and claws ready for fighting. Of course Katie could see the change too and waved the girl's concerns away dismissing. "Pff, relax. Not like I hate Effy or anything, do I? It just hurts is all." Her whole face got the melancholic look when she thought of Effy. "The worst thing is that I could understand if she did. Effy is so fucking special and amazing I wouldn't hesitate a fucking second if Naomi weren't around. I could understand it. Effy isn't some awful bitch I could just dismiss as a random skank, or whom I could accuse of things. She's Effy and she's fucking brilliant. If Naomi will leave me for her, I guess, I don't know."

"What then?" Hesitating to ask Emily coughed, but she had to know. Even if it meant Katie would rip her head off for suggesting that.

"I would need to let her be happy with her and that'd kill me."

Emily lit a cigarette with a far away look. That conversation wasn't what she had expected to happen when waking up that morning. No. Having a nice chat with Katie about Naomi and Effy's potential future they'd run off to hadn't been on her mind. "Why would you think that? I thought you were happy."

"We are." Warned Katie with sharp eyes before relaxing again and continuing with a small voice. "If she were some stranger it wouldn't matter. But she's Effy and they've actually had an honest and serious relationship, starting way before they have ever fucked. At the time when Effy was blaming Naomi for _your_ moods and _your_ reactions to everything, Naomi had decided to be there for Effy, no matter how awful you and I were treating her for it and no matter the consequences. And since she didn't give up on her, always tried being there for her, Effy had warmed up to her and reached out to Naomi."

Emily shook her head, trying to understand the problem she still didn't get. "What is bad about that?"

"They're still clinging to one another, even now when they're an ocean apart."

With a shrug Emily asked if that was a bad thing, or if Katie was making it bigger than it actually was. "Perhaps they're really good mates Katie. Why does Naomi have to always have dubious secret motives for everything? Perhaps she's really in this, like she said years ago and hasn't stopped. And perhaps they're only tighter now that they went together through all this rubbish."

Katie's eyes were sparkling with anger and her sister braced herself for the attack she knew would come flying at her like a verbal canon. "What the fuck Emily? Could you forget, for one fucking second, that you're stupidly in love with my girlfriend and listen to _me_? I wouldn't be here if I wanted someone to defend her. Got a whole house of that, a whole fucking part of the town too. I am here because I need someone to _hear me _out."

Everything Emily had prepared herself for didn't prepare her for this.

She sat, motionless, with wide eyes and lips formed in an 'O' not knowing what to say. Katie was sad, lonely and she came to her for mental backup. If only to get it all out, without it having major consequences. With a head-shake Emily got herself out of the stupid fish like state and relaxed her over speeding mind with a few puffs of her fag. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"And?"

Seeing Katie's eyes twinkle again, this time in scepticism Emily smirked. "And what do you think those bitches will be doing in New York then?"

Hearing Katie's chuckle ring through her flat warmed Emily's long cold heart and she smiled, listening to her sister's weird theories and ideas that were so fucking unhealthy and ridiculous she had to laugh.

* * *

Ööööööööööööö

* * *

"What? That'd be perfect. Effy never wanted to carry children, Naomi didn't either. Now they've collected three between them, perfect timing to merge them together in their perfect little patchwork family." Emily was a moment from rolling round and crying with laughter at that stupid remark. Seeing her choke on laughter had Katie's lips twitch upwards too and they called each other bitches before chuckling together.

* * *

Ööööööööööööööööööööööööööööö

* * *

"When is Naomi leaving then? Have you told her what you think of all of this?" Emily's tired voice asked from the floor where she was hanging with her head upside down.

Katie was mirroring her position, on the opposite arm-chair, the top of her head resting on the soft carpet. "How could I do that without looking like a jealous cow?" She sighed. "Effy's off limits. If I as much as say her name the wrong way Naomi's cross with me for days."

"Interesting. Who would have thought they'd be the ones surviving this mess _together_."

"They're not." Growled Katie and pulled herself into a sitting position before turning around to face her sister angrily. "We are. We've survived just fine. Naomi and me, not her and Effy. She only needed her to come back to me."

"How'd you know?"

"She told me." Snapped Katie and heard herself that she sounded like a pouting child. "She did. Three times actually. Said Effy was the one bringing her back to me and that it was what she'd needed. She wouldn't lie."

"Because that's so out of character?"

"Because it's too important to lie about." Shot Katie back through gritted teeth. "She may lie like a fucking actress, tell me beautiful stories because she uses words so fucking wonderfully I'd melt whatever she says but she wouldn't lie about that. Naomi knows how delicate the subject is, she knows how weak and fragile my warming up to Effy is."

Emily got up herself and pulled her knees up to her chin, staring at her sister curiously. "You're really scared she'll leave you."

"Of course I am. Did you hear anything I just said you stupid cow? Try drinking less if you're not even good at that any more." She huffed. "I'm bladdered."

"Yeah. Me too."

"Cant drive like this."

"You cant drive either way."

"Oh right." She slapped her forehead. "I don't have a car. Or a license."

"I know, you told me. About ten times actually. I think I'm ready to punch Ashley out myself, stupid bitch. How could she have said that to you in court? What is she, like twelve?"

"I know. Accused me of fucking heartbreak. How dumb's that? I never promised her anything."

Raising a disbelieving brow at her sister Emily sniggered, knowing Katie too well to be bullshitted. "All right, yeah? I may have told her we'd get married if we stayed as happy for another six months."

"How's the sex now with Naomi? Not weird? Like, after everything? I mean you've had Ash, in the bed you share. That must be a well turn off. I bet it's all changed."

"I'm not telling!" Exclaimed Katie, horrified. "You would only go and wank to images of my girlfriend."

Emily was red in the face from laughing at Katie's expression. "She'd forever hate me if I told you that I've finally managed to bang her with B.O.B. But I just told you anyway. Huh." She sniggered at herself and joined in Emily's laughter.

"Seriously?"

"Fuck yeah. And it was amazing Ems. I never thought it'd be so fucking hot to fuck her this way but it was."

"I know."

"How the fuck would _you_ know?"

"Uh, because I've been with Effy for-fucking-ever and she couldn't go a week without shagging me with her strap-on?"

Katie paled when memories and doubts hit her full force.

* * *

Ööööööööööö

* * *

"_I love you, darling. You don't have to do that. Okay? We'll stop." _

_The blonde propped up on her elbows and kissed Katie slowly. Her thighs opened wider, giving Katie more room to position herself, and then they wrapped around her waist, bringing her impossibly close. "Are you sure?" _

"_Yeah." _

_That alone, the thought of what was going to happen made Katie close her eyes and shakily breath through her nose. Her body was trembling and when she opened her eyes again there was fear in them. "What's wrong Katie?" Naomi's fingers gently stroked the girl's cheek, "I didn't mean it. You know that." _

"_I know, I know." Shaking her head she smiled sadly. "I'm not sure I can do that though." _

"_Oh I am fucking sure." Laughing disbelieving at her girlfriend Naomi pushed herself up into a sitting position, kinda sitting between Katie's open legs with hers still wrapped round hers. "And I'm also fucking sure of it feeling amazing."_

"_You'll tell me if you don't like it."_

"_Katie, come on." _

"_You need to tell me before I get into the frenzy of breaking your back. Promise?"_

"_I promise." Naomi smiled encouragingly and kissed the tip of her nose once, watching it crinkle. "Now, please love, show me what shagging really is and come into a frenzy of breaking my back." _

_oooooo_

* * *

_Naomi broke the kiss to take Katie's hand and guide it to help the strap-on find its way. Together they had it there in no time and Naomi's head fell to Katie's shoulder, her lips pressing against the warm skin as her eyes clenched shut while Katie slowly moved in into her. It didn't slip in like, without any resistance but it didn't take nearly as long as Katie had expected. _

_She had been sure nothing bigger than three, maximal four fingers had ever filled up girlfriend so having Naomi move back and forth not even a minute later was a huge shock._

_Oooooo_

* * *

_She slammed her right hand onto the pillow next to Naomi's head for balance. Her whole body surged forward, the strap-on hitting as far as it could, and she watched carefully for any signs of pain but Naomi didn't seem to mind it. Her face confronted in a grimace but her hands were holding Katie's arse, pulling her in even deeper. "You ready?" _

"_Uh huh." Moaned Naomi before holding her breath when Katie kissed her once, softly, and then started pounding into her with abandon._

_Oooooooo_

* * *

"Katie? You okay?" Emily's worried voice asked when she stroked her sister's back, who was clinging to the toilette after vomiting everything she's ever eaten. "Fuck, that's beastly."

With a shaking head Katie tried to get up but another wave of bitter tasting nausea came over her and she puked out what was left in her stomach. Emily went to fetch her some water and made her drink the whole thing, wiping her sweaty forehead with a towel. "Fuck Kay, that's so disgusting. Here." Katie almost puked again when Emily's toothbrush was pushed into her mouth, almost hitting her throat.

Brushing away Katie's eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't stop the sobs shaking her. Emily eyed her worriedly and biting her lip she decided what to do.

They were still sitting on the bathroom floor when someone knocked on the door, rapidly. "Be right back." Katie nodded and closed her eyes again, not caring where Emily'd run off to.

Her eyes flew open when she felt someone sit down next to her, pull her into their side. She turned her head and looked right into Naomi's dancing eyes, clearly amused at the state Katie was in. "Imagine my surprise when Ems phoned me to say you've passed out on her bathroom floor."

"I hate you." Cried Katie with a breaking voice, untangling herself from Naomi.

The blonde raised her brows and threw Emily an questioning look but the twin just shrugged, having no fucking idea what had gotten into her sister. "She was fine, we didn't fight or anything. Then she started puking and that's about it. She went from praising your sexual skills to hating you in about two seconds."

Rolling her eyes Naomi inched closer to Katie but the girl scooted away with a glare. Her eyes were covered by dark eye-liner, it was smeared and she looked a right mess. Mascara and eye-liner ran down her eyes and now she looked like she'd smoky eyes, well, under her eyes. "Katie?"

"I hate you. I fucking hate you Naomi." If Katie's bottom lip hadn't quivered like crazy, and if she hadn't looked like the saddest girl on the planet Naomi might have been angry. But when Katie was like this, which wasn't often, she couldn't. Curiosity got the best of her and she asked her girlfriend what she had done then. "You gotta tell me babes, cant fix it otherwise, can I?"

"You cant. You've already done it." A loud sob surprised Naomi and she watched in horror/amusement how Katie pouted with a trembling lip. She looked like a crying, pouting, child.

"Then tell me what I did so I can apologise."

"No. You cant. I'll never forgive you, never. Ever. No." She shook her head. "_Never_."

"Right." Muttered Naomi a bit worried. "Come on, lets go home." When she reached for Katie's hand the twin snatched it away with a face like thunder. "Don't fucking touch me."

"_What_?!"

She was having enough.

Getting to her feet Naomi pulled a reluctant Katie up and dragged her along to the sitting room where she was looking for her high heels. "Where the fuck are your shoes?"

"I'm not telling." Snapped Katie and crossed her arms, swaying on the spot.

"I'm not joking Katie, where the fuck are your shoes? We're leaving."

"No we're not. I'm staying with Ems. She's my family and you're not. Get the fuck away from me." Shrieked Katie when Naomi took her hand to lead her out. Recoiling the blonde backed away, her face in pure shock. She had never seen Katie that angry when drunk. "You need to calm down Kay."

"I fucking don't!" She screamed on the top of her lungs, almost falling over in the process. It made her so angry that she lunged at Naomi and the blonde couldn't do much then try and catch her so she wouldn't hurt herself.

Katie was trying to hit her but the drunken movements were everything but coordinated and keeping her hands away wasn't hard. "Stop it." Spat Naomi through gritted teeth, her hands squeezing Katie's wrists she was holding behind the girl's back. "Fucking stop it and tell me what the fuck I did."

Katie was trashing about, trying to get free but Naomi wouldn't let her. She had her pressed to herself as closely as possible, holding her wrists behind her back so she wouldn't accidentally on purpose hit her. They'd both regret it in the morning.

Having her girlfriend cry and scream in her arms, yelling how she hated her, wasn't nice and Naomi couldn't figure out what the problem was. "Katie CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" She screamed back into her face and used the shocked state of her girlfriend to her advantage, she pushed her into the cushions of the sofa, straddling her and grasping her hands again. "What did I do?" Whispered Naomi helplessly, her eyes searching Katie's wild ones, she needed to know what was happening. They'd work it out but she needed a clue otherwise this could cost them too much. "Please tell me." When Katie didn't stop struggling and her cries only got worse Naomi crashed their lips together in a bruising kiss. No matter how big the fight was, Katie could never resist turning it into hot lust.

This time she could.

Naomi'd had no time to react.

Katie's hands ripped free while they kissed, and she had them on the blonde's shoulders, gently bringing her closer but then she pushed, hard and Naomi fell off of her and to the ground.

Emily jumped into action and flew in between Naomi, who was sitting on her arse on the floor with wide eyes, and a fuming Katie who was trying to get up and probably kill Naomi. She only came face to face with Emily though. "Move Emily." The younger twin had never seen Katie that furious, she had never feared she'd lose it like this. But in that moment Emily couldn't read her, she couldn't tell if Katie was actually capable of murder. "No."

Her eyes blazed and Katie let out a deafening scream before she tried to push Emily out of the way but her twin knew the attack was coming and with one motion of her leg, hooking it behind Katie's knee, she had wrestled Katie to the ground, sitting on her back.

When Katie moved her head, the only thing she could actually move, to look into Naomi's horrified face the blonde gulped, her huge eyes overspilling with tears. "Katie, baby what is it? You're scaring me."

She couldn't say it, Katie couldn't get the words out.

She was quietly sobbing when she moved her head away to look at anything but Naomi.

The blonde had no idea what to do. Her fearful eyes locked with Emily's, and she saw that the twin was just as useless. Both of them too overwhelmed with the situation.

When light snoring joined Katie's sobbing Naomi hurried along the floor to her girlfriend and wiped her tears away, the ones she was crying in her sleep. "Fuck." Whispered Naomi.

She shook her head and pointedly looked at Emily, making her move off of Katie right away. Then Naomi gently helped Katie to her feet, the girl was barley awake but it was better than carrying her all the way. Waving goodbye, Naomi held Katie close and lead her out of the flat and into her car where she laid her down on the back-seat. Before going behind the steering-wheel Naomi's thumbs cleaned Katie's face off the tears and she had to swallow the lump in her throat. "What the fuck is happening."

With a kiss to Katie's forehead Naomi tried to at least fasten one seatbelt but Katie's hoarse voice stopped her dead in her tracks on top of her. "I hate you, I'll never forgive you for that." Without having to think about it Naomi closed her eyes and sighed, kissing Katie's forehead again. "You don't. And whatever it is will be okay again. I wont let you hate me Katie."

She almost fell backwards when Katie's eyes shot open to look at her all emotionless and empty. "You cant do anything about it."

"Is it because I'm going to see Effy?" Urged Naomi desperately. "I wont. Not if it hurts you that much."

With a heavy sigh Katie turned to her side, showing that the conversation was over for her and Naomi couldn't do much than get behind the wheel and get them home safely.

* * *

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* * *

Naomi was sitting on the front-steps of their house the next morning, a fresh coffee in her hand and a fag in the other as she was staring at her car. She didn't get much sleep, after getting home she had tried to help Katie into the house and upstairs but the twin wouldn't let her touch her. It hurt.

Three hours she'd been sitting and staring, trying to make sense out of the mess she'd had no idea they were in.

Blue eyes widened when the door of her merc opened and Katie's right leg came into view, slowly followed by the rest of her body. When Katie was sitting on the back-seat, her legs on the pavement, their eyes met and a cold shudder ran down Naomi's back at the intensity of Katie's empty eyes. She was in trouble.

She had hoped they'd laugh it off, excuse it with too many drinks and a nagging Emily but it didn't seem likely.

All of a sudden Katie shook her head, as if shaking herself out of a mood, and her face broke out in a huge, fake smile when she climbed out of the car. Barefoot, she realised, and grimaced in Naomi's direction once, probably trying to make her smile or joke but the blonde couldn't. She had no idea what the mood-change was all about.

Katie made her way over and sat down next to Naomi, leaning her head on her shoulder as she took her coffee and sipped on it. "Hmmm, so fucking good. I feel like I've been shot out of a catapult baby. What the fuck happened to my shoes?"

"You don't remember?"

And why her voice sounded resenting and why she had scoffed, Naomi couldn't tell but she was angry. "You gonna tell me you've a blackout?"

"Sorry." Shrugged Katie with that fake smile of hers and kissed Naomi's cheek when getting to her bare feet. "Thanks for getting me though, I bet I was a right mess." On her way in she heard Naomi's disbelieving scoff but didn't turn around, she walked up the stairs and started crying in the shower. "Should've left you there."

* * *

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* * *

The blonde was making breakfast when Katie returned, acting as if nothing was wrong, it pissed her off.

"We're not gonna talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? Cant you just enjoy the time we have without the kids? Why do you always have to discuss everything?" Katie sighed and made her way to the sitting-room where she sat in front of the telly with a new cup of coffee and a dry toast.

Naomi's finger typing like crazy Katie couldn't concentrate on the ancient aliens episode she was watching. "Could you stop hammering on the keyboard? Might as well hammer 'gainst my fucking scull it's so loud." The twin spat through gritted teeth, not even turning to look at the scowling blonde who in return, let her fingers punch the keyboard even harder.

Naomi's eyes almost bugled out when she saw Effy's face blink on her phone's display. Hesitating a moment she picked up, moving the phone away so she'd be in view and Effy could see her in her Skype window. "All right?"

Effy raised her brows and scoffed. "That's all you're gonna say? What the fuck happened?"

With a sigh Naomi looked over to Katie who was watching her out of the corner of her eyes, her jaw tense. "Wait a mom, I'll just go to the garden."

"Don't bother." Hissed Katie and demonstratively turned off the telly, throwing Naomi a dirty look. "I'll just leave you to it, couldn't have me distract you from a nice chat with your girlfriend."

"Katie," warned Naomi with hard eyes, "fucking watch it."

"Right. It's fucking Effy after all, what the hell was I thinking? Maybe I should fucking ship you off to New York finally then, it's about time you reunite and stop getting on my nerves."

With a shaking head Naomi grabbed Katie's hand when she was storming past her, the phone long forgotten. She pulled the girl back to her, almost making her trip, and caught her with her other hand. Then she turned her around and spoke through gritted teeth, only inches from her face. "I've no fucking idea what your problem is but if you don't stop acting like a fucking nutter I'll"

"You'll what? Leave me? Please." Katie scoffed. "You've left me long ago."

Naomi was paralysed and didn't keep up a fight when Katie ripped free and marched away, banging doors and cabinets on her way. Effy's voice, asking her what the fuck that was, brought her back to reality and Naomi took it out with her to the garden where she lit a much needed fag. "I've no fucking idea what her problem is Eff. I'm serious, it's not my imagination."

"I know. Emily's told me."

Blue eyes, angry as fuck, watched the display accusingly. "You spoke with _Emily_?"

"Relax girlfriend," was Effy's remark which shut Naomi up right away, she didn't have the right to act all jealous, "she called me earlier. You figured out what Katie's problem is, then?"

"No." Sighed Naomi and rubbed her forehead. "She's a bitch, a fucking mental bitch."

"She's hurt."

"She's insane."

"You've no idea what brought that up?"

"NO. I haven't done anything, I promise."

"Awe, been a good girl then?" Mocked Effy, her tone cutting Naomi's heart in half. What was wrong with everyone? "Or did you let her fuck your brains out with a strap-on and didn't think of pretending it's your first time?"

Naomi's blood ran cold and her eyes flickered up in panic, hoping Katie hadn't heard Effy's malice filled words. "Psss. Shut up." Seeing that Katie wasn't anywhere Naomi stopped whispering. "She has no idea."

"Uh, you think?"

"Why would she know?"

"Oh, don't know? Perhaps because you weren't scared, didn't stop her, because your body is used to it? Just a guess though."

Naomi's face fell and hadn't she been sitting down on the bench she'd have fallen to the ground. "Oh my god."

"She feels like you've betrayed her." Said Effy softer. "For how many years has she tried to fuck you that way? Ten? You've never let her. And then you did and she is not as stupid as you think. She was already curious bout it, but when she bragged to Emily about it and she told Katie that she knew how that is because I couldn't go a day without it, she put two and two together. I think that this is actually worse for her than knowing that you cant let go of me." With a head shake Effy said the words Naomi feared. "She feels like you gave me something she's deserved. It's hers and yet I got it. She doesn't like sharing Naomi, think you should have thought about that before begging me to strap it on."

"Stop it." Whispered Naomi, totally humiliated. "Just..stop."

"Why? Wasn't me who wanted to try it, was it? You were all over me, _begging_, like you couldn't live without it. What the fuck Naomi? You knew it'd hurt her, you knew you'd be with her again. Why the fuck didn't you pretend it's something new? Why'd you have to go nuts?"

"I didn't."

"Oh you fucking did. I know how you get when someone takes you that way, so stop trying to pretend now."

"Why are you so cruel?"

Effy shook her head. "Make it right and fucking stop the drama. You're a grown up for fuck's sake."

The disconnecting noise made Naomi's eyes close and the girl breathed deeply through her nose, trying to calm herself down enough to go and talk with Katie.

She didn't have to wait long though, Katie came looking for her with a sheepish smile. Naomi's mind was spinning when her girlfriend sat on her lap and kissed her softly, wrapping her arms around her neck. "I'm sorry for being a bitch. I don't know what's wrong with me when Effy's involved." Then her smile grew and she pressed her lips to Naomi's again. "I love you." She pecked her nose. "What're we gonna do now the kids are gone? How 'bout we order take out, and after I'm done with laundry and cleaning the shop we'll watch a film or something?" She didn't wait for an response and went back into the house after kissing a speechless Naomi who was sure Katie had amnesia. Or that she was bi-polar.

* * *

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* * *

"So we're fine?"

Katie smiled, so big and falsely Naomi suppressed a groan and smiled back when her girlfriend nodded.

They were sitting on the sofa, Katie on one end and Naomi on the other, their feet entwined. "Of course. I was hungover. Sorry. I know I'm a bitch sometimes."

"And yesterday?"

"Dunno. Too barmey, sorry. I was just pissed as fuck, thank god I don't remember a fucking thing." The fake smile turned into a fake laugh, and then Katie was looking back at the telly and Naomi nodded to herself. "Right. Yeah, you were well gone."

"I know, right. Ems always knew how to make me play the biggest bitch, sorry. She's just got that effect on me, yeah? But I'm good now, all good again."

Something was on the back of Naomi's mind, for a few weeks now, and she thought that this might have been the best of times to ask. "Hey Katie?" She didn't answer to the hum, she waited until Katie reluctantly moved to look at her."Are you taking your meds regularly?"

"Yeah." Snapped the twin, her jaw tightening. "I fucking am, all right? Are you? Perhaps _you_ need therapy again, what with you replacing Ginia with Effy and all."

She didn't bite the bait. "Right. You think the dose is still okay or do you need to get it up with your shrink?" Naomi mustered Katie curiously. The girl was holding her breath, her fists clenched and her feet so tense that Naomi's actually got a cramp. "It's perfect." She hissed with a smile.

"Oh, it really is? Huh. Could have sworn you've lost it, your mind that is. Like, repeatedly."

"Just because you make me angry all the fucking time doesn't mean I'm mad, yeah? You're acting like a tit, I get angry. Normal human reaction, darling." Then she smiled again, patted Naomi's knee and looked back to the screen. "Every action brings out a reaction."

"So we're good?"

"We're perfect."

Nodding to herself Naomi's decision was made in a matter of seconds and then she was already crawling her way up Katie's body. "Show me." Her lips attached themselves to Katie's neck and her hands were wandering under the girl's sleep shirt, she ignored the chuckle and swatting hands. "Not now baby, I'm watching this."

But instead of backing off Naomi's lips were insisting, her teeth scraping along Katie's jaw and down to her neck. When Katie stopped trying to, well stop her, Naomi crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss, pushing her hipbone into Katie's centre. "God," she lowly breathed into Katie's ear, "you wanna get B.O.B? That was so fucking good baby I couldn't get" Before she could have finished the sentence Naomi was pushed off and her back hit the armrest of the sofa.

Katie's eyes were spitting fire and her whole appearance screamed; fight. "Don't fucking touch me." She hissed when Naomi moved her hand along her calve.

With a satisfied grin Naomi stopped looking at her like she'd like to eat her alive and crossed her arms, her voice firm. "Good. Can we now talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about? Nothing."

"Oh I think there is. You wanted to kill me yesterday Katie. To fucking kill me. If Emily weren't there" "Oh yeah, thank fuck for Emily." Naomi nodded, begging every spirit out there to give her patience to not kill Katie. She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "Yes, I've fucked Effy. Loads. And yes, I've fucked her with a strap-on. More times than I could count. And yes, she's fucked me too. I'm sorry but we did have sex."

"You're not sorry."

"No I'm not." Exclaimed Naomi, her hands flaring about. "We were separated."

"On a break."

"Fuck you." She hissed at the twin. "Fuck you Katie. You kicked me out, got a new girlfriend, moved her in, and YOU fucking wanted to marry her." Katie's eyes widened in horror and Naomi scoffed again, her eyes set on Katie in fury. "Oh yeah, you've mentioned it this morning when I tried to get you out of the car. I'm sorry I've fucked up your life, over and over again and I'm so fucking sorry I made you choose to go back to misery instead of 'spending a fantastic life with a fantastic woman'," she imitated Katie's words the girl had yelled at her that morning, even managed to get the lisp right. "But you know what? I don't care. You were plastered and that's fine. But you don't get to be a bitch and punish me for things you've absolutely no right to."

"You let her do it!" Shrieked Katie.

"So what? Do you see me freak out every time I am in our bed because I know that Ashley was with you, on the same fucking bed? Doing things she never should have because you're mine? NO."

"It's different."

"It is fuck."

"Naomi"

"No." She shook her head. "I get that you're angry, I really do. I think if you've talked to me about it I'd have understood but this? This is bullshit. How long haven't you taken your pills?" Her eyes were daring Katie to lie. "Three weeks."

"You gotta start again. This cant go on."

"But they make me gain weight Naomi!"

"I don't care. We'll get other ones but this isn't working. You're a bomb ready to blow me apart. You've any idea how much you'd have suffered if Emily didn't stop you yesterday? You'd have never forgiven yourself. Get it fucking together."

"It hurts."

Naomi rolled her eyes, fed up with all the drama. "What does?"

"It feels like you gave Effy a part of you I'll never have." Before Naomi could bite her head off Katie tripped over her words to continue. "I know that she's important to you, and I know that I've no right to act like this but it feels like she's won."

"Has she?" Hissed Naomi. "Am I with her, in Bristol, living a happy life? No. She's in New York, with her girlfriend and a kid, and she's happy. I am here, with you. So no, I don't think so."

Katie's whole face fell and Naomi had no idea what she had said to make that happen. "Oh."

"What now?"

"She hasn't won, because you're not with her. That's why I won. You're with me, and not happy." This was taking a turn Naomi couldn't understand. "What?"

"Naomi, I need you to tell me that you don't love Effy."

"Are you shitting me?"

"Tell me."

"You know that I love her."

"Yeah."

"But you also know that I fucking die for you, every single day. I would do anything to make you happy Kay, fucking everything and it hurts that you still cant trust me." Whispered Naomi with a broken heart expression. "It'll never be enough, will it? In the end Italy's always gonna come back and bite me."

"It's not Italy." Shaking her head Katie lit a fag and took a long drag before handing it to Naomi. "I'm scared. I am the problem. I don't think that I'll ever fully believe that you're here."

"Why?"

"Because you never came back from that trip. You've died in Greece."

"What?"

"You're not real. You haven't been for a very long time. I just couldn't let go."

Naomi shuddered and looked at Katie intensely. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I couldn't let go and I started imagining you're here. All of you but now I had to let go. I've been in therapy and we are slowly starting to make all of you go away. That's Ginia, and Cook and Fernando. And Effy."

"Katie, you're scaring me."

"You're all not real."

"We are. And what the fuck? The boys and Effy are not dead."

"Who survives a collision with a 40 tons truck?"

Naomi's eyes filled with tears and Katie let hers freely fall. "I couldn't let go."

"Bay?" Whispered Naomi, fearing the worst.

"Another product of my imagination. Why do you think does she look like you?"

* * *

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* * *

Katie woke up with a terrifying scream, pulling on her hair as she cried. "Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod," When a hand gently touched her back she jumped off the bed, her eyes wide when they landed on a tired Naomi with tousled hair. "Come back to bed honey, it's just a dream."

"This? This is just a dream? Or was I dreaming before?" Panicking, Katie backed away from the bed and never let Naomi out of her sight.

"Uh, the letter. I guess. Come on, I'm tired."

"I'm not getting into bed with you."

"You're still angry?" Yawned Naomi and covered her mouth with her hand. "Just stop. I have no idea what your problem is."

"You fucked Effy."

Naomi's tired eyes opened a bit further and she shook her head. "Yeah." Licking her dry lips she reached for the bottle on the night table but Katie's eyes made her stop the sudden movements. "We knew that before."

"You let her fuck you with a strap-on."

"Why does it sound like she's attacked me with it?" Muttered Naomi and patted the bed. "Come here, lets talk about this." Katie watched her intently, almost scarily, and when she slowly inched towards the bed Naomi exhaled. "What did you dream about?"

"That I lost you."

"Where?"

"In Greece." The tone of Katie's voice gave Naomi chills and she shook herself like a dog, shuddering, before she carefully moved on the bed towards Katie and took her hand. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

"I don't. Well, I don't think I do. At least I didn't. But that dream Naomi," her wet eyes were pinning Naomi to the spot, "it was scary."

"I know." Whispered the blonde and finally wrapped both arms around Katie, pulling her back into the pillows as she snuggled close. "But you didn't lose me. I'm sorry that the Effy thing is hurting you but I cant change it. It's happened and I wouldn't change it. Because at that time it felt right. You need to understand that whatever's happened between Effy and me has nothing to do with you, or you and me. We're so fucking awesome, you and me Katie. We're fucking fantastic and I hate when you degrade it all the time with everything."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry just start believing that we're meant to be, and that we are together."

"I know we're meant."

"What's the problem then?"

"I guess I love you too much."

"Good." Whispered Naomi into Katie's neck where her face was snuggled into. "Because I am obsessed with you." She finished with a kiss. "But if you pull that shit again, blocking me out after a night like yesterday I will fucking kill you."

"One question, have you talked to Effy or did I dream that?"

Naomi eyed her suspiciously. "You meant the talk like a week ago when she wouldn't actually talk to me?"

"No I mean the one where she told you that she's talked to Ems and knows about our fight and that you're a wanker for letting her fuck you with a strap-on."

Shaking her head Naomi bit her lip, already deciding that they'd need to see Katie's doc again. "She never said that to me. Even if she did, how'd you know?"

"Right." Muttered Katie. She was embarrassed. Of course, how would she know, not like she'd been with Naomi when that convo happened. Knowing that almost all of it had been a dream helped her relax. "But I did sleep in the car?"

"Yes."

"And we fought when I woke up?"

"Well, not really. You watched telly. Then I brought you to bed when you fell asleep."

"Okay."

"Katie?"

"Yes?"

"You need more meds."

"I do."

* * *

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* * *

"Wake up."

"I'm serious, Katie. Get the fuck up, we're late."

"Katie!"

"Right." The gentle tone of Naomi's voice changed and she was yelling, banging against the drawers on her way to the bed where Katie was laying face-first in the pillows. Hiding under the duvet.

Naomi grinned and jumped on top of her girlfriend, on her back, her lips finding the girl's weakest spots on her neck. Hearing the soft moans when her teeth scraped along the warm skin Naomi smirked and pushed her hips into Katie's arse. A harsh intake of breath was her response and then Katie's right hand was reaching out behind her, patting the sheets in search for Naomi's hand. When she found it, the blonde laughed gently and let her lead it between her legs. "All right." Whispered Naomi, not able to stop her fingers move after feeling the wetness. "But you gotta hurry."

"Hmkay." Mumbled Katie and pushed her hips up to give Naomi more room to work with.

* * *

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* * *

Katie's eyes opened for the first time that morning and she was glowing, practically beaming when Naomi's face came into view right before hers. "Morning darling."

"Hey." She kissed Katie's cheek. "Get up now, will you? We've places to be, people to see and all that."

"Dates to shag?"

Naomi raised a brow and smirked cheekily, winking when she pushed her hips into Katie's still aching centre. "Nope." Another kiss and then Naomi jumped off the bed and yelled that Katie really needed chivvy along and stop being lame. "I'm not lame." Pouted Katie into the empty room. "Wait, it's fucking Saturday, why had the bitch to wake me?"

When she came downstairs, showered, make-upped, dressed and ready for the world Naomi handed her a cup of coffee with a smile. "You look beautiful."

A sceptic smile was Katie's response and she narrowed her eyes, kissing her girlfriend's cheek. "I know, thanks. But question is, why do you feel the need to state the obvious?" Naomi laughed at the blatant self-assurance Katie had been born with. She couldn't help it and leaned in for a slow and soft kiss. "God, new perfume? It's fucking brill." To demonstrate her point Naomi sniffed on Katie's neck, with a teasing glint in her eyes her tongue darted out and licked the soft skin.

Katie shrieked and ran into the kitchen, laughing so hard she was almost doubling over. "Get back here you namby pamby!" But Katie's laughter was all Naomi heard and so she followed her and got a kiss as soon as she stepped into the kitchen.

"Where are we going then? I didn't know what I should wear, you didn't think of telling me." Accused Katie but her lips were formed in that tiny smile Naomi couldn't get enough of. It said that she was excited, happy and overall just okay. They were okay.

"Uh uh, not telling. It's a surprise." Naomi's eyes were firmly set on the road in front of her but she still watched Katie out of the corner of her eye. "I love surprises!" Shrieked Katie and actually bounced in her seat, making Naomi almost choke on surprised laughter. "God you're cute." Mumbled the blonde and almost killed them when she leaned over the console to kiss her girlfriend.

This had to work, Naomi begged the gods up above, this had to make all right again and help her see Katie as more than what her sad mind was trying to make her see.


	26. Surprises punch you like fists

_Hello, hello. I'm back from the Festival and after showering, sleeping for an hour and saying hi to my family I went to my laptop and edited the next chapter, aren't I just amazing? ;) Here's the trip, well part of it, hope you like it. Thanks to  
_

_marsupial1974 _

_And Reddawg _

_For your constant reviews, make me smile like a fool all the time. :) But seriously guys, two reviews a chapter is a bit low, isn't it? Since I'm seeing that there's loads of people reading this it would be very nice to hear your thoughts too. Don't be shy, I dont bite...much. ;) _

* * *

"Naomi, we're at the airport."

Grinning Naomi nodded.

"And...what are we doing here?"

Instead of responding Naomi took Katie's hand and walked them into the huge building. "You'll see."

"We're picking someone up?"

"Nope."

"Are we gonna stare at people? That's creepy." Muttered Katie with a smile, her tummy twisting in excitement. "We're going away, yeah?"

"Yeah." Beamed Naomi and pushed Katie through the Starbuck's door. "Get us a Frappuccino or something will you? I need to take care of something." Before Katie had a chance to ask questions or follow, a bloke asked what she'd like to drink. She sighed, a happy sigh, and ordered two Frappuccinos. When he eyed her impressive and very visible cleavage Katie laughed, shaking her head. "Sorry. My girlfriend's taking me on a trip, she didn't tell me where or that we're going when she woke me. Isn't that fucking cute?"

"Right. Yeah. Right jack-pot." Mumbled the embarrassed bloke and told her to go and wait for her drink by the other end of the bar. Katie was in a too good mood to care and smiled sweetly, paid, and left to fight a huge, red-headed woman and her five brats for the last booth. Of course Katie won and Naomi was grinning like a fucking maniac when she walked back in with Bay and Bence in tow, the girl holding her hand, the boy walking in front of them and listening to his music. "Look whom I found."

"Babies!" Smiled Katie and threw Naomi a questioning look. Not to be mean, or a bitch, but she had hoped they'd be alone, without _anyone_.

Bay crashed into Katie's side and hugged her tightly. "I'm so excited mama! I had no idea!"

"Me neither baby." The twin smiled, feeling that her face would stay that way if she didn't stop soon. "Where are we going again? I forgot."

"Nuh uh." Laughed Bay. "It's a surprise."

"Right." Brown eyes widened when Bence plopped down next to Katie and almost gulped down her Frappu.

* * *

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"We're visiting Effy?" Katie yawned when they finally touched American ground. She was clinging to Naomi to stay awake and to not trip as the blonde pulled her along with Bay holding her other hand.

"Yeah." Whispered Naomi happily, just as tired. She had spend half of the night packing, extra quietly and the kids wouldn't let her sleep on the plane. Katie had passed out after a few hours, and the kids too, sadly not at the same time though and Bay kept bombarding her with questions. "Lee's picking us up." Katie nodded into Naomi's shoulder and yawned, rubbing her eyes on their way to get the bags.

Naomi'd had help getting their stuff and the kids to the airport.

Katie's eyes widened when she saw three huge bags arrive she recognised. Then another smaller one, Bay's army bag, and her guitar. After that she knew they were done.

The walk out of the airport took ages, people rushing around them, reuniting, or saying their teary goodbyes. Katie watched Bence take off his earphones and smile at everyone, obviously feeling very welcome and happy to be there. He had always liked America, from the very first time when he was about nine months old and went with his grandparents.

Bay was walking with wide eyes, her unruly curly hair standing up in all direction. They had tried to fix it but sadly there was no chance with the amount of hair mousse she had put in it on the plane toilette. "Lee's a hair artists, cant look like a Neanderthal meeting her." Had been her words at her mothers' mortified looks she'd received when she sat back on her seat.

Lee was standing by the far end of the car park, smoking when they arrived. She looked tired, which wasn't a wonder for it being after midnight. "Hey," hugging Katie first she said to Naomi, making everyone laugh; "just put it in the trunk!"

"Boot!" Shrieked Bay, laughing like a mad person, "It's called boot."

"Well honey," drawled Lee with twinkling eyes, "you're in America now, and here they'd think you mean a biker boot, or another pair of shoes." She winked and Bay ran to hug her and flaunt her horrible do. The adult even managed to look excited at the awful creation on her hair. "Wow, that's something baby girl. We'll fix it soon 's we get home." She promised and Bay blushed, getting into the car.

Bence wasn't as enthusiastic, he didn't run up to her or hug her. Too shy. He was standing a bit to the side and looked up through long lashes, blushing. "Hello Lee, you're looking lovely. Where's Effy?"

The American laughed and pulled him into an one-armed hug. "She's at home handsome, she'll be so happy to see you."

After they climbed into the car Naomi took the chance and thanked Lee for her help organising all of it. "Without you I'd never have managed to figure a way out for this." She hugged her. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. About time you're here, Effy's been a bitch all month long." Kissing Naomi's cheek she promised that the brunette had no idea they were coming. "You told me it's a surprise. _I_ didn't even know when you're coming til you called from the airport."

* * *

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* * *

The apartment was dark, the lights out, and Naomi couldn't suppress the adoring smile when her eyes landed on the sofa and Effy's sleeping form. The telly was still on, showing an episode of the Simpson's, throwing beautiful shadows over the girl's angelic face.

Lee put a finger to her lips, showing everyone to be quite as she led them, except for Naomi, through into the guest room. A king-sized bed was in the middle and a twin bed standing by the wall. Katie helped the kids out of their clothes, and ordered them to brush their teeth and sleep, not fight the jet-lag or they'd be up all night. "But ma, I've just woke up!" Protested Bence in a hushed hiss.

Katie rolled her eyes and pushed him through the bathroom door, Bay following with dropping eyes.

After the kids were tucked in and Katie changed into comfy clothes she went to the sitting-room.

Naomi was sitting on the ground, by Effy's face, leaning on the armrest with her back watching the Simpson's. "Hey," Whispered Katie and walked over, sitting next to her girlfriend who draped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek absently. "You should wake her."

"I know." Mumbled Naomi and sighed, stroking Katie's neck with her fingers, her eyes glued to the telly. "Don't know why I cant."

"She'll be happy."

"You think? Our last conversation was horrible." Whispered Naomi and looked to Effy's sleeping face, her hand twitching to reach out and wipe the lose, brunette lock out of her face. "What if she's not missed me?"

"She has."

Deciding to take matters in her own hands Katie's pointer and thumb went to Effy's nose, pinching. A huge gasp followed by Effy almost falling off the sofa was the answer, her eyes wild and searching. _"What the fuck!"_

"Hey sleeping beauty. Brought you a gift." Laughed Katie, looking to Naomi who was shell-shocked, not believing that Katie would wake Effy like that.

"What?" It took the brunette a moment to gather her thoughts, "Where's Lee? Katie? The fuck are you doing her? Is everything all right?" Then her eyes focused on Naomi, she had seen her earlier but the sleep was still too thick and she hadn't realised that she was sitting there. "Oh baby." She whispered lowly, a small smile forming on her lips.

Naomi was still on the floor when Effy's arms reached out and wrapped around her neck, gently pulling her up and on top of herself. The blonde cuddled into her friend, resting her head in the crook of her neck, facing the back of the sofa as she sighed contently. Effy's lips were pressed to the back of her head and she was stroking her back soothingly while Naomi cried silently.

Katie, shocked at her girlfriend's state and reaction to Effy's lovely welcome, didn't know what to do or say. "Go to sleep Kay, we'll talk tomorrow." Whispered Effy and Katie couldn't do much more than nod and leave them in the sitting-room. On their own.

The kids were asleep by the time she walked into the guest room, Bence properly and Bay with her head to his feet on the twin bed.

She couldn't get much sleep, always wondering what had been wrong with Naomi and why she had started crying as soon as Effy had her arms around her. Was she unhappy? _That_ unhappy? Somehow Katie knew that Naomi wasn't in love with Effy, it ran much deeper what was going on between them. A connection she herself could never have with her girlfriend. It hurt.

About two hours after she left them the door opened and Effy walked in, silently. She climbed into Katie's bed and lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She felt Katie's eyes on her as she was on her side, hoping the brunette would talk. "She's missing Ginia."

"I know."

"Her birthday was two weeks ago and the day after tomorrow is her...is the day she's died." Katie gulped and felt tears forming in her eyes, how could she have missed this? How the hell could she have not known this?

Sensing that Katie was short of jumping out of the window in guilt Effy turned her head to the side and sighed. "It's not about you." "I know it's not." Hissed Katie, fed up with Effy's all-knowing-bullshit. "But she's my girlfriend and I am fucking shitty."

"I know. That's why she's here." Katie felt sick in the stomach, like Effy had punched her instead of telling the truth. Truth hurts. "You were busy, both of you, and this was eating her up."

One thing was on Katie's mind, she had to ask. "Where you as close when she was still alive?"

A knowing smirk, a raised brow, and a head-shake was her answer. "Why don't you ask what you really mean."

"She's replaced Ginia with you."

"I know."

"And you're fine with it?" Effy shook her head and picked her words carefully. "It's not black and white Kay, nothing is. I believe that all of our bullshit, all of this childish nonsense we've been through has led Naomi to me. So I could be there for her when Ginia cant."

"You're joking."

But Effy's dead-serious glare told her that she wasn't joking at all. "Fucking get it in your head Katie. Losing Ginia was the worst that could have ever happened to her. Emily, you, me jumping off bridges is a fucking joke in comparison and yes, I do think that it was all necessary. It had to happen that way so she'd have me when the time came." Katie gulped down the anger and sorrow she felt and inched closer to Effy without realising it, she was scared and her body's instinctive reaction was to be as close to Effy as possible. "Why though, why all the detour when she'd have had me there, with her."

Blue eyes sparkled with malice. "Because you're perishable, disposable. A _girlfriend_. Ginia was more much than that, and Naomi needed someone constant who'd be there years later, when you're gone and replaced by someone else in her life."

The twin swallowed down the anger and got out of bed, leaving the room without looking back once.

Her feet led her into the sitting-room where Naomi was curled up on the sofa, sleeping tightly and snoring lightly. She didn't hesitate in climbing in next to Naomi, wrapping her body around her girlfriend like a cocoon. "I love you," Katie whispered into Naomi's head, "and I'm constant. I wont leave, or be replaced, I'll be with you. I fucking swear." Snuggling closer Naomi nodded into Katie's chest, holding her tight. "You better Kay or I'll kill you." The twin's hoarse and relieved chuckle made Naomi's eyes open slowly and smile tiredly at her girlfriend. She leaned up and kissed her, before ordering her to sleep. "Effy's in bed, you can go if you want."

"Really?" Muttered the blonde sceptically, still clinging to Katie so she wouldn't fall off the sofa. "You'd die of jealousy." She drawled matter-of-factly. "But you can. Go if you want." Looking at Naomi sincerely Katie sighed and stroked her cheek. "Maybe it's bugging the hell out of me that you don't need me in that situation, but it's good she's there when you need her. So go."

With a nod Naomi managed to sit up, her eyes half closed, and she kissed Katie lazily. "All right. Don't unpack though, we're leaving in the morning." Was her mumbled answer as she still kissed Katie. "Where are we going?" Smiling Naomi shrugged. "We're leaving the kids here. The trip's for us, just wanted to see Eff and unload them." And as Katie watched Naomi almost sleepwalk her way to the door, where Effy was leaning on and waiting for her with open arms, her heart didn't break. She thanked her best friend for being fucking amazing.

* * *

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The morning was hectic.

Peyton was a little energy ball that had jumped on their beds like crazy until they woke up and gave her the attention she so clearly demanded.

Lee had taken care of Bay's hair before breakfast, making her look beautiful and combed for the first time ever. And Katie had been preparing breakfast and willed herself not to go into the guest room and check on Naomi. She had to trust her, and she _did_ trust her. Of course she didn't think that they'd shag, especially not with the kids in the room, and even if they were alone Katie couldn't really believe that Naomi would do that to her. Yes she'd cheated before, but that was different, the twin always reminded herself of that. It was Ginia and even if Effy's kinda taken her place, she knew that Naomi had grown loads since then and she knew what that mistake had cost them. It was unimaginable what it would do now.

Kate still exhaled in relief when they entered the kitchen around 10am. Freshly showered but still looking tired as fuck. Naomi's eyes were red and swollen, she's obviously cried a lot when they were back in the room and Katie's heart ached seeing it.

When their eyes met Naomi smiled a very tired smile, but Katie knew that she was okay. "Morning." Whispered Naomi and gladly took the mug Katie handed her, grimacing at the horrible taste of the 'coffee'. "Already put some milk and sugar in it but it still tastes like piss." Informed Katie helpfully and Naomi chuckled, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend good-morning. She wrapped one arm around the twin and leaned with her head on her shoulder, her back against the kitchen island. "How's everyone's night?"

"Katie said a bad word!" Exclaimed Peyton with wide eyes, her finger pointing accusative at a surprised Katie. It was Naomi who scoffed a 'she for real?', and shook her head at the dramatic child. Bending down she smiled. "If you think that's a bad word, lovely, you really shouldn't come to London then. We don't consider everything a bad word. Crap, for instance. You beeb it here, when it's a totally acceptable word in the UK. So relax." Standing in Katie's arms again, she chuckled along with the adults except for Lee who was looking at them curiously. "So how was everyone's night then?"

"Long." Muttered Bence with an eye-roll, clearly still not over the fact that he had slept through the whole trip and had to sleep again when getting into the room. "Wasn't tired, and yet you had to make me kip. Not fair. I was well pissed." He added cheekily with twinkling eyes, giving poor Peyton almost a heart-attack. Naomi opted on ignoring his jab. "You wouldn't have fallen asleep right away if you weren't tired, mate." She mumbled with her own eyes rolling, patting Bay's head when she walked by with a shocked Peyton.

Lee was sitting by the table, Bence and the girls too, that's why Naomi and Katie, along with Effy who was hiding her head in the fridge, didn't sit. The apartment wasn't made for more than four people and that was fine. They could live with it. "Who's hungry?"

"How often do I have to tell you?" Came Effy's distant voice from inside the fridge. "Breakfast is not acceptable until you're awake for three hours and had a can of good coffee." She reappeared with a smirk. "I've all the breakfast I need." Waving her fag Effy smiled at Naomi and nodded to the sitting-room. "Come on, only sitting-room allowed to smoke."

"Living-room." Corrected Peyton with a cheeky expression, yelping when Effy flipped her ear. "Oi, no making fun of me. You're out-powered now." Peyton looked around and counted, yes, they were sooo out-powered. "And you should see Katie defend her Britishness, she'll kick your arse."

"Kick my ass you mean?" Before Effy could reach her Peyton ran off into her room, laughing the whole house down. "I'd be very _pissed_!"

Lee's horrified expression was set on Naomi and she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring. "Well done, a minute with my child and it's cursing like a sailor." "Awe, relax girlie." Smiled Naomi charmingly. "Not like it's doing her any wrong, she could loose that stick" A warning raised brow made her stop and grin instead, kissing a chuckling Katie. "You're impossible."

"I am adoring."

"That you are." Agreed the twin with a small smile. "How's your night?"

"All right." Shrugging Naomi gently stroked some lose locks from Katie's face, watching her lovingly. "Missed you though."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Not used sleeping without you when you're around. And Effy didn't appreciate me topping her in the middle of the night." Katie burst out in a fit of giggles at the weird image in her head. Naomi had some strange habits when sleeping. She, for one, inched closer until she'd be flat on top of the other person, not that bad? Well, Naomi's on her back.

The first weeks of sleeping together in a bed had been too funny, and Katie had laughed like a nutter every time Naomi had crawled on top of her, with her back. "I bet she didn't."

"She's used to it, mind you, but of course she had to push me off the bed. I fell on my face. Here, see?" Katie was red in the face from laughing when Naomi showed her her outchi, which was invisible of course, nevertheless she couldn't stop herself and kissed the clearly unharmed spot on her jaw. "All better."

"Yeah." Gulped the blonde with dark eyes. "Your magic lips always make me feel better."

Lee's horrified cough, a pointed look at Bence, was enough to make them break out in giggles again. "Relax," mumbled Effy into her mug, "he's listening to music." Telling Bence that he'd get a Merc for his 18th birthday Effy grinned smugly, "didn't hear a word. Sorted. Or I'd have to buy him the bestest birthday gift ever."

* * *

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* * *

"Hey, everything okay?" Smiled Lee at a musing Katie sitting on her windowsill, her feet dangling out on the fire escape. "It's like in the films." "What is?" Enquired the younger woman and climbed out to sit on the stairs of the eleven stories high fire escape. She smiled and handed Katie a fag, or a 'smoke', and they giggled at the meaning of fag before the mood turned serious again. "It's good that you brought Naomi." She said thoughtfully, puffing out circles. "Effy's missed her."

"How do you feel about them Lee?" Katie wanted to know, she needed to know if she was making a tit out of herself for trying to pretend all of it didn't affect her, didn't hurt her. "You think they're too close? For ex girlfriends, I mean." She watched the girl out of the corner of her eye, hoping to see a hidden reaction to the topic, something that told her she wasn't mad, or imagining things.

"I don't think that's what they are." Lee's answer didn't satisfy her, at all, but she had to keep listening. "When I met them, almost a year ago, they were supposedly dating but in the end, they weren't. You know?"

"No."

"I think that they used each other to stay afloat. To not drown, if you want. I had the feeling that Naomi was the saddest girl on earth, and that her and Effy had been through things that cut people in half. Somehow they found each other to cling to, to live, to survive. Now I know that Naomi's lost someone very important to her," "The most important person in her life." Nodding, Lee didn't correct her. What should she have said? She had no idea, Effy didn't talk much about Naomi, or the dead girl for that matter. Or about Katie.

With a frown she realised that she didn't know much at all, about her life before America. Only bits a pieces, but no reasons. She's jumped off a bridge, because of something. Emily left her, because of something. Naomi she assumed. Katie had been her best friend once, for a long time, until she wasn't. That's pretty much it, and now thinking about it, Lee couldn't place the feeling she was having in the pit of her stomach. Who were those people in her home? Coming with so much pain and burden, problems so heavy on their shoulders, who were they? "What is it?" Asked Katie, sensing the change in mood. "I don't know. You were Effy's best friend?"

Eyeing her Katie tried to read the girl, seeing if she was really dumb or just curious. "Yeah."

"And then?"

"Then I weren't 'nymore."

With a nod Lee let out a sigh, she had known the answer would come, why had she known this? "And Emily left Effy for Naomi?"

Brown eyes darkened and Lee actually recoiled at the aniamalistic look of fury behind them. She feared the girl might push her off the fire-escape and held on tighter to the bars. "Naomi never suggested anything."

"I didn't think she did."

"Good. Because she didn't. Never. So whatever you heard is a lie. She's mine."

"I know, I didn't mean..." She trailed off, knowing that she's fucked the conversation up. Katie saw the troubled expression, the one she had worn for so long, and pitied the girl for being thrown in the middle of this without having a clue what it was all about. "I'm sorry."

"NO, no it's fine. Honest." Smiling at the missing 'ly' Katie finished her fag and threw it out of the window. "Emily fell in love with Naomi, like, she's obsessed with her. It's not even funny and the worst thing is that I cant fucking blame her, can I? Naomi's just so open and fucking friendly you know? Even straight girls fall for her all the fucking time, cant count how many have found out they've got a gay tendency because of her. Of course a gay girl couldn't stop herself. They hit it off right away, thick as thieves they were, house on fire and all that. I knew that if Naomi wasn't home at 4am she'd stumble in, grinning like a maniac, with a hysterically twatted Emily in tow. They were really close and Emily stopped seeing her as my girlfriend and, I don't know, I guess she saw her simply as a woman then?" Seeing that she had Lee's attention she continued, finally talking it out to someone who didn't already had his mind set on the matter.

"No one stopped it, and her feelings began to grew like fucking tares. I closed my eyes, like, I pretended things were not different. And when I couldn't any more I sorta blamed Effy. I didn't see that Emily was being a bitch to her, or that Naomi was keeping Em at a distance with a fucking stick, or that she took Effy's side because she was hurting. I saw that they were having an affair. Naomi and Effy. It was easier than to imagine what the real problem could have been you know?"

With a head-shake she remembered that awful year. "I've changed, during that year. I became a fucking monster that I'd have killed if I met myself back then. I was horrible to Effy, couldn't look her in the eye any more after how I've treated her, and I was a monster to Naomi. When Emily left Effy for good and Eff came to stay with us, I spent the night with her, being her mate. But then, then everything went tits up. I still thought Naomi was picking Effy over me. Christmas, when I found out that it was Emily, all of it, I've lost it. I punched Effy, dragged her out by her hair, pretty much fucking raped Naomi in the morning and punished all of them." Katie swallowed down the huge lump in her throat and thought her tears, she didn't want to cry over that day any more.

She had lost too much.

Her twin.

A part of herself that she wasn't able of reuniting. Not when still she could see how Emily looked at Naomi. Not when she knew how it had killed Effy, all of it. Not when she knew what her sister was capable of.

She looked up and smiled at Naomi climbing out of the window, reaching for her hand for support. She sat down on the floor of the fire escape, between Lee's and Katie's legs, her back resting on the house wall Katie was sitting in on the windowsill. Reaching for Katie's hands she wrapped them absently around her own neck, playing with her fingers when they hung loosely by her chest. "You didn't rape me Kay."

"But I did, didn't I? I know we don't talk about it, 'cept for therapy, but it happened. I hurt you and then I fucked you when you tried to stop me. Sounds like rape to me." Naomi knew that Katie was gnawing her teeth out over that subject, one of the worst things she thought she'd done.

The blonde kissed her palm gently. "You didn't. I told you before, it's not fucking rape when I enjoy it. And I have enjoyed it. Maybe that makes me a fucking masochist, or a lunatic but Katie you didn't force me into it. If I had truly wanted to stop you believe me I'd have broken your hands. But I haven't, so please fucking stop thinking that. And stop telling people, you've any idea how that sounds and makes you look?" She looked up in sad brown eyes, sighing. "We're leaving soon, Effy's just nipped out to the store to get us food and shit. She's packing up her car we're using."

With a nod Katie climbed down that window and went back into the apartment, leaving the girls sit there of their own.

Naomi's eyes locked with Lee's, the girl was shocked and surprised and she had no idea how to react, act, or what to think of all that. She still didn't know all, why her girlfriend had tried to kill herself in one of the most awful ways possible. "She's blaming herself for everything. Don't believe that it's all her fault though, she's not half the monster she makes herself out to be."

The seriousness and edge to Naomi's words had Lee nod, even though she had no idea what to think she knew she'd be in trouble if she questioned Naomi's words. Very loyal, she thought and smiled at the memory of something Effy had said once. "You know, I've asked Effy once why she loves you."

"My charms, is it? No one can resist them. It's a gift I was born with." Smirked Naomi, bringing the situation in a way lighter mood, and Lee grinned at the obviously very 'healthy' ego. "Actually she said she's got no idea. Said you're the most irritating, self-loving, egomaniac she's ever known."

Naomi grinned, nodding in agreement. "That I am."

"And she said that you're the most loyal person she's ever met. Which is pretty hard since she said Katie would murder for her own."

"She would."

"You think she'd kill someone?"

"It's complicated." Muttered Naomi with an open expression. "I think that if someone hurt our children...or worse, she'd kill them with her bare hands, yes. Which is a good thing if you ask me. But if someone did something to people she loves, they'd need to run for their lives. Katie gets aggression induced blackouts. When she loses it she cant think or stop herself. I don't know what it'd really take for her to murder someone."

"How can you be with her, knowing this?"

"I don't think it's a bad quality. Well, I don't want her in jail but some things, some things people do deserve nothing short on fucking murder. Katie wouldn't do it though, to fully lose it like that, it takes too much."

"What'd she do if you left her?"

"I wouldn't."

"But if you did?"

"I wont."

"But if you did?"

Blue eyes glowed with irritation, a clear warning Lee was ignoring. "I fucking wont."

"Yeah, I get that..but if things got tough and you couldn't" Silencing her with a hand of which the palm was turned Lee's way Naomi groaned. "I get that you're curious, and I think it's nice you're like...bonding with Katie, but seriously? You need to back off. Things aren't rainbows and sunshine, and I don't want her getting any ideas. No clue how you and Eff are doing, but we're always a step away of a massive break-up, so please just try to watch what you say. I mean, we don't even know you and yet you butt in like it's any of your business." The harsh words had the desired effect when Lee flinched and looked away, not knowing what to say. "You're Effy's girlfriend, great, but that doesn't automatically give you the right to stick your nose places it doesn't belong."

"Fiancé."

"Excuse me?" Growled Naomi. She had heard her but the word, the information, was too much to take in and she hoped that she had heard it wrong. Effy couldn't have...no. "I am her fiancé. We're getting married."

With a nod Naomi bit her lip, clicking her lighter furiously but it didn't want to burn. Lee took it from her and lit her fag, handing over the lighter afterwards with a small smile which was not returned. Naomi was scowling at her,_ all friendliness and charms gone_ Lee thought bitterly. "Do you have a problem with it?" She asked as nicely as she could.

"Yes, indeed I do have a fucking problem with that but what's it matter, right?" Pushing herself up Naomi reached for the bars above her head and pulled herself into a standing position, fag clasped between her lips. With a last scalding look she climbed back into the window and barked out that they'd leave as soon as Effy gets her fucking skinny arse back home.

Katie saw the change in her girlfriend, saw the pure fury behind blue eyes when Naomi snapped at Bay for playing a chord wrong she had taught her a year ago. "Ever thought 'bout learning chords instead of strumming away randomly? Perhaps then you'd finally sound like a freaking guitarist getting a song right and not a kid playin' guitar hero."

"Naomi!" Warned Katie and held the glare Naomi was shooting her way. "She didn't do anything."

"Yeah, that's just it. She never does. I cant fucking listen to this bull any more." With a tug she snatched the guitar out of Bay's small hands and took it with her to the guest room. "You'll get a guitar controller for the Wii when we get back." She yelled over her shoulder, knowing exactly what that statement would do to her daughter.

The little girl broke out in tears and slammed into Katie's waiting arms, sobbing into her stomach as her mother stroked her back comfortingly. "I'm sorry ma, it's just a barre chord and I cant get them right yet, it hurts." Loudly sniffing she explained that her pointer wasn't long enough for the guitar yet. Katie nodded and hummed in agreement, knowing that Bay was anything but lazy at the guitar, even though she needed to practise loads, not like Bence who had played like a tiny god without even trying. "I know baby, don't worry." Kissing the top of her head Katie smiled encouragingly. "Mum's just in a mood, she'll get over it, I promise." But the tears kept spilling down the girl's porcelain cheeks, the thought of never playing a guitar again was too much to handle for her.

* * *

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Naomi was packing the last bits of the bathroom stuff they had used back into their bags when the door opened and Effy stormed in. She didn't have much time to react, soon as she was in, she was out again, carrying the guitar on her shoulder. "Effy! Get it back in here, right now!" She shrieked after the brunette and when she didn't get an answer Naomi marched out of the door, hot on her heels.

Before she could reach her daughter, who was holding on to the guitar for dear life, Effy stepped up and blocked her path with a challenging expression, not caring the slightest bit about Naomi's angry eyes and clenched fists, or the spat order to get out of her way. "Move."

"No."

"Effy I'm serious. This is not your business. What I'm doing with _my_ daughter has nothing to do with you so get the fuck out of my way." But her words, hissed through gritted teeth didn't have the desired effect and instead of moving out of the way Effy shook her head and pushed Naomi backwards until she was falling into the guest room.

Worry grew in Naomi when the brunette closed the door and turned the lock, crossing her arms as she leant on the door. "You're locking me up in here? Are you fucking serious?"

"You need to calm down Naomi."

"Do I fuck." She spat with fire in her eyes. "If you don't open this fucking door right now I will run it in."

"Oh, yeah? And then you'll do what? Break Peyton's heart? Bence's perhaps? Or how 'bout Katie's when you're at it?"

"Shut up."

"What the fuck did you say to Lee?"

"Nothing."

"I'm serious, don't fucking temp me Naomi. What did you say to her?"

"Nothing. She was probing, had to set her straight."

A disbelieving scoff left Effy, an unimpressed scowl appearing on her face. "You don't get to 'set her fucking straight' Naomi. Got that? I know that you're hurting, and I also know that things are fucked up, you're a wreck, but if you hurt her one more time I will _break_ you."

Naomi recoiled at the anger in Effy's voice, she had never seen her that furious before. "What the fuck? You don't even know her!"

"I do. I do Naomi." Laughed Effy bitterly. "Not everyone can be with their girl for ten fucking years, sometimes people meet and get to know each other. And then they like what they know, and they don't like others fucking appearing out of thin air to shit all over it. This is my life, and you better fucking get used to it or you leave. But you wont ruin this for me."

"You cant be serious."

"Why not?" Questioned Effy theoretically. "Because that's not how Ginia would have acted? She'd have taken your side, always and over everything? No questions asked? Newsflash love, I am not Ginia." Effy's eyes were blazing and Naomi almost gasped when she saw the pure anger. Her fists were clenched, she was trembling, and her eyes, they were the worst. If they could, Naomi was sure, they'd actually skin her alive. "I've enough of this. I thought I was imagining things but I wasn't. You're clearly losing it babe and if you don't stop acting like a fucking cunt" she sighed, rubbing her forehead, "if you don't stop...I don't think there'll be room for you in my life."

Naomi's mind was whirling; could Effy really do that? Kick her out,_ out of her life_, just like that? She felt like she was being punched repeatedly in the gut when the brunette's expression told her that yes, she could, and more importantly, she _would_ if she had to. With a heavy sigh she sat on the corner of the huge bed, pulling her knees up under her chin, then she looked at her mate with a troubled expression. "So you're getting married then?"

Seeing that this was the best apology Effy could have hoped for she nodded and slid down the door, hitting the ground with a thud when her arse met the wood. "Yeah."

"You believe in marriage?"

With twinkling eyes Effy shrugged, saying; "strange that you've no answer to that, huh?" She shook her head. "Doesn't that just kill you?"

"Stop it, I'm trying here." Whispered Naomi, fighting the tears she felt form in her eyes. "It's plenty to take in, have some patience, Jesus."

With a nod Effy lit a fag and threw another one at Naomi, followed by the lighter. "Yes, I proposed."

"You did?"

"Yes."

They were mustering each other. A situation like this had never happened before and neither knew how to act. They were in trouble and things were, again, about to change drastically. "Why?"

"Because Naomi," Sighed the brunette tiredly, her lips wrapped around the glowing stick as she puffed away, "because I love her and I want to spend the rest of her life with her." The words, chosen so carefully made Naomi swallow dryness. They told her what she needed to know, they told her that Effy was happy, that she couldn't actually be happier, and that she didn't feel the need to off herself at any point any more. She'd be there til Lee died. In theory, who knew what'd happen if the girl left her, but now she was happy.

Without her consent tears blurred Naomi's vision and she sniffed once, wiping her eyes. "That's beautiful Eff."

"It's life. I'm fucking sick of waiting, what the fuck am I waiting for? Life's too fucking short to muck about all the time. Saw it with Em, with Ginia, with you and Katie. Even though you're the most married couple I know there's always that tiny part that's holding you back. I don't want that. I want her, fully and everywhere. On every fucking document I want to see her name. I wanna be there for her, and for Peyton and I want to be someone she could be proud of."

"I am proud of you."

A tiny smile was sent her way for the true comment, which was shrugged nonchalantly. She was proud of Effy, everyone was. How the fuck _Effy_ had managed to get her shit together out of them all Naomi would never understand.

"Distance. I took the chance when I saw it."

"Without hesitating." Remembered Naomi, not even caring any more that the brunette had read her mind, again. It threw her back to the time when they were together, spending a fucking family holiday in America. How her heart had hurt to leave Effy behind, knowing she'd never be back. Never fully again. "Yes Naomi, without hesitating for a sec." It had hurt to know that she had to let her go, or she'd die. Knowing that she couldn't give her what Effy needed to be happy again, not fully. She couldn't love her unconditionally, she couldn't even begin to imagine being in love with someone else than Katie, for fuck's sake. She had to let go and she had done it once, now she had to do it again.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Well," smiled Effy and sauntered over to sit next to her on the bed. "no idea where to start" her teasing got her a slap to the shoulder which she laughed off, she snuggled into the frowning blonde. "I guess there's not much wrong with you, you're pretty awesome."

"If I were fucking awesome all this shit wouldn't be following me, now, would it?" With a head-shake Effy kissed Naomi's head absently and stroked the skin on her neck, thinking. "You want too much, you think you deserve it, to have it all, but perhaps it already is. Perhaps you really have got everything there is, and then you should stop waiting and complaining. Wishing for better things, perhaps that's as good as it gets."

Effy's words were like punches to her face and the blonde gaped at her friend, an ill feeling in her stomach. "This...this is all there is?"

"Wouldn't it be enough?"

Naomi didn't have to respond vocally, her colourless face and the fearful expression told stories like an open book. Her friend moved away to look at her properly, her own face mirroring Naomi's, shock and surprise was written on it. "Naoms, you seriously need to figure this out. Katie's working so hard on herself it's killing her sometimes, you've a fucking life with her."

All the -always-accept-instead-of-judging-thing they had going on was far away when Effy shook her head, shocked to the bones. There were things that were just off limits, and having Naomi consider a life without Katie was one of them. "No, no, oh god no," whispered Naomi and waved her mate's concerns away, "it's not that. I don't think that I could ever be with someone 'cept for Katie." "You could."

"No I couldn't."

"You really could."

"I really couldn't."

"You fucking were you dump bitch!" Exclaimed Effy, she's had enough of this bullshit and someone needed to get Naomi back on track. Of course the job was hers, as fucking always. "You were with _me_, weren't you?"

"It's different"

"It's not. Not really, even if you had to tell it yourself everyday because you were overwhelmed with guilt, you were my girlfriend. Yes the plan was for you to go back to Katie but have you thought about what would have happened if you didn't? Who do you think would you be with, now? Huh? Things were changing between us Naomi, and I get that everything's soooo shitty right now, but you gotta open your eyes babe. You need to see that you actually do have it all. You've the girl you love, the kids you live for, even fucking Camden Town and a Merc, an amazing job, a band, a beautiful house"

"Massive problems with all of it as well." But instead of sympathy or worry she got snapped at; "Well, tough, that's life."

"But I feel like some-thing's missing Eff." Spat Naomi, she couldn't understand why Effy was being so hard on her. She was her friend, she should have been on her side, and be there to help her deal with things. Of course that wasn't possible because Effy had made America her country of choice.

"And it will always feel that way," muttered the brunette with a sad look, she understood. "You will always feel like there's this huge hole in your heart, even at fucking Christmas you'll sit there and think that it's not right. When everything is the way it's supposed to be you'll still feel that way. It's fucked up that, I know, but you need to learn to live with it now. You learned to accept death, fucking fantastic, but now you need to learn to live with that hole death tore into you."

Blue eyes closed of their own and Naomi was bombarded with images of her past, happy times, times she'd never live through again. She'd never sit with her best friend on a beach and share a Spliff. They'd never again fight over nothing, they wont beat each other up after a few pints and pills, they wont laugh it off and declare the night a success in the morning when seeing the bruises. They wont sit and talk, or walk and say nothing, they wont lay on the grass and watch the stupid clouds go, outdo each other with knowing the star constellations while thinking about their future. There was no future in this. It's all in the past and Naomi hated it. She hated it, hated that she'd had no idea the future was ending. She hated that in her past, there was already no future and she didn't even know. She hated everything about it.

She'd never look into cat-like eyes again, wondering if Ginia wanted to fuck or kill her.

She'd never have her phone her up in the middle of the night from across the world to say that she missed her, and that she was high as a fucking satellite. She'd never again send Naomi a plane-ticket to come and meet her, as so many times before when the blonde had declined because of one thing or another, all called Katie. How much she hated the opportunities she had missed. The missed days and hours she's lost playing games with her girlfriend instead of being with her best friend, who was _dying_. Her best friend who had been reaching out to her, just wanting her close, but no. Naomi'd had other things to do, how could she now be happy with that decision?

She hated Katie a bit for it because now, having her back and being together she saw that it wasn't worth it. Not the way she had hoped it'd be. She'd trade the days and months and even fucking years in the blink of an eye, just to have another hour with Ginia. If that was her life, bills, credits, loans, schools, teachers, head-masters, football practise and curfew, hair cuts and insurance problems, fights with Katie every fucking day, she'd trade it all without hesitating for a sec.

"Don't. It's not her fault." Whispered Effy, knowing too well what was going on the blonde's head. The angry tears she was blinking away were a pretty good clue, the clenched fists and shaky breaths, along with the glare shot to the bedroom door told her all she needed to know. "She's doing all she can."

"So? So fucking what? It's not enough, it wont ever be enough Eff. This, I fucking _chose_ this. Over and over again and I prolly will choose it over and over again and for what? Only for the fucking cycle to never end? It's disgusting what I've given up for it."

"Do you love Katie?"

"Don't be daft."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Then talk to her, change things. Tell her, she'll understand."

An incredulous look was shot to Effy and she shrugged, not seeing the problem. "She'll surprise you if you let her."


End file.
